I've decided to skip the whole resolutions thing so that no one can hold me to them twelve months from now. Instead, I'm listing the things that I would LIKE to see happen in 2014 if I'm lucky enough to have the planets align in my favor. Or the Tooth Fairy, Santa Claus and the Easter Bunny meet at a Wishes-R-Us convention and vote to change the Chinese calendar. 2014 can be The Year Of The Menopausal Mother. Maybe then these hopes and dreams of mine will come true.
SLEEP: I need more if it. I'm tired of being shocked awake by the scary reflection that greets me each morning in the bathroom mirror. The dark circles under my eyes have me wondering if I'm sleep walking into a boxing ring each night.
LESS HOARDING: Animals, that is. Every year some orphaned, nocturnal creature ends up on my doorstep. There's a reason I have a Certified Wildlife Sanctuary sign posted in my front yard. This year The Hubs has decided to replace it with a new sign: JUST SAY NO TO WAYWARD, PREGNANT RODENTS.
LIBATION LIMITATION: Okay, I've NEVER been able to stick with this resolution but it sounds good when I tell people that I'll try. I'm a firm believer that drinking should be limited to weekends and special occasions. The problem is that in my household, if all the laundry gets folded and put away by Tuesday, THAT'S a special occasion. So is a successful deworming session with the dogs and an argument-free dinner with my 18 year old. In short, I find blessings each day that deserve a little celebration. Uncork the champagne, Honey---I found the matching lids for every plastic food container in the house!
SUGAR FREE: This is a really tough one to stick to. Sugar should be in a food group of its own. I love sweets and will eat just about anything covered in chocolate. Except insects. I'd rather chew on a toenail dipped in chocolate than eat something with six legs and a set of wings. I'm also praying those were chocolate raisins I snacked on earlier and not something scraped up from the bottom of the rabbit's cage.
LESS INTERNET TIME: I need to spend less time on the computer and more time with my family. Facebook is the seductress who sucks me into hours of status updates and page lurking. Pinterest tempts me with glossy food photos and recipes sure to add more pounds to the permanent, inflatable tire I call my waistline. I also need to limit my blog stalking habit. It's akin to party hopping at all my favorite friend's homes….the only thing missing is the wine. Then there are the numerous emails, which are a nuisance that bring out my OCD tendencies. Each time my phone alerts me to a new notification, I have to drop what I'm doing, read it and then delete it to keep my inbox clutter-free. Too bad I don't have the same motivation when it comes to my pantry or my laundry room.
SAVE MONEY: Another tough resolution to stick to because of little things like car repairs, the kids' education, weeping toilets and ornery washing machines. Right now I have a dryer that screams like a wild banshee being tortured by rabid gophers every time I throw a load of laundry into it. Chances are I'll need to buy a new one soon. There goes my savings for the Elvis Presley Graceland plate collection.
Here's to 2014! May all your wishes come true….and may you never have to use the deworming medicine on yourself.
*Want more Meno Mama? I'm getting serious for once at In The Powder Room today about an unrealistic New Year's resolution that is close to my heart. Check it out: http://www.inthepowderroom.com/read/me-time/2014-01-weighted-new-years-resolution.html
**One favor I need to ask you, dear readers: I was nominated as a top 50 funny parent blogger at Voice Boks. If you can take the time to click on the link below (or the blue badge on my sidebar just below my bio), scroll down the alphabetized blog list to the Menopausal Mom name and click on the heart next to it----that counts as a vote. Only one vote per person. I would be VERY grateful for the love and support. Thank you so much! http://voiceboks.com/top-50-hilariously-funny-nominated-parent-bloggers-2014/