Friday, October 6, 2017

How To Be A Hipster In Your Midlife Years

     You've seen them. The Millennial hipsters who wear t-shirts sporting logos from rock bands you saw in concert during the 70's and 80's. The same people who crowd the check-out lines at Starbucks, Whole Foods, and the free beer-sampling stand at the local arts and crafts festival. Seeing them makes you wistful for your younger days when Mom and Dad paid your car insurance and served free hot meals from the kitchen.

     No need to despair. You too, can become a hipster (like your adult children) despite your advanced age, by following these easy, "I'm-Gonna-Stay-Young-Forever" steps:



Stock up on plaid flannel shirts from Urban Outfitters and a pair of Doc Martens to conceal your rubberized arch support pads.

Learn how to crochet a sweater made from wheat grass and hemp.

Cash in your 401k and travel around the country in a vintage Airstream to sell healing crystals, Buddha bracelets, and your own brand of organic hummus made from cage-free chic peas.

Grow your own cannabis in decoupage milk cartons stored on your back porch.

Carry a ukulele everywhere you go, even if your rendition of "Somewhere Over The Rainbow" sounds more like the neighbor's cat in heat.

Call yourself a "craft brew aficionado" and be well versed in the difference between IPAs and Stouts.

Recycle EVERYTHING, including lint from the dryer that can be knitted into socks.

Enroll in yoga classes but make sure you take plenty of Gas-X before you stretch into downward dog position.

Ditch the frozen meatloaf from 2012 in the back of your freezer and become a vegan.

Master Corn Hole and giant Jenga blocks.

Buy a used Prius---or better yet---get a gerbil-powered bike.

Get a Tattoo of your spirit animal inked on your shoulder---even if that animal happens to be a hippopotamus.

Stash some edibles in your faux leather fanny pack before heading out to a tribal funk music concert at the park.

Learn how to pronounce quinoa.

Grow a beard and buy special wax for shaping it into a facial topiary.

Protest against social inequality, corporate greed, and Alpaca farms.

Buy organic, gluten-free, locally grown food at the farmer's market, even if it means you'll have gastrointestinal issues for months to come from the amount of kale you'll consume.

Take a class in latte art.

Leave a final request in your will to be buried in a biodegradable burial pod, or to have your cremated remains turned into family heirloom jewelry.







  


30 comments:

  1. Lol. Can I be a beard instead of growing one?

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    1. As long as you keep it neatly trimmed....

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  2. As a knitter I'm not so sure dryer lint makes a good yarn. (It tends to break apart when you try to spin it-don't ask how I know.) However, I would love to see someone with a how-to on making it into paper. Because that would be totally hipster. ;-)

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  3. I think I'm heading in the right direction Marcia - I have had serious thoughts about buying some purple doc martins, I sent my Husband a link to biodegradable coffins this week and we often talk about making something out of all the cat hair we find lying around And I still can't pronounce quinoa!

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    Replies
    1. Ha-ha!! You are DEFINITELY on the right track, Leanne!

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  4. Oh my goodness, you always make me laugh so hard. My husband and I couldn't believe it when we saw Corn Hole at a fancy resort where we were staying. I actually own a ukelele, so I might be able to pull this off. I'm sure my children would "love" my attempt!

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    1. You should totally whip out the ukulele and play it the next time the kids come over!

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  5. Yup. I see them. I laugh at them. Some of my friends are them. Glad I'm past that. Staying young is so much more realistic than 'trying' to be hipster and removing all doubt.

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    1. Absolutely! But it sure is fun ti witness the evolution of millennials.

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  6. I'm on the way. I can pronounce quinoa!

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  7. I laughed SOOOO hard! And I'm fighting the urge to put in an emoji and scream OMG!

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    1. LOL glad it made you smile today. I was laughing the entire time I was writing it.

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  8. IDK, I could do the cannabis one. And I'd be happy to pronounce quinoa as long as you don't make me eat it.

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    1. No quinoa for you? My kids got me hooked on it. And I actually love kale chips, LOL.

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  9. I was already laughing and then I got to the yoga part - and I lost it! My family already knows I want my ashed mulched into the flowerbeds. Might as well help something beautiful grow.

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    1. See? We're on the same page there, so maybe we're hipsters after all....

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  10. I know them, I work with them, and I seem to follow a ton of them on IG (I'm an aging dietitian/food blogger) - they make vegan pulled pork from jackfruit, jump on trends like 'sweet potato toast' (Toast?? I can't even....), and would have you believing their impossibly clear skin and white teeth are from their sustainable, whole foods, locavore diet, not their fortunate genes and excellent photo editing apps. :) OK, so they're not ALL horribly hipster, but I need to find a new tribe lolllll

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    1. Too funny---and yeah, the photo apps DEFINITELY help!!

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  11. Oh, my god. You nailed it, Marcia!! I'm laughing MAO. You've described one of my kids and their partner. Hehe. Well done!

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    1. Thanks, Lisa. I have a few of these hipsters in my own family, LOL.

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  12. --LOLLLL,

    I don't know what the hell I'm called, but I wear this black, cool Lady Gaga t-shirt and would love a tattoo on my foot...

    Oh, and I'll do it all in heels.

    xx great post, M. xxx

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  13. hahahaha I had a good laugh reading your post. That facial topiary line is so hilarious. You got that right on!!

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  14. Hilarious! Thanks for the laugh. I'm going to start with that sweater. :D

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