Showing posts with label lights. Show all posts
Showing posts with label lights. Show all posts

Wednesday, June 3, 2015

Where Moths Go To Die: Five Bedtime Survival Tips For Moms, a Guest Post by Lisa Nolan


Today I'm thrilled to introduce you to my guest writer, Lisa Nolan, editor and publisher of Monkey Star Press! I'm also honored to be a part of her humor anthology, Motherhood May cause Drowsiness: Mom Stories From The Trenches (you can also visit her website HERE). Today she's sharing her five bedtime survival tips for all the sleep-deprived moms out there. Please welcome Lisa with lots of comment love and shares. Thanks!

Where Moths Go To Die: Five Bedtime Survival Tips For Moms



At night before I go to bed I shut my computer off and grab a book to read from my pile of library books. Then, my black kitten (who is almost a cat) slinks in from the yard like a slow-motion shadow, wide-eyed, with a fluttering moth in his mouth. He brings his treasure under my bed and bats it around. I try and rescue it by getting down on my hands and knees on the beige, dog-hair covered carpet. I am not upset (although my hubby does a freak out). The moth and my cat are doing what is natural when the moon comes out.

But am I doing what is natural at the end of my day? I’m not batting a moth around, but I seriously doubt my nighttime habits are “natural”. And what does that mean? How do I know what’s normal, what’s true to human nature in this modern, high tech world? Maybe if I took away the TV, the computer, and the smart phone after dusk. Then what?

How about doing some p.m. housework? Should I be washing dishes, by that I mean loading the dishwasher, or maybe I should be washing them by hand? OK, how about exercise? Nah. Ain’t gonna happen. Should I be baking something like bread to serve at breakfast?

What about writing? Not on my unnatural computer, but what about in my journal? (Aren’t writers supposed to be doing that anyway? Every day or night? Consistently?)

What did my mom do at night before bedtime? And was that true to human nature? She was a single mom working a full time job so she prepared for the next day: she set out her color-coordinated clothes and accessories: a navy pant suit with matching low-heeled shoes, faux pearl necklace and earrings, and a brown-bag lunch with carrots and tuna fish. Nature or not she was the bread winner, the only bread winner, so it was a matter of survival.

Are we mom supposed to be doing what’s important for our survival?

The moth, a night-flying insect attracted to light and heat, is trying to survive under my bed from a cat just going by his instincts (and having an evening snack). What do we moms need to do at bedtime? After all, isn’t survival of the fittest?

So here are my five bedtime survival tips for moms:

1. Dim the lights so you won’t see the dust on the furniture or your over-flowing laundry baskets, causing you to go on an all-night laundry and dusting binge.

2. Your computer is off limits (and your smart phone) unless you are chatting on Facebook or reading using your Kindle app. It’s survival of the brain, too! Let’s not deprive it of social emotional connections!

3. Go and check in on your sleeping angels, for tomorrow they will be awakened little monster-tantrum throwers, or chatter boxes in cookie-survival mode.

4. Now it’s time to get ready for the next day. Get out your jogging shoes because you’ll be chasing your toddler at the park (not because you are playing a game but because your tot picked up some trash on the ground, again, and won’t let you have it).

5. Fill up your water bottle because you are not drinking enough water (maybe because drinking so much water makes you run to the bathroom all day long)!


OK, my dear readers, now it’s your turn! Leave a comment and tell us your survival tips for moms when the moon is out!

Want to read more stories by sleep-challenged moms, stories that will make you laugh, shed a tear or two, inspire you, and make you feel like you are NOT alone in your sleep-deprived, post-baby world? Be sure to check out Motherhood May Cause Drowsiness: Mom Stories from the Trenches!

From start to finish, this book is a gem. I can’t think of a mother who shouldn’t read it, whether you have a newborn or grown children, you will totally relate to these funny and heartwarming stories. This second edition includes 18 new essays from some amazing authors. Having bought the first Motherhood May Cause Drowsiness, I was delighted to read this new edition. One of my favorite quotes from the book: ‘Organic homemade cakes made out of kale and promises.’ This book is funny and then funnier.”—Stephanie Marsh of We Don’t Chew Glass.


Lisa Nolan touts herself as a supermom with a second-hand cape and an empty glass of wine. She is the editor and publisher at Monkey Star Press and is working on three parent humor anthologies at the moment. (Lisa thinks she might be a little bit insane, but in a good way--we hope.) She’s craft challenged, a lousy housekeeper, a great cook, and a dedicated locavore. She blogs about Montessori and writes mom lit and memoir. Lisa is also a book publisher, mom to a DS child, a 3-6 and 6-9 Montessori trained teacher...and she often asks herself the question “Wait, where am I?” You can find her at Monkey Star Press, and Facebook and Twitter.

Photo credit: evilpeacock / Foter/ CC BY-NC-SA


***UPDATE: In honor of the upcoming Father's Day, Meno Mama has a post up on TODAY Show parents. Would love some votes if possible! Please share with your friends too if you can. Thank you so much!!!http://community.today.com/parentingteam/post/my-fathers-chair

Friday, December 20, 2013

Fly On The Wall In A Holiday House

 
      Welcome to my special Fly On The Wall holiday edition, hosted by Karen of http://www.bakinginatornado.com. We've made the fly quite dizzy this month with our frenzied holiday  preparations. He might have landed in my spiked eggnog the other day, so don't believe everything he tells you that he overheard in my home. It's probably the rum talking.

"Oh good, it's Christmas! Time to play my favorite holiday board game, 'Gorge, Party And Purge.'"

"Elves are the illegitimate children of Mrs. Claus, who was the original ho. That's why Santa yells, "Ho Ho Ho!'"

"Reindeer poop is magic fertilizer for the garden---kind of like Miracle Grow."
"Does this mean the roses will sprout antlers?"


"You have too many tubs full of holiday stuff here! You belong on Hoarders….the Christmas edition."

"Santa must have been agoraphobic. He only left his house once a year to drop off gifts and pilfer cookies."

"What is the nog in eggnog? The dregs of the egg?"

"Stop feeding the dog so much Christmas ham. Pretty soon she's going to need a pug girdle."

"I think I have a holiday yeast infection."
"Then you're out of luck because I don't think they make Monistat for men."

"He hated having to wear that tux to the party. He was practically foaming at the mouth for a beer…..it made him look like a rabid penguin."


"Are those moose knuckles in your pants or are you just happy to meet me under the mistletoe?"

"I love your holiday rum cake but it always gives me heartburn. I'll need a barrel o' Tums after eating a slice. An enema might also be in order."

"What does he want for Christmas?"
"An alligator, but it needs to be toothless."
"Why, so it can gum him to death?"

"Are you planning on spending New Year's Eve passed out on the front lawn again?"
"I wouldn't mind it as long as there aren't anymore fire ants on the grass. Last year I woke up looking like I had measles."

"What a nice surprise! A Coconut Bliss pillow from the mattress store for Christmas. It smells like vanilla cake. If I wake up a few pounds heavier tomorrow and the pillow is missing, you'll know why."


"Feeling blue during Christmas? All you need is pug therapy!"

"I  just had a two layer burp---Special K cereal on top of taco salad. I think I'll follow it up with some Christmas fudge."

"I don't need Viagra. I have you."
"Now THAT'S the holiday gift that keeps on giving!"

"Elves are the mischievous cousins of yard gnomes. Forget 'Elf On The Shelf.' We have Elf In The Butt."

"Time to upgrade your radio for Christmas, Mom. You know, they do make ones that aren't as big and heavy as a cinder block."

"I just got my period after two years, just in time for Christmas. WTH, I'm menopausal! Well played, Santa."

"Next year I want to be in the Christmas boat parade."
"Forget it---the pirate rum ships disappeared a long time ago."

"I'm not trying to be a grinch but I'm tired of putting up Christmas yard decorations. The lights always burn out and inevitably the reindeers will end up beheaded. The others have backward antlers. They're dyslexic reindeers."


     Merry Christmas from our crazy home to yours! Now put down that eggnog and go visit the other merry bloggers participating in today's Fly On The Wall!


***Don't forget to check out my weekly post over at In The Powder Room. I've put a new spin on some old Christmas tunes. Check out, "I'm Dreaming Of A Cheap Christmas" here: http://www.inthepowderroom.com/read/me-time/2013-12-dreaming-cheap-christmas.html


http://BakingInATornado.com                                     Baking In A Tornado
http://www.justalittlenutty.com/                                Just a Little Nutty
http://followmehome.shellybean.com                          Follow me home . . .
http://thesadderbutwisergirl.com                              The Sadder But Wiser Girl
http://www.menopausalmom.com/                                    Menopausal Mother
http://themomisodes.com/                                       The Momisodes
http://spatulasonparade.blogspot.com/                      Spatulas on Parade
http://www.therowdybaker.com                              The Rowdy Baker
http://sorrykidblog.com/                       Sorry kid, Your Mom Doesn’t Play Well With Others
http://www.juiceboxconfession.com                             Juicebox Confession
http:// bethteliho.wordpress.com                                Writer B is Me
http://dates2diapers2.blogspot.com                         Dates 2 Diapers
http://kissmylist.com/                                              Kiss My List
http://momsdontsaythat.com                                        Moms Don’t Say That
www.adventureintodomesticland.com                           Adventure into Domesticland



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