Showing posts with label rum. Show all posts
Showing posts with label rum. Show all posts

Friday, November 18, 2016

Fly On The Wall In Pictures

     Welcome to another addition of Fly On The Wall group postings, hosted by Karen of Baking In A Tornado. Today eight brave bloggers are inviting you into their homes for a glimpse at what goes on behind closed doors (are you sure you wanna know??).

     They say a picture is worth a thousand words. So rather than tell you what was said and done around the Doyle abode this past month, I'm sharing some incriminating photos instead.....





THE ELUSIVE CANDY CORN VAMPIRE



WHAT DO YOU MEAN THE RUM IS ALL GONE??



WHO ARE THESE STRANGE WOMEN AND HOW DID I GET HERE?



I'M A BLUE FROSTING-TONGUED MONSTER! RAWR!!



THESE TWO FEMALES ARE ANNOYING THE HELL OUT OF ME



YOU CAN NEVER HAVE TOO MANY PUGS....



YEAH, WE BE HAWT IN THESE HATS



WE'RE GOING TO DISNEY WORLD?!?



IS IT THANKSGIVING YET?



NUTHIN' BETTER THAN FAMILY LOVE



Click on these links for a peek into some of the homes of the other bloggers participating in today's Fly On The Wall group posting:

Baking In A Tornado                   http://www. bakinginatornado.com/
Menopausal Mother                    http://www.menopausalmom.com/     
Go Mama O                                 http://www.gomamao.com                                                 
Spatulas on Parade                     http://spatulasonparade. blogspot.com/                        
Searching for Sanity                    http://singlemumplusone. blogspot.com                         
Never Ever Give Up Hope             http://batteredhope.blogspot. com                         
Dinosaur Superhero Mommy         http://dinoheromommy.com/                      
Southern Belle Charm                   http://www. southernbellecharm.com 

Friday, December 19, 2014

Fly On The wall In Christmas Town

     Welcome to another addition of the Fly On The Wall group postings. Fourteen brave bloggers are allowing their readers to step into their homes for a glimpse of what goes on behind closed doors.

     In the Doyle house, this month has been all about holiday preparations. The Christmas tree is up, the house is decorated inside and out, the frantic shopping has begun and there are oodles of baking goods in my pantry for a weekend of marathon cooking.  I look forward to having my family here as we sip mimosas, open gifts, start a balled-up wrapping paper war and feast on all the delicacies of the big Christmas dinner. My favorite part of the evening is sitting around the fire pit in our backyard as we cozy up to the warmth and listen to family members who sing and play guitar. When I look at all the lovely faces in the glow of the fire, I'm reminded of how blessed I am to belong to this spectacular family.

     If you were a fly on the wall in my house this month, you'd see me designing my own holiday Somee Card memes, which I'm including in today's post. You'd also hear the following snippets of conversation:



"To some, it's a tin of Christmas cookies. To me, it's a support group."

"You could have helped me decorate the tree today instead of being so lazy."
"I'm not lazy. I'm energy efficient."

"There's never a happy ending from a story that begins with, 'that one time I drank Fireball at a holiday party….'"

" I can't enjoy the Christmas feast this year without feeling guilty. You've demonized all the calories."

"It's obvious you're a holiday hoarder. You need a decoration intervention."

"Thank God we have hurricane resistant windows, otherwise they would have cracked when she hit that high note on the Christmas carol."

"It's not good holiday food unless it's really fattening….and you can feel your heart beat slowing down while you eat."

"Need help wrapping all these Christmas presents? …..said no teenager ever."

"Why on earth did you buy a red star for the top of the tree? We now have a brothel Christmas tree."

"I'm going to try to stick to my diet during the holidays."
"I can't do that. I have a condition that prevents me from going on a diet."
"What condition?"
"I get hungry."

"I hope you don't wait until the last minute to do your Christmas shopping at a Walgreens drugstore. I don't want to find the Ho Ho Ho Enema Gift Set there."

"Forget 'Elf On The Shelf.' I have 'Steve Up Your Sleeve' and 'Elvis On Your Pelvis.' "

"Whoever said 'Patience is a virtue' never experienced instant gratification."
"Or long line at Walmart."

"I have a lot of decorating to do today, but the coffee will keep me going until it's acceptable to drink heavily spiked eggnog."



MERRY CHRISTMAS AND A HAPPY NEW YEAR TO ALL!




Don't forget to grab your copy of my book, "WHO STOLE MY SPANDEX?" from Amazon.com or Barnes & Noble! Thanks!

Friday, September 19, 2014

Fly On The Wall In Weirdsville

Welcome to another edition of the Fly On The Wall group posts. Today, 14 brave bloggers are inviting you into their homes for a glimpse of what you'd see if you were a fly on the wall.

This month, the fly has seen our family dip from a hokey ghost tour downtown and cut loose on the dance floor at an island party. The usual chaos reigned at the Doyle abode with a toddler, a teenager, eight pets and three adults in the house.  I'm still yelling at the computer screen while editing my book and feeding my anxiety with Hershey's Kisses. 

If you were a curious fly at my house this month, this is what you would have heard:


"You're not going through menopause. It's more like MENTALpause."

"We have weevils in the pantry. We need to throw out all the pasta and rice."
"What about the bag of ground coffee?"
"Unless you see hyper weevils, I think it's safe to keep."

"Seesaws are the reason I have trust issues."

"Our granddaughter's toddler bike has no training wheels. And no pedals."
"That's because it's a Fred Flintstone bike."

"I'm so A.D.D. that if my penis wasn't attached, I'd probably lose it."

"While I was a the clinic today for knee pain, I think the doctor slipped a chip in my leg."
"In your case, that would have been a potato chip. The trans fats have gone to your brain and made you dumber."

"I've been unemployed for six months now. No one is going to hire me because of my age, so I've decided to start an alpaca farm. I'm going to use their milk to make alpaca cheese."

"I know what I'm getting you for your next birthday since you always have to pee when we go out."
"A traveling bathroom?"
"Even better---a catheter that has its own collection bag."
"That's fine---as long as you promise to change the bag for me."

"I have a new theme song our granddaughter. It's called, 'Don't Whine For me Argentina.'"

"Dad, are you making eggs again for us this morning?"
"I hate to be hard boiled about it, but NO, I am NOT making eggs. Today, we eat cereal."
"The Egg King has spoken."

"You're not constipated---you're hoarding your poop!"

"I'm starving. When will dinner be ready?"
"You can help out by setting the table and then I can dish up the food."
"Thou preparest a table before me."
"Who are you? Jesus?"

"This ghost tour is silly. The only spirits these dowsing rods are going to lead us to are Rum, Vodka and Tequila."



Want more Meno Mama? This week I'm featured on Lefty Pop which you can read here: http://www.leftypop.com/2014/09/17/growing-up-70s/ and also over at Humor Outcasts where I'm looking for my lost period. You can read it here: http://humoroutcasts.com/2014/who-stole-my-period/






Buzz around, see what you think, then click on these links for a peek into some other homes:
http://www.BakingInATornado.com                           Baking In A Tornado
http://www.therowdybaker.com                                The Rowdy Baker
http://www.justalittlenutty.com/                                Just A Little Nutty
http://themomisodes.com                                         The Momisodes
http://spatulasonparade.blogspot.com/                       Spatulas on Parade
http://thesadderbutwisergirl.com                               The Sadder But Wiser Girl
http://followmehome.shellybean.com                          Follow me home . . .
http://stacysewsandschools.blogspot.com/                  Stacy Sews and Schools
http://www.menopausalmom.com/                             Menopausal Mother
http://www.gomamao.com                                        Go Momma O
http://dinoheromommy.com/                                     Dinosaur Superhero Mommy
http://www.juiceboxconfession.com                           Juicebox Confession
http://www.someoneelsesgenius.com                         Someone Else’s Genius
http://batteredhope.blogspot.com                               Battered Hope







Thursday, September 11, 2014

Growing Up Groovy

 I was just a little girl in the sixties, so my memories from the "groovy" era are sketchy at best. I have a vague recollection of black lights, station wagons, white GoGo boots and psychedelic Jimi Hendrix posters on the wall. There were only a handful of channels on the TV, and afternoons were spent playing kick the can or riding our Schwinn Sting-Rays until our mothers called us in for dinner once the street lights came on.

I do remember my older sister wearing bell bottom jeans, love beads and a peace sign necklace. Her bedroom was adorned in rock band and anti-war posters, the lingering scent of sandalwood incense permeating the air. Those were the flower power years, and although my memories are cloudy, it's pretty cool to say that I was alive when Apollo 11 landed on the moon.

By the time the seventies hit, I was happy to shed my adolescence to step into my teen years. It was the "far out" era of CB radios, waterbeds, muscle cars, 8 track tapes, lumpy bean bag chairs and STAR WARS. My biggest problems in life were wondering if the cute boy in B lunch would wave to me or how I was going to memorize all those formulas for my geometry test.

Here's a glimpse of what it was like growing up groovy in the 70s:

 The median household income was $11,800; a gallon of gas was .57 cents; a dozen eggs cost .77 cents, and a gallon of milk was $1.57. The average home cost $22,000 in the early seventies and rose to $62,000 at decade's end.  The U.S. population in 1975 was 216 million and the life expectancy was between 68-76 years of age.

POPULAR TV SHOWS:  I loved racing home from school to watch reruns of oldies such as Twilight Zone, Outer Limits and Dark Shadows. But the popular shows of the decade included M*A*S*H, The Brady Bunch, All In The Family, Laugh-In, Happy Days, Three's Company, Marcus Welby M.D., Fantasy Island, The Love Boat, American Bandstand, The Carol Burnett Show, Johnny Carson, and  Saturday Night Live.

BOX OFFICE HITS: I'll never forget catching a taxi to downtown Ft. Lauderdale with my boyfriend to attend the premiere of Jaws. Movies cost $2.00 back then, and the theatre was packed. Needless to say, our beaches were a little less crowded after Jaws made a splash on the screen. Other big hits included The Exorcist, Rocky, American Graffiti, Blazing Saddles, The Deer Hunter, Saturday Night Fever, Animal House, The Rocky Horror Picture Show, One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest, Close Encounters of the Third Kind, Grease, The Godfather, Deliverance, and the mega hit STAR WARS.

FASHION: The early 70s clung to the hippie mindset of the 60s, so people were still rocking mini skirts, afros, flared bottom jeans, big belts, peasant blouses, smock tops, afghan coats, rock t-shirts and granny dresses. Women wore their tresses long and straight while men kept their sideburns thick and their hair well past their collar. Once disco was ushered into the mid 70s, polyester, platform shoes and shiny, metallic   clothing became popular. Men wore leisure suits, wide lapels, and painter's pants while sporting mustaches the size of giant caterpillars above their lips. Women gravitated toward wedge shoes, halter tops, hip huggers, tube tops, satin pants and big hair.

IN THE NEWS: We started out the decade with Richard Nixon as our president until the Watergate scandal occurred, placing Gerald Ford in the oval office after Nixon's resignation. Next came Jimmy Carter, and we never looked at peanuts the same way again. As a family, we gathered each night around our Zenith TV and watched the news unfold.  In the 70s, the U.S. pulled out of Vietnam, Roe v.s. Wade legalized abortion, terrorists attacked the Olympic games in Munich, Elvis died, Jimmy Hoffa went missing, Patty Hearst was kidnapped, Mikhail Baryshnikov defected, the Trans-Alaska Pipeline System was finished, Iran took American hostages in Tehran, the first test tube baby was born, Nadia Comaneci scored seven perfect tens, the Jonestown massacre shocked the nation and the Three Mile Island catastrophe left America in fear of a nuclear holocaust.


WHAT WE DROVE: The cool kids in school drove the Trans Ams, Corvettes or Mustangs. Dodge Chargers and Challengers were also popular, but most of the kids I knew drove explodable Ford Pintos. If those were out of their price range, they borrowed the family Pacer or Gremlin. Which makes me wonder what the people at AMC were smoking when they designed those cars.

CELEBRITIES: I kept up with celebrity news through a subscription to Tiger Beat and 16 Magazine. While sipping Tab soda, sucking on Blow Pops and making gum chains, my girlfriends and I poured over glossy photos of David Cassidy, Bobby Sherman, the Bee Gees, Andy Gibb and The Osmonds. Other celebs in the news that caught our attention were John Travolta, Farrah Fawcett, Mr.T, Burt Reynolds, Olivia Newton-John, Tom Selleck, Gilda Radner, Cybil Shepard, Clint Eastwood, Robert Redford, Meryl Streep, Chevy Chase,  Cher, Jack Nicholson, Jodie Foster, Barbra Streisand, Woody Allen, Susan Sarandon, Jim Belushi, Robin Williams, Bill Murray, Henry Winkler, Raquel Welch, Al Pacino, Robert DeNiro, Jane Curtain, Sylvester Stallone, Marlin Brando, and Steve Martin.

PARTYING IN THE 70s:  When I was a teenager, the drink of choice to smuggle into a party was Boones Farm Strawberry Hill Wine. We chugged it right out of the bottle in many a driveway before entering a house party. If we were lucky, someone would have a flask of Bacardi in their pocket that we could add to our colas before a rousing game of ping pong or pool. We snacked on deviled eggs, potato chips and onion dip, rumaki, Jiffy Pop, cocktail wieners and deviled ham on toast points. We lined up on the dance floor for The Hustle, The Bump, The Bus Stop, Pogo dancing and The Latin Hustle, while the adults sipped on Harvey Wallbangers, Manhattans and vodka screwdrivers.

BIG NAMES IN SPORTS: I was never one to follow sports, but I do remember being caught up in our town's frenzy after The Miami Dolphins went undefeated in 1972. Popular sports icons of that time period include John McEnroe, Larry Bird, Bobby Riggs, O.J. Simpson, Bruce Jenner, Billy Jean King, Muhammed Ali, Jack Nicholas, Hank Aaron, Joe Frazier, Bob Gibson, Dorothy Hamill, Arthur Ashe Jr., Mark Spitz, Roger Stauback and Pete Rose.

THE SOUNDS OF THE SEVENTIES: Music is what put the 70s on the map. I had a round transistor radio that hung from a chain in my bedroom, and I kept it playing for hours. When my friends came over, we brought out the vinyl records to spin on a portable turntable. I had hundreds of albums, which I'm convinced is where the majority of my allowance went when I was a teenager. I could never get enough of The Partridge Family, Abba, Donna Summers, Elton John, Michael Jackson, The Beatles, Fleetwood Mac, Rod Stewart, Gladys Knight, The Eagles, John Denver, Queen, Pink Floyd, The Beach Boys, Foreigner, James Taylor, Led Zepplin, The Bee Gees, Chicago, Frank Zappa, Linda Ronstadt, Harry Chapin, Creedance Clearwater Revival, The Rolling Stones, Peter Frampton, Simon & Garfunkle, Journey, The Grateful Dead, Genesis, Meatloaf, The Guess Who, KC & The Sunshine Band, Styx, Supertramp, Carole King, The Carpenters, Earth Wind & Fire, YES and Eric Clapton.

The seventies were a magical time to be a teenager; a decade of simplicity, change, and the freedom of expression. People were kinder, less self-absorbed, respectful of others and worked hard for what they earned. Families shared dinners around the table, watched g-rated TV programs together, and made each other a priority. We didn't have cell phones, iPods, computers or social media.

And we grew up just fine.



Want more Meno Mama? This week you can find me on The Huffington Post dishing on being "Over The Hill." You can read it here: http://www.huffingtonpost.com/marcia-kester-doyle-/over-the-hill-and-away-we_b_5788378.html And you can also find another featured post of mine this week on BA50: http://betterafter50.com/2014/09/the-seven-deadly-sins-of-menopause/







Friday, March 7, 2014

10 Reasons Why You Should Go To A Renaissance Festival

 
     If you've never been to a renaissance festival, you're missing out on a chance to travel back in time to the 15th century. Where else will you experience an archaic privy, royal encampments, pirate raids and stout for breakfast?
     I'm a fourteen year veteran of the renaissance festival, and here are 10 reasons why you should lace up your boots, tighten your corset and visit the local faire:

1.  ROLE PLAYING:  Other than Halloween, this is the only time of year you can fly your freak flag by wearing a pirate hat, fairy wings, a king's crown or a cat mask. There's no social hierarchy among the attendees of a renaissance festival----CEOs dressed as saucy wenches rub elbows with middle school janitors in royal garb. No one cares about your net worth or your upbringing. The only thing you'll be judged on at the faire is your swordsmanship and beer drinking skills.

2.  FOOD:  Turkey legs. Fried pickles. Chocolate covered bacon on a stick. Did they have all of these delicacies during the renaissance era? No. Would they have wanted them? Heck yeah!

3.  GAMES:  This is a great place to test your skills in axe throwing, archery and jousting. A word of warning: the chances of you winning any of these tournaments is as likely as finding the Holy Grail under the tool shed in your backyard. If you're lucky, you might win the consolation prize---- a t-shirt that reads, "I RODE ON A UNICORN HORN AT THE FAIRE!"

4.  REN PORN:  There's more exposed skin at the faire than you'll find on a beach in Nice. Women wear gowns with necklines down to their navels and the men in tights leave little (or a LOT) to the imagination. You'll see tattoos in places you never thought possible. The manly men in kilts will keep you guessing as to whether or not they're wearing a boulder brace or going commando under their plaid skirts.

5.  LIBATIONS:  If you don't have the taste buds for warm mead in a wooden mug, don't worry. There are plenty of rum runners and frozen mojitos at the faire's pub. If these wicked libations were available back in the 1400's, there would have been less wars and more napping.

6.  RIDES:  What sets the renaissance festival rides apart from carnival rides is the lack of electricity. When you climb into a spinning barrel or a giant, rocking horse, the ride is powered by sheer muscle. In other words, a burly man in tights will be in control of your mortality when you board the swinging pirate ship. Avoid any ride named, "The Hurlinator." This is especially important if you've consumed a large plate of sausage and peppers washed down with too many mugs of mead.

7.  PEOPLE WATCHING:  Where else can you find a parade of wenches, cardinals and knights? The costumes tend to alter the personalities of the people wearing them…..especially if they've added rum floaters to a few of those frozen concoctions from the pub.  Just steer clear of the man dressed as a polka dotted caterpillar.


8.  VENDORS:  There is an abundance of arts and crafts available if you like unusual souvenirs that you'll never use again….such as a didgeridoo and a horned Viking helmet. DON'T take the didgeridoo to work to show your friends. Blowing into the large, wooden instrument to replicate the sound of an injured buffalo is NOT conducive to a happy work atmosphere……unless you buy a pipe for everyone in the office and break out into an impromptu didgeridoo concert during lunch hour.

9.  SHOWS:  If you're looking for Disney quality shows, you're in the wrong century. There is nothing G-rated about the festival's bawdy humor, musicals or daredevil acts. But you WILL laugh hard enough that a quick trip to a privy might be necessary. If you like men with long poles on horses, then the jousting show is for you.

10. ROMANCE:  Nothing is more romantic than being surrounded by people dressed like characters from the cover of a bodice-ripping, romance novel. Love is in the air….along with alcohol and revealing clothes. Welcome to 50 Shades Of Renaissance Grey.

     At the end of the day when you leave with a big bag of kettle corn tucked under your arm, you'll be thankful to return to your modern day conveniences. Nothing beats air conditioning and indoor plumbing….except maybe a slow roasted turkey leg.



Menopausal Mother has been featured on several sites this week. This is where you can also find me:
http://humorwriters.org/2014/03/05/7-deadly-sins-menopause
http://midlifeboulevard.com/12-signs-youre-menopause-isnt-fun
http://humoroutcasts.com/2014/the-vitamin-shop          

Friday, October 18, 2013

Fly On The Wall At A Birthday Celebration

   
Welcome to another Fly On The Wall group challenge, hosted by karen of http://www.bakinginatornado.com. Thirteen bloggers are participating today to give you a glimpse into their private worlds. This month, that pesky fly crashed my birthday celebration and aimed right for the coveted birthday cake. I swatted him away from the sugary confection, but this is what the uninvited guest overheard:

     "Isn't it great becoming a year older? You recognize all the music playing in elevators and mysterious skin tags show up in your arm pits."

     "How would you like to spend your birthday?"
     "Tipsy shopping and drunk eating, of course."

     "The rabbit just peed all over my foot. Do you suppose that's his way of wishing me a happy birthday?"

   
 "You'd better stop poking fun at me for getting a year older. I have BIG plans for you."
     "Oh yeah? Like what?"
     "When you turn eighty, I'm going to strap you into your wheel chair with duct tape, slather you with peanut butter and sunflower seeds, then leave you out in the backyard all day to become a human bird feeder."

     "The first person who buys me adult bladder leakage pads for my birthday will be placed on pug poop patrol for an entire month!"

     "There will be no talk of corn porn on my birthday."
     "Why not? Don't you want to be 'buttered up' on your special day?"
   "Oh gawd, I'm living with a pack of neanderthals."

     "It's pretty sad that I can sum up the past year of my life in five words: wine, Nutella, squirrels, blogging and menopause."

     "I think you'd better slow down on the partying. It looks like you've either jammed or broken your finger. Do you need to go to the emergency clinic?"
     "Are you kidding? I can't do that. You were just there to have eight stitches put in your hand. That doctor is going to look at our double injuries and think, 'What have you kinky-ass people been
doing?'"

     "What are your plans for your birthday?"
     " Cleaning up the chinchilla's poop."
     "My, you lead a glamorous life."

     "I already know what I'm giving you for your birthday: a coupon organizer, miracle wrinkle cream made from goat pee extracts and a lifetime supply of ibuprofen."

     "I'm so sweaty in this dress, I have to wing out my thighs."

     "Go ahead and eat the leftover grounds from your Turkish coffee. I need you to stay awake tonight for the party."

     "You're lucky---you can eat as much cake a you want because you have the metabolism of a gnat. Mine, on the other hand, is more like a turtle's. In this case, slow and steady does NOT win the race."

     "What? No sexy thongs for a birthday gift?"
     "Your butt floss days are over. But I WILL buy you a case of dental floss."

     "Did you give the pug your birthday dinner leftovers? He just farted and I swear it smells like Cantonese shrimp."

     "Nothing is worse than waking up with a hangover. I smell stale garlic and rum on my breath. I need a mouth douche."

     "Leftover birthday cake and ice cream at 7:00a.m. It's the breakfast of champions."


     The night of my birthday celebration, we closed down the restaurant.....because folks, that's how we do birthdays Doyle style!



****NEWS FLASH**** I have more, exciting news to share with you! Meno Mama is once again honored to be a contributing author in another newly released book, Sunshine After The Storm. It's a collaboration of stories from parents sharing their stories of pregnancy and infant loss. The book is beautifully written, providing hope and support to grieving families. It is currently available through Amazon.com. Order your copy today!





     Please be sure to visit all 13 bloggers participating in today's Fly On The Wall group challenge!

http://BakingInATornado.com                                     Baking In A Tornado
http://www.justalittlenutty.com/                                Just a Little Nutty
http://followmehome.shellybean.com                          Follow me home . . .
http://stacysewsandschools.wordpress.com/                Stacy Sews and Schools
http://thesadderbutwisergirl.com                              The Sadder But Wiser Girl
http://www.menopausalmom.com/                                 Menopausal Mother
http://mooreorganizedmayhem.blogspot.com/                Moore Organized Mayhem
http://www.theinsomniacsdream.com/                     The Insomniac’s Dream       
http://spatulasonparade.blogspot.com/                      Spatulas on Parade
http://www.therowdybaker.com                              The Rowdy Baker    
http://www.trashyblog.com/                                       Trashy Blog
http://dates2diapers2.blogspot.com                            Dates 2 Diapers
http://sorrykidblog.com/                       Sorry kid, Your Mom Doesn’t Play Well With Others


Shareaholic