Menopausal Mother

     With Father's Day approaching, I've spent this past week thinking about my husband and how blessed I am to have him. Many of you may not know this, but I met Mac on a blind date in 1982, and although it wasn't love at first sight, all it took that night was one kiss in the parking lot and I knew he was THE ONE. Call it chemistry, call it destiny; either way, I knew I'd found my soulmate.

I was recovering from an abusive relationship at the time, and the last thing I needed was another man in my life, but Mac was different. His compassion, honor, quick wit and loyalty convinced me that he was a keeper, and here we are, 34 years later with four adult children, one feisty granddaughter and....SURPRISE! Another grand baby on the way!




     Our children won the dad lottery when the powers that be decided that we would have four kids. The role of father is one Mac embraced wholeheartedly from the very beginning, spending every spare moment he had with his family: Wiffle Ball games in the backyard, shave cream fights on the lawn, helping to coach our son's little league team, attending every one of our daughters' marathon-
length dance recitals, and pushing the kids in a cart around the grocery store while they each picked out their favorite treat.




He played "monster" for hours whenever the kids asked, chasing them around in the dark with their friends no matter how tired he was after work. He volunteered in their school classrooms, attended overnight field trips with them, and served on the PTA board. He taught them how to Rollerblade and ride a bike (and eventually taught them how to drive). He played basketball and hockey in the driveway every Sunday with all the neighborhood kids, helped our kids build their science projects, study for their exams, and was always available for cuddling on the couch whenever they felt sick.


Mac also taught them to love unconditionally and to never, EVER, take the unique closeness that we share in our family for granted. Our kids know that their dad always has their backs, and that they can count on him to feel safe.

The list goes on and on, and there aren't enough words to describe how appreciative I am that he is the father of our four, amazing children.

Amazing because of him.

Happy Father's Day Mac, and to all the hard working fathers out there celebrating this special day of recognition. You deserve the best!


***WANT MORE MENO MAMA? This past week I was featured on Motherhood Collective.  You can read about my funny experience with head lice here: https://motherhoodcollective.blog/2018/06/07/the-5-stages-of-head-lice-from-denial-to-depression/#more-1748

 
    With Father's day just weeks away, I found myself wondering what to do for my husband on his special day. An early Oktoberfest in the backyard? A competitive spot next to Adam Richman on Man vs Food at an all-you-can-eat-ribs diner? Probably not a good idea since our toilet is temperamental.
   
     When I was finally able to grab my husband's attention from the NBA playoffs for a nanosecond, I asked him what it would take to make him happy on Father's Day----other than the obvious. I'm talking BEER, people! Get your minds out of the gutter.

     After out little chat during the five minute commercial break, I came to the conclusion that my husband's needs go far beyond a single day of recognition. He deserves to be happy all year 'round and to feel appreciated on a daily basis.

     Actions speak louder than words, so I've come up with a wish list of things I think wives should do that would make most husbands happy:


*  Let him eat all the burgers, pizza and chicken wings he wants. Just remind him you've already set up his doctor's appointment for a new heart stent.

*  Give him the badabing manual on "How To Help Your partner Reach The Big O in 2 Minutes Or Less When The Playoffs Are On."

*  Install a mini fridge full of beer next to his La-Z-Boy recliner. Add a portable catheter so he never has to get out of his chair.

*  Let him take a nap for an hour every day. Longer if he's hooked up to the catheter.

*  Convince him he needs a night out with his buddies Fred Flintstone and Barney Rubble at the Water Buffalo Lodge. This is especially important if your husband is the Grand Poo Ba of the man cave.

*  Tell him not to strain and push so hard at the gym. Working toward a six pack just to be a trophy husband isn't worth popping out a hemorrhoid.

*  Let him sit on the couch, scratch his crotch and channel surf all weekend long.

*  Keep the sex life interesting, even if it requires a nightly Viagra cocktail and a wife dressed in an Oscar Mayer Wiener costume.

*  Surprise him with VIP tickets to his favorite sporting event that include seats in the sky lounge, unlimited steak, beer and an adult diaper changing station.

*  Give him an HD television the size of a movie theatre screen. The picture should be clear enough that he can tell whether or not the ball players have been circumcised.

*  Let him spend a weekend at a testosterone infused camp where men are men and sheep are nervous. Hopefully he won't have a b-a-a-a-a-d experience.

*  Buy him a large gift certificate to a hardware store. This allows him all the time necessary to roam the aisles for stupid trinkets. Don't be surprised if he comes home with a paint sprayer that doubles as a margarita dispenser or a yard hose with a special, suction extension attached for those lonely nights in the garden.

*  Tell him it's perfectly acceptable to show off his talent of burping the alphabet for your guests. Farting the alphabet, not so much.


     If none of these suggestions work to keep your husband happy, I have a Plan B. Send him off to a one room cabin in the woods for a year where he can grow a long beard and commune with the tree frogs.

     Just don't forget to pack the suction hose.


***I was thrilled to take part in a podcast on Friday 5/16 hosted by Wendy Hernandez of Family Law Insider. We talked about "mating, marriage and making it all work." You can watch the interview here:  https://plus.google.com/events/c16ceku58ng29v805mp5icva3fo  If you're unable to see it on Google Plus you can see it anytime on YouTube Here:     http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RBFNhv_yRf4

***Want more Meno Mother? This week my feature on Humor Outcasts was about The 7 Deadly Sins Of Menopause, which you can read here: http://humoroutcasts.com/2014/the-7-deadly-sins-of-menopause/

****I wasn't aware that a few weeks ago I was also featured on Better After Fifty, where I'm discussing the humorous symptoms of menopausal men. You can catch that post here: http://betterafter50.com/2014/04/my-husband-totally-gets-the-menopause-thing/

****Last but not least, I was also featured this week on Midlife Boulevard talking about my first period. Don't say. "EWWWWW!" This is FUNNY, people! Check it out here: http://midlifeboulevard.com/her-first-period