Friday, February 6, 2015

The Little White Lies Women Tell Themselves

 
    Little white lies. We're all guilty of using them, whether it's to protect someone's feelings or to get out of attending the fifth Pampered Chef party invitation we've received in a month. We stretch the truth on the internet to make our lives sound more interesting. We tell our teens that our wallets have more cobwebs in them than an Egyptian tomb to avoid paying for a concert we secretly don't want them to attend.

     White lies are used to avoid the truth about ourselves and our loved ones. We use them to validate our actions, manipulate situations in our favor and to help sidestep conflict with others.

     Many of my female friends are very sensitive to the feelings of others and confess to using white lies whenever necessary. For instance, they would rather shave their heads than tell their husbands that they really didn't want a nose hair trimmer for a birthday gift, or that their friend's expensive bridesmaid dress looks more like a gunny sack dunked in a vat of Grey Poupon.


     My own mother is guilty of telling me little white lies when I was a child.  "If you eat all your carrots, you'll always have good eyesight"…. WRONG. I consumed more carrots in my youth than the entire rabbit population at the local pet store, and I'm still sporting 2.5 readers.  She also told me that calves liver is an acquired taste. Thirty years later and I still gag when I smell it frying in a pan with onions.

     Here's a list of the typical white lies that many women tell themselves:


*I'm only baking these chocolate chip cookies for the kids.

*All I need is five more minutes of sleep, and then I'll get out of bed.

*The kids won't notice we're eating leftover tuna casserole two nights in a row if I bury it under a mound of cheese.

*I refuse to give away my size 6 clothing because I'm sure I can lose these last 20 pounds of baby weight.

*My husband doesn't need me to remind him that our anniversary is coming up.

*I don't waste time on Facebook or Pinterest.

*I can quit eating sugar and salt anytime.

*My husband won't notice that I spent a fortune on yoga clothes but haven't been to the gym in six months.

*One more glass of wine won't affect me.

*I'm not sleeping…. I'm just resting my eyes.

*My husband will never see the extra charges from the Ikea store on our credit card bill.

 *I'll wake up early tomorrow to finish the project.

*My co-workers won't care if I re-heat broccoli in the lunchroom.

*The kids won't mind if we use their inheritance to invest in a billy goat farm.

*My husband won't notice that I haven't had time to wash my hair in three days.

*I'll start my diet on Monday.

*My daughter won't be angry if I tag her on Facebook with an old photo from her awkward, prepubescent years.

*The calories from the bites off my husband's dinner plate don't count.

*I'm sure my boss will be understanding when I call out of work for the third time this week with a sick toddler.

*I dance so much better after several vodka martinis.

*Just one more bite and then I'll stop.

*No way was she born with a perfect body like that.

*My son won't mind if I show his new girlfriend twenty hours of old family videos.

*I swear I didn't eat the last slice of pizza. It must have been the dog.

*I'm only going to watch one more episode of Orange Is The New Black on Netflix before I go to bed.

*I don't need to write down that information because I have a mind like a steel trap.

*I can't understand why I'm not loosing any weight. I haven't cheated on my diet at all.

*My husband won't be disappointed when I claim another headache for the third night in a row.

*I can't throw away my collection of Hello Kitty socks---they might be worth a lot of money one day.

*Of course I'm on my way there. I left ten minutes ago.


*I'll buy these jeans one size smaller because I know I'll fit into them eventually.

*No, really, you don't have to get me anything for my birthday.

*My life would be perfect if I won the lottery.

*I don't snore.

*It's perfectly acceptable to steal chocolate from my kids' Easter baskets and hide in the bathroom to eat it.

*I'll be ready to go in just a few minutes.

*Of course I love your new hairstyle. That purple mohawk really brings out your eye color.



     If ten or more of these apply to you, welcome to the Little White Liar's club. Now pass me that plate of cookies---- the kids won't notice if we eat them all. We can always blame it on the dog.








50 comments:

  1. From the chocolate chip cookies right down to being ready in a few minutes, I gladly admit I belong to this club!!! :)

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    1. Awesome! We're like sorority sisters now, right?

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    2. It's a CLUB!? That's awesome. I love your blog and thank you for the laughs tonight, I was in need of some wine, but the tummy's upset! LAUGHTER goes down incredibly well! ...and I won't have any "SILLY" after antics! ;)

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    3. Thank you so much, Cathy! I'm glad you stopped by. I wish I had some wine right now too, but I need to get up early tomorrow----WITHOUT a hangover.

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  2. Um... guilty! You always make me laugh! I'm afraid I could a few more:) Baking in the sun is good for me, it won't make my skin look old!

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    1. LOL my daughters say the same thing while I'm shoving a bottle of SPF 50 lotion into their hands.

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  3. I never tell a lie .... except all of these. ;-)

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  4. lol~ White lies are good sometimes :D

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    1. I'm big on not wanting to hurt someone's feelings!

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  5. Yep. I'm guilty. Just finished telling a little ole lie. I work with an elderly woman who has been playing bridge with a group of women for 30 years. They called and asked us not to bring her anymore because she is getting 'slow.' She is 94.
    I told her because of the irradic weather and the flu going around the ladies decided not to play again until spring.
    I couldn't hurt her feelings.

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    Replies
    1. Awwwww…you did the right thing. Poor woman----I feel so bad for her!

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  6. In the club, but you know....we ALWAYS know we're lying! But I have a membership card, yes.

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  7. If I had a dollar for every pair of pants I bought just one size smaller, I could retire and move down to Florida and hang out with you.

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    1. Yes! Do it! And then we can hold a big garage sale to sell all our ill-fitting jeans.

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  8. I'm so there. I think I could be president! Sigh...
    P.S. The cookies sound grand...

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  9. Hahaha! I can relate, especially the one about "diet starts Monday". Netflix is so addictive!

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    1. Right? I tell myself this every single Sunday evening after I eat a big meal!!

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  10. Funny list! I can relate to all of these - I guess I'm in the "Little Liars Club!" Except, I really DON'T snore!!!

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    1. Are you sure? Ha-ha! I could have sworn that I didn't but my hubs said whenever I roll over onto my back, he hears a soft snore coming from me. :)

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  11. Hey, now...the lotto thing is TRUE. Let me get a winning lotto ticket, and I'll prove it!

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    Replies
    1. I'm game if you are. But I need a winning ticket, too! :)

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  12. Yikes, I nodded my head "yes" to so many of those I may not just be in the club, I think I could be the president.

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  13. Oh, my......is it true? All of those are little white lies? I have been living in a fool's paradise

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    Replies
    1. I'm living in the same paradise with you, Donna. Cheers!

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  14. If they all apply do I get a special Liar's club trophy? Love them all!

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  15. Oh my goodness this was so bloody funny and yeah I say so many of those things to myself

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  16. I can't think of a thing to add. You totally got it covered!

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  17. A nun once told me that little white lies were OK if you told the truth in your head – "Yes, that dress looks beautiful (but not on you)!"

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  18. Those are all great, although I must admit - I'm too out spoken for little white lies, some times I wonder if thats the better way to go than telling it like it is. On an occasion when the husband and I are out with another couple I'll feel his hand on my lap squeezing my leg - It's his way of reminding me I probably shouldn't say what's on my mind haha. I'm getting better and learning to bit my lip a little more!

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    1. That's so cute! I do the same to my husband as well since he is a bit more outspoken than I am.

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  19. So very true about all the white lies we tell! OK I’m in the club…But I really don’t waste time on Facebook LOL!! Great post and pictures, Marcia, the picture with your mom is especially sweet. Love the squirrel blanket!! :)

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    1. Thank you, Madilyn! So funny---I didn't even think about the blanket until you mentioned it. Good heavens, I own at least six different squirrel blankets, not to mention the hundreds of other squirrel items in my house. Yes, I am a freak like that….

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  20. You are so so so funny Marcia! I love it!! The too-small pants *WHY!!!!!!* and the extra glass of wine not mattering and the dog ate the last piece of pizza. You bring the humor mama! And I am always always always so happy to come read your hilarity in these posts!! I'm so good at knowing I'll be better in every way. Tomorrow. xoxo

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    1. I just love seeing you here, Kristi, and I'm with you on the "tomorrow" bit!

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  21. Marcia, I am the one that says, I am on the way and yet I am still applying make up... lol... then I literally have to run :) I can't get away with saying the cat at the last piece of pizza so I have to skip it... haha ... Thanks for the smiles as always xox

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    1. Thanks, Launna! My hubs goes nuts when I tell him I'm on the way there….and I'm still applying my makeup, Ha-Ha!

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  22. Love your post! The last paragraph is really fun.

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  23. Let me sleep for five more minutes....that's me..I am not really sleeping..just resting my eyes...that is soo me..LOL...and that pair of Banana Republic Jeans, I spent $60 buying it...Had been keeping it to fit in it one day..perfectly...:)

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