Menopausal Mother

 Welcome to the latest edition of Fly On The Wall group blog postings, hosted by Karen of Baking In A Tornado.  Today, three bloggers are bravely inviting you into their homes to see what goes on behind closed doors. 

The nosy fly has been witnessing my health journey as I try to get back to a reasonable weight for my age. Of course, I can never do anything by myself in this house, so the Hubs decided to hop on the diet train with me. I'm happy to report that I'm successfully losing pounds and inches, but let it be known that it is TOTALLY UNFAIR how easily men lose weight without much effort! I'm over here eating astronaut food while Hubs lost 10 pounds just by cutting out a few beers each week. I'm also drinking half my body weight in water daily (no, I am NOT going to tell you how much) and basically turning myself into a floating human raft, so you can imagine how many trips I take to the bathroom in a 24-hour span. Anyway....here are some snippets of conversation the fly overheard:
 

I guess I need to keep clipping my toenails because there's still some weight that I need to shed. If you have any extra-large clippers, send them over. But please hide them from my husband---he doesn't need the extra weight loss advantage. 

***WANT MORE MENO MAMA? If you're interested in past life regression, check out my latest for The Doe HERE. Do you find terrifyingly large bugs cool? Then take a look at my latest article for Always Pets HERE. Or have fun reading about the cutest cats on the planet HERE. And if you want to know who the cutest dogs are, you can also read it HERE

Buzz around these links for a peek into some other homes:

 

Baking In A Tornado                  https://www.BakingInATornado.com

Menopausal Mother                   http://www.menopausalmom.com/

Wandering Web Designer      https://wanderingwebdesigner.com/blog

Never Ever Give Up Hope.        https://batteredhope.blogspot.com

     Ahhh yes, it's Valentine's Day---the most dreaded day of the year for the majority of the male population. No one needs a GPS to find their man after work on this particular holiday. They're lined up at the drugstore card counter, sweaty palms leafing through pink and red cards on the stands. Turn down the next aisle and you'll find them grabbing heart-shaped boxes filled with chocolates off the shelf. If they're lucky, they might even find a few rose bouquets left in the cooler near the checkout counter. Nothing says "You're The Love Of My Life," than a last-minute discount gift from a drugstore.

     But there are gifts that are far worse.....and if your significant other gives you any of the following items, you have my condolences on Valentine's day......


1. A BOGO sale on pre-approved cemetery plots

2. Edible beef jerky underwear.

3. Milk chocolates made from molds of your lover's unmentionables.

4. His ex-girlfriend's favorite cologne, White Shoulders.

5. Novelty toilet paper with your boyfriend's image printed on each sheet (nothing says LOVE like wiping your backside with your man's face).
6. Sparkling rose wine bottled in the basement of his cousin's home in Asbury Park, NJ.

7. Paper roses made from recycled buffalo dung.

8. Jenny Craig lifetime membership.


9. A pregnant hamster.

10. Twelve wilted roses bought from a shady- looking guy who approached your car window when you were stopped at a red light.

11. Nose hair trimmer, bikini wax kit, and his & her tongue scraper set.
12. A sensor-activated Build-A-Bear with a continual song loop of "Every Breath You Take."

     Here's to hoping you have a very NORMAL Valentine's Day with a cheesy, sentimental card and a box of cream-filled chocolates to celebrate love. Cheers!


***WANT MORE MENO MAMA? Check out my weekly contributions to CONSIDERABLE, the website where I'm a regular content creator now. (LOVE MY JOB!!) You can find my work  here: https://www.considerable.com/contributor/marcia-kester-doyle/