Friday, September 1, 2017

The 13 Most Annoying People On Social Media (And I'm One Of Them)

     I love social media. It keeps me connected to family and friends who live near and far. It's fun catching up with everyone by reading their status updates and checking out their latest Instagram photos. My husband doesn't understand this. He had a Twitter account for all of sixty seconds before deleting it, because he thought reading about what others were eating for lunch or watching on TV was a waste of time. He's probably right about that, but Facebook is the sweet seductress who summons me at all hours of the day and night just to take a "quick peek" at the world I socialize in. Instagram is cool if I want a quick social fix though photo montages that my friends post, or Snapchat, which is FUN----but how many times can you watch someone with a photoshopped deer's nose and ears talking to you in a distorted, high pitched voice?

     As much as I love the diversity of friends that I have on social media, there are still certain types of people on the various platforms I use that annoy the heck out of me. But let's be real----I'm guilty of more than just a few of these stereotypes.......



THE SELFIE QUEENS (And Kings): Usually it's the women I see posting selfies on social media, but there are also quite a few fellows who post photos of their six-pack abs after a grueling workout at the gym. Naturally, these don't bother me so much---I rather admire them. It's kind of like flipping through the annual firefighter's calendar. But the women......geez, enough with the duck face selfies, ladies. Your normal smile is beautiful---you don't need to pucker up your lips in an attempt to like Angelina Joule or Lisa Rinna....or a mallard.

VAGUEBOOKERS: These people on Facebook drive me nuts. Stop posting things like, "Well, I didn't see THAT coming", or, "Wow, I am so over my husband after what he just did."
     Oh please, do tell. We're sitting over here on pins and needles, just watching your train wreck
unfold.

THE FOODIE: You know the type----they make sure their dinner plate presentation is five-star quality before posting a pic of it on Instagram or Facebook **Raises hand** (okay, I AM GUILTY of this one). The same goes for alcoholic beverages. Hey, I'll even add a spear of fresh fruit and a paper umbrella to my drinks just to show off my flair for mixology (and to make you really, really thirsty).

THE TV EPISODE SPOILERS:  I guess these social media peeps are unaware of time zone differences. Wars have been fought and friendships lost over people posting season finale results from The Bachelor, This Is Us, or Game Of Thrones, before the rest of the population has seen the final episode.

THE PHOTO TAGGERS: I cannot stress this enough----DO NOT TAG ME ON SOCIAL MEDIA IN ANY PHOTOS WHERE I LOOK LIKE A TROLL. This crap always happens to me when I'm most vulnerable---like when I'm taking a three-hour power nap on a Sunday afternoon, or when I'm in the woods and have no WiFi access (ok, I'm not in the woods very often, so let's just say it happens when I'm stuck at the hardware store with Hubs and there's no internet connection whatsoever). If you are a decent friend, you will never tag me in a photo where my muffin top is bursting out in all of its glory.....or when I'm having a bad hair day and my tresses look like a used Brillo pad.

DRUNK FACEBOOKERS: Rule No.#1....never, EVER, engage with people late at night on social media when you've had one too many libations. You'll either be ranting about the injustices in the world or writing about how you want to start a GoFundMe page for endangered whales. Drunk Facebookers are also known for sending flirtatious, private messages at 3:00 am in an attempt to amp up a friendship with the object of their desire---married or not. Is this the internet equivalent to pickup lines in a bar?

THE WHINERS: These negative people (also known as "Attention Whores") have nothing better to do with their time than complain about everything and anything. They use social media as their personal diary. They're overworked, underpaid; their kids/spouse/in-laws are all a-holes, and no one appreciates them. They want your sympathy and an abundance of "likes" on their status updates to see who's listening and who actually gives a crap. Even the family dog isn't safe from their out of control ranting.

INSTAGRAM JUNKIES: These photographer-wannabes post pictures of everything from their cat cleaning its hind quarters to glorious sunsets outside their kitchen window (forgetting that everyone also sees the pile of dirty dishes sitting in the sink). I have nothing against a good photo, but for the love of all that is holy, stop posting multiple photos of your kid's DIY dorm room makeover on Instagram, or 15 different shots of the key lime pie you consumed after dinner. This stuff clogs my feed when I'm scrolling through to find what I really want----important stuff, like squirrel GIFs.


THE LOVEBIRDS: Hey, we get that you're in love with your spouse/significant other, but how many times must we be subjected to photos of you and your main squeeze lip-locked in the kitchen, the car, over a plate of steaming oysters at a trendy seafood restaurant, or in a crowded aisle at The Dollar Tree?

SOAPBOX JUNKIES: These people protest just about everything imaginable, from politics, to religious beliefs, to corporate greed, or even the price increase on a stack of pancakes at IHOP. They share their rants on social media in an attempt to sway their friends to their way of thinking, but this often backfires, leaving in its wake a trail of people who have swiftly "unfriended" you. I have to admit though, if you tell me you don't like chocolate chip pancakes, I might have to unfriend you, too.

PROUD PARENTS: I get that you're proud of your little munchkins. I'm proud of my munchkins, too, even though they're all grown up now. Perhaps if the internet had been around when my kids were born, I too, would be sharing a gazillion photos of their first smile, first bath, and the ever popular birthday-cake-smudged-face. Save all these adorable pics for the grandparents. I just want to see photos of your dog.

THE OVERZEALOUS SHARER: You know who these people are. They post stuff like, "If you believe in God, copy and paste this status on your Facebook wall"; "If you're a true friend, share this photo of a rose on Facebook, and then share it with ten more people, including me."
     You want roses? I hear they sell them by the dozen real cheap at Costco.

SHAMELESS SELF-PROMOTERS: "Wanna buy my life-changing book? Would you like to attend a party where I'll be doing demonstrations on a miracle face cream that will erase all those stress lines you acquired after having four kids? How about decorative stickers for your nails, or bath bombs that contain faux gems? Better yet, check out my new line of natural jewelry made out of wheat grass and hemp."
     No, people, I do not want to buy anything from you, unless, of course, you're selling adorable pug puppies. However, I DO have this book about someone stealing my spandex that I'm SURE will make you laugh.... **SHAMELESSLY INSERTS AMAZON LINK HERE**

     See? I told you I'm one of the most annoying people on the internet.....



***WANT MORE MENO MAMA? Read my new article featured on Her View From Home: "When The Amber Alert Is For Your Son"

39 comments:

  1. Hahaha! You nailed it sister. I am a social media junkie too, and I've seen all of these!

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  2. Goodness me - you have nailed it! Agree 100% with your list with the addition of those you check in the pub, supermarket, motorway, all the boring places. Glad it's not just me.

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    Replies
    1. Oh yes! I forgot about those---hilarious!!

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  3. So many "familiar faces" here. We all do tend to fall into at least of these groups. I agree that people should not tag you unless they have your permission!

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    1. I always tell friends after they take a pic to please NOT tag me---but sometimes they just don't listen.....

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  4. It's why I can see so many posts in no time flat. I see- but don't read.

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  5. Oh my word! You nailed it!
    I'm quite sure I fall into several of these, though when I read this I am annoyed at me . . .

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  6. I completely agree with the first two. The third? Guilty. But I have to admit that I LOVE the drunk FB posters. So much fun.

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    Replies
    1. Right? But those personal, late night messages....kinda freaky.....

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  7. I'm definitely guilty of foodie photos. I avoid selfies, though. Too many wrinkles.

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    1. My daughters are the queens of selfies--they can work wonders by angling the camera to make me look less wrinkly, ha-ha.

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  8. Duck faces and attention whores....I'm definitely sharing this!

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  9. Shameless self promoter, and proud of it!!!
    Great post...funny as always...

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  10. The whiners and the Lovebirds are the most annoying to me. You've covered everyone here, Marcia. Well done!! Haha, you should definitely shamelessly self promote. At least your product is excellent!

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  11. I'm guilty of more than a few of these. Sigh....

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  12. This was HILARIOUS!!! I think if we are all honest, we fall into at least ONE of the categories, probably more! catchatwithcarenandcody

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    1. I definitely fall into SEVERAL of these categories.

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  13. Argh. The whiners, taggers, and most especially the spoilers! If I want to watch a movie I don't browse my socials first because for sure, there will be one spoiling the plot or ending.

    I don't mind promoters though. Maybe because I am too. LOL!

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    Replies
    1. Yes, I've learned the hard way to stay off social media until I've seen the end of my favorite TV series.

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    2. Some are just bandwagons. Most true fans I know won't spoil.

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  14. LOL.

    OMMMMGGGGG, this cracked me up...

    cuz all those ANNOYING people are out there, man.

    And I'm one of them.

    For example, my cat should have his own page. HAaaa.

    Mr. L. said, "WHO CARES if somebody has a sub sandwich for lunch?"
    I said, "ME!" and I'd also ask what they had on it!!

    PS. Oh, another thing I HATE are when people put photos of their cuts, scrapes, and bruises on Facebook!

    Drive me NUTS))

    --u always make me smile. xxxxx

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    Replies
    1. OMG I know someone who just posted a very graphic, scary photo of a wrist wound the other day----totally freaked me out! And btw way, I LOVE cat memes and vidoes---they always crack me up!!

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  15. for me it's definitely about those spoilers, i mean, dont you guys have other things to post or talk about?

    and those political whiners, i mean, please, stop about those one sided political posts of yours! no one careeees!

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  16. I just love your blog,thanks a lot for the wonderful work you are doing

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  17. Fab post, Marcia. And yes, I'm guilty of quite a few of them. I particularly dislike a couple of types you've mentioned: the 'over-zealous sharers with their 'if you're a true friend you'll share this with 10 others'; and the 'Vague Bookers' who leave cryptic messages where the reader is supposed to guess what's going on - yuk!

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  18. I love this! You had me at Duck Face Selfies - what is it with that anyway? Sharing this in a roundup post to publish on 9-23-17.

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