Friday, February 26, 2016

Weird Jobs I'd Love

      Whenever our funds get low, my husband suggests I look for part-time work to supplement my measly writer's income. The problem is that my skills are sorely lacking when it comes to career opportunities. I can cook, clean, and herd toddlers to the dinner table, but that's about it. In a land far, far away known as MY YOUTH, I worked all sorts of jobs----dental assistant, secretary, waitress, telephone operator, babysitter, cleaning woman, Avon sales representative.....and none of them thrilled me. I'd be hard pressed to find something at my age that I think I'd be good at (and actually enjoy doing). I'm a writer, and that's all I've ever wanted to be. But if I need to find additional employment, it'll have to be something unique.....something that I can do with confidence and pride in my work. Here are 20 weird jobs I'd be happy to try:

*Test pilot at a witch's broom factory

*Goose down feather pillow inspector

*Teacher at the School Of Hard Knocks

*Food critic for every five star restaurant in the U.S.

*Senior Beer Sampler at a brewery

*Golf ball dimple examiner

*Pogo stick tester

*Creative Director at the School of Mixology

*Ninja leaf blower

*Bounce inspector at a trampoline factory

*Panda bear babysitter at the zoo

*Yard gnome height verifier

*Underwater landscaper at Sea World

*Taste tester at the Willy Wonka Chocolate Factory.

*Cork sniffer at a winery


*Elastic snapper at a rubber band factory

*Drone sniper at an airport

*Bubble counter at a champagne bottling company

*Conch shell tuner

*Wrinkle straightener at a farm for Shar-Peis

     I'd be thrilled to do any one of these jobs. It certainly beats cleaning lint out of dryers at the local laundromat, or buffing caskets at a funeral home. I wouldn't mind trying my hand at being a fire starter at a smoke signal school, or being an artist at a tattoo parlor. How cool would it be to put my artwork permanently on someone's butt cheek? I hope they like stick figures, because that's pretty much all that I can draw.

     See? I told you my skills are limited. Looks like I'll have to stick with being a writer, after all.


***Want more Meno Mama? I'm thrilled to have my first featured post on RawrWords this week! Check out my post, "A Letter To My Younger Self." You can read it here: http://rawrwords.com/2016/02/24/a-letter-to-my-younger-self/

39 comments:

  1. Funny as always! I bet there would be a line out the door to taste test at Willy Wonka. And then we'd all be in line at the gym- LOL!

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  2. Funny! I will join you for the five-star restaurant tour!

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  3. You obviously missed your most qualified position-
    Career Counselor at your local high school!

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  4. I wouldn't mind buffing casks at a funeral parlour - I'd slip a handful of glitter in each one to make the send-off feel more like a party! I would also be happy to be the taster at the local chicken take away place (I am a woman of simple tastes!) Keep writing - at least you're making money from yours!

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  5. I would love to be a drone sniper at an airport, I wouldn't have to commute to far I live right next to Philly International. Great suggestions!

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    1. The drones are so annoying---and dangerous!

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  6. These are very good ideas...I'll be saving them for my next job-search. :)

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    1. If you find one, save me a position too, Mmkay??

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  7. When you become the Creative Director at the School of Mixology, I will be happy to be your taste tester. Just let me know. :-)

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    1. Good one! I'll ring you up right away and make a batch of margaritas!

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  8. I am the senior v.p. of sock sorting. But the economy is forcing me out. People no longer care if their socks match or not. So I'll have to give your suggestions a try.

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    1. LOL I love it! Do you have a complaints department for sock sorting? I put two in the dryer and I only get one back each time.

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  9. Senior beer sampler, eh. How do I apply?

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    1. How did I know that was the job you would want to apply for? Ha-Ha!

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  10. Drone sniper - yesssss... as long as it's not raining, snowing, above 80 degrees, windy, or too sunny. Yeah, I might be too much of a diva for that. ;)

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    1. Ha ha ha---I never thought of that. Yeah, I'm not doing it in a blizzard, that's for sure!

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  11. Why did our High School guidance counselors not tell us about the really AWESOME jobs???
    I was once an underage alcohol sample girl at a liquor show - for that wine that came in a fish shaped bottle. It was sort of like being sex-traffic-ed by a telemarketer. Only with creepy liquor store owners offering to 'buy me lunch'.

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    1. OMG yuck! Forget the lunch---I'd want cash plus a case of free liquor!!

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  12. I think I'd be go at putting those stickers on pieces of fruit

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    1. OMG I'm dying laughing---that would also be the PERFECT job for me!!

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  13. Hey Marci, if you find any of these jobs... and they pay well.. let me know... I'd love them too... lol

    Have a great weekend, I hope everything is going well for you and the family xox

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    1. Thanks, Launna! If I ever find one of these jobs, I'll tell them to hire you, too!

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  14. If you dig deep you might actually discover some of these awesome jobs exist! I do know there is such a thing as a sniffer job. Unfortunately, not all smells would be favorable. I'll keep on the lookout for ya! Good stuff!!

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    1. I'm scared to ask what type of sniffer jobs really exist. If it's for dirty house, shoes or underwear, I don't want it!

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  15. If you get that Senior Beer Sampler one, put in a good word for me, will ya?

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  16. Conch shell tuner ... that's funny!

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  17. I like many of your job choices. I'd also have difficulty landing a job these days, even a menial one.

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  18. I would love to be a food critic, but I can't imagine it'll be good for my waist line. Oh, but I bet it would be so yummy.

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  19. These are great suggestions. I wish I had seen them before I started my new job as a chicken sexer. Don't worry though. If this doesn't work out I'm going to apply for a fortune cookie writer job. This would be a good one for you too, Marcia!

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  20. You think there really is someone that verifies yard gnome's heights? Do they have to have a degree to do that job or just be an expert in gnomes? lol As for the food critic, we were watching Chopped the other day and said how nice it would be to be a judge on that show. They end up eating nine plates of food, all prepared by talented chef's. How does one even get these jobs? Fall into them perhaps or what? I want to add a couple more to your list Meno~Mama. A Bubble wrap tester and a traveling masseuse for rock bands. lol ;) Luv this post & sharing it now!! ;) xoxo

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  21. You, my darling, are a woman of MANY talents.

    You inspire me. xx especially as a writer.

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  22. This is a great list! I want all of these jobs! LOL! I actually want to be the person to buy art for hotel rooms. I hate it all! I think every hotel in America needs an art overhaul (not that I've visited them all). Think this is a real job? I guess someone has to do it...

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  23. Panda bear babysitter at the zoo! I see a lot of videos of them on Facebook and I just want to send my resume.

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  24. Sign me up for some of these. I also wouldn't mind participating in consumer reports by viewing men's boxer/briefs. :D

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