And now, onto our special Super Spring guest writer.....I'm not sure how it's possible that I haven't been aware of today's author until just a few weeks ago. After receiving an email from her, I checked out her blog site and WOW! This lady is FUNNY! Please welcome Rosemund Perdue of Round And Round Rosie! I found so many hilarious posts on her midlife humor site, it was hard to choose just one to feature on my blog. Once you read her mom jeans post below, you'll want to visit Round And Round Rosie and subscribe to her site.
Please welcome Rosemund Perdue to Meno Mama's blog today with lots of comment love. Enjoy!
Mom
Jeans Are Back, because obviously someone forgot how ugly these
things were the first time around.
The 80's are back
and I'm not happy. Just when I'd finally made peace with lowrise
jeans (OK, so 20 years after they debuted but who's counting?)
it seems that the fashion Gods have decided that Mom jeans are once
again stylish.
Because I live in
LA, Ground Zero for questionable fashion trends, I've gotten to see
this latest fashion trend up close and personal. I've seen countless
pretty young things rocking their ironic mom jeans. Waistbands up
underneath their ribcages, acid washed, with pleats, and yes
they look adorable. And fashionable. Hee hee. I get it. Jokes on us.
These show offs with perfect long legged bodies are proving they are
so hot they even look sexy in a pair of the unsexiest denim ever
invented. For moms.
But
lets get real.
When,
like these LA model types, you are 100 pounds, you could wear a big
green Hefty trashbag and look fabulous. So this isn't a good measure
of what a trend will look like on mortals. Especially mortals like me
who are now over 40.
Here's why you won't catch my butt in a pair of mom jeans.
Too much fabric.
My
body could handle high waisted mom jeans 20 years ago when I wasn't a
mom but my anatomy is no longer able to handle all that fabric.
Around my middle. Mapping out every flaw. Here are two examples
of boyfriend
jeans or subtle flares that are way more flattering.
Where does your muffin top go?
With
lowrise jeans you can let your muffin top flow over the top and
hopefully hide that tire with a loose fitting top. But where does it
go with a zipper a mile long. Do you try to stuff it down? Fluff it
up? Do you let is overflow and pretend it's a peplum?
Tummy Tuck In?
What
do you do in mom jeans? You have to tuck your tummy IN, so do you
then have to go up 2 sizes to accommodate the belly, but now you can
swim in the enormous legs. Plus what do you do with those side rolls
that live where your waist used to be? Not to mention the continual
butt wedgie these jeans produce.
Denim Thick Enough for Pioneers in Wagon Trains.
These
were jeans made long before lycra and spandex, no stretch, no give
and denim dense enough to last several generations. Do you remember
the crotch burn we used to suffer from a day with that industrial
grade denim scratching our lady parts? Burn, baby, burn.
There
are probably piles of pristine mom jeans left over in landfills that
never fully disintegrated. These tough jeans were meant for tough mom
who did unglamorous jobs like burping, feeding and shopping at
WalMart.
So
who's the bastard who decided it was time to revisit high rise jeans?
Must be a man who's definitely not a fan of moms.
What ugly trends are up next I wonder.
Is
it time to break out my Keds and sweatshirt again too?
Side
ponytails? Scrunchies? Bibs? Hillary Headbands?
Maybe
for the youngsters it's an exciting new trend to try. No thank you. I
remember 90210 and Friends from the first time around.
I
had a modified "Rachel" hairdo. I've got picture somewhere
to prove it.
In
case you've forgotten mom jeans, here's Tina
Fey's SNL skit on Mom Jeans and
the women wearing them who've given up being sexy.
"I"m not
a woman, I'm a Mom!"
Save us!
My worst fear is
that fashion decides that all other denim style will be over and I'll
be forced to zip my sausage torso into a pair of dowdy mom jeans with
a mile long zipper.
Please fashion
designers, leave me with a little dignity and some stretch fabric in
my jeans. And please leave the over the waist denim trend for women
who actually still have waists.
BIO:
When I’m not too busy embarrassing my teenager, I write about midlife, parenting, and life in cute shoes. I’m a contributor to Huffington Post, Babble, and have been featured on She Knows, Divorced Moms, Scary Mommy and Blunt Moms. When I’m not writing, I enjoy lying in the fetal position and obsessing about my hair.
You can find me sharing wisdom, thoughts on life after 40, and the occasional rant at http://roundandroundrosie.com/
LINKS:
Noooooooo! I won't get back on that train! LOL!
ReplyDeleteHa-Ha me neither!!!
DeleteAmen! The 90's are over so please let Mom Jeans go bye bye too!
DeleteVery funny! I'm not going back to my 80s jeans. I do wish I could find more "mid rise"... a bit of coverage but still breathable:)
ReplyDeleteI liked my mid rise jeans, too!
DeleteAnd why was denim so hard and thick back then? No wonder I had a perpetual yeast infection, those suckers don't breathe!
DeleteOnly white denim for me now, and is white denim really denim? And that awful shape of the leg of mom's jeans, makes me lick like my hips arebeing squeezed out of a toothpaste tube.
ReplyDeleteOMG too funny!!
DeleteLove the toothpaste tube vision! Not good on anyone!
DeleteI'm way more coordinated than I ever thought. You've got me nodding my head, shaking my fist and laughing all at the same time.
ReplyDeleteOmg. Keds are so back!! I see them everywhere. The skater kids are wearing them now!!
ReplyDeleteGreat humor. Any woman who can get into a pair of jeans has my appreciation.
ReplyDelete