Menopausal Mother

     Welcome to another edition of Fly On The Wall group blog postings hosted by Karen of Baking In A Tornado. Today, 4 bloggers are bravely opening their homes to you for a sneak peek at what goes on behind closed doors. 

     The fly buzzing around my home right now is eyeing my diet breakfast---forget it, buddy! I'm eating every scrap of that tiny portion of bland oatmeal myself. No sharing!

     In other news, I'm feeling quite cranky because lately, I've been dealing with a broken A/C unit (it's 89 degrees out), a picky editor, a carb-free meal plan (ugh!), and of COURSE, my cable TV & internet has been going in and out.  Soooooo....in my preoccupied state of mind, I haven't had much time to snatch up quirky comments from my family members. Instead, I will (hopefully) inject some humor into today's post by sharing some of my favorite remarks from past FOW blogs---this one coming at you from 2018 (May-Aug. posts). Enjoy!

"You need to put a heating pad on your leg."
"Did you say an EATING pad?"
"No! A HEATING pad."
"Well good, because an EATING pad would probably take a large chunk out of my calf."

"Our cockroaches in south Florida aren't just normal-sized bugs; they're chupacabras."

"I just cleaned out the vegetable drawer in the freezer. I found a three-year-old, fuzzy lime in there that required a hazmat team to remove it."

"The requirements for renewing my driver's license at the DMV are ridiculous. I need a ton of paperwork just to prove my identity. They might as well ask for a urine sample or the results from my 23 and Me test. But I draw the line on sperm samples!"

"Stop sunbathing so much---your skin will end up looking as weathered as the paper the Constitution was written on."

"You know your daughter loves you when she uses her own electric trimmer to help you pluck your eyebrows and your nose hairs."

     Well folks, wish me luck with the cranky AC, the fussy editor, and the sketchy internet. I'd love to pour myself a nice libation right about now, but this damn diet......ughhhhh..... 

***WANT MORE MENO MAMA? Check out my latest article for Always Pets HERE. 

 

Buzz around, see what you think, then click on these links for a peek into some other homes:

 

Baking In A Tornado                  

https://www.bakinginatornado.com/2021/08/hopping-on-the-couch.html

Never Ever Give Up Hope             https://batteredhope.blogspot.com

Menopausal Mother                   http://www.menopausalmom.com/

Wandering Web Designer      https://wanderingwebdesigner.com/blog

What TF Sarah                     https://crazymamallama.blogspot.com/

     Since becoming an empty nester, I now have plenty of time to socialize with friends, write my memoir, or snag an hour for yoga. I no longer have to worry about planning trips around my children's school schedules or fret over what to feed a family of six. EVERYTHING in life is easier.

     But it wasn't always this way. My life was once chaotic and stressful, although I must admit, I loved staying busy. It gave me a sense of purpose. Now that the kids have moved out, my priorities have changed, and sometimes it feels weird not to have a strict schedule to follow.

     I look at young mothers today and wonder how they do it all while remaining tethered to the internet. I try to imagine what my life would have been like raising four kids if I'd had a computer in my home and a cell phone in my pocket.

     Distracted. That's what I would have been.

     My children were born between 1987 and 1995. I was a stay-at-home mom, and yes, sometimes it got pretty lonely being cooped up in a small house with four children under the age of eight. If I wanted social interaction, I had to drag my little beastlings to the gym where there was free daycare and I could do an aerobic workout for an hour with my friends. If that wasn't possible, there were always the Mommy & Me classes that were so popular in the late 80's. I made quite a few mom friends through the program, and we kept in touch by meeting at the park with our kids or hosting lunchtime playdates.

     If I wanted to stay connected by phone, it took a bit of planning. Our house had a landline with a long, curly cord in our living room. Whenever the kids were occupied watching a VHS tape (it was either that or the PBS channel---our options were extremely limited), I would set up their snacks, quickly pull the corded phone into the next room for a little privacy, and chat for approximately 30 minutes---or until the video ended.

     Long distance friendships were even harder to maintain. The calling fees were too expensive, so most of my relationships existed through handwritten letters. I recall writing 30 page letters to some of my best friends and waiting eagerly by the mailbox for their response two weeks later. Snail mail was the only way to stay connected, but it made us appreciate the time and effort it took to write a handwritten letter. It proved to the writer and the recipient that they mattered.

     If cell phones had been around back then, I know I would have been preoccupied texting my friends and sharing silly videos on Instagram, because I'm the type of person who is easily sucked into social media. God bless the mothers today who aren't, but as for me, I know I'd be curled up on the sofa far too long with my phone, scrolling through photos and Facebook updates while my kids played nearby.

     A night out to dinner with the kids in tow was also never an easy feat. They became bored after the first ten minutes, got antsy waiting for their food, and were always in a hurry to get back home once they'd finished eating. It was up to my husband and me to keep them occupied at the table. We told funny stories, drew in their coloring books, or played tic-tac-toe on the paper placemats....anything to keep them busy. As much as I enjoyed those times, there was always the stress of eating quickly (hello, heartburn) and praying that no one would have a meltdown in the restaurant.

     I'm pretty sure that if iPads and cellphones existed when my children were young, I would have been sorely tempted to use them to keep my kids entertained while my husband and I enjoyed a glass of wine before dinner.

     The same goes for vacations, which were even more of a challenge. We once drove from south Florida to Missouri for spring vacation, and the 24 hour drive was interminable. Staring out the car window at a flat landscape with the occasional appearance of a cow was not great entertainment for a five-year-old. The best we could do was arm our kids with headphones and storybook tapes for their cassette players. When that became tiring for them, my husband and I popped children's sing-a-long tapes into the car's stereo and sang goofy songs with them until our eyes glazed over. The only thing that saved us from losing our sanity during that road trip was when the kids finally became drowsy and fell asleep---but even then we had to whisper, and we couldn't play the radio too loud for fear of waking them. Let's just say that by the time that trip was over, children's songs like Raffi's "Baby Beluga" were a constant ear worm that took months to get rid of.

     If we'd had access to games on cellphones and tablets for our kids, our road trips would have been ten times less stressful. And I wouldn't have been stuck for weeks with kid songs in my head.

     How is all of this different from what mothers are experiencing today? I'm not going to say that they have it better or worse---every generation has its own challenges. Social media is a great way for moms to stay connected to the outside world, and to seek advice or find like-minded parents who are struggling with similar childrearing issues. There are tons of online mommy groups and pediatric websites that make searching for answers literally just a click away. We never had this luxury; sometimes it took hours to get through to a doctor in the middle of the night and numerous trips to the emergency room just to get medication for a simple infection, since most pharmacies closed by 10:00 p.m.

     Honestly, back in the 80's and 90's, I would have enjoyed staying in constant contact with my friends via emails, texts and social media, but I would NOT have liked living my life under a public microscope where everyone would have been free to judge my parenting skills. There's very little privacy nowadays, but a whole lot of criticism floating around, and as a young mother, I cannot imagine living with that burden while trying to raise my kids. From disciplinary tactics to eating organic or non-organic foods, everyone has an opinion, and no parent is immune from being judged on their decisions.

     I'm also extremely grateful that cellphone photos and videos did not exist when I was a young. Once that stuff is out in the internet, you can never erase it. No one needs to see that photo taken eons ago on my friend's Kodak camera of me being carried out of a party after I'd had one too many vodka tonics. Nope. That evidence from my partying days was burned, and my kids will one day be thankful for being spared from seeing it.

     Now that I'm an empty nester, I have all the time in the world to indulge in my social media connections. I love the freedom of it, but given half the chance, I wouldn't trade it for the internet-free time that I spent with my children while they were growing up....Baby Beluga and all.


***WANT MORE MENO MAMA? This week you can catch me on Pickle Fork with The Three Stages Of A High School Reunion and on Reality Moms with 9 Reasons I Love Having Adult Children.

     We all have those craptastic days when multiple things go wrong. Bad things. Some call it Murphy's Law. Others simply refer to it as a streak of bad luck. I like to blame my misfortune on gremlins, because it's easier to blame them, rather than admit that I may or may not have done something stupid.

     I was inspired to write a post about the things that make me say, "UGH!" after reading my friend Seanna's blog---The Seanna Method, on this very same subject. She came up with quite a few things that drive her crazy, but I have some more pet peeves of my own to add to the list, such as:


Stepping outside your back door in the morning, right into a pile of dog poo....barefoot.

When you just finish waxing the car and it rains.

Digging out slimy food particles that are stuck in the dish drain <gag>

When someone puts the toilet paper roll on backwards. Savages!

You think you're done folding that mountain of laundry only to find that the dryer is packed with more clothes. Hey, at least they're clean!

When you're trying to stick to your diet and the kids bring home a large pizza....with extra pepperoni on top.

You get out of the shower, towel off, and realize you forgot to shave your legs. Decision time: shave or be mistaken for Bigfoot.

When you're napping on a Sunday afternoon and the kids pop over for a surprise visit...with three of their loudest friends.

The way your stomach feels when you overdo it.....such as after a Thanksgiving feast and that second helping of pumpkin pie you should have skipped.

You accidentally wash your new t-shirt in hot water and it shrinks down two sizes. Your shirt is now a crop top. Welcome to the 80's!

When you've sworn off sugar for the month, and someone shows up at work with a box of donuts.

You're late for an appointment but you can't find the car keys you had in your hand five minutes ago. Early dementia?


When its 90 degrees out, you're hot flashing, and the A/C quits.

You're more than halfway done writing an email or essay online and the internet goes out. And of course, you forgot to SAVE the document.

When you're trying to get some sleep but your neighbors have gone out for a late evening and left their non-stop barking dog outside.


You're late for work and drive six blocks from home before realizing you might not have locked the front door.

When you're in the middle of watching a really good television program and the cable goes out.

Solicitations for bank loans, credit card debt, and people looking for donations to save wayward cats, who phone your home during the dinner hour. Don't even get me started on the political phone calls......

When friends stop by your house unannounced and you haven't bothered to clean the place in a week. Even worse when you've just microwaved cabbage and salmon for dinner and the house smells like a fishing wharf.


     Can you relate to these troublesome situations? What sort of things make you say, "UGH!" ??

****WANT MORE MENO MAMA?  This past week I had two essays featured on different sites! Read about my Zumba class bonding experience at Her View From Home. Then check out my perspective on the elderly and how they are being shunned by today's youth-oriented society, which you can find at Fifty Shades Of Aging.

     I love social media. It keeps me connected to family and friends who live near and far. It's fun catching up with everyone by reading their status updates and checking out their latest Instagram photos. My husband doesn't understand this. He had a Twitter account for all of sixty seconds before deleting it, because he thought reading about what others were eating for lunch or watching on TV was a waste of time. He's probably right about that, but Facebook is the sweet seductress who summons me at all hours of the day and night just to take a "quick peek" at the world I socialize in. Instagram is cool if I want a quick social fix though photo montages that my friends post, or Snapchat, which is FUN----but how many times can you watch someone with a photoshopped deer's nose and ears talking to you in a distorted, high pitched voice?

     As much as I love the diversity of friends that I have on social media, there are still certain types of people on the various platforms I use that annoy the heck out of me. But let's be real----I'm guilty of more than just a few of these stereotypes.......



THE SELFIE QUEENS (And Kings): Usually it's the women I see posting selfies on social media, but there are also quite a few fellows who post photos of their six-pack abs after a grueling workout at the gym. Naturally, these don't bother me so much---I rather admire them. It's kind of like flipping through the annual firefighter's calendar. But the women......geez, enough with the duck face selfies, ladies. Your normal smile is beautiful---you don't need to pucker up your lips in an attempt to like Angelina Joule or Lisa Rinna....or a mallard.

VAGUEBOOKERS: These people on Facebook drive me nuts. Stop posting things like, "Well, I didn't see THAT coming", or, "Wow, I am so over my husband after what he just did."
     Oh please, do tell. We're sitting over here on pins and needles, just watching your train wreck
unfold.

THE FOODIE: You know the type----they make sure their dinner plate presentation is five-star quality before posting a pic of it on Instagram or Facebook **Raises hand** (okay, I AM GUILTY of this one). The same goes for alcoholic beverages. Hey, I'll even add a spear of fresh fruit and a paper umbrella to my drinks just to show off my flair for mixology (and to make you really, really thirsty).

THE TV EPISODE SPOILERS:  I guess these social media peeps are unaware of time zone differences. Wars have been fought and friendships lost over people posting season finale results from The Bachelor, This Is Us, or Game Of Thrones, before the rest of the population has seen the final episode.

THE PHOTO TAGGERS: I cannot stress this enough----DO NOT TAG ME ON SOCIAL MEDIA IN ANY PHOTOS WHERE I LOOK LIKE A TROLL. This crap always happens to me when I'm most vulnerable---like when I'm taking a three-hour power nap on a Sunday afternoon, or when I'm in the woods and have no WiFi access (ok, I'm not in the woods very often, so let's just say it happens when I'm stuck at the hardware store with Hubs and there's no internet connection whatsoever). If you are a decent friend, you will never tag me in a photo where my muffin top is bursting out in all of its glory.....or when I'm having a bad hair day and my tresses look like a used Brillo pad.

DRUNK FACEBOOKERS: Rule No.#1....never, EVER, engage with people late at night on social media when you've had one too many libations. You'll either be ranting about the injustices in the world or writing about how you want to start a GoFundMe page for endangered whales. Drunk Facebookers are also known for sending flirtatious, private messages at 3:00 am in an attempt to amp up a friendship with the object of their desire---married or not. Is this the internet equivalent to pickup lines in a bar?

THE WHINERS: These negative people (also known as "Attention Whores") have nothing better to do with their time than complain about everything and anything. They use social media as their personal diary. They're overworked, underpaid; their kids/spouse/in-laws are all a-holes, and no one appreciates them. They want your sympathy and an abundance of "likes" on their status updates to see who's listening and who actually gives a crap. Even the family dog isn't safe from their out of control ranting.

INSTAGRAM JUNKIES: These photographer-wannabes post pictures of everything from their cat cleaning its hind quarters to glorious sunsets outside their kitchen window (forgetting that everyone also sees the pile of dirty dishes sitting in the sink). I have nothing against a good photo, but for the love of all that is holy, stop posting multiple photos of your kid's DIY dorm room makeover on Instagram, or 15 different shots of the key lime pie you consumed after dinner. This stuff clogs my feed when I'm scrolling through to find what I really want----important stuff, like squirrel GIFs.


THE LOVEBIRDS: Hey, we get that you're in love with your spouse/significant other, but how many times must we be subjected to photos of you and your main squeeze lip-locked in the kitchen, the car, over a plate of steaming oysters at a trendy seafood restaurant, or in a crowded aisle at The Dollar Tree?

SOAPBOX JUNKIES: These people protest just about everything imaginable, from politics, to religious beliefs, to corporate greed, or even the price increase on a stack of pancakes at IHOP. They share their rants on social media in an attempt to sway their friends to their way of thinking, but this often backfires, leaving in its wake a trail of people who have swiftly "unfriended" you. I have to admit though, if you tell me you don't like chocolate chip pancakes, I might have to unfriend you, too.

PROUD PARENTS: I get that you're proud of your little munchkins. I'm proud of my munchkins, too, even though they're all grown up now. Perhaps if the internet had been around when my kids were born, I too, would be sharing a gazillion photos of their first smile, first bath, and the ever popular birthday-cake-smudged-face. Save all these adorable pics for the grandparents. I just want to see photos of your dog.

THE OVERZEALOUS SHARER: You know who these people are. They post stuff like, "If you believe in God, copy and paste this status on your Facebook wall"; "If you're a true friend, share this photo of a rose on Facebook, and then share it with ten more people, including me."
     You want roses? I hear they sell them by the dozen real cheap at Costco.

SHAMELESS SELF-PROMOTERS: "Wanna buy my life-changing book? Would you like to attend a party where I'll be doing demonstrations on a miracle face cream that will erase all those stress lines you acquired after having four kids? How about decorative stickers for your nails, or bath bombs that contain faux gems? Better yet, check out my new line of natural jewelry made out of wheat grass and hemp."
     No, people, I do not want to buy anything from you, unless, of course, you're selling adorable pug puppies. However, I DO have this book about someone stealing my spandex that I'm SURE will make you laugh.... **SHAMELESSLY INSERTS AMAZON LINK HERE**

     See? I told you I'm one of the most annoying people on the internet.....


***WANT MORE MENO MAMA? Read my new article featured on Her View From Home: "When The Amber Alert Is For Your Son"

   Tomorrow marks the five year anniversary of Menopausal Mother. I've seen a lot of changes in the blog world since I first started; large sites that I never imagined would fold---but have, and smaller blogs that took off on viral posts and made overnight sensations out of a handful of bloggers. I've seen page views rise, fall, and sometimes skyrocket in a 24 hour span when a particular post has hit a nerve. Some of those popular posts introduced me to the underbelly of the blogosphere---internet trolls that harassed me and made me question if I was cut out to be a writer. Fortunately, I learned to develop a tough skin and ignore their insults.

     I've reached goals that five years ago I never dreamed would be a reality for me, and ridden the waves of both success and failure more times than I can count. More importantly, I've learned that I can dust myself off after a fall and climb back onto the saddle of my unpredictable muse.

     The blogosphere has also given me life-long friends who have mentored and encouraged me since the beginning. There have been numerous times when I've considered folding up Menopausal Mother for good, but these lovely blogger friends remind me that there are faithful readers out there who come here for a little lift when the rest of the world is not so kind. I can't argue with that because I need laughter in my life just as much as anyone else.
   
     One of the main reasons I started this blog was to bring joy to women who were experiencing the same, uncomfortable symptoms of menopause that I was facing. But over time, it became so much more. I realized early on that I couldn't focus solely on menopause---I was limiting my audience. So I started writing about my family life, friends, my quirky habits, work, vacations, and my love for all the four-legged fur babies who live in my home. I also opened up about my depression issues and the personal losses I've faced over the years. Although those were the hardest posts to write, they garnered the most comments and gave me the support I needed when sadness was getting the best of me. I'd wanted to keep my blog upbeat at all times, but a fellow writer once told me that she felt I wasn't keeping things "real" on my site, and accused me of hiding behind my humor. She challenged me to write something that made me uneasy; to step out of my comfort zone and share something so painful and raw that I would feel myself bleeding across the page while I wrote it.


     So I did. And as terrified as I was, I hit "publish" after writing my first serious piece, The Box, several years ago. That morning, I closed my laptop and stepped out of the office for a bit because I was too afraid to read the comments I'd receive. But as frightening as it was to take that first leap into non-humor, there was also a strong sense of relief knowing that I'd finally removed many self-imposed boundaries by sharing something deeply personal with total strangers on the internet.

     When I checked back in on the site later that morning, the response was overwhelmingly positive, and I knew at the moment that my writer friend had given me the best advice possible. I still prefer to write humor on my blog, but since that time, I've been sprinkling a few poignant pieces over the comedic posts to add a little boost of flavor to Menopausal Mother.

     My blog and I have come a long way since that August afternoon in 2011 when I published my very first post. I've discovered that the blogosphere is a strange and wonderful place; a great starting point for my initial goal of writing a book, and for sharing articles on larger websites in an effort to spread an important message. Blogging has also been the perfect platform for self-expression and for connecting with others who share the same vision. Over time, I've developed an amazing, supportive community of readers both here and on my Facebook fan page, and it's their enthusiasm that motivates me to continue writing.

     Thank you all for standing by me through bouts of writer's block and for being my inspiration these past five years. I hope to bring you many more years of laughter, and I look forward to hearing from each and every one of you soon. Cheers!



****WANT MORE MENO MAMA? It has been a busy week for sharing blog posts! I was featured  Scary Mommy with "A Mother's Advice to Her Son heading Off to College",  and on The Tribe with "15 Things No Parent Should Have to Say to Their Teen Daughter." Have a look and see what you think!


   

     Before the ball drops in Times Square, we have our New Year's resolutions figured out. We toast to a prosperous year ahead and have every intention of following through on our resolutions.

     And it works....for about three months. It's easy to get sidetracked from our goals by stress, boredom and a really good plate of pasta marinara. Over the years, I've learned not to make such stringent resolutions for myself. What's the point? I know I'm going to break them anyway, since I'm as easily distracted as a six-year-old in the toy aisle at Target.

     When I was in my early twenties, it was simple to make a bucket list of things I wanted to do for the coming year. Hop on a plane to Paris, explore the Greek islands, or run with the bulls in Pamplona, Spain. Now that I've hit my middle-age years, I'd be lucky to run with the llamas in Bolivia.

     My expectations are lower these days, freeing me from the guilt trips I faced when I broke my resolutions early in the new year. I know what I'd like to see happen in the coming year, but I'm a realist, and frankly, if I can get through the next twelve months without breaking any bones or needing cholesterol medication, I'd call the year a success.


 Lose Weight
     Resolution: I'm going to lose these extra pounds that have inflated my waistline like the Goodyear Blimp. I'll just cut back on portion size, skip the carmel lattes and eat more leafy greens.
     Reality: Is that a bag of Doritoes?

Exercise More
     Resolution: I'll join a gym so that I can be in shape for swimsuit season. Working out with weights every day will get rid of my underarm wing flaps so that I'm no longer mistaken for a sugar glider.
     Reality: I haven't been to the gym in three months because I'm too damn busy. I have dirty laundry piled higher than the Sierra Nevada Mountain Range, and there's a colony of dust bunnies breeding under my couch. I'm terminally tired and easily swayed by the sweet siren song of my memory foam mattress. I'll go to the gym tomorrow, I promise.....

Save Money
     Resolution: I need to put more money into my retirement fund. Winnebagos aren't cheap.
     Reality: My appliances have different plans for me this year. With a weeping toilet, an ornery washing machine, and a dishwasher that gave up the ghost two days ago, the only recreational vehicle  I'll be driving after retirement is a Vespa.

Drink Less
     Resolution: It's bad enough that my brain isn't as sharp as it used to be when I was in my twenties. I need more gingko biloba and less tequila.
     Reality: Wait a minute---have I had two margaritas, or three? How can I cut back on drinking if I can't remember my resolutions by the time I've had my second drink?

Get More Sleep:
     Resolution: I'm going to get to bed earlier instead of staying up late every night to watch Netflix.
     Reality: I'm only going to watch one more episode of Downtown Abbey and then I swear I'm going to bed.

Spend Less time On The Internet
     Resolution: Social media is a time-suck. I'm going to deactivate all my accounts and focus on socializing with my real friends, not the ones who live inside my computer.
     Reality: I need to see the latest food porn photos on Instagram and Facebook to find out what my friends are eating for lunch. Hopefully Pinterest has some clever recipes for deconstructed tuna casserole since I'm obviously not going to have time to cook tonight.

     I've accepted the fact that I suck at keeping New Year's Resolutions. For this reason, I'll be happy to raise my glass when the ball drops and toast to a future filled with long naps, Netflix, and maybe a llama or two.

     We're known as the "Baby Boomer" generation, but I prefer to think of people my age as the "Live and Learn" generation. We threw caution to the wind when we were young and tested the boundaries every chance we had to prove our invincibility to the world. We slept in cribs that were covered in lead based paint, rode bikes without helmets and consumed enough penny candy from the corner drugstore to fall into a sugar coma.

     Our Weekends were spent at beaches, lakes, and public pools without the protection of sunscreen lotion. Suntans were the norm and burns were treated with the smelly sap from an aloe plant.

     We didn't worry too much about what we ate---our food didn't come with nutrition labels listing the number of calories per serving or percentages of fat. We ate butter guilt-free in an age when words such as "triglycerides" and "cholesterol" were as alien to us as the moon.

   
     We rode in the back of station wagons without seat belts, and played games on the floorboards of cars. Our parents smoked as they drove (often with the windows rolled up), because no one knew that cigarettes caused lung cancer.

     And yet, we survived.

     There are so many memories from my childhood that my kids will never experience, which I'm pretty sure they're thankful to have missed. To them, a world without internet, cable TV, video games, cell phones and microwaves equates to living in a cave and communicating with rocks and sticks. It's beyond their comprehension how a family of six could share a single rotary phone, especially one that had a party line. And sadly, they will never know the joy of cramming six sweaty people into a telephone booth on a hot summer day.

 o
     What else have our children missed? The thrill of dropping off a roll of film from a Kodak Instamatic and counting down the days before the developed prints are ready from the local camera store. Luckily, there was no such thing as the internet back then, so all those incriminating photos we took from prom night and spring break remained hidden in the back of our closets.

     Remember drive-in theaters? There's still a few around in rural areas, but for the most part, they've gone the way of the dinosaurs. There was nothing more fun than to pack the Pontiac GTO with a cooler of food, some blankets and a few friends to watch a movie under the stars with a crackling speaker hooked to the car window.

     Sundays were a day of rest rather than a day spent bargain hunting at the local mall. When I was young, the only place in town that was open had a cross above its door, and the majority of our friends were sitting in its pews. Those lazy afternoons were perfect for reconnecting with family over a rousing game of Monopoly. It was also an opportunity to discover how ruthless your siblings could be when it came to buying up prime property on Boardwalk and Park Place.

     Our television programs were very different from the ones that kids watch today. The shows that aired were wholesome and entertaining. Granted, many of the TV sets in American homes were limited to three channels and adorned with rabbit ears wrapped in tin foil, but at least the shows reflected strong family values. Back then, there was no such thing as a "couch potato" since remote controls had yet to be invented.

     Today's kids will never know the cushion of safety we felt from the world outside of our small slice of suburbia. Front doors and car doors remained unlocked, and bicycles could be left out on the lawn overnight without worrying that they might be stolen. As children, we had more freedom to explore the neighborhood with our friends and could play at the park until dusk without fear of being abducted.

     Handwritten letters have all but disappeared as a form of communication these days. Thanks to technology, the messages our kids send to friends are  nothing more than abbreviated texts. There's something to be said about a six page, handwritten letter from a long distance friend who cared enough to take the time to write it.


    Forty years ago, "Google" couldn't be found in the Webster's Dictionary, and "Yahoo" was something cowboys yelled during a cattle drive. School projects were researched with thick books from the public library rather than by the click of a mouse. World Book Encyclopedias lined the shelves of many homes, and term papers were pounded out on a Smith Corona typewriter.

    There were no Starbucks, ATMs or iPads, but we grew up appreciative of what we had. Today's younger generation may have all the technological advantages that we could only dream of while watching The Jetsons, but I wouldn't trade it for the simple pleasures I had while growing up. But it sure is nice to surf the net while sipping on an ice cold frappuccino…..

     Most writers dream of having an article become viral on the internet. It has been on my bucket list for a long time. I've submitted humorous posts to dozens of websites, and although they were shared on social media, none ever made it to viral status.

     On a hunch, I submitted an older, poignant piece I'd written about my son to The Huffington Post (you can read it here). Within 24 hours, the post went viral. Was I elated? Yes. But I was also naive about the backlash it would create.

     At first, the support I received on the article was encouraging and compassionate. Unfortunately, it didn't take long for the internet trolls to come out to play. They circled like hungry sharks, and when the meat of my post was dropped into their tank, they went into a feeding frenzy.  My stomach was soon in knots--- I had to close my laptop and walk away. There were hundreds of comments on the site, but I stopped reading them after the first handful of cruel remarks were posted.

     This experience, on many levels, has been successful…. but it has also baffled me. Who are these trolls and why do they feel the need to bash writers? I was accused of being a horrid mother raising a demon seed, and told that I deserve what I get with my teenage son. I had to assume these remarks came from Stepford parents who had perfect children.  I was also labeled as a "whiner" (surely they meant "winer" since I have a fondness for pinot grigio) and a person lacking any skills in writing  (check back with me on that one after my book is published in a few months). The overwhelming, snarky responses had me wondering if there was a full moon out or the possibility that somewhere in the world, a group of people on a compound drank too much grape-flavored Kool-Aid.

     I fully support freedom of speech, but I was also raised with the old adage, "If you can't say anything nice, don't say anything at all." Have I read material that I thought was garbage? Of course. But I never felt the need to attack the writer by challenging his or her position. What these trolls fail to understand is that there are ways to debate issues and share personal opinions without sinking to belittling and name calling. Spewing venomous remarks on a writer's post tells me that this person has yet to outgrow the bullying tactics they learned from their days on the elementary school playground.

     I've come to the conclusion that this brand of nastiness is derived from insecurities and unhappiness, driving these people to spread their misery to others. They're well aware of their insufficiencies and are transferring their frustrations onto everyone else in order to build themselves up. The same can be said about trolls in the workplace and in extended families. Rather than feed into their anger by becoming defensive, I've learned to shrug them off. I pity them more than anything; they have yet to grasp the concept of confidence and true happiness.

     Ironically, the people who attack writers are actually helping them to succeed. The drama and controversy they create drives more traffic to the writer's site, enabling it to become viral. For that, I am grateful….but don't expect a thank you note from me anytime soon.

     Here's my suggestion to all the internet trolls who thrive on tearing others down: If you have time to write long, sarcastic diatribes on an author's article, then you have far too much time on your hands. I suggest that you put that extra time and energy into something more productive, such as volunteer work in your community. Perhaps THEN you'll discover manners, humility and grace.


Have you been attacked by internet trolls? Let's hear it!  

***Want more Menopausal Mother? I've been hopping around a lot this week! You can read my featured posts on Huffington Post, Midlife Boulevard and In The Powder Room. Read them here:
http://www.huffingtonpost.com/marcia-kester-doyle-/10-reasons-why-i-love-men_b_5639141.html
http://www.inthepowderroom.com/8-signs-you-might-be-middle-age
http://midlifeboulevard.com/midlife-crisis-for-women/