Friday, February 21, 2020

Fly On The Wall: All-Time Favorite Remarks (Part Three)

Welcome to another edition of Fly On The Wall group postings, hosted by Karen of Baking In A Tornado. Today, four bloggers are welcoming you into their homes for a sneak peek at what goes on behind closed doors.

Every now and then I enjoy looking back on past Fly On The Wall posts and reading some of the funnier comments made by family members. Today, I'm sharing my favorites from 2016 (with the startling realization that not much has changed around here in four years---my family is still nuts).

HUBS: "My legs and knees are so sore and stiff from driving in this car for five hours, I can barely stand. It's a good thing no one is trying to rob us at gunpoint right now because I wouldn't be able to run. I'd just hand over my wallet and tell them they're welcome."

SON: (attempting to iron his shirt) "Who the heck put the iron setting on wool, for god sake?"
HUBS: "I did. I ironed sheep yesterday."

INSURANCE SALES REP: (on the phone with my husband): "Mr. Doyle, I'll need you to sign the insurance documents we sent to you, then scan and email them back to me. You do know how to do this, right?"
HUBS: "Are you kidding me? My wife and I are so old, we still use Wells Fargo to deliver everything by horse."

HUBS: "For us, the saying 'Ride or Die' is the equivalent of sitting in a motorized wheelchair and pretending we're Peter Fonda reliving his role in Easy Rider."

HUBS: "Isn't it cool to think we're staying at a hotel on Aviles street---the oldest street built in the U.S.?"
ME: "As old as you are today, I would think you'd recall watching them build it."

HUBS: "You carry enough cheese sticks in your purse to open your own dairy farm."

ME: "There's some leftover steak in the fridge if you're hungry."
HUBS: "No thanks. I still have a couple of hooves in me from last night's dinner."

ME: "Look at that giant harvest moon!"
SON: "What is it harvesting?"
ME: "Your brain cells."
HUBS: "That will be a small harvest...."

HUBS: "You know you're old when you have to drive with a knee brace on."

ME: "Why are you breathing so heavy?"
HUBS: "I'm practicing Lamaze for when I give birth to my holiday food baby. "

SON: "The hot dogs have gone rogue. They abandoned their packaging and fell down into a bin at the bottom of the fridge."
HUBS: "Yeah, I know about that bin---our refrigerator is an official wiener collector. "

ME: "Why do you take a nap on the couch an hour or two before going to bed at night?"
HUBS: "It's a part of my 'Pre-Sleep' ritual."

HUBS: "I ate too much of that Cuban picadillo tonight. I'm crop-dusting beans and rice everywhere I walk. "

ME TO MY DAUGHTER: "Of course I won't tell anyone what happened. I understand the girl's code of silence."
HUBS: "Since when do girls know how to keep silent?"

My husband just might be right about that. After all, nothing is too sacred when it comes to these Fly On The Wall posts....

****WANT MORE MENO MAMA? You can find my latest work for CONSIDERABLE here: https://www.considerable.com/contributor/marcia-kester-doyle/

Buzz around, see what you think, then click on these links for a peek into some other homes:

Baking In A Tornado https://www.BakingInATornado.com

Never Ever Give Up Hope https://batteredhope.blogspot.com

Menopausal Mother http://www.menopausalmom.com/

Spatulas on Parade https://spatulasonparade.blogspot.com

Friday, February 14, 2020

12 Valentine's Day Gifts That Are Worse Than A Bowel Resection

Ahhh yes, it's Valentine's Day---the most dreaded day of the year for the majority of the male population. No one needs a GPS to find their man after work on this particular holiday. They're lined up at the drugstore card counter, sweaty palms leafing through pink and red cards on the stands. Turn down the next aisle and you'll find them grabbing heart-shaped boxes filled with chocolates off the shelf. If they're lucky, they might even find a few rose bouquets left in the cooler near the checkout counter. Nothing says "You're The Love Of My Life," than a last-minute discount gift from a drugstore.

But there are gifts that are far worse.....and if your significant other gives you any of the following items, you have my condolences on Valentine's day......

1. A BOGO sale on pre-approved cemetery plots

2. Edible beef jerky underwear.

3. Milk chocolates made from molds of your lover's unmentionables.

4. His ex-girlfriend's favorite cologne, White Shoulders.

5. Novelty toilet paper with your boyfriend's image printed on each sheet (nothing says LOVE like wiping your backside with your man's face).

6. Sparkling rose wine bottled in the basement of his cousin's home in Asbury Park, NJ.

7. Paper roses made from recycled buffalo dung.

8. Jenny Craig lifetime membership.

9. A pregnant hamster.

10. Twelve wilted roses bought from a shady- looking guy who approached your car window when you were stopped at a red light.

11. Nose hair trimmer, bikini wax kit, and his & her tongue scraper set.

12. A sensor-activated Build-A-Bear with a continual song loop of "Every Breath You Take."

Here's to hoping you have a very NORMAL Valentine's Day with a cheesy, sentimental card and a box of cream-filled chocolates to celebrate love. Cheers!

***WANT MORE MENO MAMA? Check out my weekly contributions to CONSIDERABLE, the website where I'm a regular content creator now. (LOVE MY JOB!!) You can find my work here: https://www.considerable.com/contributor/marcia-kester-doyle/

Wednesday, February 5, 2020

Hair Loss Treatment For Women: Hairmax laser

Ever since I hit menopause ten years ago, I've noticed hair loss around my temples. When I pull my hair back into a ponytail, the spots are more obvious and a bit embarrassing. I love that I now have a reliable option to grow some of that hair back through laser treatments because I plan on rocking a ponytail for many years to come! Check out the HairMax company info below if you'd like to have healthier, thicker hair.

HAIR LOSS TREATMENT FOR WOMEN: HAIRMAX LASER

There is not a single topic that garners a bigger readership than articles on hair; hairstyles, hair color, hair treatments, you get the drift. Women care about their hair. It’s not called our “crowning glory” for nothing. Sadly, our hair ages right along with our bodies. Although stress, diet, nutrition, and illness contribute to hair loss, for most of us, hair loss is triggered by the onset of menopause.

The transition to menopause is a time of reflection and changes some positive and some negative. We may feel a sense of freedom and find it a time of personal growth. “The Change”, also brings changes to our bodies, both internally and externally, and unfortunately, it also produces changes to our hair. We see more of our once crowning glory in our brushes and shower floors than on our heads.

Hair loss during menopause is the result of a hormonal imbalance related to a lowered production of estrogen and progesterone. When these levels drop, it causes hair to grow more slowly, and as the follicles shrink, the hair grows in much thinner. This type of hair loss is typically called female pattern hair loss, hereditary hair loss and medically known as Androgenetic alopecia.

This image shows how the hair follicles shrink or miniaturize; the hair that was once thick and healthy starts to slowly grow in weaker, shorter and wispy.

Until recently, thinning, lifeless hair was just an accepted product of aging. No more. Let us introduce you to HairMax, a superior hair loss treatment. It is now possible to reverse thinning hair and enjoy denser, fuller, hair growth – so when you look in the mirror, you’ll love seeing a more youthful person looking back at you with a beautiful head of hair!

What is HairMax and how does it bring back your hair? HairMax pioneered at-home laser technology for hair loss treatment and is the global leader in the field. HairMax Laser devices are FDA Cleared for men and women, and clinically proven to treat hair loss and regrow hair and recommended by doctors worldwide.

HairMax Lasers utilize nourishing laser light to energize and enliven your follicles where thinning hair starts, at the root! Regular use of HairMax reverses thinning, wispy hair and helps it to start growing back thicker, fuller and healthier. Unlike so many other products you may have tried, this is a hair loss treatment that actually works.

Use a HairMax Laser Device just 3 days a week for a few minutes and give your follicles the boost they need to produce healthier fuller, thicker hair. HairMax not only nurtures new hair growth, it can also help prevent further hair loss by keeping your hair follicles healthy and active. That can mean a lifetime of healthy, fuller hair – All from a simple hair loss treatment you can do from the comfort of your couch.

Think hair loss treatments take too much time & effort? Think again. You can use HairMax wherever, and whenever you want – at home or on the go. Our laser devices are designed for easy storage, and can be used while you’re:

Watching TV
Reading
Answering emails
Putting on your makeup

Or, just about anywhere. At any time.

You may not be able to stop Father Time or Mother Nature. But you can stop it from making you look older than you are. A HairMax laser can be your secret to a fuller, healthier head of hair that’ll make you look and feel great at any age.

Visit www.HairMax.com for special offers

By: Francesca Dubsky

HairMax Company Bio:

Based in Florida, HairMax is the global leader in laser hair growth technology. HairMax laser devices are the first device on the market to receive FDA Clearance as a medical device to treat hair loss and stimulate hair growth. Dedicated to enriching the lives of those suffering from hair loss, HairMax provides a comprehensive array of treatments including FDA Cleared and clinically proven laser hair growth devices, Bio-Active Hair Therapy, Dietary Supplements and more.

HairMax laser devices have been the subject of 7 clinical studies proving both efficacy and safety with an over 90% success rate. Today, HairMax laser devices hold 8 FDA clearances and 14 medical device licenses world-wide. Sold in over 170 countries, HairMax is the trusted choice of 1.7+ million men and women to treat hair loss and stimulate hair growth.

Link:

https://hairmax.com/

Menopausal Mother

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