HERE). I recently did a clean sweep on my laptop and found a bevy of new, hilarious offers in my SPAM. This stuff never gets old, so it's only fair that I share the latest, HOT OFFERS with you, so that you can get in on these "awesome" deals:
1. Sexy CPAP options (the new "zoo line" masks come in zebra print or leopard spot to make bedtime more interesting).
2. Diet pills that claim you can eat like a Viking and still maintain a beach-ready, bikini body (what size is the bikini?).
3. Toenail fungus removal (complete with an amputation kit).
4. Cheap car insurance (by the Chitty Chitty Bang Bang Auto Insurance Company).
5. Divorce attorneys (who also moonlight for Ashley Madison).
6. Inexpensive laser hair removal (yes, you too, can look like a plucked chicken!).
7. Miracle pills for breast enhancement (ever notice there's nothing for a breast reductions?).
8. An invitation to join a single seniors dating website for naughty fun (bringing sexy back with designer, leak-proof undergarments and crotchless support hose).
9. Miracle hearing aids guaranteed to improve hearing (in other words, your husband no longer has an excuse to tune you out).
10. Testosterone boosters ( in case you need your erection to last longer than eight hours. What kind of beast are you??).
11. Cremation burial services (why is this ad sponsored by a premium garden mulch company?).
12. Bladder solutions for an overactive bladder (the kit includes a free bottle of Super Glue).
13. Got flatulence? Try the new FLATU-CORK (12 adjustable corks to stop up your gas before you stink up a room).
14. A message from clairvoyant John: "IMPORTANT, PLEASE OPEN" ( there's a computer virus in your future).
Want any of these terrific deals? Just open up your SPAM folder. I'll bet it's brimming with marriage proposals from India and buy-one-get-one-free deals on plastic surgery!
***WANT MORE MENO MAMA? I have a crazy, funny NEW post up this week on Purple Clover! Check out "The Queen of Bad Teeth" : http://www.purpleclover.com/health/6181--queen-bad-teeth/
I also had a post featured on The Good Men Project---"10 Things I Never Imagined I Needed To Say To My Teen Son" http://goodmenproject.com/featured-content/10-things-never-imagined-needed-say-teen-son-jrmk/