Friday, March 25, 2016

You've Got Spam: The 14 Worst Offers On The Internet

     It has been awhile since I've deleted the junk in my SPAM folder. The last time I did it, I found all sorts if interesting invitations (you can read the post HERE). I recently did a clean sweep on my laptop and found a bevy of new, hilarious offers in my SPAM. This stuff never gets old, so it's only fair that I share the latest, HOT OFFERS with you, so that you can get in on these "awesome" deals:

1. Sexy CPAP options (the new "zoo line" masks come in zebra print or leopard spot to make bedtime more interesting).

2. Diet pills that claim you can eat like a Viking and still maintain a beach-ready, bikini body (what size is the bikini?).

3. Toenail fungus removal (complete with an amputation kit).

4. Cheap car insurance (by the Chitty Chitty Bang Bang Auto Insurance Company).

5. Divorce attorneys (who also moonlight for Ashley Madison).

6. Inexpensive laser hair removal (yes, you too, can look like a plucked chicken!).

7. Miracle pills for breast enhancement (ever notice there's nothing for a breast reductions?).

8. An invitation to join a single seniors dating website for naughty fun (bringing sexy back with designer, leak-proof undergarments and crotchless support hose).

9. Miracle hearing aids guaranteed to improve hearing (in other words, your husband no longer has an excuse to tune you out).

10. Testosterone boosters ( in case you need your erection to last longer than eight hours. What kind of beast are you??).

11. Cremation burial services (why is this ad sponsored by a premium garden mulch company?).

12. Bladder solutions for an overactive bladder (the kit includes a free bottle of Super Glue).

13. Got flatulence? Try the new FLATU-CORK (12 adjustable corks to stop up your gas before you stink up a room).      

14. A message from clairvoyant John: "IMPORTANT, PLEASE OPEN" ( there's a computer virus in your future).

     Want any of these terrific deals? Just open up your SPAM folder. I'll bet it's brimming with marriage proposals from India and buy-one-get-one-free deals on plastic surgery!

***WANT MORE MENO MAMA? I have a crazy, funny NEW post up this week on Purple Clover! Check out "The Queen of Bad Teeth" :
I also had a post featured on The Good Men Project---"10 Things I Never Imagined I Needed To Say To My Teen Son"

Friday, March 18, 2016

Fly On The Wall: Family Fun

     It's that time of month again---Fly On The Wall group postings, hosted by Karen of Baking In A tornado. Today 11 bloggers are inviting you to catch a glimpse of what you would see in their homes if you were a fly on their wall.

     As many of you know, my mother has been in the hospital CVNICU for over a week now. It has been an emotional roller coaster for the entire family, and we are learning to take things one step at a time. Some days are full of little miracles, while others are heartbreaking and difficult to get through. For this reason, I haven't had much time to write or visit the blogs of my fellow writers. Our family is completely focused on my mother's health at this time and praying for her recovery.

     The month before Mom became ill, we were invited to do some fun social activities with our adult children. They treated us to some crazy and interesting experiences, and of course, we had to drag them along with us to the annual Renaissance Festival as well (a family tradition). Below are photos of some of the events that we shared: a night at the Miami Ice Bar, bottomless mimosas at YOLO in downtown Ft. Lauderdale, "Whiskey Wednesday" at Mellow Mushroom, walking the nature trail at Morikami Japanese Gardens, and a fun night at home with the family after a great dinner around the fire pit. Nothing beats making lasting memories with the family! The only thing missing is the fly----who knew he was camera shy??

***WANT MORE MENO MAMA? This week I was featured on The Mutton Club with my post, "Healthy Habits In Midlife (This Diet Thing Sucks)." You can read it here:

ANOTHER FUN THING: I was delighted to have my crazy hair featured on The Huffington Post. Yes, you heard that right. My purple hair. Check out the post, written by Ann Brenoff   here:

Friday, March 11, 2016

I Love You, Mom

     I've been absent from the blogosphere this week due to a family crisis. My dear mother had to be rushed to the hospital for a torn aorta and needed emergency surgery. She's an incredibly brave and strong woman, but this latest episode really frightened me. The experience made me realize that as our parents age, we have to accept that their health is more fragile than ever before, and that we need to cherish the gift of time that we have with them. For this reason, I'm unable to offer you a new blog post today, but in honor of my mother, I'd like to share some links to a few of my favorite posts that were written with her in mind.

     The good news is that my mother made it through her stent surgery and is now in recovery. Prayers and positive thoughts would be very much appreciated. Those of you who still have your mothers here with you, please give them a hug and tell them how much they mean to you. They will never tire of hearing you say, "I love you, Mom."




IF MY CLOSET COULD TALK  (featured on Purple Clover)

***WANT MORE MENO MAMA? This week my post, "10 Lies Parents Of Teens Tell Themselves" was featured on Lose The Cape. You can read it here:

Friday, March 4, 2016

Super Spring Writer Series: Guest Post by: Rosemond Perdue

     I've been crazy-busy lately, submitting posts to other websites and writing until the wee hours of the morning. I have a new post featured on Purple Clover this week---one I am particularly proud of that I know many of you will relate to. Please check out "If My Closet Could Talk. Also this week, I had a post featured on one of my favorite sites---the Erma Bombeck Writers Workshop: Blind As A Rhino.   Last but not least, I had a post yesterday on another awesome site I love---Midlife Boulevard. Stop by and read my funny post about what you can expect when you hit midlife:

     And now, onto our special Super Spring guest writer.....I'm not sure how it's possible that I haven't been aware of today's author until just a few weeks ago. After receiving an email from her, I checked out her blog site and WOW! This lady is FUNNY! Please welcome Rosemund Perdue of Round And Round Rosie! I found so many hilarious posts on her midlife humor site, it was hard to choose just one to feature on my blog. Once you read her mom jeans post below, you'll want to visit Round And Round Rosie and subscribe to her site.

Please welcome Rosemund Perdue to Meno Mama's blog today with lots of comment love. Enjoy!

Mom Jeans Are Back, because obviously someone forgot how ugly these things were the first time around.

The 80's are back and I'm not happy. Just when I'd finally made peace with lowrise jeans (OK, so 20 years after they debuted but who's counting?) it seems that the fashion Gods have decided that Mom jeans are once again stylish.
Because I live in LA, Ground Zero for questionable fashion trends, I've gotten to see this latest fashion trend up close and personal. I've seen countless pretty young things rocking their ironic mom jeans. Waistbands up underneath their ribcages, acid washed, with pleats, and yes they look adorable. And fashionable. Hee hee. I get it. Jokes on us. These show offs with perfect long legged bodies are proving they are so hot they even look sexy in a pair of the unsexiest denim ever invented. For moms.
But lets get real.
When, like these LA model types, you are 100 pounds, you could wear a big green Hefty trashbag and look fabulous. So this isn't a good measure of what a trend will look like on mortals. Especially mortals like me who are now over 40.

Here's why you won't catch my butt in a pair of mom jeans.

Too much fabric.

My body could handle high waisted mom jeans 20 years ago when I wasn't a mom but my anatomy is no longer able to handle all that fabric. Around my middle. Mapping out every flaw. Here are two examples of boyfriend jeans or subtle flares that are way more flattering.

Where does your muffin top go?

With lowrise jeans you can let your muffin top flow over the top and hopefully hide that tire with a loose fitting top. But where does it go with a zipper a mile long. Do you try to stuff it down? Fluff it up? Do you let is overflow and pretend it's a peplum?

Tummy Tuck In?

What do you do in mom jeans? You have to tuck your tummy IN, so do you then have to go up 2 sizes to accommodate the belly, but now you can swim in the enormous legs. Plus what do you do with those side rolls that live where your waist used to be? Not to mention the continual butt wedgie these jeans produce.

Denim Thick Enough for Pioneers in Wagon Trains.

These were jeans made long before lycra and spandex, no stretch, no give and denim dense enough to last several generations. Do you remember the crotch burn we used to suffer from a day with that industrial grade denim scratching our lady parts? Burn, baby, burn.
There are probably piles of pristine mom jeans left over in landfills that never fully disintegrated. These tough jeans were meant for tough mom who did unglamorous jobs like burping, feeding and shopping at WalMart.
So who's the bastard who decided it was time to revisit high rise jeans? Must be a man who's definitely not a fan of moms.

What ugly trends are up next I wonder.

Is it time to break out my Keds and sweatshirt again too?
Side ponytails? Scrunchies? Bibs? Hillary Headbands?
Maybe for the youngsters it's an exciting new trend to try. No thank you. I remember 90210 and Friends from the first time around.
I had a modified "Rachel" hairdo. I've got picture somewhere to prove it.
In case you've forgotten mom jeans, here's Tina Fey's SNL skit on Mom Jeans and the women wearing them who've given up being sexy.
"I"m not a woman, I'm a Mom!"
Save us!
My worst fear is that fashion decides that all other denim style will be over and I'll be forced to zip my sausage torso into a pair of dowdy mom jeans with a mile long zipper.
Please fashion designers, leave me with a little dignity and some stretch fabric in my jeans. And please leave the over the waist denim trend for women who actually still have waists.


When I’m not too busy embarrassing my teenager, I write about midlife,  parenting, and life in cute shoes. I’m a contributor to Huffington Post, Babble, and have been featured on She Knows, Divorced Moms, Scary Mommy and Blunt Moms. When I’m not writing, I enjoy lying in the fetal position and obsessing about my hair. 
 You can find me sharing wisdom, thoughts on life after 40, and the occasional rant at



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