Friday, February 2, 2018

15 Things I'd Rather Do Than Watch The Super Bowl

     I've never been a fan of televised sports, and that includes the Super Bowl. I realize this puts me in a category of about 1% of the U.S. population, but as I watch everyone else get caught up in the hype of the game, all I can think about is what's on the menu that night. I don't fawn over photos of Tom Brady. I don't even care that he's still wearing that damn glove. Instead, I drool over Pinterest photos of game day snacks. All the dips and hot wings and cookie bars and mini sub sandwiches..... this is almost as exciting to me as a Thanksgiving dinner.

     Back to the point. I'm not a fan of watching the Super Bowl---I usually find something else to occupy my time during the game. However, I'm not immune to the funny commercials, and for this reason, I will endure sitting on my couch for several hours while the lunatics in my family clap and scream loud enough to make our dogs howl in protest.

     There are a ton of things I'd rather do than watch the Super Bowl on game night, and some of those things include:



1. Host a neighborhood Deflategate/Tuck Rule/Spygate party.

2. Sell my old crock pot on Letgo before "This Is Us" airs after the Super Bowl.

3. Trim my toenails and contemplate making a set of avant-garde earrings out of the clippings.

4. Watch videos of potty trained felines flushing toilets.

5. Read War and Peace.

6. Pluck stray chin hairs.

7. Drink copious amounts of boxed wine and pretend to be interested while my guests scream at Bill Belichick.

8. Wax my eyebrows.

9. Watch for people double-dipping their chicken wings in the bleu cheese dressing.

10. File my 2017 taxes.

11. Rearrange my husband's sock drawer.

12. Trim rogue nose hairs.

13. Read the Ikea instruction manual for my new entertainment center.

14. Binge-watch Rick and Morty during the third quarter while eating all the cocktail meatballs originally made for the game.

15. Finish the entire box of wine in preparation for watching Jack Pearson's demise on "This Is Us" after the Super Bowl.


***WANT MORE MENO MAMA? This week I'm honored to have a NEW and very personal essay, "The Healing Stone," featured on Mamalode about loss, grief, and recovery. You can read it here: http://mamalode.com/story/loss/the-healing-stone/. Meno Mama was also featured on the Erma Bombeck Writers' Workshop with another humorous spin in the Super Bowl game, which you can read here: http://humorwriters.org/2018/01/26/10-reasons-lovehate-relationship-football/

23 comments:

  1. I'm with you on selling my crockpot and drinking wine before This is Us!

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    1. I'm excited yet dreading watching the episode of This Is Us. I LOVE Jack Pearson!!

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  2. Superbowl? It's all about the food. But I don't mind looking at Brady or Gronk, so there's that too!

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  3. OMG this cracked me up. I share many of your sentiments, I don't even watch the commercials. And the last one...OMG so much build up for so long, I don't think I'm ready!

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    1. I'm not ready, either. Better have plenty of tissues on hand!

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  4. Haaaaa!!! Yes to almost all of these, Marcia! The chin and nose hairs...haha. War & Peace? Hmmm, not sure I'd rather read that than tune in to the big game and I don't get football. I'm with ya, lady and would love to eat all the snacks---that's about it.

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    Replies
    1. Yep---the snacks---and the wine---are the best part!

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  5. I think "This is Us" has actually caused Crock Pot sales to plummet!
    I'm not a sports fan but I am a team fan and as a Bostonian, the Patriots are my team so I'll be watching. Years when the Patriots aren't playing, I go about my business during the game and run back to the TV for the commercials.

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    1. Yes, I love the commercials, but I've noticed that in the last two years, even those have not been very funny .

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  6. I would be all about #15 if I wasn't preggers, lol.

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  7. I can see by what you'd rather do than watch the game that you love football as much as I do. I have never watched a Superbowl game in my life. Fortunately, my husband doesn't care about watching it either, so I'm free to read a good book.

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  8. It's just unAmerican not to watch the Super Bowl! I'm no a fan of either one of these teams and I'm sad my team didn't make the cut but its the SUPER BOWL and both these teams played a good season and deserve to be in. I'm one of those crazies who will be hooting and hollering and screaming at the t.v. as well as eating all those wonderful snacks and food. Hope you saved your chin hairs so you will have plenty to pluck.
    I just love football!
    Take care my friend
    Saimi

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  9. Yeah me and sport of any type do not go together, I am unable to play it and find it boring to watch

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  10. Please include me in that list of 1 %..Many times, I go shopping and enjoy the crowd free weekends. Today, I am planning to dust the stairs, fold the 2 loads of laundry and read my book. Can I do all of these in the precious undisturbed 4 hours? Lemme think...

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    Replies
    1. It's a great four hours to get things done around the house.

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  11. WOW! You really don't like football. LOL! I'm a Chicago Bears fan, but not one to watch all the teams play every week. And I do enjoy looking at the Super Bowl foods. :)

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    Replies
    1. Yep---the food is by far the best part of the game!

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    2. Well, I could relate so much. LOL The sports I know by heart is Quidditch and it's only in the fictional world.

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