Friday, October 6, 2017

How To Be A Hipster In Your Midlife Years

     You've seen them. The Millennial hipsters who wear t-shirts sporting logos from rock bands you saw in concert during the 70's and 80's. The same people who crowd the check-out lines at Starbucks, Whole Foods, and the free beer-sampling stand at the local arts and crafts festival. Seeing them makes you wistful for your younger days when Mom and Dad paid your car insurance and served free hot meals from the kitchen.

     No need to despair. You too, can become a hipster (like your adult children) despite your advanced age, by following these easy, "I'm-Gonna-Stay-Young-Forever" steps:



Stock up on plaid flannel shirts from Urban Outfitters and a pair of Doc Martens to conceal your rubberized arch support pads.

Learn how to crochet a sweater made from wheat grass and hemp.

Cash in your 401k and travel around the country in a vintage Airstream to sell healing crystals, Buddha bracelets, and your own brand of organic hummus made from cage-free chic peas.

Grow your own cannabis in decoupage milk cartons stored on your back porch.

Carry a ukulele everywhere you go, even if your rendition of "Somewhere Over The Rainbow" sounds more like the neighbor's cat in heat.

Call yourself a "craft brew aficionado" and be well versed in the difference between IPAs and Stouts.

Recycle EVERYTHING, including lint from the dryer that can be knitted into socks.

Enroll in yoga classes but make sure you take plenty of Gas-X before you stretch into downward dog position.

Ditch the frozen meatloaf from 2012 in the back of your freezer and become a vegan.

Master Corn Hole and giant Jenga blocks.

Buy a used Prius---or better yet---get a gerbil-powered bike.

Get a Tattoo of your spirit animal inked on your shoulder---even if that animal happens to be a hippopotamus.

Stash some edibles in your faux leather fanny pack before heading out to a tribal funk music concert at the park.

Learn how to pronounce quinoa.

Grow a beard and buy special wax for shaping it into a facial topiary.

Protest against social inequality, corporate greed, and Alpaca farms.

Buy organic, gluten-free, locally grown food at the farmer's market, even if it means you'll have gastrointestinal issues for months to come from the amount of kale you'll consume.

Take a class in latte art.

Leave a final request in your will to be buried in a biodegradable burial pod, or to have your cremated remains turned into family heirloom jewelry.







  


Friday, September 29, 2017

Angel Bumps: Hello From Heaven


     I am THRILLED to be part of a new anthology, "Angel Bumps Hello From Heaven", compiled by my dear friend Anne Bardsley.
   
     Fifty writers from around the country have come together to share the heartwarming stories of their experiences with "Angel Bumps"---signs of reassurance received from their loved ones who have passed on. Anne describes an Angel Bump as "a luminous light in a dark room. Once you receive a sign from your loved one, you will never be the same. Knowing they are still so close will give you solace. The joy it brings is immeasurable."

     I'm sharing a portion of my own story that appears in Angel Bumps in the hopes that it will interest you enough in reading ALL of the stories in this lovely collection.


                       PENNIES FROM HEAVEN  


She comes to me in dreams, her smile radiant as she urges her horse up the side of Lone Mountain to a field of Indian Paintbrush. The wind brushes her long hair across her face as she studies the azure sky and points to a Red-tailed Hawk drifting overhead.

     This is the how I want to remember my older sister Cherie; a camera looped around her neck and a bird guide tucked in her back pocket.

     I want to remember her laughter when we were kids sitting in the back of the family station wagon and making silly faces at one another.

     I want to remember our phone conversations that went well into the night, long after my husband had turned out the lights. At times I had to muffle my laughter so that I didn't wake the rest of my sleeping family.

     I want to remember the warm cinnamon rolls she made on Sunday mornings that we shared over a cup of coffee in my backyard garden.

     I want to remember her gentle hands gliding across crisp sheets of white paper as she sketched magnificent birds of prey, her fingers stained from the pencils she used for shadowing their wings.

     I want to remember the summers we spent picking huckleberries in the mountains and the flowers we strung together to make daisy chains on a porch in Montana.

     What I don't want to remember is the night I watched a broken soul give up on life too soon; the woman in a hospital room who lay pale and unmoving under sheets as white as the pages from her sketch pad.

    My sister had an eating disorder. She was killing herself slowly, and no one in my family understood why it was happening, or how to help her. Cherie never had it easy; married and divorced twice, she was a single mother raising a rebellious teen and had to work long hours to make ends meet. By the time she reached the middle-age years, obesity had robbed her of living a normal life. Food replaced the love and fulfillment she sought but never found. It was the crutch that filled her emptiness. Loneliness and disappointment fed into her depression, preventing her from seeking the professional help that she needed. Something had broken inside her, leaving her heart cracked in too many places for anyone to fix.

     In the fall of 2009 at the age of 56, my sister succumbed to pneumonia after weeks of being sick. My family and I urged her to see a doctor when her symptoms became worse, but she was a stubborn woman, convinced that she could fight the illness with simple, over-the-counter medications.

     Cherie's son finally convinced her to check into the hospital once she started coughing up blood, but her lungs were already severely infected and had so much fluid in them that it made breathing nearly impossible. There was little the doctors could do to save her----the pneumonia, coupled with her obesity, was more than her body could handle. Her heart had become enlarged---three times the normal size---and one by one, her organs started shutting down.

     My sister died in the early morning hours as we stood praying by her bedside. It was still dark outside with only a few stars sparkling in the west like silver glitter scattered across a black velvet sky. The moon had slipped away, its shadow swallowed by a blanket of thick clouds.

     After Cherie's death, I was consumed with guilt for not forcing her to see a doctor earlier, and angry that she chose to give up without a fight. She left behind a son, a granddaughter, and a family who cherished her. It hurt to think that our love wasn't strong enough to give her the strength she needed to rise above the unhappiness that plagued her.

     I tried to ignore the terrible grief I felt, but there were subtle reminders of my sister everywhere. The Red-tailed Hawk that watched me each morning from the tall pine in my backyard; the smell of cinnamon in the kitchen; the cardboard boxes her son had given me that were filled with her cookbooks, the glass figurines she'd collected, and a few articles of clothing that still held her scent of sandalwood and vanilla. But the most painful reminder of her absence was the sadness I saw mirrored in her granddaughter's eyes.

     The finality of Cherie's death didn't hit me until a few months later when I found her favorite purse inside one of the boxes her son had given to me. I pulled it out, touched the soft, dark leather and opened the flap. Inside was a small cache of memories: my sister's comb, a few barrettes, pens and several sheets of tissues. She had terrible allergies and never left the house without plenty of tissues.

     I held the comb in my hand and felt a tide of grief wash over me, the pain so acute that it brought me to my knees. The memories unleashed a flood of tears that cracked the dam I'd built around my heart. The walls came tumbling down, and nothing could stop the deep ache that left a hole inside me that no one else could fill.

     For weeks I walked around in state of numbness and disbelief. Even though other members of my family tried to comfort me, there was no solace in the fact that I would never see my sister again. I felt disconnected from everyone and wanted time alone to work through my grief.

     And that's when the first penny appeared.

     It was old, the date barely legible on the worn, copper surface. I thought it was odd that I woke one morning to a penny sitting on my nightstand---I never carried pennies, and neither did my husband. I had been crying heavily the night before while thinking of Cherie. I wanted to believe that she'd found the peace she was looking for, and every day I had prayed for a sign of reassurance from her.

     Later that afternoon, I found more pennies in the house. They appeared in the middle of my living room floor, by the kitchen sink, across my desk, on top of the couch cushions and on the windowsill.

     Pennies started cropping up everywhere, and I soon noticed a pattern in their frequency. Whenever something upset me, a penny would magically appear. The day my husband lost his job and I was fearful of our future, pennies appeared in abundance. The same thing happened when my mother became ill and I was consumed with worry. I found the pennies everywhere while she was in recovery.
 
     I didn't understand the significance of the coins. They seemed to pop up out of nowhere whenever I became agitated or depressed, and I went so far as to scold my husband for dropping them around the house. He promised me that he had nothing to do with them and admitted the he had been finding quite a few himself.

     The mystery of the pennies continued for several months until I discovered.......

WANT TO READ MORE?? YOU CAN BUY THE BOOK HERE: https://www.amazon.com/Angel-Bumps-Heaven-Anne-Bardsley/dp/0997587113/ref=tmm_pap_swatch_0?_encoding=UTF8&qid=1506474762&sr=1-1-spell



Wednesday, September 27, 2017

Tips On Saving Money By Installing Quality Home Equipment

     This past year, I have been busy doing some home remodeling to update the look of my house. I did my research first, and made sure that the quality of products that I used to remodel my home were top notch.

     Today on the blog, my guest writer Wendy Dessler returns to share some tips on home improvements that will add value to your house:



We all want a beautiful home that is well kept, modern, and functioning. We invest a lot of money into our homes and it is usually our greatest asset. 

When we working hard to pay off our homes, or even got trapped in some serious debts because of our investments in property, we need to make sure we have a positive approach to dealing with debt constantly. Beside going for debt consolidation or similar measures, we can also start from investing properly into our home.

The value of our homes have a direct impact on our borrowing power, and credit worthiness. So, when it comes time to remodel, replace or repair, we want to get the most we can for our money. 
Go For Good Quality

There are certain home improvement jobs that simply require good quality. While we may cut corners with cosmetic treatments like carpet, decor, and window treatments (they can be upgraded later), replacing sinks in the kitchen or bath with modern sinks or vessels is a job you want to do once and do well. 

Modern sinks and vessels come in a wide range of colors, styles, designs, and sizes. They are beautiful and have a huge impact on the functionality and aesthetics of the room. The sinks is usually a focal point of the kitchen and bath. 

Installing a low quality sink may seem like a good idea at the time, but when you consider what can go wrong, you will think again. Not only will a poor quality sink not last as long as a high-quality sink, but if you develop unseen leaks water will damage:

  • Countertops
  • Floors
  • Walls and sheetrock


Leaks also lead to warped wood and mold growth which is dangerous to your health. 



Even When Renovating....

There are also home repairs and additions that will save you money overall if you go with higher quality equipment. One area that comes to mind is the addition of windows, roofing, and doorways. 

While the initial investment will be less if you use traditional materials, over the life of your home, you would save money by installing quality options. Houses are meant to last for decades, and should not deteriorate easily. Many of these quality options come with a warranty. 

For example, by installing quality windows, the temperature of the house can be increased significantly. The energy costs to heat and cool the building is also positively affected.

Make sure to keep your home well organized using different tactics and hacks, as that will also help you save more and maintain your home easier.
Conclusion

These examples show that when it comes to the home, it saves you money to go with higher quality home equipment. 

This improves the quality of your home and increases your property value. The cost of installing high-quality equipment is always less than replacing and repairing over and over again. 

Author Bio
Wendy Dessler
Wendy is a super-connector with Outreachmama who helps businesses find their audience online through outreach, partnerships, and networking. She frequently writes about the latest advancements in digital marketing and focuses her efforts on developing customized blogger outreach plans depending on the industry and competition.


Friday, September 22, 2017

Fly On The Wall In A Hurricane

     Welcome to another edition of Fly On The Wall group blog postings, hosted by Karen of Baking In A Tornado. Today, seven brave bloggers are inviting you into their homes to be a fly on
the wall to see what REALLY goes on behind closed doors.

     At the Doyle abode, we've been preoccupied with hurricanes. It has been an active season in the tropics with many of the storms hitting Cat 4 status and above, destroying property not only on the coastal regions but inland as well. I live in south Florida, and Hurricane Irma left her mark here, too. Our family and our home survived, thank God, but my lovely yard is a different story. Yes, we can replant, but it was hard to see 12 years worth of labor destroyed in a matter of hours. My husband wept the morning after the storm when he saw what was left of our yard. But in typical Doyle fashion, the entire family pitched in to clean up the debris and start the replanting process. And through it all, we never lost our sense of humor. Because that's what Doyles do in the worst of times.



     When Hurricane Irma made landfall, it sounded like the hounds of hell were outside my window. The god-awful howling lasted a good 14 hours, with tornadoes and microbursts whirling through our neighborhood. There were nine of us hunkered down here (plus four dogs, a rabbit, and three chinchillas) in my small home, and when we lost power for several days, things got interesting. We entertained ourselves with card games, silly stories and a LOT of stupid photographs. We were sweaty and tired and bloated from eating SO MANY HURRICANE SNACKS. That might have been the biggest casualty of all; most of us gained at least five pounds in just four days from a diet of cookies, chips, vodka, and beer.


     If you were a fly on the wall in my home this past month, you would have seen a lot of panic, sleepless nights, and binge-eating. But you also would have seen our own special brand of humor when it comes to handling stress:

"I see that you tried to sneak some healthy snacks in with the regular hurricane snacks. Don't you know by now that non-GMO means non-tasty?"

"I'm using Hurricane Irma as my excuse for this week's online retail therapy."

"Mom, you need to get out more in the sun. You're starting to look like Casper The Ghost."
"I don't think going outside right now during a hurricane is gonna help me get much of a tan....."

On hurricane snacking: "It's all fun and games until the hurricane is over and you can no longer fit into your jeans."

"My God, I wish the power would come back on soon, because this house smells like sweat, dog pee, and the ghost of old farts."

Me, panicked: "The internet just went out, and I heard we won't get it back for at least a week
Hubs, smirking: "Hon, you'll just have to learn how to entertain yourself now without spending hours on social media."
Me: "Yes, but it also means you can't play War Machine or virtual basketball on your iPad, either."
Hubs: **blinks** "Wait----what?"

"Remember all those times I said I wished that I could have lived during the romantic Renaissance era? Scratch that. I'm already sick of pooping by candlelight and bathing in cold water."


     Fingers crossed that there are no more hurricanes this season. If there are, I'll to be forced to buy the next size up in jeans.



Buzz around, see what you think, then click on these links for a peek into some other homes:

Baking In A Tornado                  http://www.BakingInATornado. com
Menopausal Mother                     http://www.menopausalmom.com/
Searching for Sanity                 http://singlemumplusone. blogspot.com
Spatulas on Parade                    http://spatulasonparade. blogspot.com/
Never Ever Give Up Hope                   http://batteredhope.blogspot. com
Bookworm in the Kitchen             http://www. bookwormkitchen.com/    
The Blogging 911                       http://theblogging911.com/ blog

Thursday, September 21, 2017

Your Smile, Your Love: 4 Common Points


     As most of you know, I'm all about humor and providing plenty of smiles. What you might not know about me though, is that I once worked as a dental assistant many years ago, and I know the importance of being able to smile without worrying about how your teeth look.

     Please welcome my guest, Dr. Bach, on the site today who is here to stress the importance of good dental health, which is critical to maintaining your pearly whites!  



Your Smile, Your Love – 4 Common Points

When we’re happy, we smile – it’s just a fact. Whether we’re spending time with friends and family, listening to our favorite song, watching the latest episode of the latest binge-worthy show, or savoring a slice of the best cheesecake in the world, doing something you love just puts a smile on your face. Don’t think it’s true? Here are four common points between smiling and love that are sure to get you grinning.
Both Are Contagious
Let’s face it – if you’re around smiling people all day, you’re liable to start smiling yourself. Good moods have always been contagious, as it’s hard to maintain even the most long-brewing pout when everywhere you go there’s just happiness everywhere.
Love is often the same. When it’s expansive and mutual, whether it’s between long-married spouses, treasured children and grandchildren, or lifelong friends, enduring love just tends to be contagious. That’s one thing nobody should mind catching!
Both Are Natural Painkillers
This isn’t a case of tough love or smiling through the pain – both smiling and experiencing pain have been clinically proven to provide pain relief. This might sound like some of the mind control malarkey you might have run across in the 1970s, but it’s not magic – it’s just brain chemistry.
It doesn’t matter if you’re head over heels in love with your spouse, filled with joy at the sight of a grandchild, or if you’re watching your favorite movie and you’ve been smiling and laughing nonstop for two hours straight, these actions trigger the release of neurotransmitters in your brain. Known as endorphins (and having a reputation as nature’s pain killers), these brain chemicals heighten and intensify positive moods, making them feel pleasurable – and often wipe out any aches and pains you might be feeling at the same time. Isn’t science wonderful?
Both Make You Look – and Feel – Younger
No one will ever deny that experiencing and feeling love can make you feel young at heart. There’s research to back this up, as married couples in deep, committed relationships tend to live longer – and have happier lives – than those who are perpetually single. Of course, if you’re not married to someone you love, it might be time to change; you don’t want to be miserable the rest of your life, do you?
Meanwhile, scientists say smiling can also lead to longevity benefits. Forget any stress caused by laugh lines for now – smiling and laughing regularly induce physiological changes in your body that help to reduce stress, making you feel healthier. Plus, a genuine smile can take years off your face, but the opposite is also true. Just as spending your time with people who don’t love you brings you down, going for hours or days without smiling robs you of its physical benefits.
Both Need to Be Taken Care of
Love is great, love is grand, but love doesn’t manage itself. Maintaining healthy relationships with your closest loved ones may not require extreme micromanagement, but you do need to work at it by spending quality time with the people in your life that lift your spirits when you’re around them. Otherwise, relationships have a tendency to dry up and disappear – like a potted plant you forgot to water.
Your smile is much the same – your pearly whites won’t brush themselves. Dental health is pretty important, especially since it’s hard to grin and bear it when you feel self-conscious about the state of your smile. Just like you need to check in regularly with your friends and family members to build love, you’ve got to check in with your dentist often to maintain your smile. If you happen to live in Montreal, you can contact Dr.Bach by clicking here.




Wednesday, September 20, 2017

End Of Summer Party With A Beautiful Candy Bouquet


     As summer comes to a close, I begin thinking of fall and the upcoming holidays it brings. I also think of all the sweet treats that I love during this time of year. A great way to celebrate the end of summer is with a candy buffet! Doesn't that sound delicious?

     Please welcome today's guest writer, Wendy Dessler, who is here to share her creative ideas on ordering candy mixtures and using them as part of your decorations for themed celebrations. 

          End Of Summer Party With A Beautiful Candy Buffet

Summer is fading away into the sunset and the cool days of fall are nearly here.  By saying good-bye with a fun party, complete with a beautiful candy buffet, you are welcoming a new season and preparing school children for the joys of returning to school or even celebrate on another occasion such as your wedding anniversary.

There are many themes that work with this buffet, but we suggest a “changes” theme.  The backdrop and tablecloth can fade from sunny yellows to oranges and browns.  Sunny rays begin the backdrop, then go into falling leaves as it nears the bottom. 

Use the same “change” theme with the candy mixtures as well.  The top of the jars can be layers of yellows, pastels, creams, and pinks.  As you move toward the center of the jar, deepen the colors to blues and deep green, ending with oranges, browns and fall colors.  Think candy corn, caramels and chocolates. This keeps your candy selections to three schemes, pastels, blues, and falls.


Work your table from left to right, using summer themes on the left (shells, flip-flops, sunglasses) to the right (rulers, books, apples, and pencils).

Use your imagination to create a change of season centerpiece. Foam comes in various sizes and shapes and one side can be your summer loves and the other side, all about fall.  The hobby store or fabric store is a great place to get ideas for your custom made centerpiece. The pieces are easy to attach to the foam. Use pencils, pens, flowers, and chalk to fill in open areas.

Your goodie bags can be small Solo cups with the chalkboard labels made in.  Or you may go with school theme snack size baggies. Of course you can go with traditional paper favor bags, which are available at Sweet Services.

Consider rock candy suckers as they come in a variety of colors.  Oversize suckers, cotton candy, and marshmallows are great to fill in empty spots.

Buying Bulk Candy 

Our favorite supplier for bulk candy is www.Sweetservices.com. They always have a wide selection and will help you work with-in your theme and your budget.  You will want to order your supplies early to save money on rush orders.

Collect containers from family and friends, but if you simply cannot find what you need, Sweet Services can assist you with that as well. 

Most people plan on eight ounces of candy per guest. The size of the gift bags or boxes has a big impact on the amount of candy you require. To limit the amount of candy a guests scoops, use smaller ladles, scoops, or decorated spoons. 

The great thing about end of summer candy buffets is the great savings to be had on all the summer candy. Soon, shelves will be filling with autumn colors of fall. So now is the time to grab some great deals. You also can find great deals on back to school items which will add the finishing touches to your buffet. All you need is a little imagination. 

As summer comes to an end, enjoy some designer sweets from Sweet Services and make plans to meet again next year to celebrate the most beautiful season of the year, with good friends, good fun, and good candy! Your candy buffet is a sure hit with kids of all ages!


Author Bio:
Wendy Dessler
Wendy is a super-connector with Outreachmama who helps businesses find their audience online through outreach, partnerships, and networking. She frequently writes about the latest advancements in digital marketing and focuses her efforts on developing customized blogger outreach plans depending on the industry and competition.


Friday, September 15, 2017

How To Prepare For A Hurricane In 15 Easy Steps

     As many of you know, I live in south Florida, and we just experienced the wrath of Hurricane Irma last weekend. It was frightening to say the least, and despite losing much of our beautiful landscaping, our power, and our internet (gasp!), we survived unscathed, thank God.

     In order to occupy my time during the long power outage, I did what I do best when I'm stressed----I turned to humor and wrote the following post on how to prepare for a hurricane. Enjoy! 


1. Turn on weather channel. Note lines for bottled water, gas, and plywood. Hit panic mode the minute you realize you are in the "cone of concern."

2. Ignoring the gallons of available tap water from your kitchen sink, map out strategic plan to find brand name water bottles in your neighborhood. Camp outside Walmart at 5:30 a.m. until the supply truck rolls in.

3. Tune into weather channel, chew your fingernails down to bloody stubs and tell everyone on social media how frightened you are.


4. Sit in line two hours for gas. Yell obscenities at the guy taking 30 minutes to fill up ten containers for his generator.

5. Stock up on eggs, liquor and bread. Return to store for a case of Twinkies and several bags of Cheetos.

6. Watch old videos online of other catastrophic hurricanes, then tell everyone on social media that you think you might die.

7. Realize you are low on batteries and spend four hours driving around town until you find the last package for 75$ sold by some shady guy at a roadside stand. Ignore the expiration date of 07/2010 on the box.

8. Tune into weather channel and realize you need more wood, more nails, and a helluva lot more toilet paper.

9. Update your will.


10. Wash ALL of your underwear in the event you are unable to do laundry. Consider buying adult diapers. 

11. Check The Weather Channel. Eat entire tube of Pringles.

12. Cover all windows with shutters and plywood. Velcro your three cats together so you don't lose them in the storm. Hunker down in the bathtub with your mattress and the velcroed cats.

13. Consume three sacks of chocolate chip cookies while you wait out the storm. 

14. Once the hurricane passes, prepare to live in the Dark Ages in 90 degree heat with no electricity, no hot water, and people who have not bathed in a week.

15. Celebrate your survival by polishing off the rest of the Twinkies. 




Friday, September 1, 2017

The 13 Most Annoying People On Social Media (And I'm One Of Them)

     I love social media. It keeps me connected to family and friends who live near and far. It's fun catching up with everyone by reading their status updates and checking out their latest Instagram photos. My husband doesn't understand this. He had a Twitter account for all of sixty seconds before deleting it, because he thought reading about what others were eating for lunch or watching on TV was a waste of time. He's probably right about that, but Facebook is the sweet seductress who summons me at all hours of the day and night just to take a "quick peek" at the world I socialize in. Instagram is cool if I want a quick social fix though photo montages that my friends post, or Snapchat, which is FUN----but how many times can you watch someone with a photoshopped deer's nose and ears talking to you in a distorted, high pitched voice?

     As much as I love the diversity of friends that I have on social media, there are still certain types of people on the various platforms I use that annoy the heck out of me. But let's be real----I'm guilty of more than just a few of these stereotypes.......



THE SELFIE QUEENS (And Kings): Usually it's the women I see posting selfies on social media, but there are also quite a few fellows who post photos of their six-pack abs after a grueling workout at the gym. Naturally, these don't bother me so much---I rather admire them. It's kind of like flipping through the annual firefighter's calendar. But the women......geez, enough with the duck face selfies, ladies. Your normal smile is beautiful---you don't need to pucker up your lips in an attempt to like Angelina Joule or Lisa Rinna....or a mallard.

VAGUEBOOKERS: These people on Facebook drive me nuts. Stop posting things like, "Well, I didn't see THAT coming", or, "Wow, I am so over my husband after what he just did."
     Oh please, do tell. We're sitting over here on pins and needles, just watching your train wreck
unfold.

THE FOODIE: You know the type----they make sure their dinner plate presentation is five-star quality before posting a pic of it on Instagram or Facebook **Raises hand** (okay, I AM GUILTY of this one). The same goes for alcoholic beverages. Hey, I'll even add a spear of fresh fruit and a paper umbrella to my drinks just to show off my flair for mixology (and to make you really, really thirsty).

THE TV EPISODE SPOILERS:  I guess these social media peeps are unaware of time zone differences. Wars have been fought and friendships lost over people posting season finale results from The Bachelor, This Is Us, or Game Of Thrones, before the rest of the population has seen the final episode.

THE PHOTO TAGGERS: I cannot stress this enough----DO NOT TAG ME ON SOCIAL MEDIA IN ANY PHOTOS WHERE I LOOK LIKE A TROLL. This crap always happens to me when I'm most vulnerable---like when I'm taking a three-hour power nap on a Sunday afternoon, or when I'm in the woods and have no WiFi access (ok, I'm not in the woods very often, so let's just say it happens when I'm stuck at the hardware store with Hubs and there's no internet connection whatsoever). If you are a decent friend, you will never tag me in a photo where my muffin top is bursting out in all of its glory.....or when I'm having a bad hair day and my tresses look like a used Brillo pad.

DRUNK FACEBOOKERS: Rule No.#1....never, EVER, engage with people late at night on social media when you've had one too many libations. You'll either be ranting about the injustices in the world or writing about how you want to start a GoFundMe page for endangered whales. Drunk Facebookers are also known for sending flirtatious, private messages at 3:00 am in an attempt to amp up a friendship with the object of their desire---married or not. Is this the internet equivalent to pickup lines in a bar?

THE WHINERS: These negative people (also known as "Attention Whores") have nothing better to do with their time than complain about everything and anything. They use social media as their personal diary. They're overworked, underpaid; their kids/spouse/in-laws are all a-holes, and no one appreciates them. They want your sympathy and an abundance of "likes" on their status updates to see who's listening and who actually gives a crap. Even the family dog isn't safe from their out of control ranting.

INSTAGRAM JUNKIES: These photographer-wannabes post pictures of everything from their cat cleaning its hind quarters to glorious sunsets outside their kitchen window (forgetting that everyone also sees the pile of dirty dishes sitting in the sink). I have nothing against a good photo, but for the love of all that is holy, stop posting multiple photos of your kid's DIY dorm room makeover on Instagram, or 15 different shots of the key lime pie you consumed after dinner. This stuff clogs my feed when I'm scrolling through to find what I really want----important stuff, like squirrel GIFs.


THE LOVEBIRDS: Hey, we get that you're in love with your spouse/significant other, but how many times must we be subjected to photos of you and your main squeeze lip-locked in the kitchen, the car, over a plate of steaming oysters at a trendy seafood restaurant, or in a crowded aisle at The Dollar Tree?

SOAPBOX JUNKIES: These people protest just about everything imaginable, from politics, to religious beliefs, to corporate greed, or even the price increase on a stack of pancakes at IHOP. They share their rants on social media in an attempt to sway their friends to their way of thinking, but this often backfires, leaving in its wake a trail of people who have swiftly "unfriended" you. I have to admit though, if you tell me you don't like chocolate chip pancakes, I might have to unfriend you, too.

PROUD PARENTS: I get that you're proud of your little munchkins. I'm proud of my munchkins, too, even though they're all grown up now. Perhaps if the internet had been around when my kids were born, I too, would be sharing a gazillion photos of their first smile, first bath, and the ever popular birthday-cake-smudged-face. Save all these adorable pics for the grandparents. I just want to see photos of your dog.

THE OVERZEALOUS SHARER: You know who these people are. They post stuff like, "If you believe in God, copy and paste this status on your Facebook wall"; "If you're a true friend, share this photo of a rose on Facebook, and then share it with ten more people, including me."
     You want roses? I hear they sell them by the dozen real cheap at Costco.

SHAMELESS SELF-PROMOTERS: "Wanna buy my life-changing book? Would you like to attend a party where I'll be doing demonstrations on a miracle face cream that will erase all those stress lines you acquired after having four kids? How about decorative stickers for your nails, or bath bombs that contain faux gems? Better yet, check out my new line of natural jewelry made out of wheat grass and hemp."
     No, people, I do not want to buy anything from you, unless, of course, you're selling adorable pug puppies. However, I DO have this book about someone stealing my spandex that I'm SURE will make you laugh.... **SHAMELESSLY INSERTS AMAZON LINK HERE**

     See? I told you I'm one of the most annoying people on the internet.....



***WANT MORE MENO MAMA? Read my new article featured on Her View From Home: "When The Amber Alert Is For Your Son"

Friday, August 18, 2017

Fly On The Wall At Summer's End

     Welcome to another edition of Fly On The Wall group postings, hosted by Karen of Baking In A Tornado. Today, nine courageous bloggers are welcoming you into their homes to catch a glimpse of what goes on behind closed doors.

     I'm sad to see that we only have a few more weeks of summer left. August has been an amazing month for us. We've had several birthdays in the family and all sorts of celebrations recently. We cracked open a bottle of champagne the day my very first article was featured on The Washington Post (WARNING: get your tissues out. You can read it HERE), something that has been on my bucket list for 2017, and then we celebrated Hub's birthday over the course of two weeks (because a Doyle celebration can never last just one day). Family gatherings have filled almost every weekend this summer, which makes me realize how fortunate I am to have all of my adult children living nearby. This has been one of our best summers yet---I can only hope that the fall will bring even more of the shenanigans that my family seems to love.


     As always, there were plenty of silly conversations going on during our gatherings, and I was lucky enough to catch a few.....


"I was just reminded of why I love being an empty nester."
"How so?"
"My youngest stopped by for the night. By the time he left, there were dirty dishes in the sink, a wet towel on the bathroom floor, a pizza box on the stove and an un-flushed toilet. Yeah, I don't miss the good ol' days of having a house full of teens...."

"I was just talking to a bluejay outside. Seriously, in bird language."
"Snow White has nothing on you."

"Cheese sticks are your remedy for everything. Hungry? Eat a cheese stick. Tired? Eat a cheese stick. Angry? Anxious? Got diarrhea? EAT A CHEESE STICK."

"I call my new fashion style, 'Anything With An Elastic Waistband'."

"I want to write a new blog post titled, '10 Reasons I'm A Good Wife.' Can you help me with it?"
"No, because I can't come up with of 10 reasons."

"Stop feeding all those little birds from our hotel balcony. If you don't stop, this place is going to look like something out of an Alfred Hitchcock movie. "

"I think I just swallowed the wrong pill. It was supposed to be my antidepressant, but I think it was one of the dog's pills."
"Well, at least now you don't have to worry about getting fleas."

"My skin is so bad from my landscaping job, the dermatologist will think I'm using sandpaper to erase my wrinkles."

"The medical form asks what my marital status is. Doesn't that depend on the day?'"

"You know you're getting old when you visit Disney World, a place that you've been going to for thirty years, only now you have to wear a knee brace to walk around the park, and you've become like Pavlov's dogs by needing to pee every time you see a restroom sign."

     Goodbye, summer. We'll be looking forward to more celebrations in the fall!


****WANT MORE MENO MAMA? This week you can find my featured essays at The Mom Life Chronicles and The Washington Post.


Buzz around, see what you think, then click on these links for a peek into some other homes:

Baking In A Tornado                  http://www.BakingInATornado. com
Menopausal Mother                     http://www.menopausalmom.com/
Searching for Sanity                 http://singlemumplusone. blogspot.com
Spatulas on Parade                    http://spatulasonparade. blogspot.com/
Never Ever Give Up Hope                   http://batteredhope.blogspot. com
Bookworm in the Kitchen                http://www.bookwormkitchen. com/   
TaylorLife                                         http://www.TaylorLife. com
Cynful Thoughts                               http://hercynfulthoughts. blogspot.com   
Evil Joy Speaks                               http://www.eviljoyspeaks.com

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