Friday, July 19, 2024

Fly On The Wall Where The Superflies Roam

Welcome to another edition of Fly On The Wall group blog postings hosted by Karen of Baking In A Tornado. Today there are three of us inviting you into our homes to see what a nosy fly might see if he was buzzing around.

The flies around here are enjoying our company even though we are sweltering in this Florida heat. I was tempted to hand out fly swatters at our neighborhood 4th of July party because those buggers were relentless when the BBQ was brought to the table.

We're still camping every few weeks despite this interminable heat, but the problem is that the flies also love camping---especially near the RV sewer drains (gross, I know). They've been following us everywhere even though we go through the numerous cans of bug spray we pack. I think they must be a new breed of superfly that's immune to poison. It's bad enough we have to worry about bears on our camping trips, but FLIES?? I need one of those electric zapper things to hang from the RV. And the mosquitoes? Don't even get me started.....

Here are some snippets of conversation the superflies overheard while we were sweating and swatting at them:

"Why are there SO MANY FLIES inside the RV?"

"It's the outdoor drain---the poop tube---that attracts them."

"But most of them are circling around YOU. When was the last time you showered?"

"I don't remember, but I did flush out the poop tube today."

"Oh my God, it's you! Flies know stink when they smell it. Go take a damn shower!"

"I like this battery-operated wrinkle diminisher you bought. If I use it every day, I should see results over time. "

"Uhhhh....with your amount of wrinkles, it's going to run out of batteries long before you see any results."

"Look at all these birds! So many different types---but I don't know what the difference is between a finch and a sparrow."

"The spelling...."

"Your phone doesn't get good internet when we're in the woods, and my phone doesn't take good pictures. Our cells need to link up and make a baby so we can get the perfect phone that takes good pictures AND has good internet."

"That's not going to happen because my phone has a low sex drive and yours has ED."

"I really want to get that tattoo we discussed---Be Humble, Be Grateful."

"As much eating as we've been doing lately on these camping trips, you need to change that saying to Be Humble, Be Fatful."

"Fast food chicken nuggets are so gross. You never know exactly what's in them. There could be human parts in there, for all we know!"

"Remind me the next time I pull up to the takeout window at McDonalds to ask for their 6-piece cadaver nuggets."

"You know how I know I'm getting older?"

"Ummmm....do you have 30 minutes?"

"No---but when I was younger, I carried condoms in my wallet. Now I carry bandaids instead."

"Why won't you ride the mechanical bull?"

"Because you know what happened the last time I tried. I fell off and wrenched my shoulder."

"But it was so funny! Come on, try again!"

"No way. With my luck, I'll fall this time and permanently injure my back."

"Your point?"

"My point is that I'm not going to hurt myself just for your amusement."

"But you promised you'd make me laugh at least once every single day we were married."

"Remind me---what's the name of that divorce lawyer you said you're friends with on Facebook?"

I don't see any mechanical bulls or campground showers in my husband's future, but I'm working on getting him that FATFUL tattoo for his arm....

***WANT MORE MENO MAMA?? Check out my latest column for Yahoo Life on my preference for younger friends (you can read it HERE ). I have 2 new articles up on AARP/The Girlfriend: Something That Spices Up My Marriage ( HERE ) and some easy appetizer recipes ( HERE ). Over on AARP/The Ethel, I have a new piece up on my favorite summer BBQ recipes that you can read HERE

Now hustle over to Karen and Diane's blogs to see what the nosy fly overheard at their houses!

Baking In A Tornado https://www.BakingInATornado.com

On the Border https://dlt-lifeontheranch.blogspot.com/

Friday, July 20, 2018

Fly On The Wall In The Dog House

Welcome to the monthly Fly On The Wall group posting, hosted by Karen of Baking In A Tornado. Today five bloggers are inviting you into their homes to catch a glimpse of what you'd see or hear it you were a fly on the wall. Come on in and buzz around my house to see what we've been up to this month!

July has been another fun month at the Doyle abode, starting off with a BANG (July 4th fireworks, of course!) when our family gathered to celebrate Independence Day. My oldest daughter hosts a July 4th party every year at her condo---the views are spectacular where she lives near the Beach and on the 17th floor. We could see dozens of fireworks from all over the county. Family, friends, and fireworks.....it just doesn't get any better than that. Well yeah, and LOTS of deviled eggs.

We also spent much of the past month watching the FIFA World Cup. We were rooting for Brazil and sad to see them lose, but congrats to France. At least it gave me an excuse to indulge in some sinful French pastries after the game!

My kids have been spending quite a bit of their summer traveling, which means more alone time with my husband. Yeah, I know what you're thinking....but the "fly on the wall" is never allowed to buzz around in the boudoir. He has, however, heard some of the weird conversations I've had recently with my husband:

"It sucks getting old. Rolling over in bed in the middle of the night is now a half-hour process just to get from my left side to my right."

"I swear to God, if that damn pet rabbit nips at me one more time, I'm making rabbit stew out of him!"

"How did I gain these extra pounds? Pretty soon, the only thin thing on me will be my fingers."

"Do you need more floss to get that food out of your molars?"
"No, I need a ROPE."

"Go to the tanning salon with me for a spray tan, she said. It will be fun, she said....what she DIDN"T say was that I would end up looking like an orange Oompa Loompa."

"I'm having a hard time figuring out my way around this DMV website to make an appointment. None of it makes sense to me. I'm gonna take a break with some rum and see what Captain Morgan has to say."
"Captain Morgan says you're an idiot."

"Look at all these dogs in our house! Since when did we become PUG Nation??"

"The repairman was here to look at our broken dishwasher. He said we need to rinse our plates off better before putting them in the dishwasher."
"If I have to wash them first, what is the point of owning a dishwasher?"

"I was thinking of baking a potato for dinner tonight."
"Idaho?"
"No, you-da-ho."

"I burn about 1000 calories every time I struggle to fit into this pair of Spandex."

"Guess what? My female finch just laid an egg in her cage!"
"So....we're having omelets tomorrow for breakfast?"

"How's the memoir writing going?"
"Really good! I'm writing a section right now about my childhood flaws."
"That must be a long chapter....."

***WANT MORE MENO MAMA? This past week I was featured on the Erma Bombeck Writers Workshop with a humor story about my closet. You can read it here: http://humorwriters.org/2018/07/13/a-message-from-my-closet/

Buzz around, see what you think, then click on these links for a peek into some other homes:

Baking In A Tornado https://www.BakingInATornado. com

Menopausal Mother http://www.menopausalmom.com/

Never Ever Give Up Hope https://batteredhope.blogspot. com

Spatulas on Parade https:// spatulasonparade.blogspot.com

Paradoxical Suds https://paradoxicalsuds. wordpress.com

Menopausal Mother

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Friday, July 19, 2024

Fly On The Wall Where The Superflies Roam

Friday, July 20, 2018

Fly On The Wall In The Dog House

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