Showing posts with label Metabolism. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Metabolism. Show all posts

Friday, January 27, 2017

Wonderful Winter Writers Series: Guest Post By Molly Stevens

     I'm thrilled to have funny lady Molly Stevens guesting on my site again today! Her blog, Shallow Reflections, always has hilarious posts that resonate with mid lifers like me. Today she is sharing something near and dear to my gluttonous heart----her eating habits and the desire to tame her appetite. I CAN TOTALLY RELATE!! Please welcome Molly to Meno Mama's site today with lots of comment love. Enjoy!


WEIGHT LOSS TIPS TO TAME YOUR INNER GLUTTON



I noticed a few months ago that five extra pounds had settled onto my pint-sized frame and I could not move the needle on the bathroom scale, even when I made the supreme sacrifice of skipping dessert for a couple of days.
I began to fuss about it, blaming my metabolism, my sedentary job, and the stress of the presidential election.
My husband, the truth teller AKA excuse slayer, interjected, “Molly, you eat a lot. (He said ‘a lot’ with ‘a lot’ of emphasis). Have you noticed you eat more than I do?”
“Whoa!” I countered, “When you leave perfectly good food on your plate that is too little to save but too much to waste, what am I supposed to do with it?”
But the truth of his words burrowed into my cellulite.
I am a volume eater.
food-with-face_pixabay
Photo courtesy Pixabay, edits by author
I like the feeling of an overstretched stomach. Couple that with speed eating, perfected from years working as a nurse with a 7-½ minute lunch ‘hour,’ and I think you can understand the enormity of my problem.
I knew I had to employ tricks to eat in bulk, yet cut calories. I looked to the experts and tried proven strategies.
The plate method. This is a simple concept of filling half of your plate with low-calorie options like lettuce or broccoli, ¼ with lean protein and ¼ with a healthy starch. This seemed like the perfect solution until Patrick queried, “Molly, do you think a turkey platter is the best choice for this technique?”
When you want something sweet, eat fruit. After dinner, I notoriously crave something sweet, so instead of scooping Ben and Jerry’s, I sliced an apple and savored every morsel. It was difficult to transition from the tartness of the apple to the creamy sweetness of the ice cream but I did a stellar job. Patrick observed, “Molly, do you think this means eat fruit AND dessert?” I quipped, “Won’t the fruit cancel the calories in the ice cream? And what about the legion of calories I burned crunching on that Mac?”
When eating out, eat half of all servings. Patrick and I went to Geaghan’s Irish Pub recently and we split an order of house wings, though Patrick believes I ate two more than he did. Serves him right for going to the bathroom leaving me alone. I always eat more when I’m lonely.
Anyway, I decided to try their homemade bread pudding for dessert, and when it arrived I asked for a take home box. I scooped half into the box while I ate the other half mindfully, resting my spoon on the table between bites.
When I finished Patrick was still eating wings he had hidden behind the napkin holder. It was boring to watch him eat so I decided to take a bite of my sequestered pudding. Which led to another bite. Was it my imagination or did Styrofoam make it more delicious? I don’t know how it happened but I found myself staring at two empty pudding vessels.
Patrick blabbed, “The server who brought the container just saw you eat the second half.” Embarrassed I acted quickly and plunked my crumpled napkin in the container, creating the perfect illusion that it enclosed a half serving. When it was time to leave, I clutched my crock of deception and gave our server an airy wave goodbye.
Not to be defeated I have contrived a sure-fire way to kick-start my weight loss progress. I’m eating three fewer bites of each meal.
I wonder how long it will take Patrick to notice I’m using serving tongs.
Are you a volume eater like me? What are your failsafe weight loss tips?


BIO:


Molly Stevens arrived late to the writing desk, but is forever grateful her second act took this direction instead of adult tricycle racing or hoarding cats. She was raised on a potato farm in northern Maine, where she wore a snowsuit over both her Halloween costume and her Easter dress.    

She blogs at www.shallowreflections.com where she skims over important topics, like her love affair with white potatoes and why she saves user manuals.  No one knows for sure if her ideas result from eating too many carbs, or childhood exposure to herbicides in the well water. 

She has ‘practiced’ professional nursing for *mumble,mumble* years, and someday hopes to be competent or retired, whichever comes first. Her husband, is watching for early signs of dementia, and will have her put in a home when she shows an enthusiasm for camping. 

LINKS:


Friday, December 11, 2015

Fun Friday Guest Post By Vikki Claflin

     I'm sure that by now you recognize the name of the guest blogger on the site today. I've featured Vikki Claflin several times on Meno Mama because she's one of my favorite writers. Not only does she write an entertaining midlife blog called  Laugh Lines, she's also the author of not one, but TWO humor books! I loved her first book, "Shake, Rattle and Roll With It", and was beyond thrilled to learn that her NEW book, "Who Left The Cork Out Of My Lunch?" will be released February 14th 2016, and what a perfect Valentine's gift this book will make!

      I'm sharing one of the many hilarious chapters from her book, and this one happens to be one of my favorites since it deals with aging. Vikki's book will be available for pre-order on Jan. 12 2016 (Amazon, Barnes & Noble, iTunes) in case you'd like to reserve your copy early of this funny lady's book (c'mon, you know you want to!). Enjoy!





Menopause Killed my Inner MILF

Google “Benefits of Menopause,” and you’ll get 8,570,000 possible links. Over 8 1/2 million articles written on how menopause makes us stronger, sexier, more confident, and more at peace with our bodies and our sexuality. Not to mention the exhilarating freedom from periods, bloating, cramping, PMS, and the constant worry about pregnancy, however slim the chance.
What they don’t tell you in those same posts is that all that zen is achieved after menopause is over. It’s the prize at the end of a rather bumpy ride, during which you’ll start questioning whether you’ll ever be sexy again. Or if you’ll ever care.
Like most women, I like feeling attractive, sexy, desirable. I’ve spent more money than I probably should’ve towards that goal over the years, and although yoga pants and no makeup are my norm, I do clean up fairly well (which admittedly takes longer with each passing year). I have a tiny, but persistent, inner hot chick that still likes stilettos, little black dresses, and the appreciative looks from Hubs at my efforts. Menopause crashed my hotness with a thud heard in three states.
Suddenly I was more “Ma’am” than MILF. Men stopped whistling at me from the street and started helping me through the crosswalk. People no longer commented “You look so much like your mother” and started assuming we were sisters. One unfortunate store owner in town asked me if I was my son’s grandmother. (As soon as I figure out how to hide the body, he’s going to die.)
In retrospect, I’m amazed that Hubs made it through my menopausal years. He married a reasonably confident, arguably normal woman, and woke up one day to an overheated, moody, questionably sane female sobbing uncontrollably over the sudden appearance of cankles. My MILF was gone. How menopause killed it:
1. Hot flashes. We were out at our favorite romantic restaurant, and instead of the coy flirting of our early years (“Gee, Big Guy, is it hot in here or is it just you?”), it became “Is it hot in here or what? I’m hot. Is anybody else hot??” Repeated requests to the uncooperative waiter to turn the thermostat down finally ended with a screeching “Can’t you turn the freaking heat down?!? It’s TOO FRIGGIN’ HOT IN HERE.” Hubs dragged my sweaty body out of the restaurant, and we haven’t been back since.
2. Metabolism changes. Actually, mine didn’t change. It stopped. Weight maintenance was now limited to one Fruit Loop and a Diet Coke per day. Weight loss required colonic cleansing and fasting. And if you like wine, no carbs for you. Ever. Carbs plus wine make you blow up like a puffer fish, so you have to choose. I haven’t had a carb since 2009.
3. Fatigue. I was tired all the time. Bedtime went from 10:30 p.m. to 8:30 p.m., effectively eliminating boogie nights on the dance floor, since it’s virtually impossible to find a band that starts at 5:30.
4. Night sweats. Yeah, nothing turns a man on more than being whacked on the arm at 2 a.m., to “Get up” because we have to change the cold, wet sheets. Again. After the first six months, we both got used to just tossing beach towels over the sheets and crawling back into bed. Take that, sex life.
5. Day sweats. I quit going to the gym after realizing my clothes would be soaked, with visible sweat pouring down between my boobs and my butt crack, and I’d only been on the treadmill for 3 minutes. It took me longer to wipe down the machine than it did to work out.
6. Incontinence. I’d laugh. A little squirt. I’d sneeze. Another little squirt. The actual need to pee? Now I’d be clenching my Kegals while I waddle-ran to the nearest bathroom, praying there wasn’t a line and fully prepared to bust into the men’s room if necessary. By the end of the evening, I smelled like Eau de Pee, sitting in wet undies, and wondering what the hell had happened to my life. Hubs, not surprisingly, was still not turned on.
7. Mood swings. Some days, Hubs would come home to find me sobbing over yet-another Hallmark commercial about the son returning home at Christmas to his adoring little sister and happy, teary-eyed parents. Other days, any and all comments directed at me, from anyone in the room, on any subject, were met with “What the hell is wrong with you??” accompanied, when the stupidity-level warranted it, by a smack up ‘long side the head. Hubs claimed later that every day was a crap shoot.
8. Physical changes. Under-arm twaddle, boobs headed towards my knees, and hips widening, irrevocably eliminated anything sleeveless or low-cut from my closet and would forevermore require military-grade underwear. Menopause underwear is designed to git ‘er done, by pushing, lifting, and shoving defiant and migrating body parts back into their original shape and place. We no longer care about lace edging or cute bows. We need Kevlar underwire and the Spanx company on speed-dial.
9. Body heat. More consistent than hot flashes, I was basically just hot all. the. time. We had the front door open year-round, and unless it was raining, I had the top down on my car. In December. I turned the house heat completely off every night and opened all the windows. Hubs repeatedly complained that he couldn’t perform in a meat locker. I reminded him once that it’s a bad chef who blames his utensils, but apparently he didn’t get my humor. Nobody got any that night.
10. Hunger. Suffice it to say that I was always hungry. And somehow, I have no recollection of craving carrots. I do remember threatening to bludgeon Hubs to death one night for eating the last of my Milk Duds. To this day, he’s never eaten another Dud.
11. Evening conversations tended more towards chronic menopausal-induced IBS than our mutual plans for our next vacation through the wine country. Hubs, who’s never seen me pee (not once in 15 years) because I want to maintain a modicum of mystery in our marriage, looked a bit stunned one night when I bent over and hiked up the back of my dress, asking “When I bend over like this, can you see cellulite on the backs of my legs?” He laughed so hard, he fell off his chair, but was smart enough to leave that question untouched.
Now, at the end of the tunnel, I’m approaching inner peace. But it was a humbling and often mortifying ride. And occasionally, when I’m doing my morning prayers and meditation, my thoughts will free-fall back to those years and I’ll ask God, “Really??REALLY??”
I’m still waiting for a response.

***For more midlife laughter, check out Laugh Lines @ laugh-lines.net!





BIO:


Vikki Claflin is an author and inspirational public speaker. She lives in Hood River, Oregon, where she writes the award-winning humor blog Laugh Lines. Vikki has been featured on the Michael J. Fox Foundation website, Erma Bombeck’s Writer’s Workshop, The Huffington Post, Scary Mommy, Midlife Boulevard, Better After 50, and Funny Times Magazine. She also received a BlogHer14 “Voices of the Year” Humor award. Vikki’s first book Shake, Rattle & Roll With It: Living & Laughing with Parkinson’s was listed as one of Amazon Editor's Favorite Books of 2014. You can connect with Vikki and read more of her hilarious writing at laugh-lines.net.





Wednesday, December 2, 2015

Tired? Need A Lift? I Have The Answer!


    Several years ago when I was complaining to a friend that menopause was sapping me of all my energy, she told me she had a secret weapon to staying active all day. I asked if she was making her coffee extra strong in the morning or if she had just discovered a new way to survive on only three hours of sleep. That's when she told me about  Celsius, a HEALTHY energy drink that gives you an extra boost during the day and burns 100 or more calories per serving.

     I've never been a fan of energy drinks---the artificial ingredients have always scared me away. The few I tried tasted like overly-sugared drinks from a Kiddie party and left me feeling jittery and restless. My friend promised that Celsius was different, and she gave me a can of the Sparkling Orange flavor. I drank it with my lunch that afternoon, and was surprised by how delicious and refreshing the beverage was.

     Within thirty minutes of drinking the can of Celsius, I was wide awake and ready to get back to work. I couldn't believe the difference it made in my energy level!  I went out that afternoon and bought several more cans, and have been drinking Celsius ever since.

ABOUT THE DRINK:

     Celsius drinks are certified gluten-free, contain no sugar or preservatives, no high fructose corn syrup, no aspartame, no artificial flavors or colors and it only contains low amounts of sodium. Celsius contains a proprietary blend of ingredients such as green tea, EGCG, ginger, calcium, chromium, caffeine, guarani, and vitamins B & C, which work together to provide 93% greater fat loss, plus improved cardio fitness and endurance. Best of all? It's the world's first negative calorie drink and the winner of 15 International Awards!

     Celsius comes in five flavors: Sparkling Orange, Peach Mango Green Tea, Sparkling Wildberry, Sparkling Cola, and Raspberry Acai Green Tea. My personal favorites are the orange and cola flavors.

     Another thing I love about this energy drink is that it's available in powder form, too. You can buy it in a canister with a pre-measured scoop, OR, even more convenient, 14 on-the-go sticks in a box (Flo Fusion Pre-Workout Formula). Just add one stick of powder to your water and you're ready to go to the gym, to work, on a road trip or anywhere else you might need an extra boost of energy during the day. Celsius Flo Fusion is powered by scientifically tested, calorie burning MetaPlus and is clinically proven to enhance metabolism and to burn 100 calories or more with each serving.  *Studies published in the International Society of Sports Nutrition show that Celsius Flo Fusion, when combined with moderate exercise, will significantly increase fat loss, endurance and cardio fitness.*

     Celsius is available just about everywhere that energy drinks are sold. You can find it in various grocery chain stores, drugstores and vitamin shops.

A CELEBRITY FAVORITE:  

     There are quite a few celebrities who are fans of Celsius. To name a few:

Mario Lopez
Flo Rida
Blake Koch
Sofia Vergara
Leann Rimes
Russell & Kimora Simmons
Neil Patrick Harris
Howie Mandel
Jordin Sparks

MY EXPERIENCE WITH CELSIUS:

     I've been drinking Celsius for several years now and still love the product---so much so, that I've been handing out packets to my friends at the gym for them to sample. Every person I have introduced to Celsius has become a huge fan of the drink. I've even given it to several of the Zumba instructors in my class and now they carry packets with them to stay energized throughout the day.

     Who else would benefit from this drink? Parents of young children who find it difficult to stay awake during the day after only a few hours of sleep the night before. People who work long hours at a time. Mid-lifers who find themselves more tired as they get older. Menopausal women who battle fatigue daily (loss of energy is a common symptom of menopause). This product is perfect for ANYONE who needs an extra boost during the day or who wants to lose weight and enhance their metabolism. **Celsius is NOT recommended for people who are caffeine sensitive, children under 18, or women pregnant or nursing.

SUMMARY:

     Celsius did not ask me to write this review; I actually approached them and offered to write the post because I LOVE the product and wanted to spread the word to all of my friends who are struggling with fatigue and/or weight loss. In return, Celsius was kind enough to send me a big box of samples and information so that I could share it with my readers. Do yourself a favor and pick up a can (or a Flo Fusion stick) and try this tasty beverage. I promise, you'll discover a big boost in your energy levels and will most likely lose a few pounds if you combine a healthy diet and exercise plan with your Celsius. Enjoy!

***For more information, visit the Celsius website at: celsius.com or their Facebook page.






Friday, September 25, 2015

Bad Luck? Blame It On Mercury

     If you've been having an unusually craptastic week, there's a pseudoscientific reason for your misfortune. Mercury is in retrograde from September 17 to October 9th, and this astrological phenomenon is the perfect scapegoat for everything that has gone awry in the past week.

     "Mercury Retrograde" occurs during three periods throughout the year, a time when the planet appears to stall and spin backward. Although this is an illusion caused by the rotation of the earth, many people believe that the retrograde phase is responsible for wreaking havoc during each of these three-and-a-half week periods. Mercury is the ruling planet of communication, so it stands to reason that while in retrograde, communication, travel and technology go haywire, causing a certain degree of pandemonium on earth. Computers crash for no reason, cell phones erase info, emails are lost and transportation is a nightmare.


     It doesn't stop there. Staunch believers of Mercury's trickery advise against signing important documents, traveling, starting a new job, moving, getting married, or launching a new business venture during retrograde.

     I've had my own share of misfortunes in the past week; my car died, my husband was in a car accident (not hurt, thankfully) and one of my sweet pets died in her sleep. I've also had a few heated debates with friends and even engaged in a ridiculous argument with my husband one night over the Miami Dolphins….and I don't even watch football.

     I'd love to blame Mercury for my bad luck, but rather than focus on my misfortune, I prefer to think of all the good things that the retrograde phase might do for me. If everything is spinning backward, that means I might have a second chance at enjoying some of the things I miss:


*My old metabolism. Maybe I can go back to eating chicken wings, donuts, and cheeseburgers without gaining a pound.

*High energy. I'd like to be as energetic as I was when I was a kid with the motivation to run around the playground, climb a jungle gym or sail down a hot metal slide without getting second degree burns on my chunky thighs.

*Good music. Pat Benetar, Journey, The Cars, Peter Gabriel, Toto, The Police…..the list goes on and on. I'd rather listen to them than some dude singing, "Now watch me whip, watch me nae nae…"

*Size eight clothing. It sure would be nice to fit into that size again, since right now the fabric from one of those tiny t-shirts would barely cover one arm.

*Required nap time. In kindergarten, we played all morning, ate lunch, then pulled out our mats and blankets to sleep for an hour. When we woke up, the nice teacher handed out graham crackers and milk. I want to go back to kindergarten….for adults. And the nice teacher hands out margaritas with chips and queso dip.

*My stamina. I could stay out all night and party like a rock star when I was in my twenties. Now I can't even make it to the dinner hour without three cups of coffee to prop me up.

*80's fashion. Shoulder pads, parachute pants and velour jumpsuits. Just kidding. Pajama jeans and yoga pants work fine.

Come to think of it, now that there's a Clinton and a Bush running for office again, who knows? Maybe there's something to the lore of Mercury in retrograde, after all.









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