Wednesday, March 19, 2014

Wacky Wednesday Writers Guest Post By: The Shitastrophy

     My fabulous WWW guest today is the hilariously funny Alyson of  The Shitastrophy! How did I find this awesome writer? By the unusual name of her blog! C'mon, what's not to love? I knew with a title that clever, the rest of the blog had to be hysterical, and I was right! Alyson is a transplanted New Jersey girl living in the midwest, but claims that she has kept her "sarcastic cynical Jersey attitude." She has two young children and a husband who provide plenty of fodder for her funny blog. When I visit her site, I can't decide which posts to read first because this woman is a genius when it comes to titles.   Once you get to her blog, plan on staying awhile…..and laughing a LOT!
     Please welcome this funny, sweet lady to Meno Mama's site today and shower her with lots of comment love!


                                        WHY WOMEN HAVE SHITTY BRAS




I hate bra shopping – actually I don’t just hate, I loathe it. Eventually though I am forced to break down and purchase some bras. Typically this is a moment of total weakness because seriously it is my most hated womanly task. Here are the reasons why it sucks so much, and why I believe woman hold onto their unmentionables longer than some marriages last.
1) Bra’s cost anywhere from $20 – $65. Seriously $65 for one piece of clothing that no one even sees? Ridiculous. I could buy a really nice sweater, shoes, groceries, get a haircut, basically anything would be better than a bra for that money!
2) You have to escape your house and waste alone time on bras! Bra shopping should not ever be done with children in tow. If I were to bring my daughter with me she would be feeling every piece of the lace, sequin, satin, and sheer garment in the store. If I brought my son, we would both need therapy.
3) Being fitted for a bra could be one of the most awkward experiences ever. The stores are always outfitted with young, way to cheerful, girls walking around with a tape measure slung over their shoulders that are more than happy to get a lookey-loo at my skin tubes. I hold my arms up while my gal pal throws the measure around my not so perky girls. I then assume the stance of staring off to the side and act like this is not as bizarre as it really is.
4) Upon donning my new dud I get to ring my pleasant little mother’s helper to please come check out my girls – how they are, or are not, hanging. We talk support, straps, cups, and coverage. I might be lucky enough for her to attempt an adjustment on the straps that either hoists my babies up front and center or just smooshes them till they spill out the sides. At the end of this I feel like we should exchange numbers or something.
5) I find myself sucking in my gut and pushing my handles into my pants in an effort to impress my girl. I want to compare well with the other overweight customers.
6) I get to announce my band size that is larger than some children’s height.
7) The clerk hands me the basket of the stores best bra’s available to try on. I can’t help but think – when were these last washed? And how many other ladies put their boobs in these before me? Gross.
8) Stores do not display anything greater than a 34D, apparently us with boobs bigger than a 34D are banished to the bottom drawers because these are not showcase worthy. Makes me feel really good about my boulders.
9) There are always the girls that shop with their boyfriends. This tends to be a teenager – and seriously if my son ever shopped with his girlfriend, or my daughter brought her boyfriend into a bra store, I will kill them.
10) And the worst, most horrible thing I have witnessed while bra shopping – the family that shops together. Mom, Dad, and daughters searching through the sale underwear bins and holding up options. This is a hard core no way in hell, ever, never, NO.
Men this is why your lady has bra’s in her drawer that are older than your marriage. This is why we have bra’s that are held together with safety pins, or with one side that has underwire and the other that has had it removed – resulting in lopsided boobs. This is why we have bra’s that have bandaids over the spot where the wire is poking through, or why we will actually get the sewing kit out in an attempt to fix our bras.This is why our boobs spill over and out of our bras in an attempt at escape, and this is why we continue to wear bras that leave a full leave imprints on our bodies when we remove them.
Now you know, so leave us and our old bras the hell alone.



                                                                           BIO:

Originally from NJ, Alyson now lives in the Midwest but has kept her sarcastic cynical Jersey attitude. She has to make a conscious effort to not curse in most conversations. She is the mother of two kids that provide constant fodder for her blog, The Shitastrophy. Her husband lives in fear that every thing he does or says will be highlighted in her next post, Face Book update, or Tweet. Alyson loves her two huge Bernese Mountain Dogs, even if they do eat their weight in food each month. 




24 comments:

  1. Thank you so much for having me today!!!

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    1. THRILLED to have you as my guest---you are one very funny lady!! <3

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  2. Not an experience I have had, or am likely to have, but I think your description conveys exactly why you don't like shopping for the booby-cups. Funny post.

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    1. Thank you! And yes, please do not be that guy that goes with his family to get said booby-cups.

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  3. Hilarious. I avoid wearing a bra whenever poss.

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  4. I cannot go without a bra... now that would be a funny sight ;-) ... I actually love bra shopping... I just don't want to get fitted... lol

    I used to hold on to bras... the older I get... the more I want high quality bras ;-)

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    1. I have found that I am more willing to pony up the pennies for a better bra than I was even ten years ago - age gives you many things, perspective and droopy boobs. Both help to realize the value in $40 bras.

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  5. I've decided no more bad bras. I throw out the ones with wire poking out and when they get frayed they become a gym bra, until I trash them. Also, I seem to collect bras--I have a huge drawerful of two different sizes. Don't ask.

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    1. I have two different sizes to, the wish I was cause once I was that size and now the fine dammit I will go up a size because the imprint of this band is not working for me one more day bra.

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  6. *grinning* OMG, Alyson, you hit the nail on the nipple! And I wish my bras were only $65. Actually, I've paid $65 for some, but as high as $80 for others! I laughed at "skin tubes" lololol.

    The worst part is being fitted - UGH. I so agree with you about sucking in and trying to not look completely disgusting while a 19 year old stares at your cans in the 360 degree mirrors that accentuate every flaw. I always leave needing a stiff drink. It's beyond humbling and traumatic. *shudder*

    And then I hardly ever wear the damn thing, after all the money and trauma I went through to get it! I wear soft sports bras 99% of the time, only breaking out the "bad boy" when I absolutely have to. Bras were on my list of things I hate (a recent post). THEY SUCK.

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    1. Sport bras have come a long way I gotta say - but those things are just as expensive! Love the nail on the nipple...we would be a fabulous stand up team;)

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  7. I agree totally. It is such a relief that plus sized sports bras have become available, as they are all I can tolerate for an extended length of time(say all day at work). Underwires are medival torture devices.

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    1. Hate underwire - but without it my ta-ta's are too low:(

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  8. Truth! And for a long time I got to hear those magical words "This is a special-order size" so I had to go through the indignity AND wait for shipping! Thank all the gods for online shopping, I KNOW I need to be re-fitted after my last child, but I'm putting off and just letting my cups spilleth over, rather than face this chore.

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    1. Oh yeah the last time I went I was practically wearing pasties the spillage was so bad...but I hate going so yeah just go ahead and call me Mrs. Saturday Night Special!

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  9. I'm not sure what I hate more - wearing a bra or shopping for one. Your post perfectly describes why bra shopping is so unpleasant. It also gives us all a chance to laugh about it for a change, and for that I thank you much! :D

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  11. Thank You Marcia!! I dread the shopping almost as much as wearing one too. At least we can laugh about it right?!

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  12. Yes, yes, and yes to all of this. Why on earth does a bra cost $50???? I can drive my SUV around for two weeks on that kind of cash.

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  13. I always love when my favorite people are in the same spot!! Alyson I totally feel your pain, bra shopping is not my favorite thing to do either!

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  14. Now I know why I never shop for bras with my gal. I also know to never bug her about how much they cost. What the heck is up with that? My three pack of underwear only costs $15!

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  15. I tend to wear sports bras -- but that leads to the problem of "shelf boob". Nothing quite as sexy as that -- especially when one boob is significantly smaller than the other.

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  16. This is such a great resource that you are providing and you give it away for free. I love seeing websites that understand the value of providing a quality resource for free.

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