Menopausal Mother

     Welcome to another edition of Fly On The Wall group blog postings, hosted by Karen of Baking In A Tornado. Today, seven bloggers are once again inviting you into their homes for a sneak peek at what goes on behind their closed doors.

     The fly buzzing around my house this past month saw several birthday celebrations and a whole bucketful of love. I feel so blessed to have all of my children living nearby. I see them every weekend, and sometimes during the week. How cool is that? I am also blessed to be married to my best friend, who never fails to make me laugh no matter what curves life throws me. These are the best years of my life, and I look forward to many more birthdays with this crazy family of mine.

     Here are some snippets of conversation shared with my hubs this past month:


   

"We ate too much bean dip at the party. I'm pretty certain we'll be farting in bed all night."
"Well, don't be surprised if we wake up to find our sheets on the ceiling."

"How was your birthday trip to St. Augustine? What did you guys do?"
"Fat. We got fat."

"Why do you need another purse? You already own a gazillion of them."
"I need different colors and sizes to match my outfits."
"Then men should be able buy dozens of wallets for every occasion. A church wallet, a fine dining wallet.....a velcro one for sporting events, a casino wallet with lots of pockets, and a date night wallet with a condom holder...."
"Okay, you made your point. But I'm still buying the damn purse."

"I'm tired of food having so many calories. From now on, I'm eating off your plate because your calories don't count."


ME TO HUBS: "It's time for me to teach you how to twerk."
HUBS: (dressed in underwear and socks) "Are you making me do this because I may or may not have had too many glasses of wine tonight?"
ME: "No, I'm asking you to do it because I need to be entertained."
HUBS: (grabbing bedrail in an attempt to hold his balance while he moves his butt back and forth) "Is this the right way?"
ME: (gasping for air because I can't stop laughing) "It's right if you're trying to imitate a manatee during a mating ritual."
HUBS: "Glad I could amuse you, but I think I just threw my back out...."



"You know you're old when you have to pack a knee brace, arch support pads, and extra pain relievers for a trip."

"How's the diet going?"
"Great! I had three egg whites for breakfast, a salad for lunch, and chicken for dinner."
"Good for you---but why can't I find my six leftover chicken wings that were in the fridge?"
"I didn't say what kind of or how MUCH chicken I ate, did I?"

"Did you know that you walk like a penguin when you wake up at 3:00am to go to the bathroom?"
"Yep. I'm doing my best imitation of a Weeble wobbler because they don't fall down."

"Let's buy our Halloween candy now before the store runs out of the good stuff."
"You're not fooling anyone with that excuse. Those mini chocolate bars are for your personal stash. If I buy the treats now, there will be nothing left to pass out on Halloween except for candy corn and gum."
"After 33 years of marriage, you know me too well. Time to trade you in for a newer model..."


****WANT MORE MENO MAMA? Check out my first humor piece on ROBOT BUTT: "The Seven Neighbors Mister Rogers Never Imagined."

    Welcome to another edition of Fly On The Wall group postings hosted by Karen of  Baking In A Tornado. Today, 14 bloggers are inviting you into their homes to catch a glimpse of their life if you were a fly on the wall.

     The first two weeks of October rocked! National Geographic came to our house to film a follow-up episode about my pet chinchillas. The crew was delightful and made us feel very comfortable. If you'd like to see the original television program with Hubs in action at the exotic vet pet's office, check out Nat Geo Wild if you have cable On Demand. The name of the episode was "Chinchillin' Like a Villain." Then you can click on this website to watch the follow-up video they filmed at our home: http://channel.nationalgeographic.com/wild/dr-ks-exotic-animal-er/videos/animal-update-kirby-the-chinchilla/ What a blast!

     The other exciting thing that happened this month was that I got to meet my idol, NY Times Best Selling Author Jenny Lawson (The Bloggess). Folks, she is unbelievable funny and sweet! I was thrilled to get a signed copy of her recent book.

     After all the excitement died down, things were pretty quiet around my house unless you count coughing, sneezing and nose blowing as rigorous activity. Yes, the dreaded head cold from hell invaded our home and is still lingering here like the ghost from Christmas past. My only reprieve from this miserable ordeal was the birthday I celebrated last week. It was great having my family around and of course, the perfect opportunity to pick up some weird tidbits of conversation from them to include in my FOW blog post!

"I just accidentally squirted nose spray into my eyes, thinking it was my eyes drops. At least my eyes will breathe better now. "

"If you eat that chunky bleu cheese dressing, it's going to be chunky on your salad AND chunky on you thighs."

"If you let me sleep in a little later in the mornings, I promise your world will be a better place."

"It's a good thing snot isn't fattening because I've been swallowing a ton of it with this head cold. "
"That's 'snot' funny..."


"I need a new mirror. This one makes me look fat."

"If I was a pigeon, I know EXACTLY who I would poop on."

"I'm not sleeping in the same bed with you tonight. Your snoring is so loud that it shakes the bed. Last night it registered 4.3 on the Richter Scale. "

"I'm great at multitasking. I can start three diets at once while simultaneously snarfing down a bag of Hershey's Kisses."

"It never fails that when I'm having a great hair and makeup day, I don't run into anyone I know. But the days I pop over to the grocery store in my pajama jeans, a stained t-shirt and ratty hair, I run into my entire graduating class in the liquor aisle."

"If parents were smart, they'd just put food dispensers in their teenager's rooms and call it a day."

"My granddaughter spent the night last night. This morning she decided to teach me the entire alphabet by naming three things for each letter. All this before coffee. I forgot how much 3 yr. olds chatter."

"I was really excited to receive tickets in the mail for a complimentary lunch until I saw that it was for a pre-planning seminar held at a funeral and cremation center."



     Despite being sick, my family is still a great source of entertainment. Where else can I laugh so hard that I cough, sneeze, and pee in my pants simultaneously?

***WANT MORE MENO MAMA? This week I was featured on BLUNTmoms with my post, FIVE STAGES OF A HEAD COLD. You can read it here: http://www.bluntmoms.com/five-stages-head-cold/