Here's what the fly has been privy to this month:
"Do you think the IRS will let us use your food baby as a tax deduction?"
"Why would someone leave the box to their new, giant screen TV in the their front yard for trash pick
up day? That's an advertisement for robbers to come over and steal your TV."
"Not if you put the box in your neighbor's front yard."
"You're really good at crafting words into stupid."
"He'll drink anything with the word 'beer' in it….even if it was brewed by garden gnomes in a garage in Cleveland."
"When you asked me to walk the dog, I didn't realize you were going to shout, 'DON'T LET HIM EAT HIS OWN POOP' loud enough for the next-door neighbors to hear it while they were dining outside."
"My stomach is an estrogen storage pouch. It's where all my food reserves go."
"Then you'd better dig into those reserves because we need to trim down our grocery bill."
"You lost your youth the day you put a remote control chair, a fold-up cot and a collapsible java drip in your car to use during your lunch breaks at work."
" I don't care how sick he is with the flu. If he has explosive diarrhea, I am NOT helping him clean those unreachable spots on his backside. I'll just hose him down in the front yard."
"I'm so full, I have belly girth. Do they sell Spanx for men?"
"You know those gooey impression molds that dentists stick in your mouth when you need to have a crown made? Someone should make the goop taste better by inventing a donut flavored one."
"Bad idea. You'd cost us a fortune in dental bills because you'd eat all the impression molds."
"I'm not drunk---I'm just drinking."
"Then stop asking me to get freaky with you in the back of the van. That's where the dog puked last week. There's a point to how freaky I'm willing to get, and rolling in old dog barf isn't on that list."
"We need to ask my mom for some parenting advice on our son. He's making me crazy."
"Isn't she the one who tied your brother to a clothesline in the backyard while she did the laundry?"
"Like I said, she has the best advice when it comes to raising boys."
"I totally forgot what I was wearing today---WHY did you let me walk into the pet store with my 'CAT: THE OTHER WHITE MEAT' t-shirt on?"
If you stayed at my house for a month, don't you think you'd feel like you were stuck in Crazy Town, too?
Other places where you can find me featured this week include: http://humorwriters.org.2014/02/19/10-good-things-empty-nester/ and also at: http://humoroutcasts.com/2014/facebook-follies/
http://www.BakingInATornado.com Baking In A Tornado
http://www.therowdybaker.com The Rowdy Baker
http://www.justalittlenutty.com/ Just A Little Nutty
http://spatulasonparade.blogspot.com/ Spatulas on Parade
http://thesadderbutwisergirl.com The Sadder But Wiser Girl
http://followmehome.shellybean.com Follow me home . . .
http://singlemumplusone.blogspot.com Searching for Sanity
http://www.menopausalmom.com Menopausal Mother
http://dates2diapers2.blogspot.com Dates 2 Diapers 2
http://stacysewsandschools.wordpress.com/ Stacy Sews and Schools
http://thelazymomcooks.com/ The Lazy Mom’s Cooking Blog
http://spinstersnacks.com Spinster Snacks
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