Friday, June 19, 2020

Fly On The Wall During The June Emergence

Welcome to another edition of Fly On The Wall group blog postings, hosted by Karen of Baking In A Tornado. Today, four bloggers are bravely inviting you into their homes for a sneak peek at what goes on behind closed doors.

At our house, life is slowly getting back to normal. We are emerging hesitantly from the quarantine and into the outside world. I'm feeling a bit like one of the Morlocks from H.G. Wells' movie "The Time Machine" ( and I probably look like one, too!). The lifting of lockdown restrictions in my area has meant more time spent with my adult kids and grandkids, which has been awesome. We were able to celebrate my daughter's 31st birthday after a quick stop at the cemetery to take flowers to her twin brother (you can read Jason's story that was published last year in The New York Times HERE). She and her fiance just moved into a house and lucky for us, it is nearby, plus it has a pool! Yay!

The not-so-great thing that happened earlier this month was that my youngest pug became very ill out of the blue and needed emergency lung surgery. He had an extremely rare condition but it was fixable through surgery, so of course, we did whatever possible to save our fur baby's life (Yoda is only three). I'm happy to report that he is now doing GREAT, running around, and playing with his other puggy siblings. Life is good!

As for the fly on the wall, he has overheard a few interesting snippets of humor around our house this month:

"By my calculations, I expect I'll be giving birth in December to my pandemic food baby."
"Lucky you. My COVID-19 food baby is already full-term."

"This coffee went right through me. I need to go to the bathroom ASAP."
"Me too!"
"That's how you can tell we've been married a long time---our bowels are in sync."

"Our water bill has gotten ridiculously high. Maybe we should only shower once a week to lower cost!"
"That would most definitely enforce social distancing."

"I was once young and virile."
"Now you're just old and sterile."

"You give me such large portions at mealtime that I'm afraid I'm going to get a hernia carrying my dinner plate."

"Aren't you going to stay and watch Good Morning America's 'Play Of The Day' segment?"
"No, because Mother Nature is calling and I need to go do my poop of the day."

"Hey Mom, can I borrow your air mattress? I think it's in your closet."
"I doubt that I can find it. There could be another family living in that closet and I wouldn't even know it."

     And....that's a wrap! See you next month with all of the other Morlocks!

Buzz around, see what you think, then click on these links for a peek into some other homes:

Baking In A Tornado        
Never Ever Give Up Hope   
Menopausal Mother         
Spatulas on Parade            

Wednesday, June 17, 2020

Guest Novelist Heather Wardell: The Menopause Support Group

     Today on the blog I'm sharing something new and fun---a sneak peek at author Heather Wardell's upcoming novel, The Menopause Support Group." A brief summary of the book: Three very different women (cancer survivor Emily, career-obsessed Michelle, and busybody Brenda) and their fellow menopause support group members work through career crises, marriage disasters, and the world's worst birthday celebration as they learn together what it means to be a woman in menopause and beyond.

     I am completely intrigued by Heather's novel and can't wait to read it. The book will be released on June 30th, so be sure and grab a copy (links for ordering are below). Here's a sample from one of the book chapters to further convince you. Enjoy!

                           THE MENOPAUSE SUPPORT GROUP

Maria leads me to the circle of chairs, where I end up sitting next to her as she introduces me to the group then says, "Michelle, what's your story? As much or as little as you want to tell us."
"I'm... I'm thirty-nine," I say, "and I think I've been in menopause for about half a year now. I get on average seventeen hot flashes a day, I track them, and—"
"That's good," Brenda puts in, "it'll help you figure out what causes them. I track mine too, and—"
"Yes, thank you, Brenda," Maria says firmly. "Michelle's speaking."
Brenda mumbles something and I say over her, "I don't have any kids, and... well, I'm not sure I'm happy with that." Understatement, but enough for this group. "And that's about it."
Everyone murmurs some version of "Nice to meet you," and Maria says it more clearly then adds, "And you've picked a good week to start, as today's topic is hot flashes. This week we have an official topic, next week we'll just talk about whatever interests the group, and so on back and forth. As we always do when it's a topic week, I'll present some information from the doctors and then we'll discuss it and give our own tips and tricks. So..."
She picks up a binder from the floor beside her and begins. She doesn't just read it, which is great because that annoys me, but looks back regularly to keep herself on topic.
"Hot flashes are the most common symptom of menopause, affecting three out of every four people going through it. They're caused by a lack of estrogen, which in turn is caused by the ovaries shutting down or beginning to shut down. It's thought that the body's temperature regulation uses estrogen to some extent, and so without it the body thinks you're in hot conditions and so acts accordingly. With the symptoms we know. Which are?"
"Red face."
"Red chest."
"Red everything."
Everyone looks at Lisa who laughs. "I figure the red hair and lipstick distract the eye from the red skin and the sweat. Worth a shot, right?"
Maria smiles and nods as several more symptoms are thrown out, all of which I have during my flashes.
"It's the racing heart I find really difficult," I say, surprised I want to be involved right away. "Makes me feel like I'm panicking."
Maria nods and so do several of the others, including Brenda. "We'll talk about ways to help with that," Maria says, then adds, "Shortly," over Brenda's attempt to talk about it right now.
Brenda subsides; Maria continues to explain the biology of hot flashes for another few minutes, then ends with, "But understanding why they happen doesn't necessarily help us control them. What have you found to work for you?"
The usual things I've seen online, like deep breathing and wearing layers, come up first, and someone suggests a few essential oils that might help, then Lisa says, "Green primer."
The other ladies, none of whom are wearing much makeup, look confused, but I turn to her and say, "Really?"
She nods and holds both hands up to her face as if framing it. "Having a flash right this second. Can you tell?"
We all peer at her and shake our heads.

Heather Wardell, Women's Fiction with Depth, Humor, and Heart
Heather is a natural 1200-wpm speed reader and the author of twenty-one novels. She came to writing after careers as a software developer and elementary school computer teacher and can’t imagine ever leaving it. In her spare time, she reads, swims, walks, lifts weights, crochets, changes her hair colour, and plays drums and clarinet. Generally not all at once.
***Pre-order is live now at 99 cents and the book will be released June 30th. The price goes up to $3.99 after July 4th. There will be a print version at $18.95 but likely not until early July.
Amazon - 

Friday, June 12, 2020

Speech And Language Therapy Is Going Online--What Moms Need To Know

     Today on the blog my guest is Leanne Sherred, President and Founder of Expressable, an online speech therapy company. If you have a child in your family who has speech or language difficulties, Expressable is an affordable and convenient way to get online help from speech language pathologists. The timing for this online learning program is perfect during the COVID-19 pandemic when everyone is staying home. Please read all about the multiple benefits of the program and check out Leanne's site below.

Speech and Language Therapy is Going Online - What Moms Need to Know

Chances are, many Menopausal Mom readers have a kiddo with speech or language difficulties. Maybe they have a stutter. Maybe they’re not able to pronounce sounds, words, or phrases correctly for their age. Or perhaps they have challenges with literacy or language comprehension. 

These issues are fairly common and, in fact, affect millions of children and adults every year. 

Obviously, you want the very best for your child. Every child deserves to find their voice. Plus, having strong speech and language skills is essential for a child’s academic, social, and emotional development. That’s why it’s often recommended they see a speech language pathologist, the most qualified professionals to evaluate, diagnose, and treat these issues. 

But what about online speech therapy? Maybe you haven’t given it much of a thought. But we do everything online these days - from shopping, to travel bookings, to reading this blog - so why not speech therapy? 

Online speech therapy was already exploding in popularity - and that was before COVID-19. Suddenly, with schools and clinics closed, tons of families turned to teletherapy to continue these vital services. Even as the country reopens and we all begin to return to normal life, there’s a reason many families aren’t looking back. From affordability to convenience, teletherapy has so many advantages.  

What is Online Speech Therapy? 

Teletherapy is just like traditional speech therapy, but speech language pathologists deliver services online via modern video conferencing. We all became pretty proficient at Zoom and FaceTime during the quarantine. This is really no different, except on the other end of the line is a qualified professional. 

Is Online Speech Therapy Effective? 

Receiving speech therapy services online is a pretty new and unfamiliar delivery method for many families. And understandably, it can raise many important questions. Is it effective? Will my child receive the same level of care and attention? What does the research say? 

Fortunately, there’s a lot of research available. Two of the prominent studies were conducted by Kent State University and the Ohio Department of Public Health. Each compared children receiving online speech therapy to children receiving in-person therapy. Each child was evaluated before they started therapy and after, to see how much improvement was made. 

The results were clear: children in both groups made significant progress towards their speech and language goals, with no difference between delivery methods. In short, online speech therapy was put to the test - and it passed with flying colors. 

Benefits of Online Speech Therapy:

There’s a reason more families are turning to online speech therapy every day - either to help their children or to receive services themselves. I’ve outlined a few of these advantages below:

  • Affordability: Speech therapy coverage is routinely denied as a covered benefit by many insurance companies. What’s worse, paying out-of-pocket can be extremely expensive. By taking services online, many of the traditional costs of running a practice don’t apply (think rent, overhead, administration). These cost savings get passed down to families, making therapy considerably more affordable.
  • Convenience: Who wants to deal with long commute times? With the click of a button, you can access face-to-face speech therapy services from the comfort of your home. Additionally, people often learn in an environment they’re most comfortable with.
  • Flexibility: Parents are living busy and hectic lives, and fitting speech therapy into a 9-5 schedule often isn’t possible. With online speech therapy, you have the added flexibility of attending sessions that fit best for your family - whether that’s on the weekends after baseball practice or Wednesday night after dinner.
  • Parent-Therapist Relationships: Studies show that parents and caretakers play a huge role in improving their child’s speech and language development. Just like learning any other skill, it requires practice at home. With online speech therapy, many parents sit side-by-side with their child and attend their sessions together.. This means parents can learn tips and strategies for reinforcing best practices at home. 

About Leanne Sherred, M.S. CCC-SLP:
Leanne calls Austin, Texas home but studied Speech and Hearing Sciences at the George Washington University in Washington, D.C., and gained her Master's in Speech-language pathology from Northwestern University in Evanston, Illinois. She has worked in pediatric outpatient clinics, schools, early intervention, and home health. Leanne is currently the President and Founder of Expressable, an online speech therapy company that envisions a modern and affordable way for anyone who needs speech therapy to access these vital services. 

Friday, May 22, 2020

Fly On The Wall At The End Of A Quarantine

Welcome to another edition of Fly On The Wall group blog postings hosted by Karen of Baking In A Tornado. Today, four bloggers are bravely inviting you into their homes for a sneak peek at what has been going on behind closed doors.

As the U.S. and other countries begin to lift stay-at-home orders, I find myself thinking back on some of the better parts of quarantine life: the stillness in the streets, the appearance of more wildlife, crystal water, clean air, and the closeness of families in lockdown together.

Photo courtesy of: Mommy Needs Vodka

And of course, there was the joy of not having to shave my legs, pluck my eyebrows, or wear makeup. So what if I looked like a hairy beast roaming around my house all day in my pajamas and taking naps at my leisure. I WAS HAPPY.

Okay, so I did accomplish a few things while under quarantine. Redecorated my living room and dining room, organized a few closets, and created a new garden section with an adorable seating area by the previously unused portion on the side of my house. Oh, and I published some COVID-19 themed articles for several websites (see links below).

My social life has revolved around FaceTiming with my family and cheering one another virtually with cocktails in our hands

Other than that, the fly on the wall saw that my husband and I spent a great deal of time together in front of the TV, binging shows like Hollywood, The Great, Schitt's Creek, and Mind Hunters.

Now that the world is opening its doors again, I feel both fear and excitement. I'm not ready to venture out in public yet (and not just because I'm hairy!) but I will admit that it was wonderful to finally see my family again (masked up, of course) last weekend.

The world has survived worse and we will survive this. Stay safe and stay healthy, my friends!

***WANT MORE MENO MAMA? I'm proud to share my first piece for USA TODAY's Reviewed section! You can read it HERE. I also have a COVID-19 related article on a new website, Illumination, which you can find HERE. And....if you're looking for some new humor, you can find my recent work featured on MANOPAUSE and MUDDY UM.

Be sure to check out the other Fly On The Wall blog posts---click on these links for a peek into some other homes:

Baking In A Tornado        
Never Ever Give Up Hope   
Menopausal Mother         
Spatulas on Parade          

Friday, May 15, 2020

Super Spring Writer Series: Guest Author Jeremy McKeen

Today on the blog I have author Jeremy McKeen and I'm pleased to promote his upcoming book, You Don't Have To Worry So Much. As the description goes, "It's a powerful, fun, and poignant collection of essays focusing on a range of real life issues and post-modern approaches to topics like sex, love, marriage, belief, parenthood, and mental illness. " Jeremy was kind enough to send me an advanced reader copy of the book, and I am totally enjoying it!

Below is one of my favorite chapters of You Don't Have To Worry So Much. It thoroughly describes my husband, and he agrees. And yes, he laughed while reading it because he knows IT'S TRUE.  Enjoy this sample chapter and click on the link below to pre-order your copy today!


YOU WOKE UP ONE DAY, fully grown, probably in your 30s and with kids, and something about aftershave or toolboxes excited you to your core, and making time to putter around the woodshed, backyard, or basement just made sense. Your metabolism slowed down, and you started seeing the world through slower, more wizened eyes.
What happened?
         You got old.
You may actually be young, but chances are you’re already an old man.
You may have an “old soul” but that doesn’t give us the right to call you grandpa, grandpa. What gives us the right is probably your suspenders, or old-as-hell work boots you still think of as “new” when, in reality, you got them fifteen years ago. Or the fact that you think and act like an old man.

Here’s how to tell if you’re already an old man:
        1. If you’re not excited about the hardware store, give it time. Soon you will hear the pulse of Ace or True Value, or even bettera real, hometown hardware store with store creditcalling your name. “Stop by, old man, and buy something,” it whispers. “Buy everything here, there’s room in the basement for it, and the wife will understand,” it says gently, while ushering you to buy more hammers or shovels or a new knife. “Start a new project, you can probably teach yourself from a book,” it corrals you.
        2. Are you wearing khakis? You’re wearing khakis right now, aren’t you, old man? Yes, you are. You will always wear khakis when you’re old. Jeans have lost their youthful touch. Khakisembrace them, with their crease and endless endurance against all seasons. Hike them up, and belt them secure enough for a day raking leaves or reading a book quietly. And like jeans, they go with everything, especially work bootsyour old, dependable work boots. And a plaid shirt. And a Carhartt jacket. You’ll be wearing this uniform until you’re dead.
        3. It’s 4:30 a.m. and you’re awake. You’re just awake. Why isn’t everyone else awake? No, noyou need some alone timeall old men do. And you don’t have to be at work for a few hours. Maybe the hardware store is open. Or the diner.
        4. Smell that? That’s the aroma of a twenty-minute bowel movement, coffee, and a burnt match. You made that happen, old man.
        5. What time does the diner open? Oh, it’s open 24 hours? Well, who goes to a diner at night? Ok, let’s go to the diner, it’s almost 6 a.m. Hey, let’s do this more often. There are even young waitresses there who put up with your jokes. You’re theirs for life now, old man.
        6. If you haven’t gone deaf yet, you’re starting to, old man. Friends and family will understand. Just say you’re sorry, or ignore them. Your ears have had a good run.
        7. Tightening toilet seats gives you a sense of accomplishment not met with in the first half of your life. But nowcall the papers! You’ve saved the house from the wiggly wobble of someone’s ass slipping off the seat! You’ve done it, old man! No one else but you could have figured out how to righty-tighty the bolts while your hand was upside down and your forearm was on the part of the seat where everyone puts the most posterior flesh of their butt cheeks. But you did it.
        8. Your haircut is either short or buzzed. That’s just the way haircuts should be. Long hair is for college students and single men in their 20s. Beards are also acceptable, but somehow you don’t mind shaving your face every day of your life, because every day is precious now that you’re old.
        9. No matter how old you are, you are still and always horny as hell. This won’t change or let up until you’re dead, so there’s always that. Sorry, old man. Life is full of suffering.
        10. The mention of Scotch or Whiskey—or Bourbon or even Gin—especially the expensive stuff—gets you a little excited. The more adjectives or descriptors of said liquor, the more excited you get. Rye whiskey, single-malt…mention of these things makes you glad you’re still alive at your old age. And watching Mad Men excites you to no end as well, just for the reason that they’re drinking the whole time. Men wearing suits drinking all the damn time means something to you for some reason.
        11. No matter what the current hairstyle is, it looks stupid. It just looks stupid. The same goes for any new fashion that has arisen since you last bought fashionable clothes years ago, or whenever clothes just started showing up in your closet (it’s because your relatives just started buying you what your old man uniform dictates, and you didn’t know it, but you started going along with it because you’re old now).
        12. No bands or movies or books are as good as the ones from twenty years ago, or whenever it was you grew up, old man. You’re hearing your favorite band on the classic station, and you’re kind of deaf towell, downright pridefully ignorantnew hits. And your favorite artists have become old, too, only they’re somehow thinner and better looking than you.
        13. You feel a kinship with anyone your age unlike any other time in your life. Life has taught you many a great thing, old man, and you’re ready for someone to listen to your advice. You’ve lived, damn it, and you’re ready to give someone a piece of your mind, as soon as you read up on how to install your own ceiling or build a set of stairs.
        14. We know you really want to talk about your new Chevy or Buick or sensible automobile purchase, so go ahead, old man. You only live to old age once. Oh, it was a hybrid truck? Good job, grandpa. We know you got a deal, and we’re proud of you. Nobody gets good deals like you.
        15. For your birthday we always know what to get you. It’s whiskey and plaid shirts, right? And a gift card to Home Depot? Or a new pocket knife?
        16. You’re a bit of a hoarder, but it’s all in good taste and measure…because you only keep what you need, or that which has value somewhat. You never know when you’ll need three mismatched sets of wrenches or old boots or bungee cords or gloves. Or old khakis. Or shovels. You can never have enough shovels. The hardware store probably has shovels. You’re on your way to buy a new shovel now, aren’t you old man? We thought so.
Jeremy McKeen is an English teacher, writer, editor, and father of three living in Massachusetts. He has been featured on HuffPost, Yahoo! Parenting, Salon, Scary Mommy, YourTango, and The Good Men Project, among other blogs and magazines.  

Instagram: jeremymckeendotdotdot
Twitter: @mckeenish

Thursday, April 23, 2020

How The Pod Smart Mattress Can Help Menopause Symptoms

Hey, Menopausal Ladies! Are you tired of waking up several times a night soaking wet from hot flashes and night sweats? I am! The bedroom fans just aren't doing it for me anymore, and my husband is tired of shivering in bed when I turn the thermostat down to 65 degrees.

I've been looking for a solution to this problem, and I found it with The Smart Pod. Check out their information below and see what their customers have
to say about this amazing mattress!

How The Pod Smart Mattress Can Help Menopause Symptoms

Up to 85% of women experience hot flashes during perimenopause, menopause, or postmenopause. The changes in levels of estrogen and progesterone in a woman’s body affect temperature control and cause hot flashes and night sweats, which cause women to wake up multiple times per night, affecting their quality of sleep. And according to the National Sleep Foundation, 61% of post-menopausal women report insomnia symptoms. This fragmented sleep and increased insomnia can disrupt productivity and cause irritability during the day. 

The Eight Sleep Pod is especially helpful for women suffering from hot flashes and night sweats due to perimenopausal, menopausal or postmenopause who have not yet been able to find an active solution to stop their symptoms from fragmenting their sleep. The Pod, which can be set as low as 55 degrees or as high as 110 degrees, is the only bed that uses water rather than fans or cooling gel to cool the surface of the bed and keep a person’s body temperature low while they sleep. Most foam mattresses absorb and store heat so they get hotter throughout the night. This is especially problematic for women with hot flashes or otherwise unpredictable body temperatures. The Pod uses water based cooling technology to regulate body temperature and stay cool while sleeping. 

Many of our female members have told us that sleeping on The Pod prevents them from feeling the negative effects of their perimenopausal or menopausal symptoms and allows them to sleep soundly through the night, improving not only their sleep but also their day. With that in mind, we spoke to some of them to find out how: 

Water-Powered Thermal Technology:

Women who experience hot flashes and sleep on the Pod have said that the Pod’s thermal regulation keeps their body temperature down throughout multiple hot flashes a hot flash, and they don’t wake up from it as a result. They are able to sleep through the night, and feel the benefits of quality sleep during the day.  In fact, about 70% of women between the ages of 35-60 who are sleeping on the Pod wake up 0-2 times per night. Plus, if something does cause them to wake up, they have complete control of the temperature via the 8+ app, and can easily change it without having to get out of bed.

Smart Temp:

The Pod’s Smart Temp feature changes the temperature of the bed throughout the night so women going through hot flashes don’t wake up when their body temperature changes. Once they set the Pod to their optimal sleeping temperature, the Pod’s sensors track their body temperature and automatically adjust the bed to keep them at their optimal sleeping temperature.

If you’re experiencing hot flashes, using Smart Temp will ensure maximum comfort. If you like to go to sleep when it is warm but find yourself waking up later on in the night due to a hot flash, set the Pod to start warm and then cool down when it senses you are asleep so you can still enjoy a warm bed and fight hot flashes throughout the night. The best of both worlds. 

Dual Zone Temperature:

Both women and men have cited increased frustrations between partners due to temperature control in the bedroom, which is exacerbated by hot flashes and night sweats. The Pod’s dual zone temperature feature allows partners to sleep at their individual optimal temperatures throughout the night without disturbing the other. If your hot flashes disturb both you and your partner, the dual zone technology feature will give you both control over the temperature of your side of the bed and help you both sleep better throughout the night. 

Reviews from Members:

We spoke with many female Pod members about how sleeping on the Pod has helped their menopausal symptoms, and here’s what some of them had to say:

One user from New Jersey who's hot flashes and night sweats caused problems sleeping with her partner said, 

“[My hot flashes] just kept getting worse and worse and worse. The minute they set up that bed and I slept in it from the very first night I have had a full night of sleep ever since.” 

She described the effects of the Pod on her hot flashes as,

“When that ball of fire starts in the core of your chest, the cooling mattress doesn’t let it get any further and on top of that, the mattress doesn’t retain any of the heat that you are giving. And I think that’s the key. The more the mattress is cool, the more it is not retaining that heat, but on top of that, it’s stopping that ball of fire from emitting so I don’t even break out into a sweat. It doesn’t even reach my skin.” 

One member described how it was beneficial to get both her and her husband to sleep soundly,

“He was looking for something that would keep him asleep because I was tossing and turning with the sheets on and the sheets off because of the hot flashes. So that was the whole concept that he was hoping it would at least help me sleep better at night and I will say yes it has.”

Finally, another member described the effects the sleep she got on the Pod,

“After sleeping on the Pod for a week, I felt 10 years younger. I was getting so much better sleep than I was before when I was tossing and turning all the time. I went from feeling 46 to feeling 35 again.” 

Find Your Solution Today:

If hot flashes have been causing disrupted sleep in your life, the Eight Sleep Pod is the only active cooling solution that can stop you from feeling the negative effects and improve your sleep. Many of Eight Sleep’s perimenopausal and menopausal members have reported that they do not realize they are having hot flashes in their sleep anymore since the hot flashes are not waking them up. 

Eight Sleep offers an 100 day free trial so you can test out the Pod with zero risk and see the effects for yourself. Because better sleep means better everything.

Plus, enter to win an Eight Sleep Pod here!

Friday, April 17, 2020

Fly On The Wall In A Pandemic Lockdown

     Welcome to another edition of Fly On The Wall group blog postings, hosted by Karen of Baking In A Tornado. Today, five bloggers are bravely inviting you into their homes to see what goes on behind closed doors.

     The fly is STILL going stir crazy as the COVID-19 pandemic rages on. It has been very difficult lately to find humor amid the chaos in the world. The news reminds us daily of rising death tolls, overcrowded hospitals, and a massive lack of toilet paper (WHY IS THIS STILL A PROBLEM? WHO IS HOARDING ALL THE TOILET PAPER?). Thank God I have a husband who has a gift for humor and knows how to use it when times are tough.

The other thing that is helping me through the pandemic is FaceTiming frequently with my kids. Sometimes we are on for hours, laughing about stupid stuff we did and learning new things about one another. Being apart so long has created a deeper appreciation for one another, and it really shows during our online conversations.

     Oh, and another thing that helps: tropical drinks in the hot tub on a Saturday night while listening to Hawaiian music. Yeah, that's an important one!

     Thankfully, despite everything happening in the world today, I can still find bits of humor here and there, and most of it comes from the man who once promised in his wedding vows to make me laugh every single day:

"You've been cooking too much ever since the quarantine started. My colon is now five pounds heavier."

"I just went to the drugstore and then to the gas station. Both were completely empty. Is it possible that The Rapture occurred and we got left behind?"

"Since we've been stuck at home, I've moved past wearing sweatpants every day to wearing a Snuggie on the couch."

"I almost accidentally put Bengay instead of Desitin on my chafed butt cheeks. Talk about a flaming ass#$@*"

"Okay Lizzo, I did my hair toss and checked my nails. When do I start feeling good as hell?"

"You know I must be bored when I find squirrels running up and down a tree entertaining."
"You're fine as long as you don't start barking at them"

"Since I can't go to the mall during this pandemic, I've been looking for new clothes online."
"Any luck?"
"You know that 'one size fits all' slogan that companies
advertise? They lied."

"Stop baking Monkey Bread every weekend. I'm so tired of it, I feel like I'm eating the monkey's butt."

"I tried to sell our lamps for $50 on the Nextdoor App but nobody was interested. I know we need some extra cash until our stimulus checks from the government come in, but I'm not sure what else to sell for money. This whole situation is seriously pissing me off."
"I can always strap you in a chair on the front lawn with a sign that reads, "Ornery Man For Sale: $10 Or Best Offer.'"

"It has been four weeks since I've shaved my legs or plucked my eyebrows."
"Yes, I can see that you're channeling your inner Woolly Mammoth."

I do believe that between my husband's jokes and FaceTiming my kids, I just might survive this Quarantine time with my sanity intact after all.....

***WANT MORE MENO MAMA? You can find me on Humor Outcasts this week with a funny piece about drinking at home. Read it HERE

Buzz around, see what you think, then click on these links for a peek into some other homes:

Baking In A Tornado        
Never Ever Give Up Hope   
Menopausal Mother         
Spatulas on Parade          
Go Mama O.                      


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