Sunday, December 2, 2012

Caveman Twitter




       I love the winter season. It's a time for baking pumpkin bread, having a big pot of beef stew simmering on the stove, trimming the Christmas tree, sharing a glass of egg nog, and entertaining friends around our backyard fire pit. We often enjoy a mug of hot, buttered rum while we are chatting by the fire, but sometimes, after several drinks, the conversations turn...weird.
     During a recent fire pit bonding session, my husband went on a rant about social media. He believes that Facebook sucks up too much valuable time ("Why do you need to read a graphic description of Charlie's flu symptoms, or see photos of Erica's new, hoochie mama shoes on Instagram?"). When the kids send him a text, he claims his troglodyte fingers get in the way of texting back. Twitter is worse, he claims, because nobody needs an hourly update on someone else's eating/drinking/pooping/sleeping/nagging/children-driving-me-crazy lifestyle.  "CAVEMEN SURVIVED JUST  FINE  WITHOUT  TWITTER!" he shouts.
     Sure they did. They just clubbed each other over the head to communicate. But what if there WAS such a thing as cavemen Twitter?
     After a few more sips of hot, buttered rum, my husband concocted various scenarios that might have occurred in the days when communication was often reduced to a simple "Ug".  *PLEASE KEEP IN  MIND THAT  THIS WAS A RUM-INDUCED CONVERSATION! We really aren't that weird!* Yeah, right....



ANGRY CAVEMAN TWITTER:

     "Me start fire. Ug."
     "Nobody answer."
     "Me start 'nuther fire. Ug"
     "Bigger fire."
     "ME BURN DOWN YOUR VILLAGE! UG!"
     "Now they answer."
     "Where water? Ug."

CAVEMAN ONLINE DATING TWITTER:

     "Me need woman. Me want you. Me have small loin cloth. Ug."
     Response: "How small?"
     "Very small."
     Response: "Not interested. Ug."

MISUNDERSTOOD CAVEMAN TWITTER:

     "Nuthin' to do in village 2 nite. Ug."
     Response: "Make bear tooth necklaces?"
     "That dumb. Ug. Me chase cantaloupe."
     Response: "WTFug?"
     "Tweet wrong. Antelope. Ug."
    Response: "Vegan now. Berries and twigs only. Granola poops. Ug."

CAVEWOMAN FASHION TWITTER:

     "Me have newest leopard print wrap. Ug."
     Response: "Me have Victoria's Secrets Bobcat print."
     "Me got mine from Caveman Outlets R Us half price. Ug."
     Response: "Latest monkey butt satchel soft."
     "Bear balls also make good satchel."
     Response: "Sale on rabbit skin thongs. One hare fits all. Ug!"

CAVEMAN BLIND DATE TWITTER:

     "Me took new woman back to cave tonight. Ug."
     Response: "Dinner?"
     "No beaver around. Got crabs instead. Ug. Me no go on second date."

MAN CAVE PARTY TWITTER:

     "Me kill rabbit for dinner. Ug. Interested?"
     Response: "Don't care."
     "What if me kill deer?"
     Response: "Party at my cave. Ug. BYOC (bring your own club).

CAVEMAN FATHER-TO-FATHER TWITTER:

     "Your son grow up quick. Ug."
     Response: "We call him Stinky Fuss."
     "Me have daughter. Ug. She have three good teeth. Stinky Fuss interested?"
     Response: "No. Son prefers making mollusk shell necklaces. Ug. "Daughter need big man with whale blubber to keep warm in winter. Me go find new cave
     boyfriend at Brontosaurus Burger Barn. Ug."


     Once the fire fizzles out, we decide that Twitter would have been dangerous in the hands of cavemen. My husband still sees no value in it. He'd rather howl at the moon and beat drums to communicate. Guess he'll be shopping for a rabbit hair thong and a monkey butt satchel for his club.









105 comments:

  1. Now there's some pictures I may never get out of my head. Can you wash the inside of your head out with soap? Oh, what I wouldn't give to have been sitting in that back yard with you that night...

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    1. You should have seen the expression on my neighbor's faces!! I don't think they will EVER get that image out of their heads haha!!

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  2. Me laugh at Twitter talk.
    Me laugh at photos too.
    Ugh.

    http://joycelansky.blogspot.com

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    1. You are too funny, Joyce. Thanks for the visit. Ug!

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  3. Your husband is a good sport for allowing you to photograph him all the time. What a combo – Cave Man and Meno Mom (coming soon to a theater near you). ;)

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    1. Haha! Hey, I think you are onto something here.....

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  4. Replies
    1. Me too--but after seeing these pictures, my husband may not feel the same way!

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  5. Ha! How does he feel about the pics now that sobriety has taken over? Either way it's too late :) hopefully he laughs as much as I did...

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    1. Yeah...by the light of dawn he was pretty embarrassed--I had to take advantage of the moment while I had the chance!

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  6. ahah, you're hilarious.
    i agree, though.

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  7. ha!!! always entertaining... "what might have been???" take care, slu

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  8. Oh, just imagine the rum-induced Tweeting he could do. I'm thinking it would be just as funny, but probably just a touch less embarrassing than these photos! :)

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    1. And that would be correct! He is always coming up with these creative blog ideas for me--usually after a few of those rum drinks!

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  9. I LOVE you guys!! What I wouldn't have given to have joined you for some of that buttered rum (and it's hilarious effects).

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    1. I would LOVE to have you join us--I'm sure we'd cause some damage....and post even crazier pictures. What happens at the fire pit STAYS at the fire pit!

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  10. That was fantastic... Misunderstood Caveman Twitter really hit home. And those picture are priceless. It looks like you really had a fun time putting this one together.
    Believe it or not I tend to agree with your husband... For the most part. Social networks are not completely useless. But I think people, myself included, spend far too much time on them. But this is far too broad of a topic for a simple comment. Maybe a future blogpost for me though.
    For now, I'll just say thanks for the chuckle, I can always count on you for that. See ya'...

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    1. You definitely should write a post about social media!! Yes, it was fun putting this post together--the pictures? Well, lets just say the neighbors got an eyeful!! Glad it brought a chuckle to your day! :-)

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  11. I have arranged a collection for incenting MM to adopt the companion costume modeled by Raquel Welch in One Million Years BC. I think that is what might balance the image overload! On the other hand - I have a great idea for a them party. "Sexy Flintstones" replete with Bronto Burgers....Bam Bam indeed....

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    1. I loved "One Million Years BC when I was a kid! I need to watch that again. I doubt I could pull off the beautiful Raquel Welch look...closer to Betty or Wilma. I already have the Bam Bam in the family.....

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  12. The pictures are priceless! I especially loved the Blind Date Twitter condo. I see a picture book in the works here, my friend :) Thanks for the laugh-out-loud post!

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    1. Maybe an adult picture book? I'd have to supply an awful lot of rum to get the Hubs to pose for that many pictures! Glad it was a laugh-out-loud experience for you!

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  13. Oh how I love the Rum Punch, it brings you into a new level of inducement. I can see from the photos that Mr Menopausal mama has got into that special mode, ha ha ha ha.

    Your husband is a right laugh and good sport. You should hire him out for sale as I'm sure he will make a million in a short space of time :) He could be a TV extra, a birthday entertainer for those frisky hen nights, or double up for a bachelors night out, a children's entertainer, all very versatile roles you know and that's a good thing. Thank you for giving me yet another laugh tonight.

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    1. When our kids were little and we were too broke to be able to afford good kiddie entertainment at their birthday parties, my husband actually did dress up in weird costumes and become different characters. I have an entire collection of odd photos of him.....that just might one day resurface on this blog site....

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  14. OMGosh Hilarious posting and pictures and what a cute cave couple you guys are too! :)

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    1. I wasn't going to do it but he talked me into the photo--it was the only way I was going to get him to pose for the others!

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  15. Gosh all we had at our firepit date was marshmallows I think no I know now where the fun party is happening and my stand against social media or most importantly against FB will be accepted and entertained these are great photos I am still chuckling classic fun for years yet to come!!

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    1. You DEFINITELY need to come sit by the fire with us and share some stories!!!!

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  17. such a cute & funny post! those pictures hahahaha..

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    1. Raisa--I knew you would appreciate this because you know the "caveman".

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  18. Hahaha.. Like very much this post with funny photos.

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    1. Glad you enjoyed them and my husband thanks you, too!

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  19. What would twitter be like today if it was made available during caveman period? :-D

    We should really be responsible for using the social media. A TV network campaign here said: think before you click.


    A good and socially relevant post!

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    1. Definitely we all should think before we click. I almost didn't hit "send" when I wrote this post!!!

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  20. Too, too funny! What is it with fire pits and drinking that bring out the crazy conversations in people? I do the same thing with friends of mine--a married couple--we drink, sit around the fire pit, the kids make smores, and we all rant about wacky stuff.

    I think I'm going to have to come visit you...

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    1. You would absolutely make my day if you ever got a chance to come down south and visit me! Oh, the secrets we would share around the fire pit....

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  21. You and your caveman are awesome!!

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    1. Thanks,Teri! You should see our little Bam Bams--they're awesome, too!

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  22. I. Can't. Stop. Laughing.
    This is what I needed to get my Monday on the right foot. Where in the world did you find that gem of a costume?
    Thanks for linking up!!!

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    Replies
    1. It's amazing what you can find when you clean out your closets!

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  23. I couldn't stop laughing the whole time. It looks like you guys had a great night of caveman conversations. I love the props.

    Cari @ Reach For The Star Berries
    Reach For The Star Berries

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    1. We always have a little too much fun around the fire pit!

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  24. HAHAHA!!! You and your husband are hilarious! A fire pit and rum makes for a very animated conversation I see :).

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    1. There is something about sitting around a cozy fire that makes people want to talk--sometimes confessing things they probably shouldn't or just coming up with weird ideas like a discussion on cavemen Twittering!

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  25. LOL! I totally feel like I'm the designated driver - everyone's drunk but me! I've been in here three times already to comment and I'm almost stumped for words! You and your fella are too funny - he's an absolute trooper to let you share his Caveman alter-ego with the blog-sphere! Does he know how many people follow you? HAHA! I'm bookmarking it and I'll be back next time I'm merry on the rum. Wont be long - 'tis the season after all!

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    1. He is a brave soul indeed for doing this--but he was the one who actually came up with the idea for this blog post!

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  26. Okay, one...I had entirely too much fun playing with the heart thingy that appears on your page. lol
    Your husband seems like a fun guy! When my husband drinks, he just likes to listen to music and have conversations with the singers. It's kinda lame...lol

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    1. Hopefully he is only having conversation with LIVING singers---no Jimmy Hendrix or Elvis or any of the others who have left the building...

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  27. This is SO funny! I can't believe you got these pics too! Such a fun post :)
    Meredith
    www.themomoftheyear.net

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  28. This was hilarious! Just think, you could have a whole series of Twitter through the ages. Do you suppose you'd have the great visual aids that you had for this post? Or if you need a guest blogger, I'm your girl! ;-)

    Think of the potential for Biblical times-

    Moses@BurningBush: Woo-hoo! Just parted the Red Sea! I rock! #Canaan

    Noah@FloatMyBoat: Last call for anyone who wants to take the ark for a spin. #EpicFlood

    Joseph@JesusDad: No room at the inn! A manger? WTF? #DamnCensus

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    1. YESSSS! You are hilarious! I'd love to have you as a guest on my site! Let's do it!

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  29. Clearly I need to get my husband to drink more. My blog isn't nearly this funny.

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  30. These pics are hysterical!!! Following as Caroline's Day for the bloghop! :)

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  31. I am happy to get a blog as nice as I can find today. Fate led me to enjoy the beautiful words to me From Creative People

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  32. This was hysterical, and your pictures are just priceless! LOL Brilliant!

    Kathy
    http://gigglingtruckerswife.blogspot.com

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    1. Thanks, Kathy! Somehow I knew you'd get a kick out of these pictures haha!!

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  33. I have a feeling our husbands would get a long smashingly well. lol (He can bring his own club)
    I absolutely love reading your blog, and look forward to it.

    God I would hate to have a recorder for the bonfire nights we have had. The conversations ALWAYS turn completely strange. Nothing like waking up the next morning with sore muscles from laughing, and then thinking, "who the heck started that conversation?!"

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    1. That's hilarious! We do that a lot of that here too---I think the drinks are to blame for the weirdness of the conversation!

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  34. thank you for visiting, commenting, following I'm also following you back

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  35. Following back from hop. Have a great day:)

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    1. Thanks Judy! Your blog is really lovely!

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  37. oh you two are too funny. love it.

    Thank you so very much for joining us for An Aloha Affair last week. How sweet it was to end the month together.

    Our beautiful December team has gathered and we are so excited to invite you to join us for... An Aloha Affair. Come mingle and grow with us, you are always welcome. Always.

    Cheers,
    Nicole
    localsugarhawaii.com

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    1. Thanks for the visit, Nicole--I'll meet you at the hop!

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  38. This is awesome. :)

    Come visit our Aloha Friday Blog Hop if you will!! It's a great and easy way to get followers to your lovely blog/website or to your Twitter/Facebook, etc...
    Link up your website and pages too! Aloha Friday Blog Hop {HERE}

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  39. LOL-- too funny!! Happy to follow back on GFC! http://aclosetintellectual.blogspot.com

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  40. Your husband is a riot! Made me giggle. I'm your latest follower stopping by from the Aloha Blog Hop!! Have an amazing weekend

    Mommy Has a Headache xx
    Author of Her Ten Year Itch www.tinyurl.com/tenyearitch

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    1. Thanks for the follow--I loved your blog and was so happy to find you on the hop!

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  41. hahahahaha - love the caveman convos you came up with!- glad i found your cute blog from the friends to followers hop ... excited to be your newest follower! (stalker might be slight more appropriate)
    love,
    elisabeth

    p.s i'd love for you to drop by lavitaebella-elisabeth.blogspot.com and say hi when you get a chance!
    p.p.s. love the curser on your blog :)

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    1. Hey, Stalkers are always welcome to my site! Thanks for becoming a follower and I will certainly check out your site!

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  42. OMG I love this! I follow the caveman lifestyle and there is so much caveman converstation that goes on in the forums! I do agree with the whole sucks your life away, it is so easy to get sucked up in all that! And stew, butter rummed and camp fires, you could be my best friend!

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    1. I think we need to get together and party around the fire pit some weekend!

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  43. Hi there! I'm Hanna. I found you through Tuesday's blog hop, I'm just really late:) I love making new friends!!! I am your newest follower via GFC. Happy Holidays! You can find me at www.bouffeebambini.blogspot.com

    xooxo Hanna

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    1. You have a new friend here now for sure, Hannah! Thanks for the visit!

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  44. Me laugh my butt off but missin my hare thong
    Me not get cantaloupe hunting caveman
    Me get caveman just digs holes in field and pulls beans and corn - sometimes caveman talk to big spotted water buffalo (other cavemen call buffalo "cow"????) behind his man cave

    Me think you are so very funny = P

    Irish Carter
    Dedicated2Life.com
    "Promoting Passionate People" - and YOU ROCK Menopausal Mama

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    1. I think I love you, Irish, LOL! Your humor made my day. And your caveman lingo is quite good. Me think you need to come over and share spiked grog with me by fire. Ug! XOXO

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  45. Hi Marcia! I've tagged you to write a holiday post! Join in, if you can! http://taoofpoop.blogspot.com/2012/12/ive-been-tagged-and-its-catching.html

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    1. That's AWESOME! Thanks for thinking of me! I'm definitely up for the challenge!

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  46. I bet you guys are a hoot to come and visit! Laughing at the conversation and the pictures!

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  47. Good Goddess, how did you get your husband to do pose with all those--oh, never mind, you mentioned the booze around the fire, LOL

    Now what the hell is that he's holding? Is that the world's biggest Mighty Joint or what?!?! Wait, Florida isn't one of those legalized pot states! Yet! (That'll come, right after gay marriage, LOL)

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    1. We're working on that..... hey, thanks for stopping by, Nicole. I always love your sense of humor!! XOXO

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  48. Is that your husband's photos??? :) where is Wilma?

    I must say--I hate twitter, you know I see people follow different celebs, commenting on every tweets they share, and celebs just ignore them, I'd rather follow real people where I can actually communicate.. :)

    Oh well--to each his own.

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    1. Everyone keeps telling me I need to get on Twitter for my blog--I'm dragging my feet about this because it just seems like it is going to take up even MORE of my time! But I guess that is what I have to do!

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  49. someone advice me, that the best way to promote your blog is via YOu tube--VLOG are more popular this days, with some tutorial and catchy lines like HOW to's etc...Even the nonsense--"What's in my purse" VLOG are more popular and could get over 1million hits, believe me...:)

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    1. Wow! Maybe I should consider it----but then again, I'd have to actually get out of my bathrobe that day if I'm going to be in front of a camera! Lol!

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  50. LOL! Marcia, I'm just reading this article! Your hubby is funny (and gorgeous)! You guys are hysterical, had me laughing!lol!

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    1. I'll tell him you said so---it ill make his day!!! XOXO

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  51. I can't help but to agree to what your husband's thoughts on facebook, yeah, why do we need to read "an hourly update on someone else's eating/drinking/pooping/sleeping/nagging/children-driving-me-crazy lifestyle."
    Your post is hilarious as always!

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    1. Thanks, Zunnur--i always enjoying seeing you here and reading your comments!

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  52. Replies
    1. Fun to write and even more fun getting my husband into caveman gear!!!

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  53. Is that really your husband? Can't believe he agreed to the small loin cloth!! LOL

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