With Thanksgiving soon upon us, my husband is especially excited. It's a special time for him not just because it's a family holiday, but because he gets to eat all of his favorite foods in one day. In case you haven't noticed in my older Fly On The Wall blog posts, my husband LOVES down-home cooking. I'm guilty of serving him giant portions (I've taken the old saying "the way to a man's heart is through his stomach" way too far) and he's guilty of eating it all.
We talk about our favorite foods quite often, and the conversations usually lead to how the food makes us feel. Sometimes the food is comforting and makes our bellies feel warm and happy. Other times, we eat only healthy meals, which makes us want to hit the gym and sweat out every piece of pizza we have consumed since 1984. But mostly, we complain about how full we are. I'm convinced that my brain does not have an off switch when it comes to chocolate, and for my husband, that off switch broke the day we shared our wedding vows. That man could easily enter a food eating contest and win, especially if turkey with mashed potatoes and gravy is served. The fly on the wall knows this, too, since he has been buzzing around, listening to our conversations about food......
"It's late. Aren't you coming to bed?
"Not yet. I can't lie down because my stomach is too full from dinner."
"If you want to feel better, try sitting up for a bit."
"I would need to sit up for three weeks to digest that meal."
"The pool water is so cold that everything on my body has shriveled up."
"Everything?"
"Yeah, even my man parts resemble raisins."
"Too bad the cold water doesn't shrivel up our stomachs."
"You make questionable choices during vacation."
"Yeah, that's what my stomach is saying after eating three of those giant cookies from the bakery. When we get back home, people are going to ask me what I bought during vacation. I'll tell them that I bought a bigger stomach."
"The Mexican bean dish you made tonight was really delicious, but I farted so hard that I almost catapulted
myself off the couch."
"I guess you liked the potatoes I made, judging by the amount you ate."
"That's because I'm not a stud muffin, I'm a SPUD muffin."
"I need shoe inserts. My feet are killing me. Maybe it's because I've gained weight from your cooking."
"No, your feet hurt because you're on them all day carrying around heavy stuff at work like you're some kind of pack mule."
"Then I need pack mule inserts for my shoes."
"Does that mean you're going to start kicking everything backward?"
"I need a bathroom.....like RIGHT NOW."
"We'll be home soon. Just a few more miles."
"You don't understand---I'm talking about doing number #2."
"Can't you hold it just a bit longer?"
"Nope. The casserole train is rolling down the track with its breaks screeching and an engineer sounding the horn. I NEED TO GET HOME RIGHT NOW!"
"I can't find my reading glasses."
"That's God's way of saying it's time for bed and no more playing games on the iPad."
"If I can't read the labels on my prescription bottles and take the wrong pills, then I might be flatlining tonight instead of taking my cholesterol meds."
"You know you're getting old when the highlight of your Saturday evening is finding special rocks online for your garden."
"It beats the days of dressing up, spending money we don't have, and staying out past midnight in dive bars."
"Yeah, staying home in our elastic waistband shorts after consuming a large meal is way more preferable to squeezing our internal organs into a tight pair of Levi's for a night on the town."
I guess it's time for me to end this blog post and get started on my Thanksgiving menu. Does anyone know where I can find a great deal on 10 bags of baking potatoes and a five-gallon drum of gravy?
***WANT MORE MENO MAMA?" This week you can find me on CONSIDERABLE with an important article on parenting: "Are You A Parent Or A Doormat To Your Adult Children?"
Click on these links for a peek into some other Fly On The Wall homes:
Baking In A Tornado https://www.BakingInATornado.com
Never Ever Give Up Hope https://batteredhope.blogspot.com
Menopausal Mother http://www.menopausalmom.com/
Spatulas on Parade https://spatulasonparade.blogspot.com
You make me glad I don't celebrate Thanksgiving!
ReplyDeleteIt's so bad but ohhhh so good!
DeleteMmmm...turkey....gravy....mashed potatoes. Pass the elastic waistband pants, please.
ReplyDeleteI'll probably start early and wear them on Wednesday while I'm prepping the food...
DeleteIf pool water could shrink stomachs I'd have a pool company digging up my backyard right now, sprinkler system and all.
ReplyDeleteAnd your bean dip may just have a future in aeronautics. You should patent the recipe just in case.
Ha-ha!! If you build a pool, I will come over!
DeleteTime to work out those yoga pants and leggings. Tell your hub he needs a pair, they come in handy on big meal celebration days.
ReplyDeleteGood point. I'm thinking he might enjoy my yoga pants!
DeleteThe calories you eat on holidays don't count -- thought you knew that. Have a wonderful family time on Thanksgiving -- you always do and I'm jealous.
ReplyDelete