Wednesday, May 7, 2014

Wacky Wednesday Writers Guest Post By: Kim Ulmanis

     Oh, how I love today's funny WWW guest! Please welcome Kim Ulmanis of the blog by the same name:  http://www.kimulmanis.com . What's unique about this witty woman's site is her perfect blend of humor, outstanding photography and the stories she shares about her adventures on the road. Kim is also a rodent lover, so of COURSE we hit it off immediately in the blogosphere! We're both coffee addicts with humorous husbands who are often the fodder of our blog posts. Kim holds nothing back in her writing and isn't afraid of exposing the hidden layers of her psyche. These are the posts that bring so many readers to her site---she has the gift of making us look deeper inside ourselves for the answers.
     Today Kim is bringing on the funny by sharing a little slice of her personal life….or rather, her husband's talent for stinking out their pets. I've read this post several times and I'm STILL laughing over the visuals! Please welcome my dear friend Kim to Meno Mama's site today with lots of comment love!




                         LIFE IS A SYMPHONY OF BUTT TRUMPETS


Okay, so I've gotta be honest. I've known I had to write this post for weeks. But when you're feeling like a zombie thanks to Lexapro and you're winding down the final weeks of a hellish spring semester, sitting down to write a post is ridonkulously challenging.

Nevermind the fact that this should be a funny post. There's plenty of funny in my world (hello fart jokes!) but, again thanks to Lexapro, I have the memory of 90 year old.

"Honey, where did I put my keys?"

"Um, they're right in front of you."

"Oh. Right."

With my questionable memory, constant fatigue, and zombie-like state, it's a wonder I'm allowed to do things on my own. Operating heavy machinery, aka my car, is probably up for debate as well. Then again, have you SEEN how people drive in Vegas? Scary!

So, Meno Mama readers, I do apologize for not having a hilarious story to tell. I can tell you that fart jokes reign supreme in my household. They become even funnier when they scare one of our three cats.

There has also been a time or five when a cat was sleeping right next to my husband's butt and said husband let one loose. Watching a cat fly off the bed because he's scared is hilarious. Trust me on this. Who needs an alarm? Just get my husband to play the butt trumpet and everyone's suddenly awake.

Okay, I just remembered a funny story (funny how that happens when you sit down to write).

We used to have a rat named Pepper. Actually, she was my rat and I happened to bring her with me when I moved in with my husband. One night, possibly a slightly drunken one, hubby was standing next to her cage.

Poor, unsuspecting Pepper was sitting on her perch sniffing around like rats tend to do. Hubby's butt was a grand total of a few inches from her cage when he let one fly. When that happened Pepper fell right off her perch.

I don't recall if the fart was a foul one but just watching her fall off had us both laughing our asses off (no pun of any sort intended, folks).

If there's one thing I've learned (besides the fart jokes reigning supreme) in this marriage, it's that keeping our sense of humor makes life a lot more entertaining. Now if only I could remember more than one or two stories.

As I prepare to set the virtual mic down and return to my own corner of the web, I'd like to thank Marcia for allowing me to hang out here for a day. My idiot inner editor is staring at this post and saying, "Yea, you could do a lot better than this. What the [bleep] is wrong with you?" Might be time to give him another cup of coffee and maybe a cookie so he'll shut up. *sigh* What a jerk.

Moving on...

So yea, I guess that's all I got for now. Time for my meds and another cup of coffee.


In the words of Porky Pig, "That's all, folks!"





BIO:

Kim Ulmanis is a coffee addicted, early 30-something writer, photographer, and journalism student based in Las Vegas, Nevada. She lives with a mini zoo that includes her husband, three cats, and two rats. Her self-titled blog, www.kimulmanis.com, is a mish-mash of whatever she comes up with on any given day. Writing, photography, travel (when she's allowed out of her cage and her bank account isn't laughing at her), and general thoughts about life.


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17 comments:

  1. One word: Vlog. Because animals being scared by farts could definitely go viral! LOL. Now if only capturing the moment could be that easy. :-D

    Don't despair about the funnies not coming to you-I've been in the same boat for months. I bet that never happens to mathematicians: "Sorry I can't come up with any good math today, I have math block."

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    1. Haha. I so wish I could get some of this on video. I suspect my traffic would go through the roof.

      As for the funnies, eh. It happens. At least now I can incorporate "I'm medicated" into my arsenal.

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  2. I guess mine are not as loud as your husbands... they have never woken anyone up... not even an animal... lol

    I know of this zombie state you talk about... I have been living it for nearly 8 months... I hope we both get some much needed rest.. have a great day :)

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    1. Thanks, Launna. I hope you feel better soon as well. It's not easy. But hey, at least there are hilarious farts to laugh at!

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  3. "Time for my meds and another cup of coffee..." So funny! I am with you on the coffee thing, for sure. It's 3:51, I just got off of work, it's 88 degrees outside, and I'm sitting here with a(nother) cup of coffee. :)

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    1. Thanks, Shay!

      Oh I am so with you on the coffee. I have friends who think I am nuts because it could be 90 degrees outside and I'm still sipping coffee.

      Delete
  4. *snort* This was very funny. I love the way your brain works, Kim. And you always manage to make me giggle. The first time I "met" you was in a FB thread. your comment was exactly this: "walks in. farts. leaves."
    that's when I knew I loved you. :)

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    Replies
    1. Thanks, Beth! Love ya too!

      I'm glad you appreciate my twisted sense of humor and fart humor. Strangely, it's nice to know people love you for that. I guess it's just because it shows someone is real. I dunno. Haha.

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  5. I feel so sorry that you have to wash his underwear! They all must be blown apart with fart holes in them!

    Flying pets and cannon like farts are what make the world go round!

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    Replies
    1. Ha! Lucky for me I don't have to wash his undies. He does all the laundry in this household so I never have to worry about seeing fart holes, if he has them. LOL

      And yes, cannon farts and flying pets do make the world go round. A bit stinky, but round nonetheless.

      Delete
  6. When in doubt, always go with a fart joke.

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  7. My hubby calls that 'methane love.' :D

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  8. Your story reminded me of a Dalmatian dog we used to own who would expel audible farts, and be startled by the sound. Picture the scene: dog sleeping on the rug in front of the TV, lets out audible fart, and then jumps up in surprise - priceless!

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