Welcome to another edition of Fly On The Wall group blog postings hosted by Karen of
. Today there are three of us inviting you into our homes to see what a nosy fly might see if he was buzzing around.
The flies around here are enjoying our company even though we are sweltering in this Florida heat. I was tempted to hand out fly swatters at our neighborhood 4th of July party because those buggers were relentless when the BBQ was brought to the table.
We're still camping every few weeks despite this interminable heat, but the problem is that the flies also love camping---especially near the RV sewer drains (gross, I know). They've been following us everywhere even though we go through the numerous cans of bug spray we pack. I think they must be a new breed of superfly that's immune to poison. It's bad enough we have to worry about bears on our camping trips, but FLIES?? I need one of those electric zapper things to hang from the RV. And the mosquitoes? Don't even get me started.....
Here are some snippets of conversation the superflies overheard while we were sweating and swatting at them:
"Why are there SO MANY FLIES inside the RV?"
"It's the outdoor drain---the poop tube---that attracts them."
"But most of them are circling around YOU. When was the last time you showered?"
"I don't remember, but I did flush out the poop tube today."
"Oh my God, it's you! Flies know stink when they smell it. Go take a damn shower!"
"I like this battery-operated wrinkle diminisher you bought. If I use it every day, I should see results over time. "
"Uhhhh....with your amount of wrinkles, it's going to run out of batteries long before you see any results."
"Look at all these birds! So many different types---but I don't know what the difference is between a finch and a sparrow."
"The spelling...."
"Your phone doesn't get good internet when we're in the woods, and my phone doesn't take good pictures. Our cells need to link up and make a baby so we can get the perfect phone that takes good pictures AND has good internet."
"That's not going to happen because my phone has a low sex drive and yours has ED."
"I really want to get that tattoo we discussed---Be Humble, Be Grateful."
"As much eating as we've been doing lately on these camping trips, you need to change that saying to Be Humble, Be Fatful."
"Fast food chicken nuggets are so gross. You never know exactly what's in them. There could be human parts in there, for all we know!"
"Remind me the next time I pull up to the takeout window at McDonalds to ask for their 6-piece cadaver nuggets."
"You know how I know I'm getting older?"
"Ummmm....do you have 30 minutes?"
"No---but when I was younger, I carried condoms in my wallet. Now I carry bandaids instead."
"Why won't you ride the mechanical bull?"
"Because you know what happened the last time I tried. I fell off and wrenched my shoulder."
"But it was so funny! Come on, try again!"
"No way. With my luck, I'll fall this time and permanently injure my back."
"Your point?"
"My point is that I'm not going to hurt myself just for your amusement."
"But you promised you'd make me laugh at least once every single day we were married."
"Remind me---what's the name of that divorce lawyer you said you're friends with on Facebook?"
I don't see any mechanical bulls or campground showers in my husband's future, but I'm working on getting him that FATFUL tattoo for his arm....
***WANT MORE MENO MAMA?? Check out my latest column for Yahoo Life on my preference for younger friends (you can read it HERE ). I have 2 new articles up on AARP/The Girlfriend: Something That Spices Up My Marriage ( HERE ) and some easy appetizer recipes ( HERE ). Over on AARP/The Ethel, I have a new piece up on my favorite summer BBQ recipes that you can read HERE
Now hustle over to Karen and Diane's blogs to see what the nosy fly overheard at their houses!
Baking In A Tornado https://www.BakingInATornado.com
On the Border https://dlt-lifeontheranch.blogspot.com/
