The fly got an earful in my home this month. Lots of shenanigans going on around here because I have been mentally "absent." While I've had my nose buried in book edits, my family has taken over all the household duties. Jealous? Don't be. It was all fun and games until dinners became the mummified remnants unearthed from the bottom of the freezer drawer.
I'm thinking I might need to call in a HazMat team to give the bathroom a good bleach bath. This is what happens when the cat is away and the mice come out to play. I went from three occupants living at home to five….and one of those is a toddler. Hello, diapers and sippy cups! Life is hectic around here, but not a day goes by that I don't feel blessed. Once the book is released this fall, everything will return to normal. I hope. But for now, the fly on the wall is liven' large in Wackoville. Here's a few snippets of conversation he overheard this month:
"Why did you just squirt hair conditioner up my nose?"
"I thought your nose hairs needed to be detangled."
"Dare me to take a bite of this dog food?"
"If you do, I will never kiss you again."
"Our kids are like livestock…..they graze on food all day and they're full of bull."
"Please watch the dog when you take him out, or else he'll eat his poop."
"Don't worry---he doesn't eat the fresh ones. He only likes the day-old poops that have some crunch to them."
"They're talking about you on the news again."
"Huh? You mean the 100 pounds of marijuana they confiscated today?"
"Yeah---they said it was a 'big bust'."
"Mom, can I borrow twenty bucks?"
"I don't have it. I just donated all my money to the alpaca rescue fund."
"If you eat too much couscous, the grains become time bombs. Once they hit the bottom of your gut, they detonate."
"Why is there a two hour special on TV about A.D.D.? People with the disorder can't sit that long to watch it. They'll lose focus after the first five minutes."
"If you continue to annoy me, I'm going to turn you into a human bird feeder. I'll strap your butt to a chair and slather you in molasses and sunflower seeds."
"I hope you're not wearing that dirty shirt to the pet store. It looks like you've been rolling in grass and mud."
"Would you prefer that I wear my 'Cat, The Other White Meat' t-shirt wen I go to pick up the dog food?"
"When did I become the official pooper scooper in the family?"
"The same day you became the official toilet plunger."
"One of the things on my bucket list is to do the running with the bulls in Pamplona, Spain."
"At your age, it will be more like running with the mules."
Last but not least, the fly got a real kick out of watching me make a fool of myself this week. Yes, I participated in the ALS ice bucket challenge and I'm sharing the video here so that you can laugh at my expense. Baby, that ice bath was COLD!!!!!
I lost both my aunt and my grandmother to ALS, so it's important to me to spread the word about this debilitating disease. If you can't handle having an ice bucket dumped on your head, please consider donating to the ALS fund. Better yet, be brave and do both! Here's where you can donate: http://www.alsa.org/donate/. Or here: http://www.ALS.NET
WANT MORE MENO MAMA? This week you can find my featured post on Humor Outcasts. Read it here: http://humoroutcasts.com/2014/eight-people-i-love-to-hate-at-the-gym/
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