Menopausal Mother

Welcome to another edition of Fly On The Wall group blog postings hosted by Karen of Baking In A Tornado. Today, four bloggers are bravely inviting you into their homes to get a sneak peek at what goes on behind closed doors.

With Thanksgiving soon upon us, my husband is especially excited. It's a special time for him not just because it's a family holiday, but because he gets to eat all of his favorite foods in one day. In case you haven't noticed in my older Fly On The Wall blog posts, my husband LOVES down-home cooking. I'm guilty of serving him giant portions (I've taken the old saying "the way to a man's heart is through his stomach" way too far) and he's guilty of eating it all.

We talk about our favorite foods quite often, and the conversations usually lead to how the food makes us feel. Sometimes the food is comforting and makes our bellies feel warm and happy. Other times, we eat only healthy meals, which makes us want to hit the gym and sweat out every piece of pizza we have consumed since 1984. But mostly, we complain about how full we are. I'm convinced that my brain does not have an off switch when it comes to chocolate, and for my husband, that off switch broke the day we shared our wedding vows. That man could easily enter a food eating contest and win, especially if turkey with mashed potatoes and gravy is served. The fly on the wall knows this, too, since he has been buzzing around, listening to our conversations about food......


"It's late. Aren't you coming to bed?
"Not yet. I can't lie down because my stomach is too full from dinner."
"If you want to feel better, try sitting up for a bit."
"I would need to sit up for three weeks to digest that meal."


"The pool water is so cold that everything on my body has shriveled up."
"Everything?"
"Yeah, even my man parts resemble raisins."
"Too bad the cold water doesn't shrivel up our stomachs."

"You make questionable choices during vacation."
"Yeah, that's what my stomach is saying after eating three of those giant cookies from the bakery. When we get back home, people are going to ask me what I bought during vacation. I'll tell them that I bought a bigger stomach."


"The Mexican bean dish you made tonight was really delicious, but I farted so hard that I almost catapulted
myself off the couch."

"I guess you liked the potatoes I made, judging by the amount you ate."
"That's because I'm not a stud muffin, I'm a SPUD muffin."

 "I need shoe inserts. My feet are killing me. Maybe it's because I've gained weight from your cooking."
"No, your feet hurt because you're on them all day carrying around heavy stuff at work like you're some kind of pack mule."
"Then I need pack mule inserts for my shoes."
"Does that mean you're going to start kicking everything backward?"


"I need a bathroom.....like RIGHT NOW."
"We'll be home soon. Just a few more miles."
"You don't understand---I'm talking about doing number #2."
"Can't you hold it just a bit longer?"
"Nope. The casserole train is rolling down the track with its breaks screeching and an engineer sounding the horn. I NEED TO GET HOME RIGHT NOW!"

"I can't find my reading glasses."
"That's God's way of saying it's time for bed and no more playing games on the iPad."
"If I can't read the labels on my prescription bottles and take the wrong pills, then I might be flatlining tonight instead of taking my cholesterol meds."


"You know you're getting old when the highlight of your Saturday evening is finding special rocks online for your garden."

"It beats the days of dressing up, spending money we don't have, and staying out past midnight in dive bars."
"Yeah, staying home in our elastic waistband shorts after consuming a large meal is way more preferable to squeezing our internal organs into a tight pair of Levi's for a night on the town."

     I guess it's time for me to end this blog post and get started on my Thanksgiving menu. Does anyone know where I can find a great deal on 10 bags of baking potatoes and a five-gallon drum of gravy?

***WANT MORE MENO MAMA?" This week you can find me on CONSIDERABLE with an important article on parenting: "Are You A Parent Or A Doormat To Your Adult Children?"

     On the blog today I have interesting information from The Black Purple company about taking proper care of our bodies after menopause. They share some great tips that all postmenopausal women should consider:


How to Take Care of Your Body After Menopause

1. Improve Your Nutrition - After menopause, your body needs good nutrition more than ever. You can start by balancing your diet, which means getting the right proportion of your daily nutrition from the three main macronutrients: 
1. Carbohydrates - 45% to 65% of your daily calories
2. Fat - 20% to 35%
3. Protein - 10% to 35%

2. Get Your Calcium - After menopause, lower estrogen production means your body doesn't retain as much calcium from the foods you eat. Low levels of calcium can reduce your bone mass and make you more susceptible to osteoporosis.
   
   In addition to eating a healthier diet, supplement your diet with calcium as needed. After menopause, you should get about 1,200mg of calcium every day to promote bone growth and reduce the chance of fractures. Additionally, Vitamin D supplements will help your body to absorb calcium.
   
   Despite all the good they do, don’t start gobbling calcium and vitamin D. Too much of either can cause kidney stones, constipation, and/or abdominal pain.
   
3. Get More Active - First, always talk to your doctor before beginning any additional physical activities. Stop any activity if there is any sign of pain or discomfort.
   
   Like just about everything else in your life, the end of menopause can make you gain weight. More activity will help you manage that. It has a few other desirable side effects too, like helping to avoid heart disease, obesity, high blood pressure, diabetes and osteoporosis. Better yet, it’ll help you sleep better and improve your mood! Your increased activity and breathing help carry more blood and oxygen to your brain, making it release serotonin and norepinephrine, both of which boost information processing and mood.
   
   If you can’t get into a formal exercise routine, that’s OK. It helps to just get more active in any way you can. Things like parking further from the mall entrance, and taking the stairs instead of the escalator, can make a difference. If you can manage it, regular walking, jogging, bike riding and/or swimming are great for your heart and they also help lower your bad cholesterol.
   
   Also, consider moderate weight training too. We’re not talking about kettlebell routines and bench presses - unless that works for you. There are plenty of bodyweight exercises (using only your body weight, no extra weights) that deliver similar results as if you went to a gym. Emptying the dishwasher? Do some squats while you’re at it.
   
   In addition to toning your muscles, strength training can improve your balance and posture, boost your metabolism and reduce symptoms of osteoporosis and osteoarthritis.

For more information, visit their website at theblackpurple.com.

     Every time I drive past the landfill in our town, I think about all the stuff people waste without trying to think of clever ways to recycle. Yesterday when I was cleaning out my drawers, I had the same thought while filling up a garbage bag with my old underwear.

     Obviously, no one else wants my ratty underwear (dear God, I hope not!) but what if I were to find a useful way to recycle my panties? What if EVERYONE chose to recycle their underwear instead of tossing them into the trash bin and clogging up the landfill?

     I have a few ideas that just might work for repurposing your old undies. And before you ask, yes, this is the sort of stuff that keeps me awake at 3:00 a.m. while the rest of my family is fast asleep....



Lampshade: If your underwear happens to be a size XXL (and preferably red), you'll have enough fabric to make a decorative cover for your lampshade. Sew a few tassels around the bottom edge and Voila! Chic decor in your boudoir!

Throw Pillows: If you want to jazz up a dull sofa, your underwear will make a creative cover for an old throw pillow. Use a Bedazzler to add rhinestones for extra flair.

Shower Curtain: If your old underwear has several stains, you can quickly turn them into a leopard print design by circling each spot with a permanent marker. If the president can get away with Sharpiegate, you can totally do it to your shower curtain!

Quilt: Cut a square out of each pair of used underwear and sew them together to make a 4x6 blanket. It will be a hodgepodge piece of history so unique that you'll want to hang it on your living room wall. Every square on the quilt tells a story: "The pink lacy one at the top is from the panties I wore on my wedding night. The square next to it is from a pair of maternity underwear I was wearing at Kroeger's when I was pregnant and my water broke."

Sofa Cover: You'll need at least fifty pairs of underwear for this clever DIY trick. Bleach them first and then tie-dye the fabric for that retro Woodstock look. If you want to add more pizazz to your hippy hideaway, thong underwear strung together will make a fabulous window valance to match your sofa.

Baby Onesie: Men's cotton briefs are perfect for this DIY project, preferably in baby neutral colors such as soft gray or yellow. *Natural brown is not recommended.

Placemats: Add extra spice to your dinner table by sewing floral panties together for the perfect summer garden look. Wait until your guests have finished their lamb shish kebobs before telling them they ate dinner on your old underwear.

Dog blanket: No need to wash the underwear before sewing several pairs into a blanket for your pet. Dogs love that musky human odor.

Winter Cap: Underwear already has an elastic band that should fit snugly around any head. Just attach brightly colored pompoms over each leg hole, and you'll have the perfect Secret Santa gift for your next office Christmas party!

If you found this article helpful, stay tuned for our upcoming feature, "How To Repurpose Your Old Bras Into DIY Kitchen Gadgets."


**** Want more Meno Mama? In case you didn't hear me screaming and jumping up and down last week, I had my very first essay published in THE NEW YORK TIMES!!! You can read it here:  https://www.nytimes.com/2019/10/18/well/family/raising-a-twinless-twin.html