Friday, September 15, 2017

How To Prepare For A Hurricane In 15 Easy Steps

     As many of you know, I live in south Florida, and we just experienced the wrath of Hurricane Irma last weekend. It was frightening to say the least, and despite losing much of our beautiful landscaping, our power, and our internet (gasp!), we survived unscathed, thank God.

     In order to occupy my time during the long power outage, I did what I do best when I'm stressed----I turned to humor and wrote the following post on how to prepare for a hurricane. Enjoy! 


1. Turn on weather channel. Note lines for bottled water, gas, and plywood. Hit panic mode the minute you realize you are in the "cone of concern."

2. Ignoring the gallons of available tap water from your kitchen sink, map out strategic plan to find brand name water bottles in your neighborhood. Camp outside Walmart at 5:30 a.m. until the supply truck rolls in.

3. Tune into weather channel, chew your fingernails down to bloody stubs and tell everyone on social media how frightened you are.


4. Sit in line two hours for gas. Yell obscenities at the guy taking 30 minutes to fill up ten containers for his generator.

5. Stock up on eggs, liquor and bread. Return to store for a case of Twinkies and several bags of Cheetos.

6. Watch old videos online of other catastrophic hurricanes, then tell everyone on social media that you think you might die.

7. Realize you are low on batteries and spend four hours driving around town until you find the last package for 75$ sold by some shady guy at a roadside stand. Ignore the expiration date of 07/2010 on the box.

8. Tune into weather channel and realize you need more wood, more nails, and a helluva lot more toilet paper.

9. Update your will.


10. Wash ALL of your underwear in the event you are unable to do laundry. Consider buying adult diapers. 

11. Check The Weather Channel. Eat entire tube of Pringles.

12. Cover all windows with shutters and plywood. Velcro your three cats together so you don't lose them in the storm. Hunker down in the bathtub with your mattress and the velcroed cats.

13. Consume three sacks of chocolate chip cookies while you wait out the storm. 

14. Once the hurricane passes, prepare to live in the Dark Ages in 90 degree heat with no electricity, no hot water, and people who have not bathed in a week.

15. Celebrate your survival by polishing off the rest of the Twinkies. 




31 comments:

  1. I love that you can find humor in this stressful situation. The anxiety of the anticipation is terrible. I'm so glad that you came through it ok. It sure has been a rough season, with so many people's lives upended. I love a Twinkie, but if I were buying, I think I might go for a Honeybun:)

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    1. It was a scary time indeed. Food, family, and humor are what got me through it all.

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  2. Never having had a twinkie, I can only assume why you saved it for last- and not for starters.

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  3. You're so funny! Humor makes the world go round! Velcro the cats 🐱!! Wins the internet .

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  4. <3 xoxo I'm sorry you had to go through that, but glad your humor is always intact. Even happier you are all safe.

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    1. Awwww....thank you! We're doing pretty good, now <3

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  5. LOL! I'm glad you all have come though Irma okay. I panicked long before there was a cone and I live in NC. By the time it made it to the US, I was on my second round of snacks. Your fb posts and the weather channel made me eat an abundance of vanilla wafers!

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    1. LOL I was doing the same thing while reading my friend's Facebook status updates on the storm--she lives in the Keys, and they got hammered by Irma. I ate enough snacks for the both of us!!

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  6. Ok, because you are ok, (at least I HOPE so), this was HILARIOUS!!!! Especially the references to food, Facebook and the ignoring the water available in your sink! I have a brother in Miami and thankfully they just lost their fencing and some trees, my sister-in-law in Plantation only lost a few trees. I am hoping your damage wasn't severe. This was fabulous! catchatwithcarenandcody

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    1. I'm glad you liked it and even happier to hear that your brother and sister-in-law came through the storm unharmed.

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  7. Perfection. This is hilarious, Marcia and I don't doubt I would do some of these things on your list. I think we lose our common sense temporarily while facing a natural disaster. So glad you're all OKAY and your home and pets are intact (if velcroed together ;) )

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    1. I absolutely lost ALL common sense while Hurricane Irma was swirling around our state.

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  8. Twinkies make anything survivable. Glad you came through this disaster okay. Take care.

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    1. You might even say Twinkies make the world go around....

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  9. That is the way to survive, Marcia. With humour intact. You inspire me! So, SO grateful you and your family are 'bloody but unbowed'!

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    1. Thank you, Diane. We are happy to be safe and sound and back into our normal routine....well, as "normal" as Doyle can be......

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  10. Especially loved #10 and #12. I thought of you so often during that week. Was so relieved to hear you were 'okay.'

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    1. Thank you, Carol. All the prayers and positive vibes kept me afloat during a really scary time.

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  11. So glad you came through the storm with minimal damage. Loved seeing the antics of your family on FB throughout the storm!

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    1. We were pretty stir crazy at the time, LO.

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  12. So grateful the only fatality was your waistline ;) xoxoxo

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    1. Me, too! But not so much fun losing it....

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  13. I'm with you on #5. My mom would totally have told me to do #10. I'm glad you survived the storm but oh, my poor poor Marco Island, we didn't fare anywhere near as well.

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    1. Yes---I heard it was bad there. I have a close friend who lives in the Keys----it was really torn up. I hate these damn storms.

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  14. Hilarious post but poor you! I hope you really are as healthy as you sound. I have a friend who spent 10 days stranded in a bathtub in Mexico during hurricane Wilma. She said she was most grateful for her hairless arm pits, as she had done laser hair removal before the trip. She said it helped her stink less. Hope you aren't too stinky!

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    1. OMG I cannot imagine what your poor friend went though! That's awful!

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  15. Prayers and thoughts to our brothers and sisters affected by the hurricanes.

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