Most writers dream of having an article become viral on the internet. It has been on my bucket list for a long time. I've submitted humorous posts to dozens of websites, and although they were shared on social media, none ever made it to viral status.On a hunch, I submitted an older, poignant piece I'd written about my son to The Huffington Post (you can read it here). Within 24 hours, the post went viral. Was I elated? Yes. But I was also naive about the backlash it would create.
At first, the support I received on the article was encouraging and compassionate. Unfortunately, it didn't take long for the internet trolls to come out to play. They circled like hungry sharks, and when the meat of my post was dropped into their tank, they went into a feeding frenzy. My stomach was soon in knots--- I had to close my laptop and walk away. There were hundreds of comments on the site, but I stopped reading them after the first handful of cruel remarks were posted.
This experience, on many levels, has been successful…. but it has also baffled me. Who are these trolls and why do they feel the need to bash writers? I was accused of being a horrid mother raising a demon seed, and told that I deserve what I get with my teenage son. I had to assume these remarks came from Stepford parents who had perfect children. I was also labeled as a "whiner" (surely they meant "winer" since I have a fondness for pinot grigio) and a person lacking any skills in writing (check back with me on that one after my book is published in a few months). The overwhelming, snarky responses had me wondering if there was a full moon out or the possibility that somewhere in the world, a group of people on a compound drank too much grape-flavored Kool-Aid.
I fully support freedom of speech, but I was also raised with the old adage, "If you can't say anything nice, don't say anything at all." Have I read material that I thought was garbage? Of course. But I never felt the need to attack the writer by challenging his or her position. What these trolls fail to understand is that there are ways to debate issues and share personal opinions without sinking to belittling and name calling. Spewing venomous remarks on a writer's post tells me that this person has yet to outgrow the bullying tactics they learned from their days on the elementary school playground.
I've come to the conclusion that this brand of nastiness is derived from insecurities and unhappiness, driving these people to spread their misery to others. They're well aware of their insufficiencies and are transferring their frustrations onto everyone else in order to build themselves up. The same can be said about trolls in the workplace and in extended families. Rather than feed into their anger by becoming defensive, I've learned to shrug them off. I pity them more than anything; they have yet to grasp the concept of confidence and true happiness.
Ironically, the people who attack writers are actually helping them to succeed. The drama and controversy they create drives more traffic to the writer's site, enabling it to become viral. For that, I am grateful….but don't expect a thank you note from me anytime soon.
Here's my suggestion to all the internet trolls who thrive on tearing others down: If you have time to write long, sarcastic diatribes on an author's article, then you have far too much time on your hands. I suggest that you put that extra time and energy into something more productive, such as volunteer work in your community. Perhaps THEN you'll discover manners, humility and grace.
Have you been attacked by internet trolls? Let's hear it!
***Want more Menopausal Mother? I've been hopping around a lot this week! You can read my featured posts on Huffington Post, Midlife Boulevard and In The Powder Room. Read them here:
http://www.huffingtonpost.com/marcia-kester-doyle-/10-reasons-why-i-love-men_b_5639141.html
http://www.inthepowderroom.com/8-signs-you-might-be-middle-age
http://midlifeboulevard.com/midlife-crisis-for-women/
Well said my friend!!!! I was so thrilled for your success last week but so angry at the fools who felt that they had to resort to name calling to make their point. I have seen this happen to many of my friends to the point that I was scared of ever going viral. Last week I too had a great week and so my post sweep the internet. And I had my share of below the belt comments, but I kept reminding myself that there are always going to be people who want to shut us up and stop us from speaking our minds. In the end I was so glad that I got over my fear and spoke my mind, trolls be dammed!!! And I must say that it helped to know that we were going through it together! Safety in numbers!!! Congratulations on a great post and congratulations on it not stopping you!!!! xoxo
ReplyDeleteI was so happy for you too, Kathy! I thought your HP post was AWESOME and could not believe the nasty attacks. I did feel better knowing I wasn't alone in this type of troll attack over there---and I'll admit---it did us both a lot of good, LOL! Trolls be damned!!!
DeleteA thick skin is necessary in this current age. So glad a few like you stick to saying nothing rather than being nasty. But just like you said, other people are fundamentally unhappy and striving to drag others down to their level. If I shrug any harder at them I will damage my shoulders. But you seem like someone who generates happiness from within, so you'll be fine, generally.
ReplyDeleteThank you, Untonyto! Just keep shrugging the trolls off----they really aren't worth your time and you are above them.
DeleteI don't understand their mentality, I just have to shake my head and move past them. I am really happy your post went viral, you are going to have jealous people who feel they have the right to tear you apart... they are just insecure like you said, sad isn't it?
ReplyDeleteIt really is. I just don't understand their logic (or lack of). But as they say, "misery loves company", and I think that's what they're after.
DeleteKuddos on holding your ground and not hiding your head in the sand when the trolls came out to play.. I've only gone viral once, thankfully no trolls came out to play.. I need to grow my skin thicker as I worry too much about what the trolls have to say.. I'm a menopausal work in progress it seems..
ReplyDeleteIt's hard not to take what the trolls say personally, but this experience taught me a lesson. A blogger friend gave me some good advice----the minute you see a troll comment on a viral post, stop reading the rest of the comments because they really are like circling sharks come to feed. IGNORE THEM.
DeleteWhat a lousy experience. Some people seem to have plenty of time on their hands to be critics. It is harder to get out there and actually DO something than to sit around and criticize others. I think you are very funny and I enjoy your blog:)
ReplyDeleteThank you, Seana---I appreciate the support! XO
DeleteCongrats on your piece going viral! Trolls are everywhere. They pop up where you least expect them. Showing up on sites where I post simple craft projects. Don't think they'll ever go away. Unfortunately, it has become a way of life to trash other people.
ReplyDeleteI'm sorry to hear that you're getting the trolls, too. Isn't it sad how they feel the need to bash others?
DeleteI'm glad you wrote this Marcia. I'm sick of trolls! I had one on one of my articles the other day that I promptly deleted. I've also had spammers they are a waste of bandwidth. I was going to write a post about it because I am tired of reading blogs and articles on line where these show up. I am so proud of you and happy for your success. It's your time to shine and you deserve it. You are one of the reasons I know I can too!!! I don't comment on everything but I make sure to share you with my circles! Keep it moving girl!!! You just rock!
ReplyDeleteAwwwww…..thank you so much, Donna! You just made my day. I'm sorry you had to deal with a troll---just ignore them or delete them---that's the best thing. :)
DeleteMarcia, I hate that they attacked you, but as we all know that's one of the downsides of the internet. I haven't written anything controversial enough to be attacked yet, but I feel like when my book is published, I'll get a lot of hate mail. People can be so cruel from behind their monitor, but I can guarantee that if you were to sit down with them face to face, they might not be so brave. It's easy to be an anonymous troll. One thing I'm learning from one of my author friends is that with writing comes the necessity to build thick skin. Haters gonna hate, so as someone who has read so much of your stuff, just know what you have far more lovers than you do haters. And damn those trolls.
ReplyDeleteDo you know how much I love you for saying this? MWHAAAAA! <3
DeleteDeath to all trolls. They are mean-spirited, miserable, despicable people who obviously have nothing better to do. Learn to laugh at their insanity. The best revenge is your success, which you have already achieved and that is something a troll will NEVER enjoy. If they did, they wouldn't have the time or the mindset to troll. You're a great mother who was willing to speak honestly about a teenager acting out. (Like nobody else's teenager has ever done in the history of mankind.)
ReplyDeleteRock on, Meno Mama!
Thank you, Amy! That's what I found so amusing about the attack on Huff Post---the trolls acted like they'd NEVER had a child who had a melt down. Really? Laughable. But you, dear friend, totally ROCK! <3
DeleteDon't feed the trolls is my motto. I've only had the one. But hey...that means someone's reading my blog, right? Congrats on the post - I enjoyed it!
ReplyDeleteThank you so much! Your motto is perfect. That's where I made my first mistake---I always comment back to people when I'm featured on a site---it seems like a nice thing to do. I made the mistake of engaging the trolls at first and defending my honor That's when the REAL blood thirsty sharks came out. I've learned since then to just IGNORE them.
DeleteNow you'll be ready when the next one goes viral! 😉
DeleteLOL I can only hope!!!
DeleteKeep writing and keep laughing. Good luck with the new book!
ReplyDeleteThanks, Roz! I know you've been through the whole troll issue as well and you handled it beautifully. I think success in this case is the best revenge!
DeleteTrolls go away if no one responds to them - best to let them have their say and then be forgotten while you continue to post new material.
ReplyDeleteAmen to that, John!
DeleteThis is so well said. My audience is much smaller than yours, so I have not been exposed to much of this negative and toxic behavior. I have, however, experienced it a little and it leaves me feeling sick and shaken. I think you are handling this very well...and you rock like frozen crazy...who cares what the trolls say? I have to remember this myself.
ReplyDeleteYou're a very good writer, Michelle---I imagine you will be quickly increasing your audience. Which means, of course, that the trolls will find you. Hang tough and don't let them get to you. This is what I love about the blogosphere---we have each other's back. XO
DeleteThank you so much! And yes, we do have each other's back. This blogging community is awesome and I have felt fiercely protective over so many of the people that I don't know at all.
DeleteAbsolutely! And when the time comes that you get some trolls, let me at 'em!!!! LOL!
DeleteWhoa! I'm not sure why some people were so angry. Opinions are like armpits, we all have them and you were just expressing yours. People have a right to retort, but sinking to angry and childish outbursts is not the way to do it.
ReplyDeleteI always believe that a good writer is one that elicits emotions, whether they are positive or negative and you certainly did that. All they're doing is bring you more publicity and who doesn't want that? I admire you for not rising to their bait, because in the end, you come away looking far more dignified then those trolls.
I don't understand it either, Lily, but I LOVE your armpit analogy. I will never look at trolls the same way again. Ha!
DeleteMarcia, those trolls are small minded, aren't they?
ReplyDeleteAbsolutely--which is why I stopped reading their small minded comments, LOL!
DeleteNot responding deprives them of oxygen and they die. Just sayin'.
ReplyDeleteOhhhhh I like that idea, Carol!
DeleteHuffington Post is teeming with them. It is good you got back on the horse. Good luck!
ReplyDeleteYou are so correct! I had no idea things could get that ugly at Huff Po until I started really looking around at some of the other posts. Holy crap----the trolls run rampant over there!
DeleteMarcia, you are exactly right on all fronts. It's easier said than done, but try not to let it bother you. You enjoy your success and being able to cross off a bucket list item, and you ignore the jealous haters! Congrats to you! Much love to you and your talented, soon-to-be-PUBLISHED self. <3
ReplyDeleteThanks for the encouraging words, Shay! Mwhaaa!
DeleteI've had some minor bashing on other sites, but nothing major. I'm not exactly controversial in most of my writing but the trolls don't need you to be.
ReplyDeleteThere are some sites known to be troll hang outs. You have to either stay away or really prepare yourself for their vitriol but you are certainly not going to change them.
One thing that was heartbreaking for me is when a blogging friend emailed me after first posting on one of those sites and being bashed. She's a sweet person and a good writer and I hated to see her hurt. Like you just did, we talked it out, made some observations concerning who those kinds of comments really reflect on and I think she came to terms with having being treated that way. But seriously, what a thing to have to come to terms with.
It's so unfair----I hate to hear of a new bloggers going through it----that's enough to scare them off from blogging.
DeleteThere is a way to debate without sinking to belittling and name calling!! Exactly!!
ReplyDeleteSadly, they don't realize that.
DeleteBravo! I'm glad to see sometime taking on those nasty folks who have nothing better to do than tear other folks down! Keep up the good work!
ReplyDeleteThanks, Phyllis--I have no intention of letting them get the best of me, hahaha!
DeleteThe other way to look at it, with a smile, is that if you're getting a bunch of kickback (even from trolls), you must be doing something right! :-)
ReplyDeleteThat's what a lot of people have been saying---it's a good, heathy way of looking at it.
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ReplyDeleteOh this was another great post, a high five to you for this
ReplyDeleteThank you, Jo-Anne! Your support means a lot to me! XO
DeleteSend them over to my blog Marcia and they'll see what a real whiner looks like! Good on you for your success!
ReplyDeleteYou don't want these people, Pinky. They're HORRID! But thanks for the offer, hahaha!
DeleteHear ya sister-when my ice storm post went viral sme folks decided to re visit the north south war geez
ReplyDeleteI saw that! It was a great and funny post---but holy moly, some people just don't have a sense of humor! You handled the trolls well over that post. :)
DeleteOMG, now I hope to never have a post go viral! The worst thing is when you try to defend yourself. I have been attacked only a few times usually by someone with an agenda and no sense of humor. I need to learn to simply reply, "OK, thank you for your input."
ReplyDeleteThat's the best way---because no matter how hard you try to defend yourself, a troll won't listen to what you say. Their own opinion is all they care about. It IS the curse of going viral!!
DeleteOh, lovey, I'm so proud of you! That you have haters means you've made it!!! Yes, the comments make you feel like crap, of course, (criticism does that), but like you basically said, There's no such thing as bad publicity. So you have to take the good with the bad. My belief is: If you believe the good reviews, then you must also believe the bad. So don't take either too seriously. As difficult as it is, try to remain somewhat neutral.
ReplyDeleteImagine what E.L James and Stephanie Meyer go through with all their haters. Course they're crying all the way to the bank, but still...
I HOPE I get the opportunity to cry all the way to the bank…..it would make putting up with the trolls totally worth it!
DeleteThis is a great article, and I'm sure you are a wonderful mom. I read your posts everyday. I get them in my email. I just took a look at some of what has been coming your way, and I would say am shocked, but unfortunately I'm not. I've had some of it come my way, but not like this. I'm so sorry. It must feel like a deluge of people who do not even know what they are talking about. I have 3 wonderful adult children, but as teenagers, not so much at times. We all do the best we can, and for people to criticize is inappropriate. They do not live in your home or walk in your shoes. I'm not sure why they feel that the right to be nasty, just because you wrote and shared it. Anyway, you keep writing, and I'll keep reading. Also, keep sharing at my party. I really do look forward to your posts.
ReplyDeleteDebi @ Adorned From Above
Thank you so much for the kind words and support, Debi. It has been a really off week for me and this is exactly what I needed to hear. Thank you for that. XO
DeleteCongratulations on your post going viral and on your upcoming book. What a bit you had so many negative comments. You are spot on when you say that this type of behaviour is "derived from insecurities and unhappiness, driving these people to spread their misery to others." What we deny in ourselves is what we see in others, so I agree too that they attacking others "in order to build themselves up."
ReplyDeleteI'd say you did exactly right not to feed their anger by engaging with them. It is sad that people can be so lacking in compassion that they need to attack others to feel of any value.
Thank you, Yvonne. A lot of unhappy people in the world, I think. As writers though, we can't give up---we just need to keep writing!
DeleteDarned autocorrect - that should say what a pity you had so many negative comments!
ReplyDeleteCan't wait to read your Huffington piece, dear.
ReplyDeleteYou know, I don't get it. Am I naive? I cannot imagine in my wildest dreams being cruel or mean or even picking out another person's flaws. NO WAYYYYYYYYYY. Especially their WRITING!!!! I mean, that's our prayer, man.
I had a comment once that was REALLY MEAN, personal, uncalled for.
I couldn't help it...I found their email after much research and wrote to them saying:
'So happy you feel good and safe behind your computer, ASSHOLE. Why don't you come over to Duluth, Minnesota and tell me to my face!
Mr. Liverpool just rolled his eyes...but I HAD TO DO IT, couldn't let it go...
You rock, MAMA M. xxxxx
Ohhhh How I wish I could have responded that way to my trolls…but there were so many of them…I was a bit outnumbered this time.
DeleteOh Marcia this hurts my heart for you. DO NOT LISTEN TO THE TROLLS! They are people whocome to an article wanting to be negative and hateful. It's not you that they're mad at or dislike. It's anyone. Don't take it personally. You're right about it coming from insecurities with themselves. I think they like to put people down beause it makes them feel better.
ReplyDeletePlus, they're too big of pu$$ies to say those things to someone's face so they take to the internet.
I get seriously trolled from time to time. I've been told I'm a horrible person, fat, ugly, stupid, a c*nt, that violence needs to happen to me and that I'm selfish and enjoy putting others down. Um, no.
My husband gets angry when people troll my stuff but I find it entertaining. As I tell him, if we were walking down the street and someone yelled out "You're ugly and a horrible person," what would we think? We would think that person is crazy. It's the same thing with trolls. Who cares what hey think? They don't even have a face or a real name. Cowards. They're cowards.
And I think you are an amazing woman and a wonderful mom. You're caring and giving and funny and an excellent writer. I'm happy to know you and am thrilled about your book. With success comes haters, so take this as an indication that you've made it!
XOXO
Oh Lisa----your words have lifted my spirit. I read the troll comments on your post at Scary Mommy and was absolutely horrified by the things the trolls said to you. I was wondering how you handled it. You are very strong and brave----God, I wish I was more like you. Can you send me some of your backbone, please? I admire you more than you know. XO
DeleteI, too, believe trolls take out their own gaping self holes onto others. They must get some kind of adrenaline rush from it, because the same ones do it over and over. Sad little lives. Congrats to you!
ReplyDeleteI love that----"gaping sad holes." EXCELLENT description! I'm going to think of that next time I get attacked by the SOB's!!!!
DeleteOne of my favorite sayings has to do with artists but it also applies to writers: When God created artists he made critics from the scraps that were left leftover. Don't let these trolls spoil your achievement.
ReplyDeleteThat is a FANTASTIC analogy! Thank you for sharing that one, Stephan. I need to keep it in mind next time I have to battle the trolls!
DeleteBravo! Bravo! I don't understand that kind of nastiness nor do I want to. I only get mad at you when you cause me to snort sweet tea through my nose at 8 am. That shit hurts! Just kidding...the mad part not the snorting, that is for real. Life is to damn short to be that miserable! Congratulations! I once had someone tell me I was horrible to keep mom doing things that I should just let her die in peace that it wasn't like she will remember anyway...sounded like a guilty conscious to me!
ReplyDeleteOMG someone said that to you??? That's HORRIBLE! I admire so much what you are doing, Rena. You are incredibly strong, and people should look up to you for the sacrifices you have made to take care of your mother--- because you LOVE HER dearly!!! You are an amazing woman!
DeleteTrolls attack those who are successful with great talent because they don't have that special gift themselves. They want to be like you, they want to succeed like you, raise their kids like you raised yours and in fact, they want to be YOU but they fail over and over again, like mad dogs. That's why they attack.
ReplyDeleteNo, it's not nice to read horrid things but they have unknowingly helped to circulate your marvelous work to those who may not have seen it otherwise. The trolls deserve a 'thank you' because their negativity will always be turned into a blessing of positivity for you.
We love your work MM. Don't let anyone come in and rain on your parade. KICK THEIR BUTTS OUT of your mind and emotion. Buy yourself a nice jar of Nutella and eat slowly and let's raise our wine glasses (about 4) and say 'cheers' to the lesser ones...
Have a brilliant week and I'll be back again soon.
So happy to see you here, RPD! Thank you for the encouraging words. I would LOVE to toast the trolls with you!
ReplyDeleteOMG I just read it! This has convinced me that I will never, EVER post on Reddit. Asshats over there! And yes, be wary of what you post on Huffington Post---I learned the hard way that the site is riddled with nasty trolls!
ReplyDeleteI am in my 30's so my parents were at the end of the boomer years and I still agree with everything you said in your post on huffington. I got really pissed actually when I read what some people were saying to you. My mamma has said the same things to me. And frankly if I had talked to my mamma and daddy that way I would have been beat. Neither here nor there though. My parents taught me and my brother (younger) that we had to work for what we have. My daddy was and is a trucker who was/is gone 90% of the time and while I hated that he was gone, I appreciated it. My mamma was a SAHM for years and then went to school when I was in Jr. High to get a cosmetology degree and we supported her every step of the way. I applaud you for how you are raising your children!!!
ReplyDeleteYou are so kind, Jessi. Thank you for love and support. It sounds like you were raised just right and you have a good head on your shoulders. I'm so happy you stopped my my blog! XO
DeleteMarcia,
ReplyDeleteI hate that people can hide behind a computer screen and spew out such hatred.
It all just shows how wonderfully brave you are to write such touching, poignant articles and attach them with a real name. They are worse than cowards. I'll never understand why sites like Huff Po allow them. There has to be a better way to go thru some verified commenting process.
Look at the above comments on this page. You are so loved. <3
I was surprised that Huff Po didn't step in to monitor the nastiness of the comments but now I realize they LIKE it when trolls get involved and stir up a debate. After posting this blog though and seeing all the love, I feel 100% better. You are so sweet to say the things that you did---thank you! <3
DeleteI'm sorry you had to read the crapola. People can be so inconsiderate, and when those kinds of people are let loose anonymously, it can be even worse.
ReplyDeleteI blogged once about an airline not wanting to let me sit next to my Kindergartner on an airplane. I got a few really rude e-mails (I am presuming from the same person, though they were different email addys) noting how much they hated parents who whined about not being able to sit next to their kids. To that I say, Phft. I didn't even bother to respond. And I still get very worked up about the airline thing. We had similar issues in June when we flew, and from the looks of the comments I got on my post, it's not uncommon (on many airlines). Crazy stuff that, but I digress. :)
I can't believe the airlines would separate a young child from sitting with their parent! I haven't flown in so long, I'm not really aware of the rules. Kind of glad I DON'T fly, now!!!
DeleteOh, no no no. That would just not happen, whiners not withstanding. Do NOT get between me and my child. Phft indeed!
DeleteIt's Really Funny.
ReplyDeleteYou're totally right when you suggest that trolls are likely to be miserable, insecure people who desperately (and unsuccessfully) try to boost their own flagging esteems by trying to denigrate others. Just keep on rising above it, Marcia.
ReplyDeleteThank you, Bryan. I intend to! :)
DeleteGreat post! My goal is not the viral post, just to learn from amazing folks and hopefully give something back. I couldn't do that without trailblazers like you, who suffer the slings and arrows of outrageous insecurities. You have my sincere thanks! :-D
ReplyDeleteHahahaha! You should definitely try it at least once!
DeleteWelcome to the world of fame, my friend. When you put yourself or your work out there, you're going to get feedback...negative as well as positive. And yes, there are a whole underclass of people out there just looking to s**t on anyone they can. The best thing to do is not feed them. Also keep in mind they're helping to spread your work.
ReplyDeleteIt's something to think about as you put your book together. You may get negative reviews, you may have people attacking your "baby". It comes with the territory. The absolutely *worst* thing you can do is react badly...the only thing worse than being attacked by trolls is going viral because you're a Writer Who Behaved Badly. Google the name Jacqueline Howett to see what happens to writers who react badly to critics or trolls.
I know you haven't done that...just be forewarned because it's easy to lose your temper with these folks.
It is EXACTLY like having a baby you think is beautiful, and then having a room full of people tell you everything that is wrong with your child, to the point of calling him ugly. But yes,I know better than to feed them. I prefer to leave them in the tank to chew each other apart.
ReplyDeleteSo thankful you shared this with me, Marcia--gracias! Since this is really my first go-round with the trolls, I wasn't fully prepared. I had heard through the greats like yourself and a few others that when they surface, their main goal is to say the most disgusting, mean, vile things they can. I want to feel bad for them because they either weren't hugged enough as children or they're going through some real sh*t right now, yet I can't help but also feel the urge to want to kick them in their throats. Thanks for this! xo
ReplyDeleteThanks for stopping by to read this! You should definitely write a post about your experience over there as well! It's a great way to vent!
Delete