Menopausal Mother

     This week I'm celebrating my three year blogiversary! There have been so many magical moments since I first started Menopausal Mother on August 27, 2011. Most of the exciting changes have occurred in the past year, and I owe the success of the blog to you, dear readers.

     When I started blogging, I was lucky to receive 25 page views per week. Now I'm averaging 9000-10,000 per week, thanks to you! I've seen my fan base grow through various social media outlets and site subscriptions, and I absolutely LOVE interacting with you on these pages.

     2014 has been an AMAZING year. I set certain goals for the blog that I wanted to accomplish within 12 months. I'm astounded that in the first half of the year, I was able to check off every item on my bucket list.  Again, this NEVER would have happened without your love and support. You have proven to me that dreams really DO come true if we are patient and willing to work hard for what we desire.

     Every time I've been interviewed about Menopausal Mother, the same question pops up: "What inspired you to become a writer?" I can answer this several ways---- the artistic gene runs in my family…..but my hubs will tell you that it comes from my gift of gab. Yes, I'm a chatter box. The truth is, I've wanted to be a writer since I read Island Of The Blue Dolphins in the sixth grade.  From that moment on, I kept journals, worked on school literary magazines and eventually graduated from college with a degree in Creative Writing.

     Unable to find a job in my field of interest, I ended up working as a dental assistant by day and writing fiction at night. Within a year, I met my husband, bought a home and in the blink of an eye, had four children.

     I wrote when I could, filling notebooks with plot outlines, dialogue and character sketches drawn from an overzealous imagination. But over time, the notebooks ended up orphaned and unfinished under my bed, home to breeding dust bunnies and wayward socks.

     My identity as a writer became blurred by the daily demands of raising four, rambunctious children and running a chaotic household. I learned to prioritize the needs of my family, and in the process, lost my ambitions of becoming a writer.

     Twenty years passed before I penned anything other than a grocery list.

     After my father was diagnosed with leukemia, I was motivated to write a humorous story about my family life. I wanted to bring a bit of laughter into my father's world of radiation and chemotherapy. He smiled after reading the first story, and told me that I'd finally found my niche. I made a promise to him that day that I would do whatever it took to ignite my writing career.

     A year later, my father passed away. I pulled out the dusty notebooks and woke my dormant muse.

     I've been hooked on writing ever since.

     The blog has led to numerous online publications, collaborative anthologies, awards and a healthy fan base. This fall,  the promise I made to my father will come to fruition with the publication of my humorous book, "Who Stole My Spandex?"

     Writing has transformed my life in ways I never imagined. Having a creative outlet has eased the depression issues I've struggled with for years and is far cheaper than any therapist. Writing has also been a means to capture in words my family history and the memories that I hold dear.

     It took me many years to pursue my passion and find success, but it was well worth the wait.

     I am a mother. A wife. And now, a writer.










Want more Meno Mama? This week you can find me over at The Huffington Post. Read it here:  http://www.huffingtonpost.com/marcia-kester-doyle-/the-seven-deadly-sins-of-menopause_b_5714295.html

    My special WWW guest today is the lovely and talented Melissa Swedoski of  Home On Deranged! LOVE her blog name!!! Melissa writes an entertaining family lifestyle blog that has a little bit of everything in the mix. Along with her humorous tales and photos on her site, Melissa also shares family tips, advise, giveaways and reviews. She is a contributing author to the hilarious Mother Of All Meltdowns book and has a featured story in the upcoming Motherhood: May Cause Drowsiness book.

     I met Melissa while working on the MOAM book together and was impressed not only with her talented writing skills, but her sweet nature and support of fellow bloggers. I wish I could bottle the energy of this busy writer and mom of two! I'm honored that she let me feature her here today. Please welcome Melissa to Meno Mama's site with lots of comment love. Enjoy!






Lately, I’ve been spending a lot of time considering the state of my marriage, especially as we approach our 10^th anniversary this December. I think we’re doing pretty good, even if our bank balance indicates otherwise. But we are for the most part, happy.

That's not the stupidest thing I've ever done for love and marriage. But it's the stupidest thing I've ever done to try and look cool. Ah, the power of laughter. 

     Welcome to another edition of the Fly On The Wall group posts. Today 12 bloggers are inviting you to catch a glimpse of what you'd see if you were a fly buzzing around their homes.

     The fly got an earful in my home this month. Lots of shenanigans going on around here because I have been mentally "absent." While I've had my nose buried in book edits, my family has taken over all the household duties.  Jealous? Don't be. It was all fun and games until dinners became the mummified remnants unearthed from the bottom of the freezer drawer.



"Why did you just squirt hair conditioner up my nose?"
"I thought your nose hairs needed to be detangled."

"Dare me to take a bite of this dog food?"
"If you do, I will never kiss you again."

"Our kids are like livestock…..they graze on food all day and they're full of bull."

"Please watch the dog when you take him out, or else he'll eat his poop."
"Don't worry---he doesn't eat the fresh ones. He only likes the day-old poops that have some crunch to them."

"They're talking about you on the news again."
"Huh? You mean the 100 pounds of marijuana they confiscated today?"
"Yeah---they said it was a 'big bust'."

"Mom, can I borrow twenty bucks?"
"I don't have it. I just donated all my money to the alpaca rescue fund."

"If you eat too much couscous, the grains become time bombs. Once they hit the bottom of your gut, they detonate."


"Why is there a two hour special on TV about A.D.D.? People with the disorder can't sit that long to watch it. They'll lose focus after the first five minutes."

"If you continue to annoy me, I'm going to turn you into a human bird feeder. I'll strap your butt to a chair and slather you in molasses and sunflower seeds."

"I hope you're not wearing that dirty shirt to the pet store. It looks like you've been rolling in grass and mud."
"Would you prefer that I wear my 'Cat, The Other White Meat' t-shirt wen I go to pick up the dog food?"

"When did I become the official pooper scooper in the family?"
"The same day you became the official toilet plunger."

"One of the things on my bucket list is to do the running with the bulls in Pamplona, Spain."
"At your age, it will be more like running with the mules."


     Last but not least, the fly got a real kick out of watching me make a fool of myself this week. Yes, I participated in the ALS ice bucket challenge and I'm sharing the video here so that you can laugh at my expense. Baby, that ice bath was COLD!!!!!

     I lost both my aunt and my grandmother to ALS, so it's important to me to spread the word about this debilitating disease. If you can't handle having an ice bucket dumped on your head, please consider donating to the ALS fund. Better yet, be brave and do both! Here's where you can donate: http://www.alsa.org/donate/. Or here: http://www.ALS.NET


     WANT MORE MENO MAMA? This week you can find my featured post on Humor Outcasts. Read it here: http://humoroutcasts.com/2014/eight-people-i-love-to-hate-at-the-gym/

    My fabulous WWW guest today is one of the sweetest bloggers I know. Please welcome Roshni AaMom from  Indian American Mom! What I love about Roshni's blog is its uniqueness among most of the blogs that I read. Her posts offer a glimpse into the Indian culture when it comes to traditions, holidays, parenting and more. She weaves beautiful, poignant stories about her family, but also throws in quite a bit of humor with her funny musings on life. Every time I read her posts, I learn something new and fascinating about her heritage.
     Roshni is a talented writer with a kind heart, and someone I am honored to call my friend. Please welcome her to Meno Mama's site today with lots of comment love. Enjoy!

   
While the country is reeling from the loss of Robin Williams, we find ourselves asking the same question over and over---what would drive one of America's most beloved comedians to end his life? On the surface he had everything: a unique brand of humor that brought him fame, a loving family and a multitude of adoring fans. How could he have been so unhappy?
   
Only those who have a personal experience with depression can understand the scope of pain from this form of mental illness. It is a debilitating disease that robs a person of the simplest joys in life. It carves a hole too deep to fill in the hearts of those who wrestle with the inner demons of this acute, medical condition.
   
Depression is a nondiscriminatory disease that strikes every age, race, gender and class. It manifests itself in the form of physical pain, lack of self-worth, shame, helplessness and hopelessness. It is an invisible wound that is often misdiagnosed and in some cases, difficult to treat.
   
Those afflicted with the disease view the world through a warped lens where everything is distorted and emotions are muted. Even when surrounded by a loving family, they feel utterly alone. And while others marvel at the sun's glorious rays as it rises over the ocean, they can only feel the weight of their emptiness. It's not as simple as choosing to be happy. Depression traps people under a numbing layer of ice and leaves them gasping for air.
   
How do I know this? Depression has shadowed me since childhood. I never felt comfortable in my own skin, but I was too young to understand what caused me to feel that way. I only knew that I was different. No one ever said that it was unhealthy for a six-year-old to wake each day with a sense of dread, because they never had the chance. I was too ashamed to tell anyone how I felt.
   
There was a negative stigma attached to depression when I was growing up, and I learned to mask what I considered my "abnormality" with humor. It went beyond hiding what was tearing me up inside.  The shame I felt was carefully concealed under the long-sleeved shirts I wore to cover the self-inflicted wounds on my arms. Cutting was the coping mechanism of choice for the unexplainable, inner turmoil that plagued my life.
   
It took decades of battling depression before I realized I needed help in waging the war against losing my sanity. The onset of menopause only intensified the depressive symptoms I felt, stranding me  in a bleak landscape of hopelessness. Thankfully, I was able to find a treatment that worked for me, but not everyone is as fortunate.
   
There is no quick fix for depression, as each case is unique. It is a dark and frightening disease that cannot be cured with alcohol, drug abuse, or sex. In some cases, intense therapy and even love can't save a patient from the inner demons that haunt them. Antidepressants work successfully for some, while for others, it functions as a temporary patch over a leaky valve that threatens to burst. Once the seal is broken, a storm of uncontrollable emotions is unleashed, driving many to the brink of desperation.
   
In the aftermath of Robin Williams' apparent suicide, there will be critics who view his death as a selfish act of cowardice that has inflicted unimaginable pain on his family. This is an unfair assessment of a disease that society still knows so little of.  Depression is not a choice. It's a mental illness associated with an immeasurable depth of despair that leads far too many people down the dark path to suicide. From their perspective, it's the last option left after trying all other forms of treatment to escape the intolerable pain of living. They mistakenly believe they're a burden to their loved ones and view the finality of suicide as an answer to end all suffering.
   
The irony of William's death is that it took the loss of a comedic genius to shed light on our inability to recognize the difference between sadness and major depression. Society as a whole needs to be educated on these differences and set aside any preconceived notions of depression.
   
Our job is not to judge or blame. It's time we promote awareness and help those suffering from depression find the inner peace they deserve. Compassion and understanding are the gateway to hope and finding the courage to change. Only then can the people we love begin to heal.

***Please share this post and this number if you know someone battling depression : National Suicide Prevention Lifeline: 1-800-273-8255   SAVE A LIFE!


Want More Meno Mama? "The Face Of Depression" is also featured on The Huffington Post here: http://www.huffingtonpost.com/marcia-kester-doyle-/the-face-of-depression_b_5675699.html. If you want something funny to read, check out my featured post this week on Midlife Boulevard here: http://midlifeboulevard.com/food-baby/
   

 

      I'm so happy to introduce you today to one of my dear blogging buddies as part of my WWW series. Please welcome Stephen Sluder of  Slu's World! I discovered Slu's site shortly after I started blogging and loved his mix of humorous posts and snippets of family life. I've always said this man knows how to have a good time, as evident in the stories he shares on his travels, family gatherings and the fun restaurants he frequents. His blog always leaves me with a smile, and I think it will do the same for you. Please welcome Slu to Meno Mama's site today with lots of shares and comment love!



                                    A LITTLE POTTY HUMOR

     The editing process of my book is coming along nicely. We've been making some major changes to the manuscript, so it's taking a tad bit longer to than expected.  I want this book to be perfect for my readers, so I'm going over every word with a fine tooth comb. It will be worth the wait, I promise.  We're finishing up on the feedback from our beta readers, and then the manuscript will go through one more round of edits before going to print. We should be done (hopefully) within 3-4 weeks. I'll probably be completely gray by then or even bald, and I'm pretty sure none of my clothes will fit since I've been living on a diet of Nutella and popcorn (too busy to eat right). I'm going to need to double up on Zumba classes before I start my book tour---otherwise, I'll be wearing muumuus to the signing events.

     While you're waiting for all this fun stuff to happen, I'm sharing one of my favorite posts that was featured at In The Powder Room last year.  Those of you who have been reading my blog from the beginning know what an animal hoarder I am, so I think you'll enjoy this post!

     I have another award winning blogger on my site today! Please welcome Mary Widdicks of Outmannedmommy.com! I discovered her humorous blog last winter and have been hooked ever since. I can relate to much of what she writes, since she deals with high levels of testosterone in her home (husband, two sons and even male dogs!). Having two sons of my own and a husband with an unusual sense of humor, I totally get where Mary is coming from when it comes to dirty underwear, fart jokes and loud belching. When you have that many males in your house, you MUST have a sense of humor!

     Mary is a BlogHer Voice Of The Year 2014 winner as well as a recent recipient of the Badass Blogger Of The Year Award. I think you're going to LOVE this funny lady as much as I do, so please welcome her to my site today with lots of comment love!

     Most writers dream of having an article become viral on the internet. It has been on my bucket list for a long time. I've submitted humorous posts to dozens of websites, and although they were shared on social media, none ever made it to viral status.

     On a hunch, I submitted an older, poignant piece I'd written about my son to The Huffington Post (you can read it here). Within 24 hours, the post went viral. Was I elated? Yes. But I was also naive about the backlash it would create.

     At first, the support I received on the article was encouraging and compassionate. Unfortunately, it didn't take long for the internet trolls to come out to play. They circled like hungry sharks, and when the meat of my post was dropped into their tank, they went into a feeding frenzy.  My stomach was soon in knots--- I had to close my laptop and walk away. There were hundreds of comments on the site, but I stopped reading them after the first handful of cruel remarks were posted.

     This experience, on many levels, has been successful…. but it has also baffled me. Who are these trolls and why do they feel the need to bash writers? I was accused of being a horrid mother raising a demon seed, and told that I deserve what I get with my teenage son. I had to assume these remarks came from Stepford parents who had perfect children.  I was also labeled as a "whiner" (surely they meant "winer" since I have a fondness for pinot grigio) and a person lacking any skills in writing  (check back with me on that one after my book is published in a few months). The overwhelming, snarky responses had me wondering if there was a full moon out or the possibility that somewhere in the world, a group of people on a compound drank too much grape-flavored Kool-Aid.

     I fully support freedom of speech, but I was also raised with the old adage, "If you can't say anything nice, don't say anything at all." Have I read material that I thought was garbage? Of course. But I never felt the need to attack the writer by challenging his or her position. What these trolls fail to understand is that there are ways to debate issues and share personal opinions without sinking to belittling and name calling. Spewing venomous remarks on a writer's post tells me that this person has yet to outgrow the bullying tactics they learned from their days on the elementary school playground.

     I've come to the conclusion that this brand of nastiness is derived from insecurities and unhappiness, driving these people to spread their misery to others. They're well aware of their insufficiencies and are transferring their frustrations onto everyone else in order to build themselves up. The same can be said about trolls in the workplace and in extended families. Rather than feed into their anger by becoming defensive, I've learned to shrug them off. I pity them more than anything; they have yet to grasp the concept of confidence and true happiness.

     Ironically, the people who attack writers are actually helping them to succeed. The drama and controversy they create drives more traffic to the writer's site, enabling it to become viral. For that, I am grateful….but don't expect a thank you note from me anytime soon.

     Here's my suggestion to all the internet trolls who thrive on tearing others down: If you have time to write long, sarcastic diatribes on an author's article, then you have far too much time on your hands. I suggest that you put that extra time and energy into something more productive, such as volunteer work in your community. Perhaps THEN you'll discover manners, humility and grace.


Have you been attacked by internet trolls? Let's hear it!  

***Want more Menopausal Mother? I've been hopping around a lot this week! You can read my featured posts on Huffington Post, Midlife Boulevard and In The Powder Room. Read them here:
http://www.huffingtonpost.com/marcia-kester-doyle-/10-reasons-why-i-love-men_b_5639141.html
http://www.inthepowderroom.com/8-signs-you-might-be-middle-age
http://midlifeboulevard.com/midlife-crisis-for-women/