Welcome to my fourth posting of the Fly On The Wall series, hosted by Karen at http://www.bakinginatornado.com. There are 12 courageous bloggers participating today, and they're allowing you a little peak into their private lives.
My family is wising up to my sneaky ways and I'll admit, it's getting a little more difficult to eavesdrop on their conversations. However, they haven't figured out yet that I am a dog whisperer. My bad ass pug is really a spy who picks up their conversations and then reports everything back to me. But he also has the worst gas known to mankind and can clear a room in three seconds flat. Here are some snippets of conversation he texted me from his iBone phone:
"Why is there a pirate patch in the laundry? Somebody doing some kinky role playing?"
Channeling Lady Gaga on my birthday, with all my girls in costume
"Hurry up and eat your bacon before it turns back into a pig."
"Menopausal Flogging---it's what men during the medieval period did to their wives when they were going through menopause and misbehaving."
One kid in a bad mood...while the other makes fun of her
"Watching you prepare your Chinese takeout food on a dinner plate is like watching the Pope preparing the Holy Sacrament."
"You don't need weight training---I'll bet your right arm is already huge from opening the refrigerator door so many times."
Life's a joy ride when you hang with the Doyles
" I want a free, catheter sample pack for Father's day!"
"He doesn't have toenails. He has gnome nails."
"Since there was no such thing as hot flash or mood swing remedies back in caveman days, I'll bet the neanderthals offered suspicious herbs to their wives and told them to smoke it in order to relax."
"Either that or they rubbed their wives down with poison ivy to distract them."
Yeah, I'd be embarrassed, too...
"Yes, our goat-dog ate part of a tin can lid, reading glasses, a plastic container and his own poop. We believe in recycling here."
Yes. I actually own one of these ugly ass t-shirts
"You're not a mom anymore. Your kids are all grown."
"So what does that make me, a faux mom?"
"There's holes in the underarms of all my t-shirts."
"That's because your stink blew them out!"
"If gnomes get mad, are they called 'gnow-mads'? "
"When that kid poops, the whole house smells like he dropped a Hiroshima odor bomb!"
A typical night at the Doyle house. Always a mask involved
"Getting my wife to sit still is like trying to trap an angry badger."
"Stop hanging out with kids who try to duct tape your legs together!"
"Why do you have so many masks?"
"They match all my different personalities."
"Or you're a Zorro wanna-be."
Meno Mama likes to rock the mask
"Why the hell did you buy the dog a pig's ear to gnaw on? He keeps dropping that slimy thing in my lap."
"You should be used to slimy things in your lap. And besides, you know you can't get mad at him--he's pugalicious..."
Confused, ancient Seminole wanna-be
"Could you please stop singing Kumbaya in the voice of the cowardly lion from the Wizard Of Oz? You're giving me a Kumbaya headache."
After spending a day in the asylum I call home, you'll either want a bottle of tequila or a lobotomy.....or maybe just a free, catheter sample pack....
Here are the 12 bloggers participating today in Fly On The Wall. Give them some sugar and tell them that Meno Mama sent ya!