Friday, March 25, 2016

You've Got Spam: The 14 Worst Offers On The Internet

     It has been awhile since I've deleted the junk in my SPAM folder. The last time I did it, I found all sorts if interesting invitations (you can read the post HERE). I recently did a clean sweep on my laptop and found a bevy of new, hilarious offers in my SPAM. This stuff never gets old, so it's only fair that I share the latest, HOT OFFERS with you, so that you can get in on these "awesome" deals:

1. Sexy CPAP options (the new "zoo line" masks come in zebra print or leopard spot to make bedtime more interesting).

2. Diet pills that claim you can eat like a Viking and still maintain a beach-ready, bikini body (what size is the bikini?).

3. Toenail fungus removal (complete with an amputation kit).

4. Cheap car insurance (by the Chitty Chitty Bang Bang Auto Insurance Company).

5. Divorce attorneys (who also moonlight for Ashley Madison).

6. Inexpensive laser hair removal (yes, you too, can look like a plucked chicken!).

7. Miracle pills for breast enhancement (ever notice there's nothing for a breast reductions?).

8. An invitation to join a single seniors dating website for naughty fun (bringing sexy back with designer, leak-proof undergarments and crotchless support hose).

9. Miracle hearing aids guaranteed to improve hearing (in other words, your husband no longer has an excuse to tune you out).

10. Testosterone boosters ( in case you need your erection to last longer than eight hours. What kind of beast are you??).

11. Cremation burial services (why is this ad sponsored by a premium garden mulch company?).

12. Bladder solutions for an overactive bladder (the kit includes a free bottle of Super Glue).

13. Got flatulence? Try the new FLATU-CORK (12 adjustable corks to stop up your gas before you stink up a room).      

14. A message from clairvoyant John: "IMPORTANT, PLEASE OPEN" ( there's a computer virus in your future).

     Want any of these terrific deals? Just open up your SPAM folder. I'll bet it's brimming with marriage proposals from India and buy-one-get-one-free deals on plastic surgery!


***WANT MORE MENO MAMA? I have a crazy, funny NEW post up this week on Purple Clover! Check out "The Queen of Bad Teeth" : http://www.purpleclover.com/health/6181--queen-bad-teeth/
I also had a post featured on The Good Men Project---"10 Things I Never Imagined I Needed To Say To My Teen Son" http://goodmenproject.com/featured-content/10-things-never-imagined-needed-say-teen-son-jrmk/

43 comments:

  1. We must think just alike! I was going to do a post on some of my SPAM! It's horrible. Lots of stuff to many tiny penises bigger. Why do I need this? I don't need to even see this!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Ha-ha! Of course you and I think alike. We're pug people!

      Delete
  2. I get all the offers from the sexy women who want big guy. I keep telling my husband that I'm getting his email.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. OMG that's hilarious! My husband's SPAM folder is even worse than mine!

      Delete
  3. My favorite spam is the "why haven't you paid my invoice"- with a zip file inside. Like my invoice is SO large it needs to be zipped shut.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Ha-Ha! I always get a kick out of reading all the junk I receive. So much of it doesn't even make sense!

      Delete
  4. Too funny.What a great way to see the lighter side of this annoying spam.

    ReplyDelete
  5. My hubby wants me to start accepting the marriage proposals to get the dowries. He may be on to something.

    ReplyDelete
  6. Naughty senior fun? I need to start looking at my spam more closely I think!

    ReplyDelete
  7. Oh so it's not just me? THANK GAWD! Sometimes I think I'm the only person in the universe with "send junk here" as my email address.

    ReplyDelete
  8. Thanks for the reminder. I have to clean out my spam. I like the fake comments in my blog spam filter----many of them in foreign languages----"Seriously, you didn't think anyone would notice".

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Or the names of the people---all weird names I certainly can't pronounce!

      Delete
  9. A lesson to me. Stop deleting without reading. So much fun missed . . .

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. It's like reading the comics every day!

      Delete
  10. My über favourites: no 3 and 10. I hope they provide a good lubricant with it though:) Hilarious as usual! Happy Easter to you guys! xx Abby

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I think at least half of my SPAM is for testosterone boosters. Maybe they know something that I don't....

      Delete
  11. I rarely read my spam... now that you've written this, I will have to look at it once and a while to get a good laugh.. xox

    I hope your mom is feeling better and thank you so much for dropping by my blog, I appreciate you taking the time Marcia xox

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Mom is doing much better! Thank you for asking. And yes, you can get a daily dose of laughter just by reading your SPAM

      Delete
  12. I want to eat like a Viking, wait, do they mean eat a lot or just the manners of a Viking? Thanks for the giggles. ;)

    ReplyDelete
  13. I live in a house full of men, forward that FLATU-CORK one over to me, or I'm gonna need a hazmat mask.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Hahahahahaha!!! I hear ya---it's always a dangerous thing when both my boys and husband are under the same roof simultaneously!

      Delete
  14. I've been getting lots of business proposals. Lots and lots of them. Along with the occasional ED spam, hysterical as I don't have the correct equipment to experience ED.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Me neither----so why do I keep getting these messages? Maybe they know something that I don't.

      Delete
  15. I read the spam for laughs, but I learned to never click on a site. It took three times and two computers,but i did learn.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Ha! I only did that once when I was a newbie to computers. NEVER AGAIN!

      Delete
  16. I open my spam folder every day to find someone trying to sell me a formula for penile enhancement. How do they know I need this? Who's been talking about me behind my back?

    ReplyDelete
  17. What the heck is the sudden obsession with toenail fungus? OK, I get it, it's gross, but all of the sudden the commercials are everywhere! It's like the ED commercials - I know you gotta deal with it, but I don't need to see that all over TV!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I still think the catheter kits are the grossest....

      Delete
  18. So so funny! Um, wouldn't the flatu-cork go like flying out???

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I thought about that and was going to compare it to popping like a champagne bottle, but I figured I was already graphic enough....

      Delete
  19. HaaHAaaa.
    So Annoying!
    I despise spam.
    It's as if these horrid people know my most intimate secrets!! xxx

    ReplyDelete
  20. Hilarious! Thanks for the laugh. I thought about messing with my SPAM regarding, "Hot sexy Russian woman want to be wife". Either I'll wind up with one, or the NSA knocking on my door. LOL!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Right??? Not to mention the virus you'll get by opening one of those emails!

      Delete
  21. Oh, those spams. Even on my blog I still get them. Will they ever end though? Don't think so. This has been fun to read. :)

    ReplyDelete
  22. BOGO plastic surgery, lol. Down here in Palm Beach, that'd probably be a huge hit!

    ReplyDelete
  23. haha nice one!but did you know why older men prefer younger women?read my article to find out why https://kovla.com/blog/why-russian-brides-prefer-much-older-husbands/ enjoy!

    ReplyDelete

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