Menopausal Mother

   
 It's everyone's favorite blog post time of the month---Fly On The Wall, hosted by Karen from http://www.bakinginatornado.com. I might as well rename this post, "Mosquito On The Wall," because we still have armies of the tiny, blood sucking vampires camping out in our yard. They're privy to everything that goes on in Bonkersville, and no matter how much Deet is sprayed, they keep coming back for more. They're harder to exterminate than the zombies in The Walking Dead.  But before I reveal any family secrets, please show Meno Mama some love by visiting my NEW post being featured at http://www.inthepowderroom.com/read/momsrock/2013-09-6-good-things-about-raising-teenage-girls.html. Remember the one I wrote last time about raising teenage boys? This is the sequel---a humorous spin on raising teenage girls! Those little Facebook, Twitter and Google + icons at the bottom of that post---click on them and please SHARE, SHARE, SHARE!! Meno Mama needs your support. Thank you!

     Here are some snippets of conversation a mosquito (or fly) would have heard if he was lucky enough to survive a day in my home:

*  "You're the only kid I know who would go on a cruise ship and play the Titanic theme on his recorder as the boat was pulling away from the dock."

*  "When I returned the wood shelf to Lowe's, the clerk asked me what was wrong with it. I told her it was too wide and too long....and that normally I don't have that problem...."

*  "Nap? Of course I didn't get to nap! How was I supposed to sleep next to a farting pug who wears a pee-soaked doggy diaper?"

*  "Turn up the fan---I have clammy butt syndrome."

*  "What were you doing at Dairy Queen?"
     "Trying to inflate the spare tire around my waist."

*  "I have a stomachache---like hot, burning gas. My butt feels like it's on fire. What does that mean?"
    "Lay off the Mexican food."

*  "No, I don't want a hard boiled egg and a grilled chicken breast in my salad. That would be like eating the mom and her baby on a bed of lettuce."

*  "Why does the house always smell so bad after you vacuum it?"
    "Because somebody was too lazy to wipe up the dog puke and decided to save time by vacuuming it  instead.  It's no longer a vacuum. It's a dog barf sucker."

*  "Why did you buy Captain Crunch Peanut Butter Cereal? That stuff is my kryptonite!"

*  " I ran into Bob at Lowe's today. He asked me what I was doing in the hardware aisle. I told him I was looking for food for our new, pet goat."

*  "I'm not getting out of this bed until my minions bring me some coffee."
    "Honey, we don't own any minions."
     "Yes we do----they're called children, and the chief minion's name
is "Husband-Who-Runs-With-Coffee."

*  "If you keep eating those pumpkin donuts and drinking those pumpkin lattes from Dunkin' Donuts, you're going to end up with pumpkin thighs."

*  "Did you just throw up?"
    "I had to. That chicken sandwich I ate earlier sprouted wings and needed to fly."

*  "I had so much whiskey last night that I almost went to the free clinic to donate my hemorrhoids for scientific research."


     Now that you've been privy to the craziness going on in Bonkersville, please check out all the other bloggers brave enough to participate in today's Fly On The Wall series!