Friday, September 18, 2020

Fly On The Wall Going Stir Crazy


     Welcome to another edition of Fly On The Wall group postings hosted by Karen of Baking In A Tornado. Today there are three of us inviting you into our homes for a look at what goes on behind closed doors. It has been another quiet month for us---visiting family only. Hey, I love my family more than anything, but man-oh-man am I going stir crazy! I dream of dining out, taking road trips, meeting up with friends for drinks, even going to the GYM, for God's sake (this is how you know I'm getting desperate). I'm hanging on as long as I can but by next month, I just might start venturing out into the world again as local businesses move into Phase II operations.

Sadly, the fly on the wall at our house has not overheard many interesting conversations lately (because BORING) but he has heard his share of TV shows on Netflix. And Hulu. And HBO. And....yeah, don't get me started on my exciting couch life. My refrigerator is also very bad at keeping secrets, hence my desperation to get back to the gym.

Shots.....and beer pong.....

So what do we do to keep busy other than watching marathon hours of televisions shows? We eat, we play too many rounds of beer pong and card games like, "What Do You Meme" and we dance ( a LOT). Then we eat again. Oh, and sleep. That's a big deal around here. So, not many convos to share this month but plenty of pics from the couch life:



We like to eat......






Hanging with family really is pretty awesome. Maybe by next month we can still hang, but please, at a restaurant or something, okay???

***WANT MORE MENO MAMA? I have a treat for you! I had my first venture into satire with a new piece published on GREENER PASTURES and I have to tell you I had a BLAST writing it! Check out WHEN YOUR NEXT DOOR APP IS TAKEN OVER BY A CHUPACABRA  and let me know what you think!

Click on these links for a peek into some other homes:

Baking In A Tornado                  https://www.BakingInATornado.com
Never Ever Give Up Hope             https://batteredhope.blogspot.com
Menopausal Mother                  http://www.menopausalmom.com/



Wednesday, September 2, 2020

Menopause During A Pandemic: Guest Post By Angela Verges

Today on the blog, I'm welcoming back Angela Verges,(you can read her first guest post HERE) author of Menopause Ain't No Joke. She is sharing her experiences with menopause (along with some tips on handling it) and a funny story about a little incident that occurred during a recent road trip. I love reading Angela's stories because being a menopausal mama myself, I can relate to many of her experiences, and I'm sure you will, too. Enjoy!


Menopause during a pandemic

Once upon a time, a woman turned 51 years old. Then along came menopause and she lived happily ever after…not exactly. In the Wizard of Oz, Dorothy chanted about lions, tigers, and bears along the yellow brick road. In the midst of our current pandemic and menopause, there are hot flashes, weight gain, and emotions, oh my.
Menopause during a pandemic can have you feeling like the Wizard of Oz Scarecrow (no brain). I’ve been in a gazillion virtual meetings. I’m that person who waves to someone’s kids in the background, watch the antics of their pets, or wonder about the content of the books on their bookshelves. Once, or twice I have fallen asleep during a Zoom meeting.
I blame menopause for all my virtual mishaps. It’s the brain fog that clouds my path to staying focused. One thing that helps me through this mixture of menopause and a pandemic is exercise. I read somewhere that exercise can sharpen your thinking. So, there you go, exercise may be a benefit if you’re experiencing brain fog. Don’t be surprised if your body doesn’t go along with your plan; Sometimes the best-laid plans go awry.
Leave it to my menopausal body to turn against me and do its’ own thing. Determined to stick to a fitness regimen during a quarantine, I worked out five times a week at home. I didn’t lose any weight, but I maintained it. Once the quarantine ended and I returned to work…I gained four pounds. I stepped on and off the scale three times, thinking that maybe I needed to take the average of the three weights. I was confused. My body was confused.
As though brain fog wasn’t enough, a road trip to take my son back to college had me perplexed along the way. We took so many bathroom breaks, you would have thought I had the bladder of a hamster. One place we stopped to use the restroom had a sign on the locked door that yelled at me.
PLEASE SEE CASHIER FOR KEYS TO RESTROOM!!!


I walked back to the counter to ask for a key, The cashier handed me the key, zip-tied to an 18-inch nightstick, or maybe it was a plunger handle. All I could think was, did she give me this for protection? Should I anticipate an altercation on my short walk from the counter to the bathroom?
At that moment I would rather have been on the yellow brick road with Dorothy and her friends chanting – lions and tigers and bears, oh my.
If I had to identify three ways to cope with menopause during a pandemic, this is what I would say:
  1. Laugh at yourself
  2. Shave every few days (your mustache, sideburns, and chin hairs)
  3. Don’t sweat the small stuff (well, you may sweat, but it will pass)

You can have a happily ever after…menopause. You just must roll with the punches.


Bio
Angela is an award-winning humorist (in training, waiting to be discovered). She has shared humor through blogging and stand up comedy at women’s retreats, luncheons, and her book, Menopause Ain’t No Joke. Her adult sons believe they should be paid because they are the foundation of her humor. Angela encourages the use of humor to relieve stress, one laugh at a time. You can buy her book HERE.
You can follow Angela on social media
Website www.angelaverges.com
Twitter @angelaverges
Facebook angela.verges
YouTube Angela Verges




Thursday, August 27, 2020

Guest Author Britta Johanna: That One Green Tile

If you have young children or grandchildren, I have the perfect book for you! Author Britta Johanna is on the blog today to share the news that her children's book, That One Green Tile, has been published and is ready for purchase! The timing of the book is perfect since many of us feel we are living in a divided world that needs unity. Below, you will find a brief synopsis of Britta's book and the links to buy the book for your children!




 MONTRÉAL, Québec – August 2020 - Imagine there is someone out there in the world who looks exactly like you. When author/illustrator Britta Johanna was young, her mother presented this scenario to her. This curiosity eventually became the inspiration for That One Green Tile which is a rhyming, melodic children’s picture where the main character is propelled into a journey of the imagination. The book holds a powerful message in today’s world about unity and diversity. It is currently available through Friesen Press, Ingram Wholesale --- Amazon, Barnes & Noble, plus 40,000+ retailers, libraries, and distributers worldwide---as well as electronic distribution channels.

In her mind, the little girl visits locales from Spain to Japan, visualizing this other person in her familiar surroundings and asking the most musing questions. At the end of the story, readers are reminded that for all of our similarities, each one is unique. And for all our differences, we share the same sky.
Britta Johanna is a creative professional, mother, and grandmother originally from Olympia, Washington, U.S. and currently living a life of plenty in Montréal, Québec, Canada. She possesses degrees in Art as well as Education and holds a master’s degree in Museums and Galleries. She was a children’s educator for ten years and has experience working in the visual arts which has placed her in many eclectic roles. Presently, she is completing her next book entitled Whether It’s Dark or It’s Light which explores dreams manifested into reality. 

“My sensitive nature comes through in my words and in my illustrations throughout That One Green Tile offering the reader an uplifting, emotive experience.” –Britta Johanna
For book signings, interviews, or other events contact Britta at: brittasdolcevita@gmail.com 514-826-8541 
www.brittajocreative.com 

Official Book Review from Dakota Love, Reedsy: “Loved it!” “….gorgeously hand-illustrated…,” “…the love that went into the story resonates with every turn of the page.” 
Full review - https://reedsy.com/discovery/book/that-one-green-tile-britta-johanna 
Book Teaser: https://youtu.be/hCGQuclo764 
Ingram Friesen Press 
Hard Cover: ISBN 978-1-5255-6990-6 $20.99 USD $17.99 USD 
Paperback: ISBN 978-1-5255-6991-3 $12.99 USD $10.99 USD 
Electronic ISBN 978-1-5255-6992-0 $3.99 USD 
Channels: Friesen Press, Kindle, iTunes, Google, Nook, Kobo

AUTHOR BIO: 


 Britta Johanna is a children’s book author and illustrator, yet she certainly does not limit herself to those titles in the creative world. Born in Olympia, Washington, United States, Britta began writing children’s books during her first year of teaching after having enrolled in a soul-capturing children’s literature class at university. In fact, That One Green Tile was written twenty years ago, yet the impact that the words have in our present global experience will ring loudly for our human family.

In 2018, Britta was lured to the exciting cultural center of Montréal, Québec to seek inspiration and a spark in the beautiful country of Canada where her daughters and grandson reside. This empowering journey led her to renew her sense of self and create a life of following her passion of poetry and art in children’s books.

The stories that she writes deliver an eloquent rhyming cadence complemented with her ethereal handcrafted paper collages of stunning colors and textures to depict scenes that emote a sense of wonder. She possesses degrees in Art as well as Education and holds a master’s degree in Museums and Galleries. She served as a children’s educator for more than ten years and also exhibited her art on the West and East Coasts of the United States. More than anything, she just likes to play.

Britta spends her time between Seattle, Washington, U.S. and Montréal, Québec, Canada.

SOCIA MEDIA LINKS: 



Friday, August 21, 2020

Fly On The Wall With An Achy Old Man

Welcome to another edition of Fly On The Wall group postings hosted by Karen of Baking In A Tornado. Today, three of us are inviting you into our homes for a sneak peek at what goes on behind closed doors.

Like many people during this pandemic, I feel as if I have aged ten years. I get easily fatigued during the day and often struggle to get things done around the house. Mostly it's from boredom. I miss going to the gym, socializing with my girlfriends, and going out to dinner. My husband also complains about aging (but he has been doing this long before COVID-19 struck). He claims that doing even the simplest activities brings on achy muscles for days afterward. I'm not sure if this is just his way of getting out of mowing the lawn or trimming our trees. Either way, I don't mind his excuses anymore. After all, I'm the one sitting in the cool A/C who has adopted the lifestyle of a sloth. I keep promising him that I'll get out in the 95-degree temps to help with the weeding, but then I get distracted by a piece of chocolate cake and a good book and....well, you know the rest. Just living my best sloth life.

But I really DO listen to my husband when he complains, and I take those complaints seriously... sometimes...



"My knee is killing me today. I think I twisted it while pressure cleaning the deck."
"What's the number for that knee surgeon? I need to get you an appointment for the knee replacement we've been talking about."
"Oh, did I say knee? No, I meant that my finger hurts. Just my finger. I don't need surgery."

"I'm too old to crouch down. If there's something on the lowest grocery store shelf, I'm not going for it."
"Oh, so that's why you come home from the store and tell me they were out of my favorite crackers."

"The doctor mentioned 'hyper-gonads'. Hell, I don't even know where my gonads are anymore."
"If you can't bend down to see what's on the grocery shelf, then you're definitely too old to bend down to search for your missing man-parts."


"I've had a headache every single day this week."
"What's the number for that neurologist? You need an MRI. It might be a brain tumor."
"Did I say headache? No, I meant that my earlobe is sore. Just my earlobe. I don't need an MRI."

"That's a LOT of vegetables for dinner. If I eat all of those, I'll go into a food coma and turn into a vegetable."
"Yep, just like the ones at the back of the veggie drawer in the fridge---shriveled up and decayed."

"AARP sent me a reminder notice to renew my membership."
"No, that was a notice to remind you that you're still an old fart."

                           PHOTO: Courtesy of Mommy Needs Vodka

"I think I've misplaced my metabolism. Have you seen it?"
"No, but if we search together, maybe we'll find mine, too."

"Honey, you're still handsome. You could be an underwear model."
"More like Depend undergarments for men model...."


"My back hurts so bad today. I think it's from bending over to paint the pavers."
"What's the number for that back surgeon? You probably need disc replacement surgery."
"Did I say back? Noooo, I meant that I stubbed my toe on the pavers and it hurts now. Just the toe. I don't need spinal surgery."


I think I've finally found the solution to whatever ails my husband. And it didn't cost me a dime.


Check out these other bloggers for a peek into their homes:

Baking In A Tornado                  https://www.BakingInATornado.com
Never Ever Give Up Hope             https://batteredhope.blogspot.com

Friday, August 7, 2020

17 Things To Do While Quarantined

     If you've tested positive for COVID-19 and you're stuck quarantining at home, there are plenty of things to do to stay busy. Yeah, I know it's hard to see your friends sharing vacation photos and fancy dinners on social media. That's called FOMO (fear of missing out). Just remember though, not all of us are going out partying. I for one am staying home and only visiting my family. Sure, I feel a bit stir crazy and have been eating my way through this pandemic, but I've also discovered some pretty inventive ways to stay busy. You should try a few of these ideas:


1. Learn how to French braid the leg hairs you haven't shaved in three months.

2. During your next Zoom meeting, count how many times Jerry from Accounting coughs and touches his face. 


3. Take a nap.

4. Count your remaining sheets of toilet paper and ration them out square by square with family members.


5. Learn Russian through Rosetta Stone to decipher who's actually meddling in the 2020 elections.

6. Watch the squirrels mating in your oak tree

7. Make hand sanitizer with dual-purpose vodka---half for hand washing, half for happy hour shots.



8. Build a treehouse from random Lego pieces left in the couch cushions by your eight-year-old grandson.

9. Plot the demise of the online Peloton instructor who screams at you to pedal faster every morning.



10. Google 15 ways to reuse leftover antibacterial wipes to make them last longer. 

11. Build a lazy river in your backyard by building a trench and using a very long hose.

12. Take another nap.



13. Collect your toenail clippings for your kids' next homeschooling craft project.

14. After a Facebook ad tells you that a higher density of fat cells prevents the coronavirus from infecting you, order a baker's dozen from Dunkin Donuts to boost your immune system.

15. Take a third nap.


16. Watch reruns of Little House On The Prairie to get ideas on how to spend your time productively during the quarantine.

17. Order a butter churn and a wooden plow from Amazon.


***WANT MORE MENO MAMA? You can find me this month on Muddyum HERE!

Friday, July 24, 2020

Fly On The Wall In Funny Family Photos

     Welcome to another edition of Fly On The Wall group blog postings hosted by Karen of Baking In A Tornado. Today, there are three brave bloggers allowing you into their homes for a sneak peek at what goes on behind closed doors.

     As the COVID-19 numbers here in Florida continue to escalate, our family is pretty much still in quarantine mode. Our family sees each other, but that is the extent of our social life right now. No restaurants, bars, parks, or gyms. We only go to one another's homes on the weekends for a swim and backyard barbeques. And that's enough for me because family is #1. Besides, I really enjoy the company of my kiddos.

     I haven't had a chance this month to keep track of some of our funnier conversations, but I HAVE captured a few photos here and there of time with my favorite people on the planet:


This is the face my husband makes when he hasn't had his coffee yet.
                 
                 She definitely takes after her grandfather's side of the family....
                   
I guess that cupcake didn't taste so good after all.

Nothing a little liquor can't fix!

She's learning how to make silly faces from the pro.

Which mask? Decisions, decisions.....

Chicken.....it's what's for dinner.

What are you guys doing out there? No fair! You're having all the fun!

Isn't that what the Doyles are all about?


***WANT MORE MENO MAMA? You can find me this week on Humor Outcasts discussing senior citizen beer flavors here: https://humoroutcasts.com/2020/specialty-beers-for-the-geriatric-generation/


Click on these links for a peek into some other homes:

Baking In A Tornado                  https://www.BakingInATornado.com
Never Ever Give Up Hope             https://batteredhope.blogspot.com
Menopausal Mother                   http://www.menopausalmom.com/

Friday, July 10, 2020

My Favorite Pandemic Memes (Because We Really Need To Laugh)

     It's very difficult these days to ward off depression and frustration with the current state of the world. Here in Florida, our COVID positive test results have skyrocketed, which means rolling back on openings and implementing further restrictions. I agree that it is totally necessary, but let's face it; some of us are going a bit stir crazy after being quarantined for so long. I'm fortunate enough that I get to see my family when we spend time together at each other's houses, but there are plenty of people who are dealing with this alone, and my heart goes out to them. This is a time for us to spread kindness and love and oodles of humor because God knows we need it now more than ever.

     Below I am sharing some of my favorite pandemic-themed memes (found on social media) to help bring a little laughter to your day. Hang in there folks, we'll get through this together!

This first group of memes comes from the Facebook page, Mommy Needs Vodka:










This next batch of memes comes to you courtesy of Purple Clover: 





These last two memes come from a Facebook page called MEMES: 



I hope these memes made you laugh out loud. God knows we all need some humor right now. Stay safe and stay healthy, my friends!

Shareaholic

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