Showing posts with label Eating. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Eating. Show all posts

Friday, January 27, 2017

Wonderful Winter Writers Series: Guest Post By Molly Stevens

     I'm thrilled to have funny lady Molly Stevens guesting on my site again today! Her blog, Shallow Reflections, always has hilarious posts that resonate with mid lifers like me. Today she is sharing something near and dear to my gluttonous heart----her eating habits and the desire to tame her appetite. I CAN TOTALLY RELATE!! Please welcome Molly to Meno Mama's site today with lots of comment love. Enjoy!


WEIGHT LOSS TIPS TO TAME YOUR INNER GLUTTON



I noticed a few months ago that five extra pounds had settled onto my pint-sized frame and I could not move the needle on the bathroom scale, even when I made the supreme sacrifice of skipping dessert for a couple of days.
I began to fuss about it, blaming my metabolism, my sedentary job, and the stress of the presidential election.
My husband, the truth teller AKA excuse slayer, interjected, “Molly, you eat a lot. (He said ‘a lot’ with ‘a lot’ of emphasis). Have you noticed you eat more than I do?”
“Whoa!” I countered, “When you leave perfectly good food on your plate that is too little to save but too much to waste, what am I supposed to do with it?”
But the truth of his words burrowed into my cellulite.
I am a volume eater.
food-with-face_pixabay
Photo courtesy Pixabay, edits by author
I like the feeling of an overstretched stomach. Couple that with speed eating, perfected from years working as a nurse with a 7-½ minute lunch ‘hour,’ and I think you can understand the enormity of my problem.
I knew I had to employ tricks to eat in bulk, yet cut calories. I looked to the experts and tried proven strategies.
The plate method. This is a simple concept of filling half of your plate with low-calorie options like lettuce or broccoli, ¼ with lean protein and ¼ with a healthy starch. This seemed like the perfect solution until Patrick queried, “Molly, do you think a turkey platter is the best choice for this technique?”
When you want something sweet, eat fruit. After dinner, I notoriously crave something sweet, so instead of scooping Ben and Jerry’s, I sliced an apple and savored every morsel. It was difficult to transition from the tartness of the apple to the creamy sweetness of the ice cream but I did a stellar job. Patrick observed, “Molly, do you think this means eat fruit AND dessert?” I quipped, “Won’t the fruit cancel the calories in the ice cream? And what about the legion of calories I burned crunching on that Mac?”
When eating out, eat half of all servings. Patrick and I went to Geaghan’s Irish Pub recently and we split an order of house wings, though Patrick believes I ate two more than he did. Serves him right for going to the bathroom leaving me alone. I always eat more when I’m lonely.
Anyway, I decided to try their homemade bread pudding for dessert, and when it arrived I asked for a take home box. I scooped half into the box while I ate the other half mindfully, resting my spoon on the table between bites.
When I finished Patrick was still eating wings he had hidden behind the napkin holder. It was boring to watch him eat so I decided to take a bite of my sequestered pudding. Which led to another bite. Was it my imagination or did Styrofoam make it more delicious? I don’t know how it happened but I found myself staring at two empty pudding vessels.
Patrick blabbed, “The server who brought the container just saw you eat the second half.” Embarrassed I acted quickly and plunked my crumpled napkin in the container, creating the perfect illusion that it enclosed a half serving. When it was time to leave, I clutched my crock of deception and gave our server an airy wave goodbye.
Not to be defeated I have contrived a sure-fire way to kick-start my weight loss progress. I’m eating three fewer bites of each meal.
I wonder how long it will take Patrick to notice I’m using serving tongs.
Are you a volume eater like me? What are your failsafe weight loss tips?


BIO:


Molly Stevens arrived late to the writing desk, but is forever grateful her second act took this direction instead of adult tricycle racing or hoarding cats. She was raised on a potato farm in northern Maine, where she wore a snowsuit over both her Halloween costume and her Easter dress.    

She blogs at www.shallowreflections.com where she skims over important topics, like her love affair with white potatoes and why she saves user manuals.  No one knows for sure if her ideas result from eating too many carbs, or childhood exposure to herbicides in the well water. 

She has ‘practiced’ professional nursing for *mumble,mumble* years, and someday hopes to be competent or retired, whichever comes first. Her husband, is watching for early signs of dementia, and will have her put in a home when she shows an enthusiasm for camping. 

LINKS:


Friday, December 12, 2014

Menopausal Mother's Favorite Holiday Quips

     For many of us, this is the busiest time of year. It's also the most stressful. Trying to juggle the everyday demands of work, children, household chores and errand running coupled with extra holiday obligations is enough to make our heads spin (or earn our very own parking spot at the Liquor Mart).  It's nearly impossible to fit in time for decorating the house, shopping for gifts and baking special treats for family and friends.

     For this reason, I've culled some of my favorite family quips from past holidays and put them together to bring a little laughter into your hectic life. Sit back a moment, take a deep breath, and relax while you read…. 


ON HOLIDAY DECORATIONS:  

"All my husband has to do is decorate our front lawn with thousands of LED lights so that it's bright enough to be seen by the International Space Station."

"I've got an artificial tree from China, not a real one from the mountains of North Carolina. The silver lining in all of this? No more pine needles to clog up the vacuum."

"What really drives my husband to drink gallons of spiked eggnog at this time of year are the cartons of decorations labeled "Assembly Required." On a particularly bad day, he'll claim that these boxes are grounds for divorce."

"At night, those giant, Christmas lawn inflatables glow and stand erect as if they've been given a big dose of Viagra. But in the morning once they've deflated, they look more like fiesta-colored condoms strewn across the yard."

ON HOLIDAY SHOPPING:

"Maybe the store managers should offer people little cups of adult beverages while they wait in sales lines. I bet no one would ever complain again."

"As I'm contemplating the aisle of Christmas decorations marked 50 percent off after the holidays, my husband is contemplating a separation---or maybe just a conversion to Judaism. After all, how much room does a menorah take up?"

ON HOLIDAY FLU BUGS:

"Little did we know after the holiday party that our stomachs and intestines were preparing to take us for a wild ride on the toilet train to hell."

"While everyone else was listening to "O Holy Night" and sipping apple cider, my oldest son and I were groaning "O Wretched Night" with a vomit bowl between us."

"The only surprise I wanted from Mr. Claus while I was sick was another toilet, along with a stocking full of Pepto-Bismol and Keopectate."

ON HOLIDAY EATING:

"Each year, my husband insists on buying a turkey the size of an ostrich, whether we're feeding four people or forty, so it's up to me and Pinterest to figure out something clever to do with all that leftover meat. Turkey salsa? Turkey brownies? A turkey smoothie might do the trick for a jolt of liquid protein. Turkey martini, anyone?"

"I want to live in a world where acorn squash is high in fat and calories and chocolate truffles are as nutritious as carrots."

"In my house, football season is second only to the Christmas holiday for binge eating. It's the perfect excuse to act like the Romans did centuries ago---binge, purge, and gorge some more."

"Everyone knows that three pounds of holiday food is the equivalent of ten pounds on the scale."

ON OLD SAINT NICK:

"I want to see Santa wear something other than that tiresome red suit. How about a kilt? Or maybe some jeggings. An industrial-strength girdle might even be in order after all the milk and cookies he sucks up like a Hoover vacuum."

"I want to ride in a pimped-out sleigh with Santa, but only if there's a bottle of cognac in the glove compartment."


     I hope these quips brought you a little holiday cheer. If you'd like to read more, these lines are from my book, "WHO STOLE MY SPANDEX?" Don't you think it would make a great stocking stuffer or holiday present? Nothing beats the gift of laughter…..except maybe a turkey martini……



***NEWS FLASH: I am honored to have been selected as the Humor Writer of the Month by the Erma Bombeck Writer's Workshop. Thank you everyone! You can read all about it here:
http://humorwriters.org/2014/11/30/welcome-jungle/

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