Friday, September 25, 2015

Bad Luck? Blame It On Mercury

     If you've been having an unusually craptastic week, there's a pseudoscientific reason for your misfortune. Mercury is in retrograde from September 17 to October 9th, and this astrological phenomenon is the perfect scapegoat for everything that has gone awry in the past week.

     "Mercury Retrograde" occurs during three periods throughout the year, a time when the planet appears to stall and spin backward. Although this is an illusion caused by the rotation of the earth, many people believe that the retrograde phase is responsible for wreaking havoc during each of these three-and-a-half week periods. Mercury is the ruling planet of communication, so it stands to reason that while in retrograde, communication, travel and technology go haywire, causing a certain degree of pandemonium on earth. Computers crash for no reason, cell phones erase info, emails are lost and transportation is a nightmare.


     It doesn't stop there. Staunch believers of Mercury's trickery advise against signing important documents, traveling, starting a new job, moving, getting married, or launching a new business venture during retrograde.

     I've had my own share of misfortunes in the past week; my car died, my husband was in a car accident (not hurt, thankfully) and one of my sweet pets died in her sleep. I've also had a few heated debates with friends and even engaged in a ridiculous argument with my husband one night over the Miami Dolphins….and I don't even watch football.

     I'd love to blame Mercury for my bad luck, but rather than focus on my misfortune, I prefer to think of all the good things that the retrograde phase might do for me. If everything is spinning backward, that means I might have a second chance at enjoying some of the things I miss:


*My old metabolism. Maybe I can go back to eating chicken wings, donuts, and cheeseburgers without gaining a pound.

*High energy. I'd like to be as energetic as I was when I was a kid with the motivation to run around the playground, climb a jungle gym or sail down a hot metal slide without getting second degree burns on my chunky thighs.

*Good music. Pat Benetar, Journey, The Cars, Peter Gabriel, Toto, The Police…..the list goes on and on. I'd rather listen to them than some dude singing, "Now watch me whip, watch me nae nae…"

*Size eight clothing. It sure would be nice to fit into that size again, since right now the fabric from one of those tiny t-shirts would barely cover one arm.

*Required nap time. In kindergarten, we played all morning, ate lunch, then pulled out our mats and blankets to sleep for an hour. When we woke up, the nice teacher handed out graham crackers and milk. I want to go back to kindergarten….for adults. And the nice teacher hands out margaritas with chips and queso dip.

*My stamina. I could stay out all night and party like a rock star when I was in my twenties. Now I can't even make it to the dinner hour without three cups of coffee to prop me up.

*80's fashion. Shoulder pads, parachute pants and velour jumpsuits. Just kidding. Pajama jeans and yoga pants work fine.

Come to think of it, now that there's a Clinton and a Bush running for office again, who knows? Maybe there's something to the lore of Mercury in retrograde, after all.









47 comments:

  1. Oh good lord I hear you on that watch me whip, watch me nae nae nonsense. GARBAGE!!

    And yeah, ugh to the cosmos. I ALWAYS have bad luck right around my birthday. Inevitably! I blame the cosmos. However, towards the end of the month, things always change for me for the better. For example, I had the crappiest birthday ever in 2012. Then a few weeks later, my husband and I started talking every day which led to, well, me being married to him. Things have a way of turning themselves around.....

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    1. Right??? I always look for the brighter side….

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  2. So sorry to hear about the passing of your sweet pet - that's hard. I'd be delighted to have mandatory naps... I definitely did not appreciate this when I was little:)

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    1. Doesn't a one hour nap each day after lunch sound great??

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  3. Marcia, you never fail to put a smile on my face

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  4. I've had a yucky week - glad to hear there's a perfectly scientific explanation for it. I love the idea of looking forward to heading back to the old good things, though! Funnily enough, I also met my husband at the end of October 2012 - that must have been quite a time period for love!

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    1. That's cool! The good news is that retrograde will end on Oct.9. The bad news is…..it will come back again in January.

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  5. This must be a thing because I have seen so many people comment on it lately. I also wish I had the stamina of my youth. Glad your husband wasn't hurt in the accident!

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    1. Thanks! I'm eagerly awaiting Oct. 9 so that this streak of bad luck will end!

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  6. I know all about Mercury retrograde. One year I was warned by my astrologer friend NOT to sign a contract for a mobile home during a time when I absolutely had to sign it (or I would have been homeless). I am living proof that Mercury retrograde really does cause havoc. Having said that, I like your idea of going retrograde. I want my flat stomach back – I look like I'm wearing a belly that belongs to a 1000 pound elephant. And I saw my arms recently in a photo. What a shock! I actually look old! I'm beginning to reconsider wearing sleeveless apparel! Time to retrograde!

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    1. Ha-Ha! My stomach looks the same way (that's a FUNNY description!) and I stopped wearing sleeveless tops four years ago. My bat wings are out of control.

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  7. now I need to find the exact dates for all three events so I can use them to their full potential. If there is something to blame I am all up for it - life is easier that way!

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  8. Oh, my word! To be able to eat what I want. Do what I want. Listen to what I want. Wear what I want. (Haven't worn a size eight since I WAS eight.) Sleep when I want. Hmmm . . . it's sounding more and more like the fiction when I write what I want! :)

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    1. Ahhh yes…but such a sweet dream, isn't it?

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  9. Marcia, I want the required nap time... I wouldn't fight it today... when my children were younger I used to nap with them when I could.. when they stopped I thought silly kids... get those naps as long as you can xox lol

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    1. I think it takes adulthood to finally appreciate the art of napping.

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  10. Ahh yes, to be required to take naps. It was a wonderful time lol. Thanks for this laugh :)

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  11. That donut looks mighty good. So, I'm with you on the metabolism thing. Oh yeah.

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    1. I'll admit----I was drawn to that photo, too. Salivating is a better word.

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  12. THAT explains the crapola week! Size 8 is but a distant memory to me.

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    1. My Facebook feed has been filled with weird junk happening to everyone. Oct.9 can't get here soon enough!

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  13. Yup. This explains the last few days of my life.

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    1. See? It's not just me! Hope things get better for both of us soon!

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  14. I blame mercury retrograde for EVERYTHING

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  15. Ha, Donuts and Bear Claws. Mercury may be in retrograde but you and I seem to be on the same wavelength.

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    1. Exactly what I thought when I read your blog post. I wonder if Mercury in retrograde creates sweet tooths…..

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  16. Hahaha love how you put some things in perspective! And I'd love to attend that adult kindergarten class...where do I sign up? I am visiting from Pro Bloggers Tribe :0)

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    1. Thanks for stopping by! Hey, I'm thinking maybe I should start an adult kindergarten class. Happy hour will start early there.

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  17. Ok I have never taken a size 8 except when I was a child but that doesn't count, just thought I would share that, good music yeah I get there was some pretty great music way back when.........I have never been able to eat donuts and other type food without getting fat but would love to be able to do so, just saying.

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    1. I think I would live on donuts if they didn't make me fat.

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  18. I never liked shoulder pads on women, or even men. Who were we trying to look like---Romulans?

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    1. HAHAHA!! OMG that's a good one. Thanks for the laugh!

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  19. Ah a retro walk. The metabolism thing would be good, and Rick Springfield still looked dreamy back then too. :) Sending over an email shortly. :)

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  20. LOL I love this! I'm a Gemini ruled by Mercury so this is supposed to be a difficult time for me, but luckily so far it hasn't been bad. I was reading a friend's facebook post about how we shouldn't be afraid of mercury retrograde, just look at it as a time to be easy with ourselves. Which I've done. I sure would like that younger metabolism back, though ;)

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    1. Maybe if I crawl back into bed and hibernate until this is over…..THEN I'll be fine.

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  21. So that is what's wrong! My husband had a fender bender this week too! He was fine though, but I have had a hard time getting anything accomplished. This was so hilarious! If you find the metabolism send it this way!

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    1. If I had the secret to reversing metabolism I would bottle it up and be a millionaire selling that stuff!

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  22. Whaaa! I want required naps and my younger metabolism back please!

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    1. Sounds like a little slice of heaven, doesn't it?

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  23. Glad to hear your husband is okay, but so sorry about your pet. :(

    I can't even say I want my metabolism back because it was bad to begin with. As for the naps, we take about half hour nap a day, except no one hands me a cookie.

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  24. I miss my old metabolism SO MUCH. I like junk food too much.

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