As always at my house, the fly is left scratching his head over the oddball comments he hears on a daily basis here. But then again anyone who enters my home ought to know by now what to expect, and normalcy is never in the menu......
"I'm giving you the delicate nose hair trimmer designed for ladies. I'm taking the man's trimmer that uses a chain saw to cut the log hairs out of my nose."
"The dog jumped so hard on my stomach, I think he pushed my diaphragm up into my throat."
"I get tired of going to the Renaissance Festival every weekend. It's the same old stuff every time....comedy acts, turkey legs, and knights jousting in the arena. They need to add something unique to next year's faire....like manatee jousting on the lake...
"Don't bother your dad today. He's in one if his moods."
"In other words, he's a Hallmark card just waiting to happen."
"How come the grass at the funeral home is growing so much better than ours?"
"They have an endless supply of natural fertilizer."
"You can use that flowery spray in the bathroom all you want to cover up the smell, but you're not fooling anyone with the scent of Poop De Fleurs."
"We need a security code just to break into her box of Godiva chocolates."
"Who are you talking to?"
"I'm giving it a pep talk----brace yourself, liver. The weekend festivities are upon us."
"The kids taught me how to "dab." Now I can look cool."
"No, you look like you're having a seizure. Stop it."
"We should refer to our new puppy as an Oscar Meyer pug."
"He looks like a roaming, fat sausage on short little legs."
"I like Mom better when she's eating fattening food and drinking wine. This new mom who refuses to cheat on her diet is always HANGRY."
"Being a good dog owner means knowing how to open a cheese stick wrapper without making any noise."
"I love sitting in the hot tub with you, but could you please stop sticking your bare belly out above the water and yelling 'BEACHED WHALE ALERT' ?"
***WANT MORE MENO MAMA? This week I'm on BLUNT MOMS dishing up on the "change of Life." Happy to have my post on a husband's perspective of menopause up today on BLU http://www.bluntmoms.com/husbands-perspective-eight-ways-menopause-changed-wife/
Please click on these links for a peek into some other homes:
Baking In A Tornado http://www.BakingInATornado.co m
Menopausal Mother http://www.menopausalmom.com/
Searching for Sanity http://singlemumplusone.blogsp ot.com
Eileen’s Perpetually Busy http://eileensperpetuallybusy. blogspot.com/
Go Mama O http://www.gomamao.com
Spatulas on Parade http://spatulasonparade.blogsp ot.com/
Never Ever Give Up Hope http://batteredhope.blogspot.c om
Dinosaur Superhero Mommy http://dinoheromommy.com/
When I Grow Up http://kimberlyyavorski.com/ whenigrowup/