Friday, October 23, 2020

Fly On The Wall In A Month Of Birthdays

     Welcome to another edition of Fly On The Wall group blog postings, hosted by Karen of Baking In A Tornado. Today, there are three of us bravely sharing what's been going on behind closed doors in the month of October. For us, it's been all about birthdays---as much celebrating as one can do during a pandemic. Normally our family would go out to dinner together or take a mini weekend vacation up the coast, but the pandemic had different plans for us this year, so we celebrated at home. Together. And isn't that truly what birthdays are all about--sharing the special day with the ones you love most? 

     My daughter-in-law, my baby granddaughter, and I all share October birthdays, so we've been celebrating pretty much every weekend. But that's not the only reason for our recent celebrations; we have some very exciting news to share: MY SON AND HIS WIFE ANNOUNCED THAT THEY ARE EXPECTING  THEIR FIRST BABY IN MAY!!! This will be my third grandchild and I am over the moon with joy right now!! This is by far the best thing to come out of 2020----news that we have waited so long to hear. 



     Other than writing articles for a few websites here and there, I've spent the past month gutting my closets. Isn't that what everyone is doing during their self-imposed quarantines? I've found stuff in boxes that I have not laid eyes on in 40+ years and oh my.....the things I found. Letters, postcards, jewelry, t-shirts, diaries, photos, comics, stuffed animals, pressed flowers, cassette tapes, buttons, hair clips, old perfume bottles---all remnants of the early '70s and '80s. Seeing this stuff made me feel old as hell but it also reminded me of the good life I've had. Definitely some struggles along the way and plenty of heartbreak, but those rough patches made me who I am today. I have very few regrets, which tells me that despite the mistakes I made, they were meant to be made to get me to this point in my life. I recall my old writing coach in college telling me that I couldn't write well until I had lived.
 
Marcia Circa 1979 (19 years old)

 I've also been delving into my roots via Ancestry.com. My family tree is getting pretty full, and I'm having a lot of fun tracing ancestors all the way back to 1445! In a future blog post, I'll share some of my old family photos dating back to the 1800s, but for now, I'm going to leave you with a few snapshots of our birthday month. 

Grandbaby's #2 Birthday



My granddaughters


Husby found his infant hat



My daughter returning back to school to teach in full PPE



Haven't seen my youngest son in a while because COVID. So we text...a lot. 



My granddaughter pulling me into her selfie.



Precious grandbaby loves her new Frozen dress



Family birthday party on the beach. Am I lucky or what??

***WANT MORE MENO MAMA? My latest article, "Grandparenting During Covid-19: I Gave Up My Social Life For My Family And I Have Zero Regrets" is up on Family Project: https://familystoryproject.org/grandparenting-during-covid-19-i-gave-up-my-social-life-for-my-family-and-have-i-zero-regrets/

 

Click on these links for a peek into some other homes:

 

Baking In A Tornado                  https://www.BakingInATornado.com

Never Ever Give Up Hope             https://batteredhope.blogspot.com







 

Friday, October 9, 2020

4th Annual Symposium: Vibrant Aging At Menopause And Beyond


Sex, brain fog, and the controversy around hormone therapy - let's talk about it! In honor of #WorldMenopauseDay, my friends at The Cusp are hosting a first-of-its-kind virtual symposium addressing the #menopause topics you've always wanted to ask: Vibrant Aging at Menopause & Beyond.

The 4-day virtual event will feature discussions with leading menopause experts to empower you through the complex and often controversial issues of menopause, focusing on 3 key topics: Brain, Sex, and HRT Controversy.


 The Cusp, in collaboration with Advancing Health After Hysterectomy Foundation (AHAH), the Vibrant Aging Symposium has gathered the leading medical and academic professionals in women’s health for this 4-day virtual event. Speakers will present in one of three areas of interest: The Brain, Sex, and HRT Controversies. The lively discussions will guide you through the complex and often controversial issues of menopause, like the ways hormones and sex can drastically alter your midlife experience. The 4th day of the event will be on World Menopause Day and an opportunity for attendees to interact with and ask questions of the speakers in a LIVE virtual setting! The event will be engaging and interactive. This will not be your typical Zoom call! It will take place on a dynamic event platform that will allow for conversations, photobooths, breakout sessions, and fun music. This wonderful event begins on Thursday, October 15th, and culminates on Sunday, October 18th, in celebration of World Menopause Day.


Join us! Limited Early Bird Tickets are now available: Link in comments

http://meet.thecusp.com/symposium

#womenshealth #perimenopause 



Friday, October 2, 2020

The 5 Myths Of Menopause



There's a lot of uncertainty out there about menopause, so today on the blog my guest from The Cusp is going to clarify the five myths pertaining to the "change of life" phase women experience. The Cusp is a telemedicine startup that provides an integrative care model and personalized treatment plans for menopause. 


                  THE 5  MYTHS OF MENOPAUSE


Whether you’re approaching perimenopause or in the thick of it, you’ve probably heard more than a few dire warnings about what to expect during this new life phase. Or maybe you’ve heard absolutely nothing and have no idea what’s in store. Either way, getting the straight scoop will go a long way toward easing your mind and your transition. Let’s take a look at five common myths about menopause, then bust them to smithereens.

Myth #1: Menopause is natural, so just grin and bear it.

This is a sneaky myth-couched-in-a-truth. Yes, menopause is natural. Everyone who is born with a uterus and ovaries will eventually go through menopause. Some of us will hit this milestone organically; some surgically, due to hysterectomy/oophorectomy. But either way, it’s gonna happen. 

That said, you do not have to just grin and bear it any more than you have to grin and bear...a headache. Think about it: you get a headache, naturally, and you immediately find a way to relieve it. Maybe you rehydrate. Or walk away from your computer screen for a while. Or take ibuprofen. Same with the symptoms of menopause. There are multiple ways to relieve them, from natural supplements to lifestyle changes to prescription meds, including hormone therapy (HRT). 

And honestly, you really shouldn’t grin and bear it. As your estrogen levels start to dissipate, your risk for osteoporosis, cardiovascular disease1, and Alzheimer’s disease2, go up. And some of the symptoms of menopause—weight gain, sleep loss, insulin resistance, depression—can increase your risk for Type 2 Diabetes3. So there are both immediate and long-term health benefits to treating your menopause symptoms.

This grin-and-bear-it myth probably exists because historically, people haven’t talked about menopause. Because it’s linked to sexual health, some women are uncomfortable sharing their experiences, even with other women. And we’ll say it: because only women go through menopause, it hasn’t received the attention it deserves from our male-dominated medical and scientific communities. This becomes glaringly obvious when you consider that 80% of OB/GYNs receive no menopause training during residency4. That’s right. Medical schools aren’t even talking about it! No wonder there’s a shortage of information and a plethora of misinformation out there. To that end, when you’re finished reading this article, please share it!

Myth #2: Menopause is all about hot flashes and mood swings.

These are two of the most common symptoms of menopause, along with weight gain around the belly and sleep troubles. They often kick in during perimenopause, which usually starts in a woman’s early- to mid-40s. And they can continue for years after you log your last period. But there are more than 20 symptoms associated with menopause. And your particular “cocktail” of symptoms may be quite different than your friends’ or your sisters’. It can also change as you progress through your transition. 

Changing hormones and symptoms mean that “treating” menopause tends not to be a one-and-done situation. It’s a process that should evolve with your experience. A treatment that works for hot flashes and night sweats at first, may lose its effects over time. Or you may start experiencing new symptoms like vaginal dryness or urinary incontinence or dry skin. In these cases, a doctor with menopause expertise can fold new treatments into your care plan to keep you feeling your best.

Myth #3: Hormone Therapy (HRT) is Dangerous.

We could write an entire article debunking this myth. In fact, we have. A few times. Here’s the Reader’s Digest version:

In the early ‘00s, HRT got a bad rap due to the media’s skewed reporting on the results of a massive hormone study called The Women’s Health Initiative (WHI)5. The reports claimed HRT puts women at risk for breast cancer and stroke. And because of this negative press, many women—and most doctors—decided the risks of HRT outweighed the benefits of managing symptoms of menopause. 

But a closer look at the data has revealed the risks are quite different depending on a woman’s age, the form of HRT she takes, and when she starts treatment. Women under 60 who took estrogen alone showed a lower risk of heart disease6. And follow-up7 studies8 are showing that these women have a significantly reduced risk of breast cancer (23% less) and an even lower risk of mortality due to breast cancer (44% less). Not even interventions explicitly designed to treat breast cancer have that kind of impact on mortality rates.

Now, the only women who can take estrogen-only HRT are those who no longer have a uterus. Women who still have their uterus need to take estrogen+progesterone, to protect their uterus from endometrial cancer. These women, when under 60, showed a slightly higher risk9 of heart disease (2.5 women per 1000). And women taking estrogen+progesterone for 5 years showed a slightly higher risk10 of breast cancer (3 cases per 1000). This may be related to the forms of estrogen and progesterone used during the study. In 2018, the FDA approved a bioidentical hormone therapy combination of estradiol (estrogen) and progesterone. But it’s still unknown if this form mitigates those risks. Neither estrogen-only nor estrogen+progesterone HRT is associated with an increased risk of all-cause mortality.11

The upshot of all this is that for women under 60, with no history of breast cancer or stroke, the benefits of HRT tend to outweigh the risks. To understand if HRT is right for you, it’s best to speak with a doctor who has menopause expertise and is well-versed in the art and science of HRT dosing. 

Myth #4: Your sex drive disappears forever.

“The biggest surprise to me is that I want sex even more than I did a few years ago,” says Dianne, 47. “I thought it would be just the opposite.”  

It is totally normal for a woman’s sex drive to change during the menopause transition. But 1) it’s not a given that yours will, 2) if yours does, there are ways to get it back, and 3) you may not miss it. Let’s dig into that first comforting statement.

During perimenopause, your hormone levels fluctuate wildly. So you may have months marked by less (or no) interest in sex, and months when you feel like a sex goddess. Once you reach menopause (the one-year anniversary of your last period) your hormone levels will bottom out and you may feel a more consistent lack of libido. But not to worry! Remember comforting statement #2? 

Some of the reasons why women lose interest in sex during this transition have to do with the fact that sex stops feeling good. Your dwindling hormones can bring about changes in your nether regions (vaginal dryness, vaginal prolapse) that make sex downright painful. Once women receive treatments for these issues, they often regain their desire for sex.

And then there’s comforting statement #3. “I’ve been single for a while and have a feeling that in the long run, my libido was more of a hindrance than a help (hello, bad judgment calls). So I am completely comfortable with this state of affairs,” says Kristy, 56. 

Indeed, since when is a woman’s libido a measure of her happiness? If you lose yours and your life is better for it, more power to ya!

Myth #5: You’ll lose your femininity. 

Okay first, what is “femininity” anyway? It’s not a measure of our femaleness. Our bodies and brains decide that. Femininity is a social construct used to describe “attributes, behaviors, and roles associated with women and girls.” Last we checked, those of us who identify as women are still women once we stop menstruating. So our current “attributes, behaviors, and roles” must be counted as feminine. In fact, this is the time that we tend to become the most distilled, true expressions of the women that we are. 

Femininity goes far beyond the girly, coquettish, reproductive phases of our lives. Indeed, the power of our femininity seems to take a consistently upward trajectory as we age. As far as we’re concerned, by the time we hit menopause, we achieve SuperFeminine status; strong, wise, beautiful, and confident. 

Let’s keep talking about menopause, sharing our experiences, and busting the myths until everyone knows what to expect and how to navigate it. This phase of our lives absolutely does not have to be mysterious. And no one has to go through it alone. 

Sources

1. Sherman S. Defining the menopausal transition. Am J Med. 2005;118 Suppl 12B: 3–7. doi:10.1016/j.amjmed.2005.11.002

2. Mosconi L, Rahman A, Diaz I, Wu X, Scheyer O, Hristov HW, et al. Increased Alzheimer’s risk during the menopause transition: A 3-year longitudinal brain imaging study. PLoS One. 2018;13: e0207885. doi:10.1371/journal.pone.0207885

3. Kim C. Does Menopause Increase Diabetes Risk? Strategies for Diabetes Prevention in Midlife Women. Women’s Health. 2012. pp. 155–167. doi:10.2217/whe.11.95

4. Wolff J, Wolff J. Doctors Don’t Know How to Treat Menopause Symptoms. 2018 [cited 13 Aug 2020]. Available: Doctors Don't Know How to Treat Menopause Symptoms

5. Design of the Women’s Health Initiative clinical trial and observational study. The Women's Health Initiative Study Group. Control Clin Trials. 1998;19: 61–109. doi:10.1016/s0197-2456(97)00078-0

6. Manson JE, Hsia J, Johnson KC, Rossouw JE, Assaf AR, Lasser NL, et al. Estrogen plus progestin and the risk of coronary heart disease. N Engl J Med. 2003;349: 523–534. doi:10.1056/NEJMoa030808

7. Ragaz J, Qian H, Wong H, Wilson KS, Shakeraneh S, Spinelli JJ. Abstract P6-13-04: Estrogen-alone based hormone replacement therapy (HRT) reduces breast cancer (BrCa) incidence and mortality whereas estrogen plus progestin Provera based HRT increases both BrCa incidence and BrCa mortality: A comparative analysis of Women’s Health Initiative trials. Poster Session Abstracts. 2019. doi:10.1158/1538-7445.sabcs18-p6-13-04

8. Chlebowski RT, Anderson GL, Aragaki AK, Manson JE, Stefanick ML, Pan K, et al. Association of Menopausal Hormone Therapy With Breast Cancer Incidence and Mortality During Long-term Follow-up of the Women’s Health Initiative Randomized Clinical Trials. JAMA. 2020;324: 369–380. doi:10.1001/jama.2020.9482

9. Anderson GL, Limacher M, Assaf AR, Bassford T, Beresford SAA, Black H, et al. Effects of conjugated equine estrogen in postmenopausal women with hysterectomy: the Women’s Health Initiative randomized controlled trial. JAMA. 2004;291: 1701–1712. doi:10.1001/jama.291.14.1701

10. Manson JE, Chlebowski RT, Stefanick ML, Aragaki AK, Rossouw JE, Prentice RL, et al. Menopausal hormone therapy and health outcomes during the intervention and extended poststopping phases of the Women’s Health Initiative randomized trials. JAMA. 2013;310: 1353–1368. doi:10.1001/jama.2013.278040

11. Manson JE, Aragaki AK, Rossouw JE, Anderson GL, Prentice RL, LaCroix AZ, et al. Menopausal Hormone Therapy and Long-term All-Cause and Cause-Specific Mortality: The Women’s Health Initiative Randomized Trials. JAMA. 2017;318: 927–938. doi:10.1001/jama.2017.11217


Friday, September 18, 2020

Fly On The Wall Going Stir Crazy


     Welcome to another edition of Fly On The Wall group postings hosted by Karen of Baking In A Tornado. Today there are three of us inviting you into our homes for a look at what goes on behind closed doors. It has been another quiet month for us---visiting family only. Hey, I love my family more than anything, but man-oh-man am I going stir crazy! I dream of dining out, taking road trips, meeting up with friends for drinks, even going to the GYM, for God's sake (this is how you know I'm getting desperate). I'm hanging on as long as I can but by next month, I just might start venturing out into the world again as local businesses move into Phase II operations.

Sadly, the fly on the wall at our house has not overheard many interesting conversations lately (because BORING) but he has heard his share of TV shows on Netflix. And Hulu. And HBO. And....yeah, don't get me started on my exciting couch life. My refrigerator is also very bad at keeping secrets, hence my desperation to get back to the gym.

Shots.....and beer pong.....

So what do we do to keep busy other than watching marathon hours of televisions shows? We eat, we play too many rounds of beer pong and card games like, "What Do You Meme" and we dance ( a LOT). Then we eat again. Oh, and sleep. That's a big deal around here. So, not many convos to share this month but plenty of pics from the couch life:



We like to eat......






Hanging with family really is pretty awesome. Maybe by next month we can still hang, but please, at a restaurant or something, okay???

***WANT MORE MENO MAMA? I have a treat for you! I had my first venture into satire with a new piece published on GREENER PASTURES and I have to tell you I had a BLAST writing it! Check out WHEN YOUR NEXT DOOR APP IS TAKEN OVER BY A CHUPACABRA  and let me know what you think!

Click on these links for a peek into some other homes:

Baking In A Tornado                  https://www.BakingInATornado.com
Never Ever Give Up Hope             https://batteredhope.blogspot.com
Menopausal Mother                  http://www.menopausalmom.com/



Wednesday, September 2, 2020

Menopause During A Pandemic: Guest Post By Angela Verges

Today on the blog, I'm welcoming back Angela Verges,(you can read her first guest post HERE) author of Menopause Ain't No Joke. She is sharing her experiences with menopause (along with some tips on handling it) and a funny story about a little incident that occurred during a recent road trip. I love reading Angela's stories because being a menopausal mama myself, I can relate to many of her experiences, and I'm sure you will, too. Enjoy!


Menopause during a pandemic

Once upon a time, a woman turned 51 years old. Then along came menopause and she lived happily ever after…not exactly. In the Wizard of Oz, Dorothy chanted about lions, tigers, and bears along the yellow brick road. In the midst of our current pandemic and menopause, there are hot flashes, weight gain, and emotions, oh my.
Menopause during a pandemic can have you feeling like the Wizard of Oz Scarecrow (no brain). I’ve been in a gazillion virtual meetings. I’m that person who waves to someone’s kids in the background, watch the antics of their pets, or wonder about the content of the books on their bookshelves. Once, or twice I have fallen asleep during a Zoom meeting.
I blame menopause for all my virtual mishaps. It’s the brain fog that clouds my path to staying focused. One thing that helps me through this mixture of menopause and a pandemic is exercise. I read somewhere that exercise can sharpen your thinking. So, there you go, exercise may be a benefit if you’re experiencing brain fog. Don’t be surprised if your body doesn’t go along with your plan; Sometimes the best-laid plans go awry.
Leave it to my menopausal body to turn against me and do its’ own thing. Determined to stick to a fitness regimen during a quarantine, I worked out five times a week at home. I didn’t lose any weight, but I maintained it. Once the quarantine ended and I returned to work…I gained four pounds. I stepped on and off the scale three times, thinking that maybe I needed to take the average of the three weights. I was confused. My body was confused.
As though brain fog wasn’t enough, a road trip to take my son back to college had me perplexed along the way. We took so many bathroom breaks, you would have thought I had the bladder of a hamster. One place we stopped to use the restroom had a sign on the locked door that yelled at me.
PLEASE SEE CASHIER FOR KEYS TO RESTROOM!!!


I walked back to the counter to ask for a key, The cashier handed me the key, zip-tied to an 18-inch nightstick, or maybe it was a plunger handle. All I could think was, did she give me this for protection? Should I anticipate an altercation on my short walk from the counter to the bathroom?
At that moment I would rather have been on the yellow brick road with Dorothy and her friends chanting – lions and tigers and bears, oh my.
If I had to identify three ways to cope with menopause during a pandemic, this is what I would say:
  1. Laugh at yourself
  2. Shave every few days (your mustache, sideburns, and chin hairs)
  3. Don’t sweat the small stuff (well, you may sweat, but it will pass)

You can have a happily ever after…menopause. You just must roll with the punches.


Bio
Angela is an award-winning humorist (in training, waiting to be discovered). She has shared humor through blogging and stand up comedy at women’s retreats, luncheons, and her book, Menopause Ain’t No Joke. Her adult sons believe they should be paid because they are the foundation of her humor. Angela encourages the use of humor to relieve stress, one laugh at a time. You can buy her book HERE.
You can follow Angela on social media
Website www.angelaverges.com
Twitter @angelaverges
Facebook angela.verges
YouTube Angela Verges




Thursday, August 27, 2020

Guest Author Britta Johanna: That One Green Tile

If you have young children or grandchildren, I have the perfect book for you! Author Britta Johanna is on the blog today to share the news that her children's book, That One Green Tile, has been published and is ready for purchase! The timing of the book is perfect since many of us feel we are living in a divided world that needs unity. Below, you will find a brief synopsis of Britta's book and the links to buy the book for your children!




 MONTRÉAL, Québec – August 2020 - Imagine there is someone out there in the world who looks exactly like you. When author/illustrator Britta Johanna was young, her mother presented this scenario to her. This curiosity eventually became the inspiration for That One Green Tile which is a rhyming, melodic children’s picture where the main character is propelled into a journey of the imagination. The book holds a powerful message in today’s world about unity and diversity. It is currently available through Friesen Press, Ingram Wholesale --- Amazon, Barnes & Noble, plus 40,000+ retailers, libraries, and distributers worldwide---as well as electronic distribution channels.

In her mind, the little girl visits locales from Spain to Japan, visualizing this other person in her familiar surroundings and asking the most musing questions. At the end of the story, readers are reminded that for all of our similarities, each one is unique. And for all our differences, we share the same sky.
Britta Johanna is a creative professional, mother, and grandmother originally from Olympia, Washington, U.S. and currently living a life of plenty in Montréal, Québec, Canada. She possesses degrees in Art as well as Education and holds a master’s degree in Museums and Galleries. She was a children’s educator for ten years and has experience working in the visual arts which has placed her in many eclectic roles. Presently, she is completing her next book entitled Whether It’s Dark or It’s Light which explores dreams manifested into reality. 

“My sensitive nature comes through in my words and in my illustrations throughout That One Green Tile offering the reader an uplifting, emotive experience.” –Britta Johanna
For book signings, interviews, or other events contact Britta at: brittasdolcevita@gmail.com 514-826-8541 
www.brittajocreative.com 

Official Book Review from Dakota Love, Reedsy: “Loved it!” “….gorgeously hand-illustrated…,” “…the love that went into the story resonates with every turn of the page.” 
Full review - https://reedsy.com/discovery/book/that-one-green-tile-britta-johanna 
Book Teaser: https://youtu.be/hCGQuclo764 
Ingram Friesen Press 
Hard Cover: ISBN 978-1-5255-6990-6 $20.99 USD $17.99 USD 
Paperback: ISBN 978-1-5255-6991-3 $12.99 USD $10.99 USD 
Electronic ISBN 978-1-5255-6992-0 $3.99 USD 
Channels: Friesen Press, Kindle, iTunes, Google, Nook, Kobo

AUTHOR BIO: 


 Britta Johanna is a children’s book author and illustrator, yet she certainly does not limit herself to those titles in the creative world. Born in Olympia, Washington, United States, Britta began writing children’s books during her first year of teaching after having enrolled in a soul-capturing children’s literature class at university. In fact, That One Green Tile was written twenty years ago, yet the impact that the words have in our present global experience will ring loudly for our human family.

In 2018, Britta was lured to the exciting cultural center of Montréal, Québec to seek inspiration and a spark in the beautiful country of Canada where her daughters and grandson reside. This empowering journey led her to renew her sense of self and create a life of following her passion of poetry and art in children’s books.

The stories that she writes deliver an eloquent rhyming cadence complemented with her ethereal handcrafted paper collages of stunning colors and textures to depict scenes that emote a sense of wonder. She possesses degrees in Art as well as Education and holds a master’s degree in Museums and Galleries. She served as a children’s educator for more than ten years and also exhibited her art on the West and East Coasts of the United States. More than anything, she just likes to play.

Britta spends her time between Seattle, Washington, U.S. and Montréal, Québec, Canada.

SOCIA MEDIA LINKS: 



Friday, August 21, 2020

Fly On The Wall With An Achy Old Man

Welcome to another edition of Fly On The Wall group postings hosted by Karen of Baking In A Tornado. Today, three of us are inviting you into our homes for a sneak peek at what goes on behind closed doors.

Like many people during this pandemic, I feel as if I have aged ten years. I get easily fatigued during the day and often struggle to get things done around the house. Mostly it's from boredom. I miss going to the gym, socializing with my girlfriends, and going out to dinner. My husband also complains about aging (but he has been doing this long before COVID-19 struck). He claims that doing even the simplest activities brings on achy muscles for days afterward. I'm not sure if this is just his way of getting out of mowing the lawn or trimming our trees. Either way, I don't mind his excuses anymore. After all, I'm the one sitting in the cool A/C who has adopted the lifestyle of a sloth. I keep promising him that I'll get out in the 95-degree temps to help with the weeding, but then I get distracted by a piece of chocolate cake and a good book and....well, you know the rest. Just living my best sloth life.

But I really DO listen to my husband when he complains, and I take those complaints seriously... sometimes...



"My knee is killing me today. I think I twisted it while pressure cleaning the deck."
"What's the number for that knee surgeon? I need to get you an appointment for the knee replacement we've been talking about."
"Oh, did I say knee? No, I meant that my finger hurts. Just my finger. I don't need surgery."

"I'm too old to crouch down. If there's something on the lowest grocery store shelf, I'm not going for it."
"Oh, so that's why you come home from the store and tell me they were out of my favorite crackers."

"The doctor mentioned 'hyper-gonads'. Hell, I don't even know where my gonads are anymore."
"If you can't bend down to see what's on the grocery shelf, then you're definitely too old to bend down to search for your missing man-parts."


"I've had a headache every single day this week."
"What's the number for that neurologist? You need an MRI. It might be a brain tumor."
"Did I say headache? No, I meant that my earlobe is sore. Just my earlobe. I don't need an MRI."

"That's a LOT of vegetables for dinner. If I eat all of those, I'll go into a food coma and turn into a vegetable."
"Yep, just like the ones at the back of the veggie drawer in the fridge---shriveled up and decayed."

"AARP sent me a reminder notice to renew my membership."
"No, that was a notice to remind you that you're still an old fart."

                           PHOTO: Courtesy of Mommy Needs Vodka

"I think I've misplaced my metabolism. Have you seen it?"
"No, but if we search together, maybe we'll find mine, too."

"Honey, you're still handsome. You could be an underwear model."
"More like Depend undergarments for men model...."


"My back hurts so bad today. I think it's from bending over to paint the pavers."
"What's the number for that back surgeon? You probably need disc replacement surgery."
"Did I say back? Noooo, I meant that I stubbed my toe on the pavers and it hurts now. Just the toe. I don't need spinal surgery."


I think I've finally found the solution to whatever ails my husband. And it didn't cost me a dime.


Check out these other bloggers for a peek into their homes:

Baking In A Tornado                  https://www.BakingInATornado.com
Never Ever Give Up Hope             https://batteredhope.blogspot.com

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