I'm thrilled to feature today's guest writer on the blog! Yes, she is another humorist I met two years ago at my first Erma Bombeck Writers Workshop convention in Dayton, and we met up again this past April for the 2016 conference. Gina Valley writes hilarious posts on her blog, ginavalley.com The Glamorous Life Of The Modern Day Soccer Mom. We sat together during many of the classes and meals at EBWW and I had to control myself from laughing too loudly at some of her remarks. I love her quick wit and her ability to take an ordinary situation and turn into an entertaining story. The post she is sharing here is a great example of this.If you're looking for a good belly laugh, be sure and stop by her site. In the meantime, please welcome Gina to Meno Mama's site today with lots of comment love. Enjoy!
Did He Use MY Toothbrush?!?!
He couldn’t have. He didn’t. He did!
I’m sure this is a violation of the whole “sickness and health” clause, although I’m not exactly sure how yet.
He used my toothbrush!
How disgusting is that?
And, it didn't even seem to bother him. He actually seemed to think it was funny.
It was not funny.
There is nothing funny about someone else using your toothbrush.
Especially, when it's my toothbrush.
I know what some people think. We've made babies together. Clearly, this is not the first “mixing of our essences.” That's true. Not even the first time today.
And, I have to admit my tongue has touched his teeth before. Yet, somehow, the idea of using my toothbrush as a go between from my mouth to his is totally unacceptable.
He chuckled as he told me that, after he'd finished brushing his teeth, he realized he'd grabbed and used the wrong toothbrush. Mine, inadvertently, instead of his.
I say there are no accidents.
Besides, my toothbrush is pink and his is dark blue. How do you mix those up? I wonder what Dr. Phil would say about that? “It’s like nailing Jell-O to the wall!”
I didn't want to hurt his feelings by totally freaking out, much as my OCD was screaming at me to do just that. I couldn’t very well start scrubbing my toothbrush with bleach without insulting him. So, I decided I'd "accidentally" knock my toothbrush into the toilet, thereby making its replacement both mandatory and blameless.
While I smoothed moisturizer onto my skin with my left hand, I used my pinky and ring finger of my right hand to slowly inch the contaminated oral cleaning rod toward the toilet.
Just touching it gave me the heebie jeebies. How could I touch something dripping with someone else's saliva?
My tooth brush was an agent of filth.
My toothbrush was a speed rail for germs.
My toothbrush was bone dry.
How was it possible for my toothbrush to be quite without humidity when he had used it just minutes before?
My eyes darted around the bathroom, searching for an answer, and fell on his dark blue toothbrush, lying on the counter, next to his toothbrush holder (he never stands it up in its holder. Drives me crazy).
Had he used his own toothbrush, but thought it was mine? Could someone really mix up pink-in-a-holder with blue-on-the-counter? Was it time to start looking for "The Home"?
At the risk of barfing a little, I decided to check his toothbrush for signs of recent usage. His, too, was bone dry.
Was this a miracle? Had toothbrush angels descended from heaven and dispelled the disgusting act?!?!
I stared at our bathroom counter, realizing that even the toothbrush angels couldn’t reverse this travesty of personal hygiene. I might have thrown up a little in my mouth, just thinking about what had happened.
Yes, he had used my toothbrush.
But, not my pink one from my toothbrush holder. He'd used the dark green one I keep on the counter next to the sink.
The one I use to clean the gunk out from underneath my fingernails!!!
Maybe there is something funny about someone else using your toothbrush, after all.
BIO:
Gina lives in Los Angeles, California with her husband (The Professor), her pack of kids, and so many pets that she is guaranteed a successful insanity plea if she is ever in criminal court.
Gina lives in Los Angeles, California with her husband (The Professor), her pack of kids, and so many pets that she is guaranteed a successful insanity plea if she is ever in criminal court.
Gina Valley
Laugh Out Loud with Gina daily at:
