Showing posts with label Empty Nester. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Empty Nester. Show all posts

Friday, August 23, 2019

Fly On The Wall During An Endless Summer

     Welcome to another edition of Fly On The Wall group blog postings hosted by Karen of Baking In A Tornado. Today, five bloggers are graciously inviting you into their homes for a sneak peek at what goes on behind closed doors.

     The only thing the nosy fly has overheard in my home lately is arguments over the electric bill because I've been pushing the thermostat down to subzero temperatures. Hot flashes and a ninety-degree heat index don't mix, folks. Is summer ever going to end? Bring on the sweater jackets, the sexy boots, and pumpkin lattes. I'm ready for fall!

     In the meantime, I've had some pretty interesting conversations with my husband (that is, when we weren't arguing over who was the last one to use up all the ice cubes in the freezer for margaritas)....


"Did you take that new prescription for your sciatic nerve pain?"
"What prescription?"
"Did it work?"
"Did what work?"
"Did it get rid of your aches and pains?!?"
"What aches and pains?"
"Sounds like your pain is gone....along with your memory!!"

"Good God, woman, what did you put in that food? I can't stop pooping."
"That's not the question you should be asking. The REAL question is, why did you eat an entire quiche?"

"Throw out that under-the-counter paper towel holder. I want something simpler."
"But it's brand new!"
"And it's worth what---three dollars?"
"I'll sell it on Let Go."
"That's so dumb!"
"You never know---there might be a guy in Idaho who really needs it."
"What's he gonna do, pay $3 for the towel rack and another $15 on shipping?"
"Well, it is brand new...."


"I shouldn't have eaten lunch at that fast-food Mexican place. My colon is spitting out those chalupas."
"I'm sure it has nothing to do with the 'breakfast burrito surprise' you ate this morning."

"Doc gave me this special brace to wear on my hand and wrist at night."
"It looks like a spatula."
"Yep, I'll be flipping pancakes in my sleep."

"I need to use a tanning lotion on my body before we go on vacation, otherwise I'm going to look like a plucked chicken by the hotel pool."

"Did you have the tuna salad for lunch today?'
"Yeah, how did you know?"
"Because your breath smells like a fishery."

"Why is it that every time we go out, you don't want to take a purse, so you ask me to carry all of your stuff? You might as well say, 'Hey, can you carry this heavy bag of elephant dung in your cargo shorts? I'm sure it will fit.'"

     I thought that once I became an empty nester, I would run out of material for these Fly On The Wall posts. But I was wrong. My husband never disappoints.....

***Want more Meno Mama? This week you can find me on Funny-ish with some bathroom humor. You can read it HERE


Buzz around, see what you think, then click on these links for a peek into some other homes:

Baking In A Tornado                  https://www.BakingInATornado.com
Never Ever Give Up Hope             https://batteredhope.blogspot.com
Menopausal Mother                     http://www.menopausalmom.com/
Spatulas on Parade                     https://spatulasonparade.blogspot.com
Go Mama O                                  https://www.gomamao.com  
Posted by at 18 comments:
Labels: , , , , , , ,

Friday, December 2, 2016

Writer Series: Wonderful Winter Guest Post by Anne Bardsley

    I have the lovely and talented Anne Bardsley, author of How I Earned My Wrinkles, guesting on my site again today with a story that many of us females can relate to when it comes to our attempts at looking sexy. Most women I know covet good looking shoes, and probably own at least fifty pairs. When I was younger, I had no problem sporting some flashy stilettos when I hit the night clubs. But nowadays, I'm much happier in a pair of fuzzy slippers. Sadly, my floppy-eared bunny slippers are not acceptable at my favorite dining spots, so I have to strap on a pair of heels and wobble my way into the restaurant. Anne, however, braved it one night in a sexy pair of VERY high heeled shoes. God bless the woman---she has more courage (and stamina) than I do! I hope you enjoy her story, and please welcome her to Meno Mama's site today with lots of comment love!


                         My Blue Suede Heels


     My husband is a connoisseur of women’s feet. He notices women’s shoes. We live in Florida where flip flops are considered formal wear. There is a never ending supply of amusement for him here. He likes high sexy heels on women (obviously). We’ll be at a restaurant and he’ll say, “Anne, check out her heels. You should get a pair of them.” I am five foot seven and I wear a size ten shoe. Sexy heels make me feel like Goliatha and Scott is David. I tower over my husband. He doesn’t care. He’s looking at my feet!

     Since we’re empty nesters, I decided I should spice things up a bit. I went shopping for sexy, six- inch heels. When I tried them on, I had to lean on the saleswoman to stand. I couldn’t walk without assistance. It’s a strange angle when you’re six inches higher from the rear. My head stuck out at a strange angle. I looked like an angry, wild bird on a hunt. I felt like my outstretched head was leading my body and it wasn’t good. I was following myself! I bought the beautiful blue suede, six inch, heels anyway and proudly left the store feeling like a big sex kitten…with very pointy feet.



     My husband wasn’t home yet so I prepared for his arrival. I put on a short skirt and sat in the chair with a drink at my side. I bounced my legs to show off my sexy heels. They looked so amazing. When he walked in the door he nearly fainted. “Surprise!” I yelled, laughing. I modeled the shoes from my chair, bouncing my legs.

     “Let’s see you walk,” he suggested, as he smiled at me. I think he licked his lips too.
     
     This was not a good idea. I was dreading the walk part. I sipped my drink and rose out of the chair at that strange angle. I leaned my head into my walk and looked like a mad ostrich on a hunt. I took three steps, swishing my hips as I pranced down my imaginary runway. Then I lost control. I couldn’t stop myself. I ended up in the kitchen braced by the counter. I literally ran through the living room like a runaway train, trying to stay upright.

     “Where’d you go?” he yelled. “Come back so I can see you better.” I did my ostrich prance back towards the living room. I was six foot one in these heels and I was rolling. This was not a sexy dance, believe me. He finally got up and walked in front of me. I put my hands on his shoulders and he led me to the chair.

     “Well let’s see them sitting down again,” he said. “You’ll have to practice walking in them.”
“I think these will be my sitting heels. I’ll get seated and you just serve me drinks.” This seemed like the best possible idea to prevent injuries.

     “This is just not sexy,” I moaned. ‘Maybe I’m more the orthopedic shoe type.” I was sad, very sad. My playful sex kitten has turned into an old, ragged Tabby.

     “Oh stop!” He interrupted my pity party.


     “Let’s go dancing!” he shrieked. Before I know it were in the car. Next we were on the dance floor. We were in each other’s arms like young lovers. No one knew he was actually keeping me vertical. One loose step and I’d be off doing my ostrich dance and take out the entire band. Just the thought of it made me hold Scott tighter. We looked like honeymooners. A few older couples smiled at us. The top of his head came just below my chin. I kissed the top of his head tenderly. It was so romantic! Maybe my blue suede heels did have a place in my future after all.

     “We could get you a helmet and knee pads to practice walking,” he whispered as we swayed to a slow dance. Or we can always use Pop’s walker and I can watch you walk from behind.” I stopped kissing his head at that moment and tried to bite him.

     The vision of me wearing a hockey helmet, knee pads and a pushing walker in sexy, blue heels just deflated my playful plans. Fortunately, the walker had no slip tips to keep me upright. The most exciting news was it had place to hold my drink. After a few gulps of wine, I felt like a purring vixen again.


*** You can find Anne at her BLOG,  TWITTER and her AMAZON PAGE.


Posted by at 14 comments:
Labels: , , , , , ,
Subscribe to: Posts (Atom)

Shareaholic