Welcome to another edition of Fly On The Wall group postings, hosted by Karen of Baking In A Tornado. Today 12 daring bloggers are inviting you to catch a glimpse of what you’d see or hear if you were a fly on the wall in our homes. 

     The fly has been dizzy in my house with all the holiday festivities going on (or maybe it was just the champagne that got to him). We've had a lot of great family gatherings and the usual Doyle craziness. I'm looking forward to spending Christmas with my loved ones and hoping the weather will be cool enough to have a fire in the backyard fire pit. Yes, here in Florida, the temperatures have been in the 80's. Then again, temps in the 60's are freezing to us!  I'm planning on having a relaxing holiday week, and I hope you do, too.

As I'm writing this post, the fly sees me jumping up and down with joy. Today my book, WHO STOLE MY SPANDEX, is  ranking #1 in Parenting Humor in the US, Canada, Australia, and in the top 100 overall Kindle sales in Canada and Australia. It's officially ranked as an International Best Seller, y'all. HOLY MOLY! I just might share my celebratory glass of champagne with the fly!

So......if you were a fly on the wall in my home this past month, here are some snippets of strange conversation that you would have heard:





"I'm so broke I can't afford to buy Christmas wrapping paper. Don't be surprised if your gift comes wrapped in baby shower paper or wedding paper....and possibly toilet paper."

"That politician in the debate shoots himself so many times in the foot that I'm surprised he has any feet left. "

"I need my coffee strong enough that it's like crack."

"All of our Christmas lawn decorations fell down in the wind last night. This morning it looks like they're hung over from a holiday party."

"The dog just nipped my side while I was playing with her on the floor. I think I only have one kidney left now. "

"You're the type of person who gets so overly-emotional during the holidays that you cry when one of your SIMS characters dies."

"Trying to get everyone in this family out the door at the same time is like herding cats."

"Thank God our party-happy house guests don't live here permanently, or else my liver would shut down within a week."

"You have way too many ornaments on that Christmas tree. You're an ornament hoarder."

 "She's about as affectionate as a porcupine."


"No, you're not having another powdered sugar war this year while we're making these Christmas cookies. I don't want my house to look like a winter wonderland again. "

"I want a shovel for Christmas."
"Why? Who do you plan on burying in the backyard?"



"I still have some moments of sanity....in between the hot flashes and mood swings."

"Never, ever shop online after you've had one too many glasses of spiked eggnog. You'll end up ordering two 15 ft. inflatable Christmas Elves for your yard.

"Christmas is almost here. Time to get out all the clothes that have elastic waistbands and spandex."


Time to shoo this drunk fly out of my house and get back to wrapping some Christmas gifts in toilet paper. Do you think anyone will notice? Enjoy the holidays, everyone!



***WANT MORE MENO MAMA? I was recently featured on Mom For The Holidays with my humor book, "Who Stole My Spandex? Life In The Hot Flash Lane." Check out the review here: http://momfortheholidays.com/2015/12/06/meet-marcia-kester-doyle-of-who-stole-my-spandex-life-in-the-hot-flash-lane/ 





WANT THE PERFECT HOLIDAY GIFT? THE EBOOK IS ON SALE FOR .99 CENTS. YOU CAN'T EVEN BUY A CUP OF COFFEE FOR THAT PRICE! THE SALE ENDS DEC. 22, SO GRAB YOUR COPY NOW:           

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Barnes & Noble: http://tiny.cc/c6sb7x
iTunes: http://tiny.cc/26sb7x   



Click on these links for a peek into some homes of the other bloggers participating in today's Fly On The Wall Posts!

     Welcome to another edition of the Fly On The Wall group posts, hosted by Karen of Baking In A Tornado. Today 14 bloggers are inviting you to catch a glimpse of what you'd see if you were a fly on the wall in their homes.

     There are days when I feel like I'm living with lunatics, but let's be honest---life would be pretty dull around here if I didn't have my crazy family around to give me the inspiration for my blog posts. Here are a few snippets of conversation that were floating around my house this week. Yeah, I know…the fly is shaking his head at me, too.


"I can't sleep. I'm thinking about coleslaw."
"You're hungry?"
"No, I just wanna know why it's called 'Coleslaw' instead of 'Coldslaw.'
"You woke me at 2:00 a.m. to ask me about coleslaw??"
"Yeah, because it's bothering me."
"I have the answer. It's called GOOGLE."

"Throwing up while wearing a mouth guard is right up there on the list of the worst things that I've had happen to me. "

"Have you seen my mind? I think I've lost it."
"Yes, you left it at the hospital after the last kid was born."

"That dog turns into a piranha pug when she sleeps in our bed. If you accidentally bump into her, she snaps. I'm too afraid to reach down and grab the covers because I might lose a limb and end up with nothing but a stub for an arm."

"I'm fat."
"I'm chafed."
"That sounds like a law firm to me. 'Got into an auto accident? Call Fat and Chafin.' Injury at work? Call the lawyers at Fat and Chafin'….. 1-800-CHUBS.'"

"Shopping at a discount grocery store that has potato chips in the same aisle with dairy products is like having an enema without the tube. Nothing is in the right place."

"We're almost empty nesters but we can't get the last egg out of the nest. It just keeps rolling back in."

"Why aren't you dancing?"
"Because I need to poop, and I'm afraid if I jiggle too hard, something is going to fall out."

"The folds of fat on my body have a dual purpose. They serve as a storage shelf for peanut M&Ms. Melt in your mouth, not in your fat fold."

"Forget calling that wedding picture you just posted on your Facebook wall as your 'Throw Back Thursday' photo. That picture should be called your 'Throw Back to the Jurassic Era photo'."


And that, folks, is just another day in the lunatic house that I call home.




***WANT MORE MENO MAMA??? Just like the fly, I've been buzzing around a lot of different websites this week, sharing the funny. Here is where you can catch more of my nonsense:

*VIBRANT NATION: A Mother's Advice To Her Son On The Eve Of His Departure For College http://www.vibrantnation.com/groups/other-topics/blog/a-mothers-advice-to-her-son-on-the-eve-of-his-departure-for-college/
*SAMMICHES & PSYCH MEDS: 8 People I Love To Hate At The Gym  http://www.sammichespsychmeds.com/8-people-i-love-to-hate-…/
*TEN TO TWENTY PARENTING: 6 Good Things About Raising Teen Boys http://tentotwenty.com/6-good-things-about-raising-teen-boys/
*DAM BLOGGERS: A Mother's Advice To Her Son On The Eve Of His Departure For College: http://dambloggers.com/a-mothers-advice-to-her-son-on-the-eve-of-his-departure-for-college/
*THE GLASS HOUSE GIRLS: **The sequel to the boys, this one is "A Letter To My Daughter On The Eve Of Her Departure For College:  http://theglasshousegirls.com/articles/the-living-room/a-letter-to-my-daughter.html


<<<<IN OTHER NEWS>>>>  My book, "Who Stole My Spandex?" is going to be reprinted---a second edition---which was picked up by the publishing house Booktrope!! I'm over the moon happy about this----it's something I've been hoping would happen for a long time. I'm looking forward to this next step as a writer and will post updates as we ride along on this crazy and wonderful publishing journey. Thank you ALL for the love and support you have given me. Meno Mama would not exist without you!!  <<HUGS>>


Please stop by and read all the funny Fly On The Wall posts by my sisters in humor:

     Welcome to another addition of the Fly On The Wall group postings. Fourteen brave bloggers are allowing their readers to step into their homes for a glimpse of what goes on behind closed doors.

     In the Doyle house, this month has been all about holiday preparations. The Christmas tree is up, the house is decorated inside and out, the frantic shopping has begun and there are oodles of baking goods in my pantry for a weekend of marathon cooking.  I look forward to having my family here as we sip mimosas, open gifts, start a balled-up wrapping paper war and feast on all the delicacies of the big Christmas dinner. My favorite part of the evening is sitting around the fire pit in our backyard as we cozy up to the warmth and listen to family members who sing and play guitar. When I look at all the lovely faces in the glow of the fire, I'm reminded of how blessed I am to belong to this spectacular family.

     If you were a fly on the wall in my house this month, you'd see me designing my own holiday Somee Card memes, which I'm including in today's post. You'd also hear the following snippets of conversation:



"To some, it's a tin of Christmas cookies. To me, it's a support group."

"You could have helped me decorate the tree today instead of being so lazy."
"I'm not lazy. I'm energy efficient."

"There's never a happy ending from a story that begins with, 'that one time I drank Fireball at a holiday party….'"

" I can't enjoy the Christmas feast this year without feeling guilty. You've demonized all the calories."

"It's obvious you're a holiday hoarder. You need a decoration intervention."

"Thank God we have hurricane resistant windows, otherwise they would have cracked when she hit that high note on the Christmas carol."

"It's not good holiday food unless it's really fattening….and you can feel your heart beat slowing down while you eat."

"Need help wrapping all these Christmas presents? …..said no teenager ever."

"Why on earth did you buy a red star for the top of the tree? We now have a brothel Christmas tree."
"I'm going to try to stick to my diet during the holidays."
"I can't do that. I have a condition that prevents me from going on a diet."
"What condition?"
"I get hungry."

"I hope you don't wait until the last minute to do your Christmas shopping at a Walgreens drugstore. I don't want to find the Ho Ho Ho Enema Gift Set there."

"Forget 'Elf On The Shelf.' I have 'Steve Up Your Sleeve' and 'Elvis On Your Pelvis.' "

"Whoever said 'Patience is a virtue' never experienced instant gratification."
"Or long line at Walmart."

"I have a lot of decorating to do today, but the coffee will keep me going until it's acceptable to drink heavily spiked eggnog."



MERRY CHRISTMAS AND A HAPPY NEW YEAR TO ALL!




Don't forget to grab your copy of my book, "WHO STOLE MY SPANDEX?" from Amazon.com or Barnes & Noble! Thanks!

Welcome to another edition of Fly On The wall Group Posts! Today, sixteen courageous bloggers are inviting you into their homes for a glimpse of what goes on behind closed doors.

The fly that has been buzzing around my crazy household this month has seen me go through a roller coaster of emotions---anxiety, fear, relief and elation as the editing process on my forthcoming book, "Who Stole My Spandex?" reached the final stage of completion. A week ago, I left my "baby" in the very capable hands of my publisher. Since that day, the fly has witnessed my nail biting habit in full swing, along with me staring blankly at the computer screen. Yes, the anticipation is killing me. Mark your calendars, folks. Black Friday, Nov. 28 is LAUNCH DAY!

I've been too nervous lately to be funny, but as always, I can rely on my family for humorous blog fodder. Here's what the fly overheard in my crazy house recently:



"We're hopelessly lost. I think my GPS is drunk."

"I would only consider plastic surgery if the doctors could put my food baby belly on my butt. They could call the procedure a 'bellybottomy'."


"Ahhhh…the innocence of youth….when a two-year-old tries to put a dirty toilet plunger in her mouth."

"I'm going to cut you off from the wine now, because nobody sings 'This Land is My Land' or 'Leavin' On A Jet Plane' when they're sober."

"What the heck is this Farmers.com site I keep hearing about?"
"It's a site for lonely dairy cows looking for true love."

"I'm awake, but if you're expecting bright-eyed and bushy-tailed, go catch a squirrel."

"You're about to exceed the limits of my Prozac."

"A meal without wine is called breakfast."

"My belt, socks and baseball cap are black. My shirt and my pants are also black. NOW do I look thinner?"

"Whoever stole all of my leftover chicken salad from the fridge is a Motherclucker!"

"I just heard a commercial from a place called Harbour House for the Blind, and they're looking for used car donations. Isn't that an oxymoron…. cars for the blind?"

"I can't stop spilling beer into my mouth."

"What are you--the World Pug Herding Champion"?

"If you keep weary my socks, then I'm going to start wearing your underwear."

"I just burped and farted at the same time. It's called a 'Bart'."

"I know how I can help you sell your book. I'm going to wear an owl costume, stand by the highway with a bag of books and yell, "Whoo! Whoo! Who hasn't read this book?"


You heard the owl, folks. Buy the book on Amazon November 28th! WHOO WHOO!

1. You'll no longer need to waste money on expensive theme parks with fast rides. Your teen will gladly attach your rolling office chair to his bike with a rope and pull his buddies down a busy highway. Like heart-stopping rides? This one's for you.
   
   
2. Piss yellow will become your favorite bathroom tile shade because there isn't enough Clorox in the world to make those urine stains around the toilet disappear.
     
3. Like exotic pets? Great, because small critters love to nest in the sour-smelling pile of laundry at the back of your son's closet. Dirty dishes and half eaten cheese sticks will also invite armies of cockroaches set up their vacation homes under his bed.
   
   
4. If you failed science in high school, don't worry. You're going to get a hands-on education about fire, electricity, and how much damage a potato bomb can do to your neighbor's fence.
   
   
5. You'll lose those last, stubborn ten pounds because all boys are born with noses like bloodhounds. They'll sniff out every hidden cookie, potato chip, and even the chocolates from Mother's Day that you tried to disguise in an empty Summer’s Eve douche box. Your grocery bill will triple during his teen years but your waistline will shrink. Just be sure to lock the liquor cabinet before he turns fifteen.
   
   
6. Miss those nights of club hopping from your twenties? Relive your youth when your teenager hosts raves in his room while blasting techno and dubstep from subwoofers the size of refrigerators. Toss back some tequila shots chased by a few aspirin and you'll feel like you've time traveled back to the good ol' days at a fraternity house party.
   
   

     Welcome to another edition of the Fly On The Wall group posts. Today 12 bloggers are inviting you to catch a glimpse of what you'd see if you were a fly buzzing around their homes.

     The fly got an earful in my home this month. Lots of shenanigans going on around here because I have been mentally "absent." While I've had my nose buried in book edits, my family has taken over all the household duties.  Jealous? Don't be. It was all fun and games until dinners became the mummified remnants unearthed from the bottom of the freezer drawer.



"Why did you just squirt hair conditioner up my nose?"
"I thought your nose hairs needed to be detangled."

"Dare me to take a bite of this dog food?"
"If you do, I will never kiss you again."

"Our kids are like livestock…..they graze on food all day and they're full of bull."

"Please watch the dog when you take him out, or else he'll eat his poop."
"Don't worry---he doesn't eat the fresh ones. He only likes the day-old poops that have some crunch to them."

"They're talking about you on the news again."
"Huh? You mean the 100 pounds of marijuana they confiscated today?"
"Yeah---they said it was a 'big bust'."

"Mom, can I borrow twenty bucks?"
"I don't have it. I just donated all my money to the alpaca rescue fund."

"If you eat too much couscous, the grains become time bombs. Once they hit the bottom of your gut, they detonate."


"Why is there a two hour special on TV about A.D.D.? People with the disorder can't sit that long to watch it. They'll lose focus after the first five minutes."

"If you continue to annoy me, I'm going to turn you into a human bird feeder. I'll strap your butt to a chair and slather you in molasses and sunflower seeds."

"I hope you're not wearing that dirty shirt to the pet store. It looks like you've been rolling in grass and mud."
"Would you prefer that I wear my 'Cat, The Other White Meat' t-shirt wen I go to pick up the dog food?"

"When did I become the official pooper scooper in the family?"
"The same day you became the official toilet plunger."

"One of the things on my bucket list is to do the running with the bulls in Pamplona, Spain."
"At your age, it will be more like running with the mules."


     Last but not least, the fly got a real kick out of watching me make a fool of myself this week. Yes, I participated in the ALS ice bucket challenge and I'm sharing the video here so that you can laugh at my expense. Baby, that ice bath was COLD!!!!!

     I lost both my aunt and my grandmother to ALS, so it's important to me to spread the word about this debilitating disease. If you can't handle having an ice bucket dumped on your head, please consider donating to the ALS fund. Better yet, be brave and do both! Here's where you can donate: http://www.alsa.org/donate/. Or here: http://www.ALS.NET


     WANT MORE MENO MAMA? This week you can find my featured post on Humor Outcasts. Read it here: http://humoroutcasts.com/2014/eight-people-i-love-to-hate-at-the-gym/