Friday, July 1, 2016

How To Pass Time While Living With Writer's Block (My Life As A Sloth)

 
    There's nothing worse than a writer with a blank brain, or a blank computer screen, for that matter. Right now, I'm suffering from both. Short of caving in to the advertisements for online courses that promise to restore my forgotten muse (or spending $100 an hour with Cleo the psychic to find out what evil spirit has inhabited my laptop and stolen my creativity), I've been living a double life as a sloth. Yes, that's right. I'm slothing all over the place---on the couch, in my car, on the living room floor.....wherever I can park my butt and do absolutely nothing. I know I need to snap out of this funk, but my inner kindergartner is screaming for a nap and a bag of Oreos.

     I want to get back into the writing game--I really do--but words fail me as I sit here, fingers poised over the keyboard. The good news is that I'm learning to adjust to the sloth life. My computer screen may be blank, but I've found creative ways to stay busy (and still remain sloth-like) while waiting for inspiration to strike. And my day usually starts like this:


*Drink a cup of coffee.

*Drink another cup of coffee.

*Organize papers on desk and make a to-do list that will most likely not get done.

*Join Farmville and learn how to manage imaginary livestock.

*Pluck stray nose hairs.

*Check refrigerator for snack even though there's only healthy crap in there (rubbery carrot sticks and bruised apples are NOT food for the muse).

*Experiment with different ring tones on my cell.

*Search desk drawer for hidden Easter candy that may or may not have been eaten five months ago.

*Trim toenails and make smiley faces out of the clippings.

*Check refrigerator again in the hopes that fresh pastries from the bakery have magically appeared.

*Frown at bag of rubbery carrots. Feed a few to the dog.


*Play tug of war with the dog.

*Check online farm to cultivate imaginary corn crops.

*Pick lint out of belly button. Contemplate knitting it into sweater for pet hamster.

*Scroll through old photos on cell phone and think about the good ol' days when there was plenty of inspiration for writing.

*Eat remaining rubbery carrots.

*Attempt a two-minute plank on living room carpet. Wake up one hour later.

*Take selfie next to blank computer screen.

*Pick two-week-old blue polish off fingernails.

* Investigate strange sounds in the kitchen. Clean up dog's carrot barf.

*Make three-story house and detached garage out of Post-it Notes.

*Close laptop for the day and dig through pantry for something to eat other than a potato and a can of tuna.

*Yell at television when Game Of Thrones ends.

*Set alarm and pull bed covers up over head.

*Tell self not to give up on writing career. Remember that tomorrow is new day for a fresh start.

     And for fresh pastries in the fridge.


 









  

38 comments:

  1. Too funny, Marcia. For someone with writer's block, you write very well! I add look through Pinterest (always a good time suck), and sit outside, trying to identify bird calls. Admittedly, those things I do sitting down often end up in my believing I have an overwhelming need for a nap!

    ReplyDelete
  2. Ohmygosh, Marcia, go sit in a Starbucks, do some people watching, write about your observations! There are only so many post-it houses one can build before they go crazy! Even though your activity list made me smile :-)

    ReplyDelete
  3. It looks like you found some funny things to write about even while having writer's block. Writer's block was the inspiration. Funny!

    ReplyDelete
  4. I don't get writers' block often but sloth has been a hazard for the past 10 years. I mean, I like nothing better than... doing nothing. At. All. Or maybe watching trash tv. There IS always tomorrow, as you say!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I love having nothing on the calendar.

      Delete
  5. It is entirely the fault of our families when this happens. Why are they not inspiring us? Back in the day, I could've written 30 blogs per week (but I didn't have time, of course!). Now, they're either boring the hell out of my writing or CENSORING me. This is all their fault.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I so agree---25 years ago I would have had a TON of material---now I can only dig up those gems from my husband or the dogs.

      Delete
  6. I kind of like the idea of slothing - I've been doing a bit of that while my husband has been away. I think my ankles are swelling from sitting still too long - might have to go and put my feet up for a while! I hope your muse returns soon - before you start ordering home delivered pizza for yourself and the dog!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Yes, and even scarier because I LOVE pizza and might end up eating too much of it.

      Delete
  7. You are the best writer about not being able to write that I've ever read. (Did that make sense?) I sometimes find inspiration on old journals. Yikes!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. That's actually a good idea---thanks, Diane!

      Delete
  8. Can't say I relate because I don't recall this ever happening BUT......I do think that instead of you going through a season of writer's block, you are going through one of the stages of grief. Don't beat yourself up -- it's all part of the process. With the post you just wrote it is apparent you still have your sense of humor so take the time you need to heal. Does that make sense?

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Yes, it does, and I know you're right. Perhaps I'm trying too hard to skip that whole messy process of grieving altogether. Been through it too many times and I don't have the energy to do it again.

      Delete
  9. This was a fun read! Lord knows I've stared down the blank page of death and chipped away at 2 week old nail polish! Thanks for the giggle! :-)

    ReplyDelete
  10. Thanks Marcia for a fun post on the same topic as I've been tackling this last month - for the same reason. I also found my ability to write again by writing about writer's block! Hope it's worked for you.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I think it opens the door a bit. Now I just need to stay focused. Hope you get past your writer's block issues, too!

      Delete
  11. If all else fails, write about not writing. Inspiration in no inspiration. We gotta take what we can get.

    ReplyDelete
  12. I'm not a writer but I have heard it happens to every writer. :) You'll get your groove back.

    ReplyDelete
  13. Oh dear! Well you did just fine finding something to write about - blogging is about life and this is your life as of now, it won't last and when your sloth is gone then you'll find something else to write about.....no worries it happens to the best of us!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thanks, Saimi! Until then, it looks like I will be taking a LOT of naps.....

      Delete
  14. I can sympathize with your writer's block. I haven't been able to pen much worth keeping lately.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Sorry to hear it--I love your blog. But I'm betting you'll get back into your A game soon.

      Delete
  15. You made me laugh at the fake crops on the game Farmville, I have never got into that one... I have an addictive personality and I might not make it to work... lol

    Oh and I understand that 2 minute plank and just falling asleep... haha

    I am sure you will get your funny back, I see a spark xox

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. You are so sweet---thank you for the encouragement and for ALWAYS being such a faithful reader of my blog <3

      Delete
  16. “What I try to do is write. I may write for two weeks ‘the cat sat on the mat, that is that, not a rat,’.... And it might be just the most boring and awful stuff. But I try. When I’m writing, I write. And then it’s as if the muse is convinced that I’m serious and says, ‘Okay. Okay. I’ll come.” Dr. Maya Angelou

    peace.
    Rhapsody
    https://rappingonamelody.blogspot.com
    https://plus.google.com/101099217204323189067
    https://www.goodreads.com/rhapsodyphoenix
    http://twitter.com/rhapsodyphoenix
    http://pinterest.com/rhapsodyphoenix/
    https://www.facebook.com/RhapsodyPhoenix
    https://www.instagram.com/rhapsodyphoenix/
    http://rhapsodyphoenix.tumblr.com/


    “The highest education is that which does not merely give us information, but makes our life in harmony with all existence”-Rabindranath Tagore

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I love Maya's quote---thank you for sharing it!

      Delete
  17. Argh, it's the worst! I haven't had writer's block just LAZY block.

    ReplyDelete
  18. LOL! Eat, watch movies, eat, sleep. Sometimes I get the ideas when I wake up like when I haven't opened my eyes yet I'm 2 paragraphs down already.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Isn't that the truth? Some of my best ideas come when I'm in the shower!

      Delete
  19. So funny! What a great list.

    ReplyDelete

Shareaholic

Related Posts Plugin for WordPress, Blogger...