Friday, March 14, 2014

Sleepus Interruptus

   
     I love my quiet weekends. They give me license to indulge in one of my favorite pastimes: napping. When the lunch dishes are cleared and my schedule is free, I retire to my private little cave under a stack of blankets and pillows. Once I close my bedroom door, the family KNOWS not to disturb me. If my beauty rest is interrupted, they'll be dealing with a haggard troll…. and the consequences for waking me will be swift and painful.
     Most weekends I can steal a little shut-eye by mid afternoon. I'm a firm believer in a three hour siesta. But lately, uncontrollable outside forces have been messing with the sweet slumber I desperately crave. No, I do not have young children screeching or stomping through the house like a herd of buffalo. What I DO have is neighbors. And an obnoxious ice cream truck that takes sadistic pleasure in blaring, "Pop Goes The Weasel" from massive speakers as it drives past my home. Three times. The vendor's timing is precise----he catches me the minute I am caught in the throes of a deliciously sexy dream, about to lock lips with Johnny Depp and then….POP GOES THE WEASEL!!
     I grit my teeth against the sudden urge for an orange creamsicle, convinced there must be subliminal messages hidden in the tinny songs from the ice cream truck.
     Burrowing deeper under the covers, I wait for the offending truck to pass my home at a turtle's pace.  Just when I start to slip into the land of Noddingoff, the doorbell rings, which sets the dogs on edge. Over their incessant barking, a salesman is trying to convince me that I need to switch cable companies so that I can add an additional 500 channels to the existing 700 I already have.  Hey, I never get the chance to sleep, so why not feed my insomnia with more channels allowing me to live vicariously through people testing out Tempur-Pedic mattresses on late night infomercials?
     Once things finally settle down, I drift back into the slumber I have waited for all week.  I never know how much time passes---it could be two hours or two minutes, but it happens all the same----the neighbor next door who won last year's Curb Appeal Award has decided to do a little creative landscaping. Possibly carving Mickey Mouse topiaries out of his hedge. As he trims the base of his meticulous creations with a weed wacker, small stones ricochet loudly like a woodpecker on steroids against my bedroom window. I'd rather sleep in a room filled with chocolate wasted toddlers than listen to the torturous tapping of flying debris from the neighbor's new lawn toy.

     I decide to give napping one more shot, when suddenly I am baking in a 475 degree oven.  Who invited the freaking sun into my bedroom? Within seconds, I'm bathed in a puddle of sweat from the aftershocks of a merciless hot flash.
     Giving up on the fantasy of a two hour nap, I stagger into the kitchen for a jolt of caffeine to push me through the rest of the day. Peering around the corner, I see The Hubs sleeping peacefully on the couch, his lips fluffing out with each whistling exhale. I hear the TV in the background----a testosterone-infused program on cage fighting. I marvel at his ability to sleep through doorbells and barking dogs. Actually, I'm a wee bit jealous. Okay, a LOT. Deciding that it really wouldn't be fair for my well-rested husband to be stuck with a wife who resembles an Iggy Doll, I wake him from sleep. He opens one eye, peers up at me and smiles. I hand him a cup of coffee and flop down beside him on the couch. He channel surfs like a kid with severe A.D.D. before settling on the Discovery Channel. Grinning, he wraps his arms around me and I snuggle against his warmth. Within minutes, I drift into blessed slumber.
     I can't think of a better way to spend a Sunday afternoon than nodding off during a television documentary on the sleeping habits of wombats….while curled in the arms of the man I love.


Want more Menopausal Mother? Here's where you can find me this week: Find out why I'm a vacation sloth over at Humor Outcasts: http://humoroutcasts.com/2014/vacation-sloth. Got some neighbors who are driving you crazy? I have a solution for that. Read my latest funny post at In The Powder Room here: http://www.inthepowderroom.com/read/home-time/2014-03-neighbors-from-hell.html

53 comments:

  1. It is a part of weekend everyone want.Same here.Complete rest which is peace of mind.

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  2. Awe, that is the best... I love naps on the weekend but naps with people you love are the best... drifting off next to each other... all snuggled up. I hope you have a wonderful weekend Marcia... I will have to check out your other posts this weekend :)

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    1. Those are my favorite kind of naps….unless he starts snoring…..

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  3. I know how you can get a good napping session without disturbances at the weekend.
    1. Get one of those heavy duty things that cover your ears, so you won't hear a thing.
    2. Put up some black-out blinds so the sun won't wake you with it's wonderful bright light.
    3. Then rig your doorbell up so anyone who presses it during a your napping time gets a nice electric shock, ha ha ha ha.
    4. As for the ice-cream man, sling down one of those things (at both ends of your road) that the police use, I think it's called a stinger, to burst his van tyres before he reaches your house. Enjoy that nap MM.

    Hope you all have a wonderful weekend and those dogs look well spoiled :)

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    1. RPD, you are brilliant! I'm going out RIGHT NOW to get that electric shock buzzer for my doorbell!

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  4. Lol. Love the ice cream truck part. And is that blue thing the diaper on your dog? And what's the colorful dragon thing sleeping on top of you?

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    1. Yep! That's the pug diaper. And yep--that's a stuffed dragon. It sits on my bed every day. I actually like to wrap my arm around something while I sleep, and I usually grab that or an extra pillow. I like to sprawl out, which drives The Hubs crazy. He always ends up sleeping on just a sliver of the mattress.

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  5. Naps are so lovely. I don't get near enough of them, because like you I wake to even the dog snoring while hubby sleeps through my morning incessant alarm beeping.
    yay naps!

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    1. Aren't they great? I swear, America needs to adopt Europe's idea of the three hour siesta. I think people would be less crabby if they got to take a midday nap!

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  6. Aww, sweet! That does sound better!! =)

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    1. Always special to nap with the one you love!

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  7. Naps on weekends are the best i suppose..have a blessed weekend..

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    1. Uh-oh! Sounds like you're not able to get your nap quota in for the week! Try it sometime!

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    2. Hahahaha..how did you read my mind???my weekends are a mess with hubby and daughter being home and most of the weeks relatives visiting us..and in case no body is around the door bell and the neighbour's dog drive me crazy..:)

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    3. That's awful! I think you need to tell the visiting relatives to watch you daughter and answer the door so you can take a nap for an hour or two!

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  8. Oh my I cannot take a nap, ever. If I did I would never sleep at night. I am an insomniac and no matter what I try, I cannot sleep any longer than 4-5 hours each night. It's horrors.
    Barbara @ www.allmylivesnow.com

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    1. Wow! I would hate that. I go through phases where the insomnia is really bad, but I need that Sunday nap just to recharge my battery for the week!

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  9. Aww! Love this! Well, except the whole being woken up part and the hot flash. That part sucks.

    I'm not much of a napper despite my best attempts to do so. I toss and turn and the slightest noise will keep me drifting off. My darling husband, however, can put himself into what looks like the most uncomfortable position on the smaller couch and doze off with no problem. Drives me nuts. Let me sleep too dangit!

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    1. Isn't it amazing how men can block out all the outdoor sounds and sleep through a tornado? I'm so jealous!

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  10. A nap is one of the best gifts I can give myself. Luxury to the max. Mmm.

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    1. I swear, I just started yawning and now I REALLY want to take a nap because you make it sound so cozy!!!!

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  11. The best things in the world are these peaceful naps! :)

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    1. Yes! I'd like to take one right now…..but there are some kids playing ball in the street…LOUDLY, so I'll have to wait…..

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  12. I want to snuggle in with those adorable pugs for a siesta.

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    1. LOL but you might need ear plugs---they snore louder than a freight train!

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  13. I'm such a light sleeper. Even though my kids are grown, I still swear I hear them every time they turn over in their sleep.

    My husband, however, sleeps through the Tornado Sirens. Men!

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  14. Amazing writing and creativity all blended together in a manner that is logical and easy to read and follow.

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    1. Thank you, Daniel! I really appreciate how much you support my blog! XO

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  15. That's a wonderful, feel-good, post. Snuggling up to someone you love and drifting into the land of nod - heaven!

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    1. Isn't it? I'm ready to nap right now!!!

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  16. I loved the photo of your man sleeping. That's me. Dogs to the left of me dogs to the right. Hope you get some sleep soon:)

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    1. He always naps with the dogs. I've tried it but they squirm around and snore too much. But I sure do love those pugs!!!

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  17. Marcia, there is nothing quite like a nap! Dang. I related to all of your sleep interruptions. Your'e much nicer; I would have pushed Mark off of the couch, and then fell asleep in the warmth of the cushions! Oh the hot flashes, and now, two dogs in the bed. What's a girl to do? Cheers to a deep sleep, woman! <3

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    1. Thank you--I need a good, two hour nap----UNINTERRUPTED!!!!

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  18. Even the dogs were sleeping, hahahaha
    I'm glad this had a happy ending and you got your snooze in. :)

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    1. I always sleep better when The Hubs is nearby!

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  19. OMGosh,
    that last photo is totally CLASSIC!!))))) xx

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    1. Typical scene at our house any weekend afternoon!!!

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  20. Good story!!! As tired as I might be, I am just not a 'nap' person. So, I am a little jealous. In fact, I get very little sleep through the week and reading this makes me a 'lot' jealous. lol

    I so love your very last paragraph. Brought a smile. Take care, Slu

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    1. Awwww…thanks, Slu. My Hubs is awesome and he always tries to keep the house quiet so I can take a nap…..but he can't stop the pugs from snoring, LOL!

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  21. Awww so so sweet that you finally doze in your love's arms. I could really use a nap right now. And I love the photos! Especially the one of your husband with the dogs all sprawled out. Awesome!!

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    1. That's their Sunday ritual. I love to watch them sleep---the pugs adore their "daddy."!!!!

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  22. Very nice! That could not have ended up any better....good for you!

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    1. Agreed! So I'm going to try it again today!

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  23. This post is ADORABLE!! I can so relate! I have the summers off, and when my second son was born, my first son was still in the habit of taking a daytime nap. I was so tired because--well, because I had a toddler and a newborn. I would nap while they did during the day, and the same kind of stuff happened to me. Usually it was my neighbor (the one who gets a facial twitch if a blade of grass is over 1/4 inch long) mowing his grass, but there were also salesmen ringing the damned doorbell. I finally put a "No Soliciting" sign up. Thing is--they totally ignored it. But that's okay, because I'm back to work full-time now and don't get to take naps anymore. WAAAAAAA!!!!

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    1. Your neighbor sound alike mine. They have beautiful lawns but for God's sake, can't they mow from 10am to 11am so we can just take a nap????

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  24. Ah, there is nothing like a good nap on a lazy Sunday. Usually so busy that I don't have time for one. I wish we had nap hours at work along with lunch hour.

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    1. Agreed! Just like kindergarten, we should be able to take a one hour nap after lunch. The work world would be a better place!

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  25. I see nothing has changed with ice cream trucks in the forty years since I lived in a Florida neighbourhood infested with such beasts :) And they're STILL playing Pop Goes The Weasel?!?!

    You might consider investing in one of those No Soliciting signs for the salesmen, and one of those No Used God Salesmen signs either...http://www.keywordpicture.com/keyword/no%20religious%20soliciting/

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    1. Yes! Thank you---I'm looking into this!

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