Menopausal Mother

1.) The overzealous spin teacher who keeps the thermostat at 85 degrees in a small, dark room that smells of sweat and the tears of unshed Starbuck's calories.

2.) Anyone named Mindy, Brittney, or Gustavo.

3.) The older gentleman known for flatulence problems who stands next to you in yoga class. Move your mat before he goes into the downward dog position.


4.) The personal trainer/health enthusiast/protein shake junkie who calls you, "Bro" and "Dude" during your 60 minute, $85 session.

5.) Excessive sweaters who blatantly ignore the box of antibiotic wipes after leaving a pool of their DNA on the elliptical machine.

6.) Women in Lululemon leggings.

7.) People who "save" their spot in Zumba class fifteen minutes early by leaving a water bottle and a towel on the floor to mark their territory in front of the mirror.

8.) The perky, twenty-something vegan pushing overly priced kale and flaxseed smoothies at the juice bar.

9.) Men who wear toupees and lurk by the inner thigh trimming machine to observe your press and squeeze technique.

10.) The grunting weight lifter who ate two, double-stuffed bean burritos last night.


11.) People who hog the treadmill while reading text messages or taking gym selfies #werkit #fierce #slay #fitbitch

12.) Anyone listening to Miley Cyrus.




Posted by Marcia Kester Doyle (Menopausal Mama) 12/1/17