Thursday, January 2, 2014

Rolling Out The New Year

     I don't make New Year's resolutions for the simple fact that I suck at keeping promises to myself. I'm great at doing if for others, just not for me. I could tell you stories of failed resolutions and show you the proof: workout sneakers that are so heavily coated in cobwebs that they resemble Mothra cocoons. An anorexic bank account (savings fail) and moldy vegetables crusting the bottom drawer of my refrigerator (diet fail). Just count the discarded McDonald's wrappers underneath my car seat and you'll quickly figure out how well I stuck to last year's weight loss goals.
     I've decided to skip the whole resolutions thing so that no one can hold me to them twelve months from now. Instead, I'm listing the things that I would LIKE to see happen in 2014 if I'm lucky enough to have the planets align in my favor. Or the Tooth Fairy, Santa Claus and the Easter Bunny meet at a Wishes-R-Us convention and vote to change the Chinese calendar. 2014 can be The Year Of The Menopausal Mother. Maybe then these hopes and dreams of mine will come true.

SLEEP:  I need more if it. I'm tired of being shocked awake by the scary reflection that greets me each morning in the bathroom mirror. The dark circles under my eyes have me wondering if I'm sleep walking into a boxing ring each night.

EXERCISE:  I'm already a fan of Zumba class despite the fact that the latest dance moves aren't the only thing I'm busting out. Think of two alley cats fighting in a burlap gunny sack and that pretty much illustrates what's going on in my workout attire while I'm jumping around. Nevertheless, I will continue to shake the generous portions of my body that God gave me and attempt to add a little jogging to my treadmill routine. I probably won't be able to get out of bed for a few days afterwards, but at least it'll prevent me from wearing a deeper path in the carpet from my mattress to the refrigerator.

LESS HOARDING:  Animals, that is. Every year some orphaned, nocturnal creature ends up on my doorstep. There's a reason I have a Certified Wildlife Sanctuary sign posted in my front yard. This year The Hubs has decided to replace it with a new sign: JUST SAY NO TO WAYWARD, PREGNANT RODENTS.

LIBATION LIMITATION:  Okay, I've NEVER been able to stick with this resolution but it sounds good when I tell people that I'll try. I'm a firm believer that drinking should be limited to weekends and special occasions. The problem is that in my household, if all the laundry gets folded and put away by Tuesday, THAT'S a special occasion. So is a successful deworming session with the dogs and an argument-free dinner with my 18 year old. In short, I find blessings each day that deserve a little celebration. Uncork the champagne, Honey---I found the matching lids for every plastic food container in the house!

SUGAR FREE:  This is a really tough one to stick to. Sugar should be in a food group of its own. I love sweets and will eat just about anything covered in chocolate. Except insects. I'd rather chew on a toenail dipped in chocolate than eat something with six legs and a set of wings. I'm also praying those were chocolate raisins I snacked on earlier and not something scraped up from the bottom of the rabbit's cage.

LESS INTERNET TIME:  I need to spend less time on the computer and more time with my family. Facebook is the seductress who sucks me into hours of status updates and page lurking. Pinterest tempts me with glossy food photos and recipes sure to add more pounds to the permanent, inflatable tire I call my waistline. I also need to limit my blog stalking habit. It's akin to party hopping at all my favorite friend's homes….the only thing missing is the wine. Then there are the numerous emails, which are a nuisance that bring out my OCD tendencies. Each time my phone alerts me to a new notification, I have to drop what I'm doing, read it and then delete it to keep my inbox clutter-free. Too bad I don't have the same motivation when it comes to my pantry or my laundry room.

SAVE MONEY:  Another tough resolution to stick to because of little things like car repairs, the kids' education, weeping toilets and ornery washing machines. Right now I have a dryer that screams like a wild banshee being tortured by rabid gophers every time I throw a load of laundry into it. Chances are I'll need to buy a new one soon. There goes my savings for the Elvis Presley Graceland plate collection.

     There are plenty of other things I'm striving for in 2014. I'd like to be more patient, less judgmental, more forgiving and less moody. These are all admirable traits I need to work on because of the ignorant, insensitive people in life who make me want to force their enrollment in a Richard Simmons "Sweating To The Oldies" workshop.
     Here's to 2014! May all your wishes come true….and may you never have to use the deworming medicine on yourself.



*Want more Meno Mama? I'm getting serious for once at In The Powder Room today about an unrealistic New Year's resolution that is close to my heart. Check it out: http://www.inthepowderroom.com/read/me-time/2014-01-weighted-new-years-resolution.html

**One favor I need to ask you, dear readers: I was nominated as a top 50 funny parent blogger at Voice Boks. If you can take the time to click on the link below (or the blue badge on my sidebar just below my bio), scroll down the alphabetized blog list to the Menopausal Mom name and click on the heart next to it----that counts as a vote. Only one vote per person. I would be VERY grateful for the love and support. Thank you so much! http://voiceboks.com/top-50-hilariously-funny-nominated-parent-bloggers-2014/

60 comments:

  1. What a gift you have, Marcia! I love your resolutions and the hysterical way that you dealt with them! My favorite was the Libation Limitation. Any reason to celebrate - yep that usually gets me imbibing, too. Amazing how many things we can find to celebrate sometimes, isn't it? LOL :D Hope both you & Menopausal Mother have a fantastic 2014. Thanks for the great laugh and post! Happy 2014!!!

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    1. You are so kind--thank you, Marcia. I wish you a fabulous New Year and lots of blessings in 2014!

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  2. Hi Marcia,
    I love your blog so much and get so much inspiration from it that I have voted you a sunshine award.
    Thank you.Sunshine Award
    Hi Everyone,
    I was nominated for the sunshine award by April Grant from100lb Countdown. (http:100lbcountdown.com).
    I want to say thank you so much for this, it comes at a time when I really needed cheering up, and it has put me right up there and ready to go again. Thank you so much.


    Thank you once again for this award.
    The people that I nominate are:
    Krafty Cards etc.http://kraftycardsetc.com/
    Menopausal Mother Http://www.menopausalmom.com
    Me, Myself and I - Dawn Hart http://dawn-hart.blogspot.com/
    Six Sisters' Stuff - http://www.sixsistersstuff.com/
    Katherines Corner - http://katherinescorner.com/
    Fluster Buster - Robin Fluster - http://www.flusterbuster.com/
    Glitter. Glue and Paint - http://www.glitterglueandpaint.com/
    Little Miss Celebration - http://www.littlemisscelebration.com/
    Joyful Healthy Eats - http://www.joyfulhealthyeats.com
    2 Crochet Hooks - http://2crochethooks.com/
    Probably Crafting -Momma Mellon - http://www.probablycrafting.com/
    I really love all these blogs and hope that you will all give them a bit of love to.
    Those are my nominations and here come the questions.
    1) What are you hoping for in this new year of 2014?
    2) What books are on your list to read?
    3) What are you going to cook this year, what new cooking technique would you like to learn?
    4) What are you hoping to achieve with your blog?
    5) What is your favourite thing to do when you have time to yourself?
    6) What is your favourite thing to do as a family?
    7) If you could live your life all over again, would you do anything different?
    8) What is your favourite recipe?
    9) What is your favourite movie?
    10) What is your favourite flower?
    11) Do you make new years resolutions? if so what are they?
    Thank you once again April.
    I hope that I have done this right.
    Love and best wishes.
    Anne

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    1. Thank you so much for the award nomination, Anne! Happy New Year!

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  3. I tried that no sugar thing once and I was such a raging bitch that my husband said he was going to tie me down and force feed me chocolate. YEA BABY!!!!!! That was a fun night and THAT was the end of sugar busters!!!

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    1. I like the way your husband thinks. Can he talk to mine?

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  4. Well, we have some of the same wishes for the New Year! Like less internet, more exercise, and save money. Actually I have to make some money before I can get to saving it, but that is another wish.
    I happily voted btw, and love your posts.
    I hope all your wishes come true this year!

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    1. I hear ya on the money thing! Thank you so much for the vote!

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  5. lol I'm with you honey with the libations; I too at times try to limit to the weekends. But most week days I can be driven to the bottle. One cat fight between the boys or my mother calling me like this morning to announce that she's still alive makes me want to take a swig along with my coffee.

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    1. I know you have it rough over there---if I was living under that kind of stress, I would have been drinking on every day ending in the letter Y a long time ago!

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  6. I normally don't do resolutions but this year I have a serious one.

    Happy New Year!

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    1. I hope it happens for you. Happy New Year!

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  7. I'm still wrestling with the 'two alley cats in a sack' image!

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  8. You have me cracking up over here! Love this list and matching lids to all the containers in the kitchen is definitely a celebration ;)
    Xo

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    1. You betcha! I'm sure I can find something else around here to celebrate as well. Oh look, I found all the matching socks that have been missing for a year behind the dryer. Pop open the champagne!

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  9. Omg.. I am so with you on the whole resolutions thing. I just don't do them but at the same time I don't judge those who do nor make fun of them when they fail miserably at every resolutions they felt they needed to post on FB. To each his own.. Me. I'm grabbin' a glass of wine and ploppin' my non-excerised ass down in front of the computer! Cheers!

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    1. You're my kinda gal! Happy New Year to you!

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  10. You found the matching lids too all of your plastic containers??? OMG That - tight there is SUCH a cause for celebration! Oh and I suck at resolutions, too. Big suck. Happy 2014 to you and your family, my lovely friend!!

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    1. I knew there was a reason why I adored you---we think alike! Happy New Year! XO

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  11. 0 laundry definitely calls for a celebration, one that I'm dying to do because our house constantly spits out dirty clothes!
    Not fond of resolutions either. I only had one this year, never to blog beyond 3am and I failed on Jan 2 pfft!
    Voted for yah!

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    1. Oh yes---laundry is the unwanted gift that keeps on giving! Thanks for the vote---voted for you, too! :-)

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  12. My husband has made me promise one thing for 2014 Marcia. NO MORE ANIMALS! Yet another thing we seem to have in common. Happy New Year my lovely and I look forward to your posts. Love from Australia x

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    1. We sure DO have that in common. I like most animals more than a lot of ornery people I have met LOL!

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  13. I'm seeing a very common theme with all the blogging goals for this year----more time with family, less time on the computer! It's mine, too.
    Love your post! Laughed out loud to "no more wayward pregnant rodents"
    *sigh* it's hard for me to cut down on alcohol and chocolate, too. DANG.

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    1. Those are my MAIN vices--I refuse to give them up--oh yeah, and coffee. The Hubs thinks I drink too much but I HAVE to in order to keep up with all this blogging, LOL!

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  14. P.S. *whispers* I voted for you....Good luck! :)

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    1. You are AWESOME! Thank you soooo much, Beth! <3

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  15. Happy New Year Marsha! I completely understand about the need for more sleep. It seems no matter how I try to ignore it, the inner gong wakes me at 2:00 a.am. sharp. Maybe we should set up a blog phone hop since most of my blogger friends seem to be awake at this time too! As you read on my last blog, I did have an internet break down and it turned out to be a wonderful thing. So, I know where you are coming from when you say you need to disconnect from the information highway. Voted for you. xxx
    Barbara @ www.allmylivesnow.com

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    1. Isn't it funny how so many bloggers suffer from insomnia? I think it's because our brains are so creative and running a mile a minute with new ideas! Hey, thanks for the vote--I really appreciate the support! Happy New Year, Barbara!

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  16. That damn Facebook and that Sarah girl that talks incessantly and won't let you get any work done? She's trouble-stay away from Facebook! LOL! ;-) Love you and hope that you get some of these things to happen. Except maybe the Facebook one, because that Sarah girl might miss you!

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    1. Oh Sarah I LOVE our late night conversations and I LOVE YOU!!!!

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  17. haha... anyways if I am not late I wish you Happy New Year maim!

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    1. Thank you, Sangay! Happy New Years to you too, friend!

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  18. Love the list MM. I could do with a lot more sleep myself and here I am writing to you at 04.55am. Sugar is a tough one for me too, maybe next year and I dare not mess about with the alcohol. A little sip a day keeps the doctors away, ha ha ha.
    Happy New Year and I'm off to vote for ya. :)

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    1. I've tried several times to go on In The Power Room link but it's not connecting. It keeps telling me 504 Time-Out! I also tried via google and with different browsers but the same thing is happening. I'll try again another day.

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    2. The sugar and libations thing is THE hardest to curb! I love that stuff! Hey RPD, thanks for the vote--I really appreciate it! :-)

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    3. RPD--- you are right about the Powder Room post--their site has been down since last night. I contacted them and they are trying to fix it. I hope you get a chance to read it because it was my first "serious" post over there and I'd love your feedback on it!

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    4. Yes, I just tried again today (Sunday 12.42pm) and it's still not up. I really want to read it, so I'll keep trying.

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    5. Thanks, RPD. They are really having a tough time with it--still can't get the site up and running. They haven't said yet what is wrong--I hope it's not hackers!!

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  19. Love love love this! It's too funny that I also just wrote a similar blog post about New Years resolutions, and how crazy they are.

    Happy New Year! Going to vote for you now.

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    1. I think there are quite a few of us who scoff at New Year's resolutions. They just don't work! Hey Phil, thank you so much for voting--I really appreciate the support!

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  20. I think I have to bookmark this as these were some fantastic goals for 2014.

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    1. LOL glad you liked them. Rules to live by!

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  21. I have chosen a couple of goals... I change them up through out the year... adding and deleting... I don't do well with New Years Resolutions either... Good luck with attaining a few of these great ideas, I hope to incorporate a few of your ideas into mine... through the year :)

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    1. I think you are already off to great start, Launna, I see only GOOD things happening for you in 2014! XO

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  22. I just voted! And WOW, you're doing a great job!

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    1. Oh, thank you soooo much, Theresa! Your support of MM has been wonderful and I am very grateful!

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  23. LOL on the cobwebs on the sneakers comment. :) I don't make resolutions usually. I did last year, and neither of them came to pass. Back to nada this year (whew, no pressure). ;) Happy New Year to you!

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    1. That's right---resolutions don't work, so make it easier on yourself and don't make them! Happy New Year!

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  24. Less animal hoarding? LOL I am firmly in that camp too. In fact I was at a meeting for professional organizers and the speaker said if you have 7 animals or more, you are considered an animal hoarder. I started giggling and of course everyone looked at me and I had to explain that we have 7 pets, 3 dogs and 4 cats. ??? I consider 25 cats hoarding. Not 7 animals!!

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    1. I have 8 pets---and I used to have 13. Never knew I really WAS a hoarder . No more animals for me….maybe.

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  25. Thank you for an uplifting read! Happy 2014 to All. I stopped the resolutions many years ago. :')

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    1. Smart idea--they never work. Here's to being the rebellious ones in 2014!

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  26. Great list! I think you and I have both been in the boxing ring. We should be heavy weight champs by now!

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    1. You betcha! Love seeing you here, too! <3

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  27. Love the list, Marcia. I hope for you peace and so many laughs that your ribs will ache. I always say laughing is the best exercise. That, and lifting large pitchers of margaritas. I can't wait to see what critter you adopt this spring or read more about your funny family. Cheers, you!

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    1. Hiya Michele! Yes---my right arm muscles are way bigger than my left because I'm always lifting heavy glasses loaded with margaritas! I agree with you though---laughter is the best medicine of all and it has gotten me through some rough times. Love you lady and am hoping you have a beautiful and blessed 2014! XO

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  28. Well when we're both fit and gorgoeus (ar ar, because we're soooooo going to keep our resolutions :) we must get together and celebrate with a pitcher of margaritas...no, a *keg* of margaritas...no, wait, it's coming to me..."MARGARITA IN A DRUM"! Roll 'er in, boys!!! :)

    If The Hubs isn't up for wayward pregnant rodents anymore I can send some wayward pregnant cockroaches...yes, we do have them in Canada!...and while they're much smaller than "them li'l ol' palmetto bugs" Southerners call Sherman tanks with six legs, they're just as pesky...and impossible to kill. I swear they are throwing parties and evolving into something even more horrendous every time I use the Raid ;)

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    1. Yikes! I think cockroaches are definitely building up their defenses against all the poisons we use to kill them. Hey, I'm all for margaritas in a drum---as long as the boys who roll it in are hot. We have to find our cheap entertainment somewhere, right?

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