Fun Friday Guest Writer: Anne Bardsley

Friday, June 7, 2019

Fun Friday Guest Writer: Anne Bardsley

I'm always so happy when I get a chance to showcase my dear friend Anne Bardsley's work. We became pals when we first we met at the Erma Bombeck Writers Workshop in 2014 and she has kept me laughing ever since with her hilarious tales. With her permission, I snagged a funny story from her blog because it is 100% relatable to my life, and I think some of my readers might be able to relate, too. Enjoy!

YOUR BODY IS LISTENING

I realized that my body and mind are more connected than I realized. I’d read that if you speak kindly to your body, it reacts accordingly. For instance, I always complained about having big feet. All of the cute shoes are size seven and eight. By the time I get to my size ten, the pickings are slim and unattractive.

I realized that my feet need more loving attention. I now thank them for taking me where I need to go. I even promise them a pedicure. Don’t you know after doing this practice, cute shoes started to appear in my size!

I thought this was a genius body-mind connection that would work for me. I began talking to my stomach, “Hello belly. It looks like you might have a baby growing in there. It’s okay. Many women my age have the same belly. I just want you to know that I love you just the way you are.” I did a few effleurage strokes, like I learned in natural childbirth classes, on my belly to show my love and support. I felt happy suddenly. Contented with my belly, I patted it again.

That afternoon I went to Target to find a sundress. As if my belly was leading me, I went straight to a pretty, bright flowered dress. It fit perfectly. This never happens. I usually have to try on ten dresses to get a comfortable fit. I was so happy! I may have been glowing.

I felt a slight cramp as I was hanging the dress back on the plastic hanger. I said to myself, “It’s probably just a Braxton hicks contraction. It’s nothing to be concerned about at my age.” I rubbed my lower back and took a few deep breaths while patting my belly.

That’s when I realized that I am talking myself right into the maternity department! No one ever listens to me. Why should my body? My body now has very happy feet and thinks I’m six months pregnant. Of course, the sundress fit perfectly! It was a Maternity by Liz piece and that’s the exact brand maternity bathing suit I bought last year!

I almost put the dress back on the rack when a little voice spoke up, “Anne, you look pretty in pink. It gives you a nice glow.” I bought the dress and a hat to match.

I’m afraid to talk nice to my breasts now. I really would like them to be firm and high, but I might end up back in the maternity section again. I could end up with a pink nursing bra!

BIO:

I am a wife, mom of five, Gigi to four, a friend, a sister, a sunset watcher, and my hips move whenever I hear music. That is not always a good thing. I’ve been married for thirty-nine years to Scott, my wrinkle maker of a husband. He was part of the inspiration for my first book, How I Earned My Wrinkles…Musings on Marriage, Motherhood, and Menopause. My work has been featured in Erma Bombeck’s humorwriters.org, Purple Clover, The Grand Magazine, Better After 50, Feisty After 45, Island Reporter, Paradise News, Very Funny Women, Scary Mommy, and many others.