Friday, April 19, 2013

Fly On The Wall in The Asylum



 Welcome to my fourth posting of the Fly On The Wall series, hosted by Karen at http://www.bakinginatornado.com. There are 12 courageous bloggers participating today, and they're allowing you a little peak into their private lives.
     My family is wising up to my sneaky ways and I'll admit, it's getting a little more difficult to eavesdrop on their conversations. However, they haven't figured out yet that I am a dog whisperer. My bad ass pug is really a spy who picks up their conversations and then reports everything back to me. But he also has the worst gas known to mankind and can clear a room in three seconds flat. Here are some snippets of conversation he texted me from his iBone phone:

     "Why is there a pirate patch in the laundry? Somebody doing some kinky role playing?"

Channeling Lady Gaga on my birthday, with all my girls in costume


     "Hurry up and eat your bacon before it turns back into a pig."

     "Menopausal Flogging---it's what men during the medieval period did to their wives when they were going through menopause and misbehaving."

One kid in a bad mood...while the other makes fun of her


     "Watching you prepare your Chinese takeout food on a dinner plate is like watching the Pope preparing the Holy Sacrament."

     "You don't need weight training---I'll bet your right arm is already huge from opening the refrigerator door so many times."

Life's a joy ride when you hang with the Doyles


     " I want a free, catheter sample pack for Father's day!"

     "He doesn't have toenails. He has gnome nails."

     "Since there was no such thing as hot flash or mood swing remedies back in caveman days, I'll bet the neanderthals offered suspicious herbs to their wives and told them to smoke it in order to relax."
     "Either that or they rubbed their wives down with poison ivy to distract them."

Yeah, I'd be embarrassed, too... 


     "Yes, our goat-dog ate part of a tin can lid, reading glasses, a plastic container and his own poop. We believe in recycling here."

Yes. I actually own one of these ugly ass t-shirts


     "You're not a mom anymore. Your kids are all grown."
     "So what does that make me, a faux mom?"

     "There's holes in the underarms of all my t-shirts."
     "That's because your stink blew them out!"

     "If gnomes get mad, are they called 'gnow-mads'? "

     "When that kid poops, the whole house smells like he dropped a Hiroshima odor bomb!"

A typical night at the Doyle house. Always a mask involved 


     "Getting my wife to sit still is like trying to trap an angry badger."

     "Stop hanging out with kids who try to duct tape your legs together!"

     "Why do you have so many masks?"
     "They match all my different personalities."
     "Or you're a Zorro wanna-be."

Meno Mama likes to rock the mask


     "Why the hell did you buy the dog a pig's ear to gnaw on? He keeps dropping that slimy thing in my lap."
     "You should be used to slimy things in your lap. And besides, you know you can't get mad at him--he's pugalicious..."
Confused, ancient Seminole wanna-be 


     "Could you please stop singing Kumbaya in the voice of the cowardly lion from the Wizard Of Oz? You're giving me a Kumbaya headache."


     After spending a day in the asylum I call home, you'll either want a bottle of tequila or a lobotomy.....or maybe just a free, catheter sample pack....




Here are the 12 bloggers participating today in Fly On The Wall. Give them some sugar and tell them that  Meno Mama sent ya!

http://www.BakingInATornado.com                                 
http://www.justalittlenutty.com/                                     
http://followmehome.shellybean.com                             
 http://stacysewsandschools.wordpress.com/                   
http://sadderbutwiser.wordpress.com                             
http://menopausalmother.blogspot.com/                         
http://mooreorganizedmayhem.blogspot.com/                 
http://hypnoticbard.blogspot.com/                                  
http://smn0409.blogspot.com/                                      
http://www.tinystepsmommy.com                                 
http://www.outsmartedmommy.com                              
www.therowdybaker.com
Posted by at

96 comments:

  1. Traci Whiting - IsleyApril 19, 2013 at 10:25 AM

    Why doesn't my family say funny things like this? Let's do a kid swap!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. menopausal mamaApril 19, 2013 at 10:30 AM

      Okay but I'll warn you--mine may just bring that catheter sample pack with them!

      Delete
    2. Traci Whiting - IsleyApril 22, 2013 at 1:50 PM

      I'm a nurse... I know how to use it... THEY'VE. BEEN. WARNED.

      Delete
    3. menopausal mamaApril 22, 2013 at 5:48 PM

      You are too funny! I love it!

      Delete
  2. Just Keepin It Real, Folks!April 19, 2013 at 10:40 AM

    I'm so glad to know someone else who has a kid whose poop smells like a stink bomb and whose dog farts can clear a room. When that happens simultaneously at my house it's a fate worse than a torturous death.

    ReplyDelete
  3. Lorinda - The Rowdy BakerApril 19, 2013 at 10:42 AM

    I'm sure you have your moments, but your family seems to really have FUN together! You did something right, my friend.
    Snickering a little (okay, maybe a lot) over the slimy pig ear scenario!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. menopausal mamaApril 19, 2013 at 10:52 AM

      So sweet of you to say, Lorinda. Humor sustains us, that's for sure. As for that pig's ear...I told my Hubs NEVER, EVER, again!!!

      Delete
  4. Trashy BlogApril 19, 2013 at 10:57 AM

    I love this! It sounds a lot like hanging out at any of my family gatherings, too. I think our families would get along well--or just annoy the shit out of each other by spending the whole day competing for attention and laughs. Haha! Great post!!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. menopausal mamaApril 19, 2013 at 11:01 AM

      As long as they're not competing over farts and Hiroshima poop bombs, we'll get along just fine! XOXO

      Delete
  5. Janine HuldieApril 19, 2013 at 11:10 AM

    I hope someday my house will be just as fun and crazy!!! Thanks as always for the wonderful laugh here :)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. menopausal mamaApril 19, 2013 at 11:20 AM

      You have a great sense of humor too, Janine, so I'm betting you'll soon have the same, fun craziness!

      Delete
  6. Karen @BakingInATornadoApril 19, 2013 at 11:13 AM

    Your family life is always so amusing. But I think the "Stop hanging out with kids who try to duct tape your legs together!" is something I need to know more about. . .

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. menopausal mamaApril 19, 2013 at 11:19 AM

      Hahaha! That happened yesterday! He was over at a friend's house--there were a bunch of guys there...and they jumped on my son (who is the size of a linebacker) and tried to duct tape his legs together as a prank. Of course there was a big scuffle in the dirt and his clothes were a mess. He thought it was hilarious--I told him he needs new friends...but as you know, that's just how boys are...

      Delete
  7. Michele MarriottApril 19, 2013 at 11:23 AM

    Free catheter sample pack? You guys have all the fun! I love the pic of your son making fun of his grouchy sister. I can absolutely relate to "that moment".
    It is wonderful to see so much "laughter" going on at your place. I can feel the love from here!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. menopausal mamaApril 19, 2013 at 11:30 AM

      See? Now you KNOW you need to come visit me so we can just wrap you up in that love!

      Delete
  8. Stacy Sews and SchoolsApril 19, 2013 at 11:28 AM

    ROFLMBO!!!!!! LOVE LOVE LOVE your posts!!!!!!!

    I once had a dog that ate EVERYTHING! I had to take one of the girls to get new glasses because the dog ATE the old ones!!!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. menopausal mamaApril 19, 2013 at 11:32 AM

      That is HILARIOUS! But sometimes that stuff doesn't seem to come back out....so where did it go???

      Delete
  9. Sarah NolanApril 19, 2013 at 11:29 AM

    I LOVE YOUR FAMILY! Seriously....adopt me.....please!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. menopausal mamaApril 19, 2013 at 11:33 AM

      You are so adorable. I absolutely would adopt you! We could drink Karen's mai tais together. Hell, let's get ALL the bloggers over here. My town would never be the same again...

      Delete
    2. Sarah NolanApril 19, 2013 at 12:36 PM

      I'm packing my bags now! lol

      Delete
    3. menopausal mamaApril 19, 2013 at 12:53 PM

      Yay!! I'll start mixing up a batch of mai tais!!!

      Delete
  10. AnonymousApril 19, 2013 at 11:33 AM

    HA HA! We have had similar comments about the free catheter sample packs. The ads are usually on the channel we watch, they alternate them with the ads about the transvaginal mesh lawssuits!

    Thanks for always being so positive and funny! XO!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. menopausal mamaApril 19, 2013 at 11:35 AM

      Hehehe how did I just KNOW you would make a comment on the catheter pack?? Like minds, my friend! XO

      Delete
  11. mail4roseyApril 19, 2013 at 12:55 PM

    These are funny. I laughed at the pig's ear and the pirate patch. The pics are fun too. :)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. menopausal mamaApril 19, 2013 at 1:21 PM

      Glad you liked it. I never did figure out who's pirate patch that was....

      Delete
  12. NicoleApril 19, 2013 at 1:10 PM

    I seriously want that pug t-shirt! Love your family. I'm so glad to "meet" you. You have a new fan:)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. menopausal mamaApril 19, 2013 at 1:22 PM

      Awesome! Thanks, Nicole! I'll head over soon to check out your site as well!

      Delete
  13. Bad Word MamaApril 19, 2013 at 1:27 PM

    Loved this one. A slimey pigs ear on your lap! NASTY!!! Hahaha

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. menopausal mamaApril 19, 2013 at 1:31 PM

      I suppose there are worse things.....someone told me there is a dog treat called a "bully stick" (at least I think that's the name). If you REALLY want to be grossed out, look that one up!

      Delete
    2. Bad Word MamaApril 19, 2013 at 1:44 PM

      OMG! Okay just looked it up.. WTF that is nasty!! I think a slimey bull penis on your lap would be way worse! LMAO

      Delete
    3. menopausal mamaApril 19, 2013 at 1:52 PM

      Told ya!!!! HAHAHA!!!!

      Delete
  14. Jon WhitingApril 19, 2013 at 1:28 PM

    Never a dull moment with the Doyles. A family filled with humor is a family filled with love! Thanks for the fly's eye view!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. menopausal mamaApril 19, 2013 at 1:35 PM

      After talking to both you and your sister and learning a little bit about your family, I know Jon, that you can totally relate! Love makes the world go around but humor keeps us sane!

      Delete
  15. UnknownApril 19, 2013 at 1:35 PM

    Wish I was a fly on your wall!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. menopausal mamaApril 19, 2013 at 1:36 PM

      As much as you and I talk, I think you probably are--and I LOVE it!

      Delete
  16. menopausal mamaApril 19, 2013 at 2:23 PM

    Thanks, Nan! Happy to have you here!

    ReplyDelete
  17. ShellyApril 19, 2013 at 2:34 PM

    Now your house sounds like a load of fun! (Except for the gassy dog...)

    ReplyDelete
  18. menopausal mamaApril 19, 2013 at 3:08 PM

    Yeah, we could definitely do without the gas bombs!!

    ReplyDelete
  19. Mis AnthropyApril 19, 2013 at 3:20 PM

    That fly must be nuts by now. Loved menopausal flogging and you do rock that mask MaMa.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. menopausal mamaApril 19, 2013 at 4:04 PM

      Thank you...yes, I do have quite the collection of masks...they fascinate me...

      Delete
  20. Jennifer LizzaApril 19, 2013 at 3:45 PM

    Sarcasm & laughter will get every family through the day but you already know that you faux mother. ;) Your family is too funny. Thanks for letting me be a fly on the wall although I must admit I'm glad I didn't have to smell gassy dog. ;)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. menopausal mamaApril 19, 2013 at 4:05 PM

      Hahaha I love this comment! Yup--that's me--Faux Mommy dealing with a stinky, trash-eating dog!!!

      Delete
  21. UnknownApril 19, 2013 at 4:23 PM

    Sorry meno mama but I'm gonna have to bill you for the damage done to my keyboard, when I spewed forth diet coke from my oral orifice.

    This had me rocking with laughter. :)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. menopausal mamaApril 19, 2013 at 5:07 PM

      You had me at "oral orifice." Gawd woman, I love you!

      Delete
  22. Rum-Punch DrunkApril 19, 2013 at 4:29 PM

    Smelling poop, catheter, farting dog and a crazy household. What more can you ask for?
    I'd love to spend the weekend over at yours mate.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. menopausal mamaApril 19, 2013 at 5:09 PM

      And I would LOVE to have you here, RPD! It seems we have the same tastes hahaha!

      Delete
  23. Launna April 19, 2013 at 5:55 PM

    Girl you are so damn funny... I love reading these fly on the wall entries... I know I am going to be entertained and laughing from my belly :)

    Thank you :)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. menopausal mamaApril 19, 2013 at 7:18 PM

      Awwww... thanks, Luanna! I love your visits and comments, too!

      Delete
  24. AnonymousApril 19, 2013 at 7:30 PM

    Yes, I love these! They need to be a regular post on your blog, like maybe once a month. And always on a Friday, so I can start my weekend off with a funny!!!!

    Luv the ugly pug T :)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. menopausal mamaApril 19, 2013 at 8:24 PM

      Hahaha!! I am so glad you like these posts! My family is ALWAYS up to some weird stuff so I never run out of material!

      Delete
  25. AnonymousApril 19, 2013 at 8:23 PM

    This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

    ReplyDelete
  26. AnonymousApril 20, 2013 at 12:49 AM

    This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

    ReplyDelete
  27. UnknownApril 20, 2013 at 5:09 PM

    Meno Mama... Enjoyed as usual. Funny stuff. LOVE the "Gnow-Mads" joke. And ROCK that Mask, you did!!!

    Have a great weekend, Slu

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. menopausal mamaApril 20, 2013 at 6:06 PM

      Thanks, Slu!!! That Gnow-Mads comment came from my husband--he has a weird sense of humor....

      Delete
  28. AnonymousApril 20, 2013 at 9:53 PM

    This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

    ReplyDelete
  29. Jen BApril 21, 2013 at 8:13 AM

    oh my I looooved reading this! Sounds similar to what goes on at my house!!

    Jennifer at
    http://simplyathomemom.com/

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. menopausal mamaApril 21, 2013 at 1:18 PM

      Good to know I'm not the only one living in an insane asylum!

      Delete
  30. AnonymousApril 21, 2013 at 10:16 PM

    I’m not that much of a internet reader
    to be honest but your blogs really nice,
    keep it up! I'll go ahead and bookmark your site to come back later on. All the best

    my web site - extra resources

    ReplyDelete
  31. AnonymousApril 22, 2013 at 8:43 AM

    This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

    ReplyDelete
  32. Mom Rants and Comfy PantsApril 22, 2013 at 12:18 PM

    So do you have to change your name from Meno Mama to Faux Mama? That would stink! Not as much as the pug farts I'm sure. And the catheter pack was a request???

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. menopausal mamaApril 22, 2013 at 5:49 PM

      I'm sitting here laughing so hard reading your comment. That's why I love you, Penny!!

      Delete
  33. PetroApril 22, 2013 at 12:46 PM

    As funny and...sharp as ever :)
    Loving the blue sparkly mask, I might go ahead and get me one, hehe.

    Thanks for linking up at my Smiles hop.
    Have a beautiful week.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. menopausal mamaApril 22, 2013 at 5:50 PM

      Hi Petro! So happy to see you here again! Yes, you should definitely invest in a mask--they are a LOT of fun!

      Delete
  34. UnknownApril 22, 2013 at 1:25 PM

    hilarious!!! I wonder if they would legalize something for us women to smoke during PMS these days!! That would be AWESOME!! :) loved it

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. menopausal mamaApril 22, 2013 at 5:51 PM

      Yes!!! They should! If men had periods it would already be legal!!!

      Delete
  35. Linda RoyApril 22, 2013 at 10:40 PM

    I love when you do these posts Marcia. It's great to get a glimpse into your crazy fun life. You guys look like a fun bunch. Menopausal flogging...lol! I don't have one of those pug shirts - they are almost creepy, right? It's like he's trapped in the shirt "let me out!" haha

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. menopausal mamaApril 23, 2013 at 12:07 AM

      So glad you like these posts, Linda! I think by now the entire blogosphere knows intimate details about my family...much to their dismay! And yeah--I agree with you--the pug shirt is kinda creepy and I haven't worn it yet..it was a Xmas gift....

      Delete
  36. krystalaliceApril 23, 2013 at 12:46 AM

    This was a lot of fun to read! But that shirt, it's horrendous, it's actually really scary hahaha. Anyways I am a new follower to your blog, so excited to go through it more :)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. menopausal mamaApril 23, 2013 at 7:17 AM

      So happy to see you here and thanks for the follow--yeah, the shirt IS scary--I have yet to wear it....

      Delete
  37. Lisa NewlinApril 23, 2013 at 4:47 AM

    You know I love your family, and these posts are my favorite.

    And although that tshirt is horrible, I still love it!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. menopausal mamaApril 23, 2013 at 7:18 AM

      You want it?? It's yours! Hahaha! Always happy to see you here, Lisa!

      Delete
  38. menopausal mamaApril 23, 2013 at 11:27 AM

    Thanks for the follow!

    ReplyDelete
  39. UnknownApril 23, 2013 at 5:50 PM

    Hi my lovely,

    Thank you so much for joining Friday Chaos – Hope you found some great blogs & gain some awesome new followers.
    Be sure to stop by again this Friday :)

    Lotte xo
    BericeBaby

    ReplyDelete
  40. IrfanApril 24, 2013 at 10:02 AM

    very funny and joy-able post..thanks for sharing..
    http://fashionwithfitness.blogspot.com

    ReplyDelete
  41. UnknownApril 25, 2013 at 11:55 AM

    You seem to have a very nice and fun family. My dad always makes fun of my mom with cute little thing. Like when he bought her a bouquet of flowers on Mother’s Day and he told her she won’t get flowers from him for as many years as the flowers in the bouquet.

    ReplyDelete
  42. UnknownApril 25, 2013 at 11:59 AM

    Haha love unique hilarious posts!

    All in a Soiree
    Sparkles of everything design and events!

    ReplyDelete
  43. menopausal mamaApril 25, 2013 at 3:20 PM

    Thanks for the Twitter follow and sure, I am always up for a new blog hop!

    ReplyDelete
  44. UnknownApril 25, 2013 at 3:41 PM

    Touche! You always look gorgeous!

    ReplyDelete
  45. Black Sheep MomApril 25, 2013 at 7:11 PM

    "Stop hanging out with kids who duct tape your legs together!" Sorry, I didn't realized my kid was hanging out at your house ;)

    ReplyDelete
  46. AnonymousApril 25, 2013 at 10:37 PM

    Sweet blog! I found it while surfing around on Yahoo News.
    Do you have any tips on how to get listed in Yahoo News?
    I've been trying for a while but I never seem to get there! Many thanks

    Take a look at my weblog - labrador golden retriever mix

    ReplyDelete
  47. ZaraApril 26, 2013 at 4:29 AM

    Family moments are everyone’s most precious memories, especially when you have a family like yours with a good sense of humor. It’s a joy to remember such nice moments. PS: you have a very beautiful family, and the pictures you uploaded are really funny. Thanks for sharing with us.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. menopausal mamaApril 26, 2013 at 9:23 AM

      Thanks for the visit! Yeah--we have a lot of fun in this crazy house!

      Delete
  48. AnonymousApril 26, 2013 at 6:01 AM

    Greetings from Florida! I'm bored to death at work so I decided to browse your blog on my iphone during lunch break. I love the info you present here and can't wait to take a look
    when I get home. I'm shocked at how fast your blog loaded on my mobile .. I'm not even using WIFI, just 3G .
    . Anyways, awesome site!

    Also visit my website :: labrador retriever golden retriever

    ReplyDelete
  49. The Frugal Exerciser - Sheila SimmonsApril 27, 2013 at 5:27 PM

    Girl you are too crazy. Happy Belated birthday.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. menopausal mamaMay 22, 2013 at 11:20 PM

      Thanks, Sheila! Yeah--that's the general consensus--we're all nuts!

      Delete
  50. UnknownMay 22, 2013 at 1:22 PM

    Your family sounds amazing!!!!!!!!!!!

    ReplyDelete
  51. UnknownMay 22, 2013 at 8:30 PM

    You're hilarious! Thanks for hooking up again to the Hump Day Hook Up!

    ReplyDelete

Subscribe to: Post Comments (Atom)

Shareaholic

Related Posts Plugin for WordPress, Blogger...