Welcome to another edition of Fly On The Wall, hosted by Karen of Baking In A Tornado. Twelve courageous bloggers are participating today in this group posting that highlights some of their most embarrassing moments in the past month. At our house, there's no such word as shame. The fly has taken up residence in our home and is quietly documenting everything he hears. Obviously we keep him entertained, which explains why he's still hanging around (or he's just following the trail of crumbs my teenager leaves behind).Here's what the fly has been privy to this month:
"Do you think the IRS will let us use your food baby as a tax deduction?""Why would someone leave the box to their new, giant screen TV in the their front yard for trash pick
up day? That's an advertisement for robbers to come over and steal your TV."
"Not if you put the box in your neighbor's front yard."
"You're really good at crafting words into stupid."
"He'll drink anything with the word 'beer' in it….even if it was brewed by garden gnomes in a garage in Cleveland."
"When you asked me to walk the dog, I didn't realize you were going to shout, 'DON'T LET HIM EAT HIS OWN POOP' loud enough for the next-door neighbors to hear it while they were dining outside."
"My stomach is an estrogen storage pouch. It's where all my food reserves go."
"Then you'd better dig into those reserves because we need to trim down our grocery bill."
"You lost your youth the day you put a remote control chair, a fold-up cot and a collapsible java drip in your car to use during your lunch breaks at work."" I don't care how sick he is with the flu. If he has explosive diarrhea, I am NOT helping him clean those unreachable spots on his backside. I'll just hose him down in the front yard."
"I'm so full, I have belly girth. Do they sell Spanx for men?"
"You know those gooey impression molds that dentists stick in your mouth when you need to have a crown made? Someone should make the goop taste better by inventing a donut flavored one."
"Bad idea. You'd cost us a fortune in dental bills because you'd eat all the impression molds."
"I'm not drunk---I'm just drinking.""Then stop asking me to get freaky with you in the back of the van. That's where the dog puked last week. There's a point to how freaky I'm willing to get, and rolling in old dog barf isn't on that list."
"We need to ask my mom for some parenting advice on our son. He's making me crazy."
"Isn't she the one who tied your brother to a clothesline in the backyard while she did the laundry?"
"Like I said, she has the best advice when it comes to raising boys."
"I totally forgot what I was wearing today---WHY did you let me walk into the pet store with my 'CAT: THE OTHER WHITE MEAT' t-shirt on?"
If you stayed at my house for a month, don't you think you'd feel like you were stuck in Crazy Town, too?
Other places where you can find me featured this week include: http://humorwriters.org.2014/02/19/10-good-things-empty-nester/ and also at: http://humoroutcasts.com/2014/facebook-follies/
http://www.BakingInATornado.com Baking In A Tornado
http://www.therowdybaker.com The Rowdy Baker
http://www.justalittlenutty.com/ Just A Little Nutty
http://spatulasonparade.blogspot.com/ Spatulas on Parade
http://thesadderbutwisergirl.com The Sadder But Wiser Girl
http://followmehome.shellybean.com Follow me home . . .
http://singlemumplusone.blogspot.com Searching for Sanity
http://www.menopausalmom.com Menopausal Mother
http://dates2diapers2.blogspot.com Dates 2 Diapers 2
http://stacysewsandschools.wordpress.com/ Stacy Sews and Schools
http://thelazymomcooks.com/ The Lazy Mom’s Cooking Blog
http://spinstersnacks.com Spinster Snacks
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Yep I feel right at home. And I got to make the first comment! There's really a t-shirt that says "Cat, the other white meat"? LOL.
ReplyDeleteYes!!! I'll take a picture of it for you. He has another one that reads, "I LIKE CATS….I JUST CAN'T EAT A WHOLE ONE BY MYSELF."
DeleteSooooo bad, but sooooo funny! My grandpa used to have a book called 101 Uses for a Dead Cat.
DeleteO.M.G!!!!
DeleteIn a word? Absolutely.
ReplyDeleteLOL thanks, Carol!!! XO
DeleteSure would be a fun adventure in crazytown sounds like to me :)
ReplyDeleteIt's where the blender is always running with frozen concoctions!
DeleteAwesome!! Thanks for the belly giggles this morning!
ReplyDeleteGlad I could bring a smile to your day! Thanks for stopping by!
DeleteWhat a coincidence, "I'm not drunk, I'm just drinking" gets said around here a lot too. I mean, how can you be drunk if you're still in the process. No need to rush those end results.
ReplyDeleteSee? You get me!
DeleteHilarious!! There's nothing else to say, just HILARIOUS!!!!!!!!!!!
ReplyDeleteHahahahaha glad you liked it, Stacey. Thanks!
DeleteLove that family! Getting freaky in the back of a van reminds me of all the "missing" episodes of Scooby Doo :)
ReplyDeleteI can't wait to tell my husband the one about the TV box in the neighbor's yard. That is genius!
Have a wonderful weekend, beautiful lady!
My son came up with that brilliant idea, LOL!
DeleteHahaha! Cat - The Other White Meat!
ReplyDeleteI have also seen on that says - I Love Cats. They Taste Like Chicken.
He'll drink anything with the word 'beer' in it….even if it was brewed by garden gnomes in a garage in Cleveland." - Hey this one sounds like me!
Funny post!
I knew you'd go for the beer comment. Next, I need to send you a cat t-shirt like the one I told Sarah about: "I LIKE CATS---I JUST CAN'T EAT A WHOLE ONE BY MYSELF."
DeleteYes! That is awesome!
DeleteI seriously need to find that shirt for you!
DeleteLOL!! I really wish I could stay at your place for the weekend for this entertainment!!
ReplyDeleteI'll start up the margaritas in the blender for you if you promise to catch the next flight to south Florida!
DeleteOh my gosh Marcia... can I say thank you immensely for the laughter... that was utterly hilarious.. :)
ReplyDeleteYour mom does have the best advice... my grandmother used to tie my dad to the clothesline too... one time she went out and he was naked... hahaha
OMG!!!! Launna, that is HILARIOUS!!!!! Now I need to give you a big thank you for making ME laugh tonight!!!
DeleteSo happy I could make you laugh Marcia... I have quite the stories... haha :)
DeleteHave a great weekend :)
Lauuna--you MUST start sharing some of your funny memoirs on your blog---I want to hear your stories!!!
DeleteOh my goodness, this is hysterical! Thanks for the afternoon laugh!
ReplyDeleteGlad you liked it and thank you for stoping by for the read! :-)
DeleteMy husband actually DID take my son out and hose him off when he was barfing all over himself. That was almost 30 years ago, so CPS can relax. I was not home, of course.
ReplyDeleteGreat post!
Oh WOW! For real?? You should have filmed it for blackmail purposes when your son got older, hahaha!
Deletereminds me of my family!
ReplyDeletePeople can't digest the craziness! Guess its for the best!
Sounds like your family and my family need to get together….
DeleteOmg I love reading your post and the pictures always are the best, cracking me up here!
ReplyDeleteSpatulas On Parade
LOL thank you, Dawn! Glad you liked the post. It's pretty easy to get weird pictures around here. You just never know when someone is going to turn up in a cat mask….
DeleteThis was funny as heck, Marcia! Phoenix and I would fit RIGHT in! Just keep him away from the beer. You've never seen Crazy Town until you've seen a Golden Retriever buzzed on Bud Light! Sign us up! :)
ReplyDeleteP.S. NO, Animal Rights Police my dog has never drank any alcohol! It was a JOKE! :)
LOL I got you, Mike! You and Phoenix are welcome any time. And we will only let Phoenix near the non-alcoholic beer that the gnomes make! :-)
Delete*grinning* I love your posts, Marcia. I adore how happy and silly everyone looks in your photos. You guys are FUN, no doubt!! My kind of family. I laughed at tying the kid to the clothes line, and no hanky panky where the dog barfed, to name a few...hahahaha. You guys are awesome. Hey, today is national margarita day! I thought you should know. :)
ReplyDeleteI didn't get any margaritas but I DID get lots of (maybe too many if this headache is any indication) frozen mojitos today!
DeleteIf only I could be that fly on the wall MM, I'd being laughing for hours at yours. And can I see Catman with a golden face? Ha ha ha. And you all look so beautiful in the last picture too.
ReplyDeleteHope you all have a great weekend.
Awwww..thank you so much, RPD! I promise---if you ever decide to hop across the pond, I'll get the Hubs to wear the cat mask for you!
DeleteThanks for the Saturday morning laughs! Sounds like a great house to spend a weekend!
ReplyDeleteCome on over and have some fun!
DeleteHahaha. If only that were true about the food baby tax deduction.
ReplyDeleteI'd get HUGE tax returns if I could claim all my food babies!
DeleteALWAYS hilarious, Marcia! Always. This is awesome. So so so funny!! I can't decide what is more hilarious - the tying a kid to a clothesline while doing laundry (and that being good advice) or the one about wearing Cat - the other white meat to a pet store!! HAHAAH awesome!
ReplyDeleteGlad you liked this, Kristi! My husband has all kinds of weird, crazy t-shirts like that---and he gets some pretty strange looks from people when he wears them out in public. However, he got quite a few dirty looks from the cat lovers at the pet store that day!
DeleteLove my visits to crazy town!!!
ReplyDeleteI think you would fit in well here beside me, Diane. The two of us together would be unstoppable!!
DeleteI'm with the guy who said s/he drinks anything with the word beer in it (although the beer-shampoo, I must admit, was an acquired taste!).
ReplyDeleteThe dog eating his own poo reminded me of my late father-in-law's dog when my kids were babies (many years ago). I retain this vivid image of my nappy-less/diaper-less son in my arms one sunny afternoon in our garden - he pooped, the dog caught (and ate) it before it hit the ground! Nice!
GAH!!!! When my granddaughter was visiting one time, My daughter left her poopy diaper out on the table. The dog jumped up and ate it. Thought I would never kiss that dog again.
DeleteBetter to live in Crazytown than Dysunction Junction :) As for me, I live in Virgin City...almost as bad as Dysfunction Junction (at least you can get laid in the latter, although it will be an emotionally twisted lay :)
ReplyDeleteWhat is it with dogs eating their own poo?!?! Good gods, woman, don't you feed that poor animal?!?! :)
LOL I feed him well---maybe too well. That's why he turns around for seconds!
DeleteOMg! it's Really Great Funny. LOL! Thank you very much for Sharing.
ReplyDelete