Friday, June 5, 2015

You Might Be Considered Over The Hill If…..

 
     Several of my friends recently celebrated their fortieth birthdays, and each of them bemoaned the fact that they would now be considered "Over The Hill." I bit my lip to keep from laughing because they have NO CLUE what life (and gravity!) has in store for them 10-20 years AFTER turning 40..

      For anyone who has just hit the "big 4-0", here's a little glimpse into what your fifties and sixties will be like:



* You worry about the amount of candles on your birthday cake and keep a fire extinguisher close by, just in case.

* The vitamin store down the street has become your one-stop-shop, and you find yourself wishing they had a 24 hour drive-thru when you're constipated and in need of some heavy duty fiber pills at 1:00 a.m.

* You pop Tums like candy after every meal and keep an extra bottle on your nightstand. 

* If you're a woman, you start tucking your boobs into your waistband. If you're a man, you worry that you might trip over your testicles if they drop any closer to your ankles. 

* You recognize all the songs on the easy listening radio station and sing along with each one. 

* Despite hating it as a kid, prune juice tastes pretty good now.

* You consider yourself lucky if you remember where you left your car in the Target parking lot.

* It takes a moment to straighten up your spine once you push yourself off the couch. 

* You pay special attention to infomercials advertising the "Girth Girdle", "Pound Around Pantyhose" and the "Belly Buster." 

* You're squinting at road signs and switching all of your 40 watt light bulbs for 60's, especially the ones above the bathroom mirror.  

* You drag the heating pad out of the linen closet more than once a week.

* Your pills and supplements no longer fit in an ordinary pill box, so you're forced to use a large shoe box instead.

* You own more than one pair of Spanx.

* Your refrigerator is stocked with probiotic yogurt to regulate your digestive system and to prevent a bowel blow-out in public.

* You hate to miss an episode of Dr. Oz and plan your schedule around his daily show.

* Your days of sunbathing are long gone but the leopard spots on your face, arms and legs are a constant reminder of all the times you forgot to wear sunscreen.

* Your butt is beginning to droop like two wet sandbags.

* While at work, you long for your kindergarten days when napping after lunch was encouraged.

* You spend a small fortune on teeth whitening strips to counteract your increased consumption of coffee and red wine.

* You're either sweating or freezing all the time. The weather is no longer your friend, and neither is the thermostat.

     No need to worry, my forty-something friends. Pour yourself another prune juice cocktail and embrace your inner leopard!


In honor of the upcoming Father's Day holiday, I have a post about my Dad over on the TODAY SHOW Parenting website if you would like to check it out, VOTE and share. Thanks! You can find it here: http://community.today.com/parentingteam/post/my-fathers-chair

47 comments:

  1. Ha ha very funny!! Loved your post it really made me smile. I'm mid Forties and think they should be called The Fabulous Forties! Sammie x http://www.feastingisfun.com

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  2. Marcia, I laugh at people complaining about turning 40 too... I actually didn't min0 50 but 60 might be a bit different... I had to chuckle at having shoebox full of pills... I am hoping that I can bypass that... lol... probably not. I hope you have a wonderful weekend xox

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    1. I'm trying to keep an open mind about the sixties….they're not all that far away now...

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  3. As I wrote on your FB page, "Wow! If 40 is over the hill, I must be at the bottom on the other side."

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    1. I'm riding on that bus too, right in the seat behind you!

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  4. Lmfao! i need to share this with my Mother inlaw, she'll get a kick out of it!

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  5. Mmmmmm I didn't have my first baby until I was 40 and now that I'm squeaking close to 70 the only one on the list I related to was not remembering where I parked -- but I did that in my teens! Cute post but so glad I'm not over the hill

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    1. That's awesome! Age is a state of mind, as they say….so always stay young at heart :)

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  6. Too funny... 40 sounds pretty appealing actually! I take my sweater off and put it on all day long!!

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    1. I have a little fan at my desk that I do the same thing with…on, off….on, off...

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  7. Replies
    1. I loved my 40's……this post is about what happens 10-20 years down the road from there.

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  8. Wait a minute, you're complaining about being 40???!!! Try being 59 like me!!!! www.catchatwithcarenandcody.com

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    1. Caren, I WISH I was in my 40's, ha-ha! No girl----you and I are not too far apart in age.

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  9. Replies
    1. Thanks Lisa, and thanks for stopping by! :)

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  10. I must be younger than I feel 'cause I'm still in that pre-enjoying Prune Juice stage. And although I don't like the old age symptoms I've experienced so far, I have been praying for that "loss of hearing" thing.

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    1. yes---sometimes the loss of hearing comes in handy….

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  11. I think I have my sirius stuck on the all 70's station. At least that's what I tell the kids. Hey, it's great music! But I don't think I could ever get into the prune juice or the butter milk my parents drink, but give me another 10 years. Thank you so much for linking up to #MidLifeLuv

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    1. I could NEVER drink buttermilk--yuck! But my grandparents did. Hey, music form the 70's was THE BEST!!!

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  13. Funny!

    I'm just going to go ahead and assume that you're joking about all this because my 40th is looming ever closer, and I'm terrified enough ;)

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  14. HAHA Marcia. I have a bottle of Tums on every level of our house and some in my purse. So so funny!!! SHUDDER to the prune juice!!

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    1. Right??? I take Tums several times a day!!!

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  15. I always chuckle when I hear women bemoaning turning 40. They have no clue how much fun is in their their future! Skip the prune juice and pour a glass of wine!

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  16. I love my naps! We had it right in kindergarten. Thanks for the laughs and the reminder to double up on my squats!

    So glad you joined us at the #MidLifeLuv link-up, we're thrilled to have you!
    Kimberly
    http://FiftyJewels.com

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    1. I loved the link-up and would be happy to do it anytime! Thank you!!

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  17. Replies
    1. Which is why we REALLY need to be neighbors….

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  18. Ha! Oh, my gosh, this is all so true. Well, I haven't got to some of these yet but they're on the horizon. 40 seems so young---kids for god sake. Singing along to the oldies? Always! Loved this, Marcia!

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    1. I swear, life just gets better and better as we age---despite a few physical differences, ha-ha. I'm looking forward to retirement!!

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  19. I just can't get over the look of prune juice. I am not sure I want to try drinking it.

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    1. I like the taste of it, but it kinda looks like mud in a cup….

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  20. This is hilarious. But reading this, I'm glad I'm not over the hill yet. :P

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    1. You have a long way to go before you're there. Enjoy life! :)

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  21. If this is what I have to look forward to, I'm in a lot of trouble since I'm dealing with a few already. YIKES! Forty seems so long ago, and yet, I'm only a little over three years from fifty. "Time binds us to aging flesh." Don DeLillo

    The next red wine toast is to you. I'm not at the prune juice stage. Have a good one!

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    1. LOVE that quote, Bea!!!! I'm toasting you from here as well. Have a great week, my friend!

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  22. This is way too funny but glad how you went showing the true life in 5Os and 6Ossss:)
    I am confident that; I will feel better...or even best in my 5Os, as I will continue reading your posts! They are sooo heartwarming:) and they take away all the expected fears of growing old. Thank you always for the awesome posts!
    kisses
    Epsita

    www.thepositivewindow.com

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    1. I love to make you smile. Thanks for stopping by again, Epsita!

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  23. Omfg I just busted out laughing. You are hilarious.
    I'm already using the heating pad! Even now as I write this! And I'm not 40 yet.
    I'm screwed!!

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    1. Awww---thank you so much! Can I just say I LOVE your name? I have 2 pugs---my little fur babies---best breed of dogs EVA!

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    2. What??? You have pugs!! I love you already! Lol :):)

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    3. Yep! And my daughter has one, too! I have two fawn-colored pugs, a boy and girl. One named Brewski (the boy) and the girl is Savi. My daughter and her boyfriend's have a fawn-colored pug-- is a female named Googers!

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