Menopausal Mother

     It has been awhile since I've deleted the junk in my SPAM folder. The last time I did it, I found all sorts if interesting invitations (you can read the post HERE). I recently did a clean sweep on my laptop and found a bevy of new, hilarious offers in my SPAM. This stuff never gets old, so it's only fair that I share the latest, HOT OFFERS with you, so that you can get in on these "awesome" deals:

1. Sexy CPAP options (the new "zoo line" masks come in zebra print or leopard spot to make bedtime more interesting).

2. Diet pills that claim you can eat like a Viking and still maintain a beach-ready, bikini body (what size is the bikini?).

3. Toenail fungus removal (complete with an amputation kit).

4. Cheap car insurance (by the Chitty Chitty Bang Bang Auto Insurance Company).

5. Divorce attorneys (who also moonlight for Ashley Madison).

6. Inexpensive laser hair removal (yes, you too, can look like a plucked chicken!).

7. Miracle pills for breast enhancement (ever notice there's nothing for a breast reductions?).

8. An invitation to join a single seniors dating website for naughty fun (bringing sexy back with designer, leak-proof undergarments and crotchless support hose).

9. Miracle hearing aids guaranteed to improve hearing (in other words, your husband no longer has an excuse to tune you out).

10. Testosterone boosters ( in case you need your erection to last longer than eight hours. What kind of beast are you??).

11. Cremation burial services (why is this ad sponsored by a premium garden mulch company?).

12. Bladder solutions for an overactive bladder (the kit includes a free bottle of Super Glue).

13. Got flatulence? Try the new FLATU-CORK (12 adjustable corks to stop up your gas before you stink up a room).      

14. A message from clairvoyant John: "IMPORTANT, PLEASE OPEN" ( there's a computer virus in your future).

     Want any of these terrific deals? Just open up your SPAM folder. I'll bet it's brimming with marriage proposals from India and buy-one-get-one-free deals on plastic surgery!


***WANT MORE MENO MAMA? I have a crazy, funny NEW post up this week on Purple Clover! Check out "The Queen of Bad Teeth" : http://www.purpleclover.com/health/6181--queen-bad-teeth/
I also had a post featured on The Good Men Project---"10 Things I Never Imagined I Needed To Say To My Teen Son" http://goodmenproject.com/featured-content/10-things-never-imagined-needed-say-teen-son-jrmk/

     It's that time of month again---Fly On The Wall group postings, hosted by Karen of Baking In A tornado. Today 11 bloggers are inviting you to catch a glimpse of what you would see in their homes if you were a fly on their wall.

     As many of you know, my mother has been in the hospital CVNICU for over a week now. It has been an emotional roller coaster for the entire family, and we are learning to take things one step at a time. Some days are full of little miracles, while others are heartbreaking and difficult to get through. For this reason, I haven't had much time to write or visit the blogs of my fellow writers. Our family is completely focused on my mother's health at this time and praying for her recovery.

     The month before Mom became ill, we were invited to do some fun social activities with our adult children. They treated us to some crazy and interesting experiences, and of course, we had to drag them along with us to the annual Renaissance Festival as well (a family tradition). Below are photos of some of the events that we shared: a night at the Miami Ice Bar, bottomless mimosas at YOLO in downtown Ft. Lauderdale, "Whiskey Wednesday" at Mellow Mushroom, walking the nature trail at Morikami Japanese Gardens, and a fun night at home with the family after a great dinner around the fire pit. Nothing beats making lasting memories with the family! The only thing missing is the fly----who knew he was camera shy??












***WANT MORE MENO MAMA? This week I was featured on The Mutton Club with my post, "Healthy Habits In Midlife (This Diet Thing Sucks)." You can read it here: http://www.themuttonclub.com/healthy-habits-in-midlife/

ANOTHER FUN THING: I was delighted to have my crazy hair featured on The Huffington Post. Yes, you heard that right. My purple hair. Check out the post, written by Ann Brenoff   here:http://www.huffingtonpost.com/entry/7-women-over-50-on-why-theyre-dyeing-their-hair-crazy-colors_us_56e07237e4b0860f99d78812

     I've been absent from the blogosphere this week due to a family crisis. My dear mother had to be rushed to the hospital for a torn aorta and needed emergency surgery. She's an incredibly brave and strong woman, but this latest episode really frightened me. The experience made me realize that as our parents age, we have to accept that their health is more fragile than ever before, and that we need to cherish the gift of time that we have with them. For this reason, I'm unable to offer you a new blog post today, but in honor of my mother, I'd like to share some links to a few of my favorite posts that were written with her in mind.

     The good news is that my mother made it through her stent surgery and is now in recovery. Prayers and positive thoughts would be very much appreciated. Those of you who still have your mothers here with you, please give them a hug and tell them how much they mean to you. They will never tire of hearing you say, "I love you, Mom."



THE TRUTH ABOUT MOTHERHOOD

MIRROR MIRROR ON THE WALL, I AM MY MOTHER AFTER ALL (featured on Bonbon Break)

THE INVISIBLE GENERATION

IF MY CLOSET COULD TALK  (featured on Purple Clover)

     I've been crazy-busy lately, submitting posts to other websites and writing until the wee hours of the morning. I have a new post featured on Purple Clover this week---one I am particularly proud of that I know many of you will relate to. Please check out "If My Closet Could Talk."  Also this week, I had a post featured on one of my favorite sites---the Erma Bombeck Writers Workshop: Blind As A Rhino.   Last but not least, I had a post yesterday on another awesome site I love---Midlife Boulevard. Stop by and read my funny post about what you can expect when you hit midlife: http://midlifeboulevard.com/peek-at-50s-60s/

     And now, onto our special Super Spring guest writer.....I'm not sure how it's possible that I haven't been aware of today's author until just a few weeks ago. After receiving an email from her, I checked out her blog site and WOW! This lady is FUNNY! Please welcome Rosemund Perdue of Round And Round Rosie! I found so many hilarious posts on her midlife humor site, it was hard to choose just one to feature on my blog. Once you read her mom jeans post below, you'll want to visit Round And Round Rosie and subscribe to her site.

Please welcome Rosemund Perdue to Meno Mama's blog today with lots of comment love. Enjoy!

Here's why you won't catch my butt in a pair of mom jeans.

Too much fabric.

Where does your muffin top go?

Tummy Tuck In?

Denim Thick Enough for Pioneers in Wagon Trains.

What ugly trends are up next I wonder.