Showing posts with label santa. Show all posts

Friday, December 15, 2017

Reclaiming My Holiday Joy: Guest Post By Emily Gaffney

Today I'm happy once again to share another heartfelt essay written from by Emily Gaffney on the changes we experience during the holidays when our grown children are no longer home to celebrate with us. Luckily for Emily, her Christmases are about to become quite a bit brighter.....

Reclaiming My Holiday Joy

I use to have Christmas Spirit... enough to make everyone in my family feel warm and fuzzy about Santa’s impending visit... enough to spare actually. But over the last few years, I’ve felt a waning of sorts... like I just can’t get it up for Christmas.

With the aging of my kids, I’ve reined it in. I no longer feel the need to achieve Pinterest perfection. These days, I fashion a little garland with some white lights on the stairs (okay... a lot of white lights...), erect the Christmas village, hang a wreath on the door, and call it a day. Without children to enjoy it (and a comparatively limited social calendar...), there’s just no reason to go all out.

And that’s okay. My five children express happy holiday memories of festive winter days at our home, filled with bright lights, silver bells and pine tree smells. They remember stairs festooned with boughs of holly and reams of garland... twinkling colored bulbs and a warm crackling fire... advent calendars filled with candy... carols playing in the background all day, and cider literally mulling on the stove.

It was all there (as evidenced in a library of videos), and my kids ate it up. Who wouldn’t?

I still think about making cookies... I think about adding more garland... I think about gathering friends for spiked egg nog and caroling... I think about buying new wrapping paper (like a tree falling in the woods - does paper from 2013 matter if there’s no one to question the existence of Santa?)... I think, I think, I think... But I rarely actually do.

It feels like a lot of work for a family where the youngest is now 22. Honestly, the kids would rather have a wad of cash from Santa to spend frivolously on whatever they don’t actually need. And this year, two of our brood will be elsewhere, further diminishing my personal holiday cheer. No... Christmas morning is just not the same without the excitement and awe of young children there to enjoy it.

But a big change is on the horizon for next year, and I believe I’ll have ample opportunity to reclaim my lost Christmas Spirit. My husband and I finally met our two grandkids for the first time on December 1^st (a long story, but with a decidedly happy ending). Henry is “almost four” and Lily is 5 months old. Their visit came during our town’s annual Christmas Walk. Henry got to see Santa and Mrs. Claus arrive off the harbor in a lobster boat. He saw holiday dancers, and heard costumed carolers. He viewed a parade, complete with dancing elves throwing candy. Seeing Henry watch the festivities was inspiring, and kindled a little fire under my holiday spirit.

Now - as “Poppy” and “Mimi” – we’re already making plans for next year when Santa will find Henry and Lily at our house on December 25^th. Our grandkids will have to go over the river and through the woods to get here, but we’ll make it worth their while with a full-on holiday assault.

We’ll buy a gargantuan tree and cover it with blinking colored lights (not those tiny, sensible white lights)... We’ll shop our way through Toys R Us and Target - our cart overflowing with the latest in trendy toys, trinkets and gadgets... We’ll stock up on the ingredients needed to make colorful Christmas cookies... We’ll play Rudolph The Red Nosed Reindeer (over and over)...

Poppy and I will dash through the snow with our grandkids, (if it snows - Boston can be iffy)... We’ll build a frosty snowman... We’ll jingle our bells and roast some chestnuts on an open fire... And on Christmas morning, 12 drummers drumming will wake the kids so they can open their stockings which were hung with care... And finally, they’ll open brown paper packages tied up with string, which will definitely contain some of their favorite things.

Oh, what fun it is to think about next Christmas with Henry and Lily! I guess I’d forgotten how much having children around can brighten the holiday season. Only 344 more days, and we’ll have ourselves a Merry Little Christmas – once again!

AUTHOR BIO:

Emily Gaffney is a Baby-Booming, Empty Nester who’s living life-on-hold, while caring for her 91 year old mother (Right.Next.Door.) She writes, with humor, about the emotional baggage that often accompanies caretaking an aging parent. Find her (and Mom) at her website 50 Shades of Aging and on Facebook.

Friday, December 19, 2014

Fly On The wall In Christmas Town

Welcome to another addition of the Fly On The Wall group postings. Fourteen brave bloggers are allowing their readers to step into their homes for a glimpse of what goes on behind closed doors.

In the Doyle house, this month has been all about holiday preparations. The Christmas tree is up, the house is decorated inside and out, the frantic shopping has begun and there are oodles of baking goods in my pantry for a weekend of marathon cooking. I look forward to having my family here as we sip mimosas, open gifts, start a balled-up wrapping paper war and feast on all the delicacies of the big Christmas dinner. My favorite part of the evening is sitting around the fire pit in our backyard as we cozy up to the warmth and listen to family members who sing and play guitar. When I look at all the lovely faces in the glow of the fire, I'm reminded of how blessed I am to belong to this spectacular family.

If you were a fly on the wall in my house this month, you'd see me designing my own holiday Somee Card memes, which I'm including in today's post. You'd also hear the following snippets of conversation:

"To some, it's a tin of Christmas cookies. To me, it's a support group."

"You could have helped me decorate the tree today instead of being so lazy."
"I'm not lazy. I'm energy efficient."

"There's never a happy ending from a story that begins with, 'that one time I drank Fireball at a holiday party….'"

" I can't enjoy the Christmas feast this year without feeling guilty. You've demonized all the calories."

"It's obvious you're a holiday hoarder. You need a decoration intervention."

"Thank God we have hurricane resistant windows, otherwise they would have cracked when she hit that high note on the Christmas carol."

"It's not good holiday food unless it's really fattening….and you can feel your heart beat slowing down while you eat."

"Need help wrapping all these Christmas presents? …..said no teenager ever."

"Why on earth did you buy a red star for the top of the tree? We now have a brothel Christmas tree."

"I'm going to try to stick to my diet during the holidays."
"I can't do that. I have a condition that prevents me from going on a diet."
"What condition?"
"I get hungry."

"I hope you don't wait until the last minute to do your Christmas shopping at a Walgreens drugstore. I don't want to find the Ho Ho Ho Enema Gift Set there."

"Forget 'Elf On The Shelf.' I have 'Steve Up Your Sleeve' and 'Elvis On Your Pelvis.' "

"Whoever said 'Patience is a virtue' never experienced instant gratification."
"Or long line at Walmart."

"I have a lot of decorating to do today, but the coffee will keep me going until it's acceptable to drink heavily spiked eggnog."

MERRY CHRISTMAS AND A HAPPY NEW YEAR TO ALL!

Buzz around, see what you think, then click on these links for a peek into some other homes:

http://www.BakingInATornado.com Baking In A Tornado

http://www.justalittlenutty.com/ Just A Little Nutty

http://themomisodes.com The Momisodes

http://spatulasonparade.blogspot.com/ Spatulas on Parade

http://thesadderbutwisergirl.com The Sadder But Wiser Girl

http://followmehome.shellybean.com Follow me home

http://stacysewsandschools.blogspot.com/ Stacy Sews and Schools

http://www.menopausalmom.com/ Menopausal Mother

http://batteredhope.blogspot.com Battered Hope

http://dinoheromommy.com/ Dinosaur Superhero Mommy

http://www.JuiceboxConfession.com Juicebox Confession

http://www.risanye.com Risa Nye

http://berghamchronicles.blogspot.com The Bergham’s Life Chronicles

http://www.clutteredgenius.com Cluttered Genius

Don't forget to grab your copy of my book, "WHO STOLE MY SPANDEX?" from Amazon.com or Barnes & Noble! Thanks!

Friday, December 12, 2014

Menopausal Mother's Favorite Holiday Quips

For many of us, this is the busiest time of year. It's also the most stressful. Trying to juggle the everyday demands of work, children, household chores and errand running coupled with extra holiday obligations is enough to make our heads spin (or earn our very own parking spot at the Liquor Mart). It's nearly impossible to fit in time for decorating the house, shopping for gifts and baking special treats for family and friends.

For this reason, I've culled some of my favorite family quips from past holidays and put them together to bring a little laughter into your hectic life. Sit back a moment, take a deep breath, and relax while you read….

ON HOLIDAY DECORATIONS:

"All my husband has to do is decorate our front lawn with thousands of LED lights so that it's bright enough to be seen by the International Space Station."

"I've got an artificial tree from China, not a real one from the mountains of North Carolina. The silver lining in all of this? No more pine needles to clog up the vacuum."

"What really drives my husband to drink gallons of spiked eggnog at this time of year are the cartons of decorations labeled "Assembly Required." On a particularly bad day, he'll claim that these boxes are grounds for divorce."

"At night, those giant, Christmas lawn inflatables glow and stand erect as if they've been given a big dose of Viagra. But in the morning once they've deflated, they look more like fiesta-colored condoms strewn across the yard."

ON HOLIDAY SHOPPING:

"Maybe the store managers should offer people little cups of adult beverages while they wait in sales lines. I bet no one would ever complain again."

"As I'm contemplating the aisle of Christmas decorations marked 50 percent off after the holidays, my husband is contemplating a separation---or maybe just a conversion to Judaism. After all, how much room does a menorah take up?"

ON HOLIDAY FLU BUGS:

"Little did we know after the holiday party that our stomachs and intestines were preparing to take us for a wild ride on the toilet train to hell."

"While everyone else was listening to "O Holy Night" and sipping apple cider, my oldest son and I were groaning "O Wretched Night" with a vomit bowl between us."

"The only surprise I wanted from Mr. Claus while I was sick was another toilet, along with a stocking full of Pepto-Bismol and Keopectate."

ON HOLIDAY EATING:

"Each year, my husband insists on buying a turkey the size of an ostrich, whether we're feeding four people or forty, so it's up to me and Pinterest to figure out something clever to do with all that leftover meat. Turkey salsa? Turkey brownies? A turkey smoothie might do the trick for a jolt of liquid protein. Turkey martini, anyone?"

"I want to live in a world where acorn squash is high in fat and calories and chocolate truffles are as nutritious as carrots."

"In my house, football season is second only to the Christmas holiday for binge eating. It's the perfect excuse to act like the Romans did centuries ago---binge, purge, and gorge some more."

"Everyone knows that three pounds of holiday food is the equivalent of ten pounds on the scale."

ON OLD SAINT NICK:

"I want to see Santa wear something other than that tiresome red suit. How about a kilt? Or maybe some jeggings. An industrial-strength girdle might even be in order after all the milk and cookies he sucks up like a Hoover vacuum."

"I want to ride in a pimped-out sleigh with Santa, but only if there's a bottle of cognac in the glove compartment."

I hope these quips brought you a little holiday cheer. If you'd like to read more, these lines are from my book, "WHO STOLE MY SPANDEX?" Don't you think it would make a great stocking stuffer or holiday present? Nothing beats the gift of laughter…..except maybe a turkey martini……

***NEWS FLASH: I am honored to have been selected as the Humor Writer of the Month by the Erma Bombeck Writer's Workshop. Thank you everyone! You can read all about it here:
http://humorwriters.org/2014/11/30/welcome-jungle/

Friday, December 20, 2013

Fly On The Wall In A Holiday House

Welcome to my special Fly On The Wall holiday edition, hosted by Karen of http://www.bakinginatornado.com. We've made the fly quite dizzy this month with our frenzied holiday preparations. He might have landed in my spiked eggnog the other day, so don't believe everything he tells you that he overheard in my home. It's probably the rum talking.

"Oh good, it's Christmas! Time to play my favorite holiday board game, 'Gorge, Party And Purge.'"

"Elves are the illegitimate children of Mrs. Claus, who was the original ho. That's why Santa yells, "Ho Ho Ho!'"

"Reindeer poop is magic fertilizer for the garden---kind of like Miracle Grow."
"Does this mean the roses will sprout antlers?"

"You have too many tubs full of holiday stuff here! You belong on Hoarders….the Christmas edition."

"Santa must have been agoraphobic. He only left his house once a year to drop off gifts and pilfer cookies."

"What is the nog in eggnog? The dregs of the egg?"

"Stop feeding the dog so much Christmas ham. Pretty soon she's going to need a pug girdle."

"I think I have a holiday yeast infection."
"Then you're out of luck because I don't think they make Monistat for men."

"He hated having to wear that tux to the party. He was practically foaming at the mouth for a beer…..it made him look like a rabid penguin."

"Are those moose knuckles in your pants or are you just happy to meet me under the mistletoe?"

"I love your holiday rum cake but it always gives me heartburn. I'll need a barrel o' Tums after eating a slice. An enema might also be in order."

"What does he want for Christmas?"
"An alligator, but it needs to be toothless."
"Why, so it can gum him to death?"

"Are you planning on spending New Year's Eve passed out on the front lawn again?"
"I wouldn't mind it as long as there aren't anymore fire ants on the grass. Last year I woke up looking like I had measles."

"What a nice surprise! A Coconut Bliss pillow from the mattress store for Christmas. It smells like vanilla cake. If I wake up a few pounds heavier tomorrow and the pillow is missing, you'll know why."

"Feeling blue during Christmas? All you need is pug therapy!"

"I just had a two layer burp---Special K cereal on top of taco salad. I think I'll follow it up with some Christmas fudge."

"I don't need Viagra. I have you."

"Now THAT'S the holiday gift that keeps on giving!"

"Elves are the mischievous cousins of yard gnomes. Forget 'Elf On The Shelf.' We have Elf In The Butt."

"Time to upgrade your radio for Christmas, Mom. You know, they do make ones that aren't as big and heavy as a cinder block."

"I just got my period after two years, just in time for Christmas. WTH, I'm menopausal! Well played, Santa."

"Next year I want to be in the Christmas boat parade."
"Forget it---the pirate rum ships disappeared a long time ago."

"I'm not trying to be a grinch but I'm tired of putting up Christmas yard decorations. The lights always burn out and inevitably the reindeers will end up beheaded. The others have backward antlers. They're dyslexic reindeers."

Merry Christmas from our crazy home to yours! Now put down that eggnog and go visit the other merry bloggers participating in today's Fly On The Wall!

***Don't forget to check out my weekly post over at In The Powder Room. I've put a new spin on some old Christmas tunes. Check out, "I'm Dreaming Of A Cheap Christmas" here: http://www.inthepowderroom.com/read/me-time/2013-12-dreaming-cheap-christmas.html

http://BakingInATornado.com Baking In A Tornado

http://www.justalittlenutty.com/ Just a Little Nutty

http://followmehome.shellybean.com Follow me home . . .

http://thesadderbutwisergirl.com The Sadder But Wiser Girl

http://www.menopausalmom.com/ Menopausal Mother

http://themomisodes.com/ The Momisodes

http://spatulasonparade.blogspot.com/ Spatulas on Parade

http://www.therowdybaker.com The Rowdy Baker

http://sorrykidblog.com/ Sorry kid, Your Mom Doesn’t Play Well With Others

http://www.juiceboxconfession.com Juicebox Confession

http:// bethteliho.wordpress.com Writer B is Me

http://dates2diapers2.blogspot.com Dates 2 Diapers

http://kissmylist.com/ Kiss My List

http://momsdontsaythat.com Moms Don’t Say That

www.adventureintodomesticland.com Adventure into Domesticland

Friday, December 13, 2013

A Menopausal Mother's Letter To Santa

Dear Santa:

You might remember me from last year---you know, the crazy lady who wrote a letter begging you to stuff her stocking with Prozac and M&MS? Yeah, that was me. I have a new wish list this time, so put the cookies down and listen up. You owe me that much after replacing the Prozac with a bathroom scale last year. Not funny.

There are several things a woman needs once she hits menopause. If my husband and kids are smart, they'll attach my list to their letters to you. A happy mother equals a happy home. A raging, hormonal woman stuffing Dunkin Donuts down her throat, not so much.

The first thing I need is a body makeover. If you think liposuction, a Brazilian butt lift and Botox are too extravagant, I'll settle for a new girdle. Remember Wonderbras? How about getting those lazy elves of yours off the shelf to invent some WonderSpanx? My body could use the extra lift and tuck.

Santa, can you do something about my hot flashes? I'm tired of feeling like I swallowed the sun. I'm burning from the inside out like a potato left too long in the microwave. If this keeps up much longer, I'm going to end up looking as brown and wrinkled as an overcooked spud.

While you're at it, I'd also love a good night's sleep for Christmas. Insomnia and fatigue are sharing the same straw and sucking up all of my energy these days. At first, the insomnia part was fun. I discovered that they sell some pretty amazing stuff on the Shopping Network at 3:00 a.m. Doesn't everybody need a nose hair trimmer that doubles as a toenail clipper?

The extra hours of being awake were great until I caught a glimpse of myself in the mirror after several days without sleep….and all this time I thought vampires couldn't see their reflection.

I've tried to sleep, but I'm a hot mess in bed. And not in a good way. These hot flashes have me waking every hour and sticking to the bedsheets like a rat caught in a glue trap. I'm tired of looking like a nocturnal creature or a cast member from The Walking Dead.

The lack of sleep is spoon feeding my mood swings. This Jeckyll and Hyde thing is getting old. Nobody wants to see a menopausal woman with OCD tendencies organizing dust bunnies according to size and weeping over the ones that die at the hands of a Hoover upright.

This is why I need your help, Santa. Let's make a deal. You stuff my stocking with Prozac, WonderSpanx and miracle chocolate that makes the extra pounds disappear. In return, I'll bring you my hot flashes and a palm tree to warm the North Pole so you can work on your tan. I'll even throw in a pair of nose trimmer/toenail clippers as a gift.
What do you say, Santa?

****Meno Mama was all over the internet this week! Here are several sites that featured some blog posts from me, including my weekly feature over at In The Powder Room:
http://www.inthepowderroom.com/read/me-time/2013-12-10-reasons-why-i-adore-my-husband.html
http://midlifeboulevard.com/hot-flashes
http://whattheflicka.com/holiday-hoarder
http://aiminglow.com/2013/12/guest-post-author-marcia-kester-doyle-five-wishes-for-santa-rtp/

Menopausal Mother

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