Friday, June 20, 2014

Fly On The Wall In A Stink House


     Pee-u! This fly got stuck in the stink house! Today I'm participating in another Fly On The Wall Group posting with 14 other bloggers, hosted by Karen at Baking In A Tornado. I don't think the fly knew what hit him when he became privy to all the stinky things going on in our home. I'm talking clogged toilets and methane gas. If you have a sensitive stomach or can't handle poop talk, now would be a good time to strap on some nose plugs or exit the area.

     If you were a fly on the wall in my house, you would have gagged while overhearing the following conversations (and the smells) this month:

"Don't leave the baby's dirty diaper out where the dog can get to it. That's a diaper bean enchilada to him."

"It smells really bad in the bathroom. What did you do, poop out an entire cow?"

"The kind of goat cheese they make in Missouri is NOT the kind of goat cheese you want to eat on a cracker."

"I just got extra carbs from breathing in the pug's fart."

" I had no idea our granddaughter could scream so loud. She sounds like she needs a priest to come in and perform an exorcism."

"I'm the taco to your hotdog."
"What? I'm not a kielbasa?"

"You can't eat your dinner if you have poop on your hands."

"I had a dream last night that I was back in the 7th grade. The problem was that I still had my goatee and chest hairs."

"I'm going to start a toenail farm. I'll harvest toenails for people in need."

"I haven't showered in three days. My nether region smells like road kill."

"Every dinner at the Doyle house is like a Man vs Food episode."

"No playing with your donut hole!"

"I can't handle listening to you guys sing Annie Lennox's 'Sweet Dreams' in unison. The Von Trapp family you are NOT."
"That's because we're the spin-off group called, "The Von Crapp Family."

"Your feet look like the claw feet on a Griffin leg tub."

"Forget buying Hot Pockets. We have Fart Pockets."

"I just did a manatee shart out of my blow hole."

"Hey Mom----did you know you can donate your eggs to a fertility clinic for $8000.00?"
"Mom's eggs are too old. They're scrambled…..but you should have seen the egg beater that Dad used."

"You're not just out in left field….you're in the lot NEXT to left field."

"There are so many holes in my underwear that sometimes my toe catches in them and trips me."
"That's due to your high flatulence level."
"No, it's due to the work of the Bung Hole Fairies."

"I'm so desperate for work that I applied for a job as a Hula dancer at a Polynesian restaurant."
"Honey, I don't think they're hiring men for that position."

"Someone should invent a special poop glove. It could be washable and lavender scented. It would give new meaning to the term 'Pooper Scooper.' Even better, if you put rotating bristles on it, you could sell it as a Star Wars edition. May The Poop Be With You."

     Forget a fly swatter. Anyone got a can of Glade Air Freshener?



******AWESOME time for Meno Mama! Featured on Huffington Post TWICE this week, along with a post appearing on the Erma Bombeck Writer's Workshop. You can find me here:
http://www.huffingtonpost.com/marcia-kester-doyle-/benefits-of-aging_b_5465465.html
http://www.huffingtonpost.com/marcia-kester-doyle-/benefits-of-aging_b_5465465.html
http://humorwriters.org/2014/06/13/10-reasons-go-renaissance-festival

Please visit the homes of the other bloggers participating in today's Fly On The Wall. Hopefully their homes won't be as stinky as mine!


http://www.BakingInATornado.com                          Baking In A Tornado
http://www.therowdybaker.com                                  The Rowdy Baker
http://www.justalittlenutty.com/                                Just A Little Nutty
http://spatulasonparade.blogspot.com/                          Spatulas on Parade
http://thesadderbutwisergirl.com                                   The Sadder But Wiser Girl
http://stacysewsandschools.blogspot.com/                  Stacy Sews and Schools
http://www.menopausalmom.com/                          Menopausal Mother
http://dinoheromommy.com/                               Dinosaur Superhero Mommy
http://www.juiceboxconfession.com                      Juicebox Confession
http://www.someoneelsesgenius.com                     Someone Else’s Genius
www.theblacksheepmom.blogspot.com                         Black Sheep Mom
http://www.gomamao.com                                Go Mama O
http://batteredhope.blogspot.com                            Battered Hope
http://themomisodes.com                                      The Momisodes
http://elleroywashere.com                                      elleroy was here
         

68 comments:

  1. Your house sounds like it would be interesting..lot of teens?

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    Replies
    1. I raised four of 'em and and still have one home…. PLUS another kid just moved back in…with her baby daughter!

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  2. The Von Crapp family? You should get an agent, there could be a movie deal in your future!

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  3. Replies
    1. Hahahahaha! This was a crazy one, I know….

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  4. Poop....always a big part of family conversations.....I have to stop myself when other people say there stomach hurts....from saying... Have you pooped today?

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    Replies
    1. OMG I do the SAME thing!!! That is almost ALWAYS what the problem is!!!!

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  5. hahaha. Are your kids past being embarrassed by their parents? Mine still roll their eyes when I speak.

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    Replies
    1. These types of posts ALWAYS embarrass them---they're afraid to say anything around me now for fear it will end up in one of my FOW posts!

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  6. Great Article. it's Really Enjoyable Post Also Nice Blog. Keep up it. Thanks

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  7. "I just did a manatee shart out of my blowhole." PRICELESS!!!!

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  8. Ahh...poop is one of the most talked about subjects in my house, living with all men as I do. They would love this - might have to share!

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  9. I can totally relate to this right now as I am SHEEP SITTING for my daughter's new sheep (and 6 dogs and a cat) They are in Hawaii -- is this fair? Glad her house smells sweet -- but outside - that's another story.

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    Replies
    1. WOW! Sheep sitting??? Never heard of it but I love it! I need to come stay with you---imagine the blog post I could get out of that?!?

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  10. Your house sounds like a place I'll fit right in.

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  11. I LOOOOVE your Fly posts!!! I know never to drink or eat anything while reading them to avoid spewage and choking! LOL
    "The Von Crapp Family" BRILLIANT!!!!

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    Replies
    1. Hahahaha!! Thanks Stacey---glad you like these so much!

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  12. Manatee shart... I'm going to remember that one and share it EVERYONE! :)

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    Replies
    1. It's kind of like an ear worm, right???

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  13. I believe I am a fly on your wall. Love these!

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    Replies
    1. Of everyone I know Crystal, you really ARE the fly on our wall---you have READ it all

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  14. These are always my favorites! Hilarious as usual, Marcia!

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    1. My favorites to write too, Shay! Thanks!

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  15. This comment has been removed by the author.

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  16. I hope you still have room for me!

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  17. What the heck were they doing with the donut hole?

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  18. Oh! I thought that Poop conversation takes place only in my family but its yours too..haha..a crazy post it is..loved it..Only you can write such hilarious posts..

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    Replies
    1. LOL! Thanks, Ranita! Poop conversations are the funniest!

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  19. What a superbly, awesomely, funny house you live in...I would love it there....as would Dino.

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  20. LOL!!! I have 3 boys so this is the talk around our home too! When middle son when he was little would produce gigantic logs! I swear they were bigger than him. He would come and get me so I could see it and he would excitedly tell me this one has to be some kind of a record!

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    Replies
    1. Too funny---my youngest son was the same way. He clogged out plumbing many, many times. I never could figure out how a small kid could produce such mammoth poops!

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  21. LMAO funny, stinky stuff! Oh I want that super-duper Pooper Scooper! Btw, Love your glasses. :)

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    Replies
    1. Would you believe we discussed the invention of the poop glove while we were EATING? Strong stomachs here…..

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  22. Replies
    1. Never a dull moment at the Doyle house!

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  23. I'm still wrestling with the "nether regions smelling like road-kill" comment. It's destroyed my appetite for the evening meal!

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    Replies
    1. Well, at least it was in reference to my husband's man parts---thankfully not mine…..

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  24. Few things entertain as much as a good poop story.

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    Replies
    1. I know, right? Everybody (with a strong stomach) loves them!

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  25. So many of them had me laughing out loud... it is late here, I am sure the neighbors think I am nuts by now... lol

    "I'm the taco to your hotdog."
    "What? I'm not a kielbasa?"

    This one had me really laughing... men and their size issues... :)

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    Replies
    1. That's EXACTLY what I thought when Hubs said it!

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  26. Replies
    1. Glad I could give you a smile, Jo-Anne. Thanks for stopping by! :)

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  27. You've had your eggs scrambled by your hubby's egg beater, hahaha!

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    Replies
    1. I think he's proud of that fact…..LOL!

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  28. We just got home from a family vacay (the two oldest boys met us too), and one of the hotel bathrooms didn't have a fan. The women promptly sent their men to our room (that did have a fan) for the whole rest of the trip. ;)

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  29. The Von Crapp family? Genius! You could hand out nose plugs and bottles of air freshener to the fans! :)

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  30. I'm so 'happy' to know that the farts and smells jokes don't ever stop!! :P

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    Replies
    1. They never get old in our house---just smellier…...

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  31. I love it when you do the Fly On the Wall Marcia! You guys are a bunch of crazies in the best possible way! Great pic of you in your gorgeous red glasses. Miss you, my friend! xoxo

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    Replies
    1. Miss you too, Linda. Wish I could have gone to BlogU and now I'm missing BlogHer :(

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  32. I love our FOTW post and your kids...crazy material. I love reading what goes on.
    Dawn
    Spatulas On Parade

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  33. I think I have finally "met" a family that is actually ruder than ours!!! ;)

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