Menopausal Mother

     Ahhh yes, it's Valentine's Day---the most dreaded day of the year for the majority of the male population. No one needs a GPS to find their man after work on this particular holiday. They're lined up at the drugstore card counter, sweaty palms leafing through pink and red cards on the stands. Turn down the next aisle and you'll find them grabbing heart-shaped boxes filled with chocolates off the shelf. If they're lucky, they might even find a few rose bouquets left in the cooler near the checkout counter. Nothing says "You're The Love Of My Life," than a last-minute discount gift from a drugstore.

     But there are gifts that are far worse.....and if your significant other gives you any of the following items, you have my condolences on Valentine's day......


1. A BOGO sale on pre-approved cemetery plots

2. Edible beef jerky underwear.

3. Milk chocolates made from molds of your lover's unmentionables.

4. His ex-girlfriend's favorite cologne, White Shoulders.

5. Novelty toilet paper with your boyfriend's image printed on each sheet (nothing says LOVE like wiping your backside with your man's face).
6. Sparkling rose wine bottled in the basement of his cousin's home in Asbury Park, NJ.

7. Paper roses made from recycled buffalo dung.

8. Jenny Craig lifetime membership.


9. A pregnant hamster.

10. Twelve wilted roses bought from a shady- looking guy who approached your car window when you were stopped at a red light.

11. Nose hair trimmer, bikini wax kit, and his & her tongue scraper set.
12. A sensor-activated Build-A-Bear with a continual song loop of "Every Breath You Take."

     Here's to hoping you have a very NORMAL Valentine's Day with a cheesy, sentimental card and a box of cream-filled chocolates to celebrate love. Cheers!


***WANT MORE MENO MAMA? Check out my weekly contributions to CONSIDERABLE, the website where I'm a regular content creator now. (LOVE MY JOB!!) You can find my work  here: https://www.considerable.com/contributor/marcia-kester-doyle/