Showing posts with label flies. Show all posts

Friday, July 19, 2024

Fly On The Wall Where The Superflies Roam

Welcome to another edition of Fly On The Wall group blog postings hosted by Karen of Baking In A Tornado. Today there are three of us inviting you into our homes to see what a nosy fly might see if he was buzzing around.

The flies around here are enjoying our company even though we are sweltering in this Florida heat. I was tempted to hand out fly swatters at our neighborhood 4th of July party because those buggers were relentless when the BBQ was brought to the table.

We're still camping every few weeks despite this interminable heat, but the problem is that the flies also love camping---especially near the RV sewer drains (gross, I know). They've been following us everywhere even though we go through the numerous cans of bug spray we pack. I think they must be a new breed of superfly that's immune to poison. It's bad enough we have to worry about bears on our camping trips, but FLIES?? I need one of those electric zapper things to hang from the RV. And the mosquitoes? Don't even get me started.....

Here are some snippets of conversation the superflies overheard while we were sweating and swatting at them:

"Why are there SO MANY FLIES inside the RV?"

"It's the outdoor drain---the poop tube---that attracts them."

"But most of them are circling around YOU. When was the last time you showered?"

"I don't remember, but I did flush out the poop tube today."

"Oh my God, it's you! Flies know stink when they smell it. Go take a damn shower!"

"I like this battery-operated wrinkle diminisher you bought. If I use it every day, I should see results over time. "

"Uhhhh....with your amount of wrinkles, it's going to run out of batteries long before you see any results."

"Look at all these birds! So many different types---but I don't know what the difference is between a finch and a sparrow."

"The spelling...."

"Your phone doesn't get good internet when we're in the woods, and my phone doesn't take good pictures. Our cells need to link up and make a baby so we can get the perfect phone that takes good pictures AND has good internet."

"That's not going to happen because my phone has a low sex drive and yours has ED."

"I really want to get that tattoo we discussed---Be Humble, Be Grateful."

"As much eating as we've been doing lately on these camping trips, you need to change that saying to Be Humble, Be Fatful."

"Fast food chicken nuggets are so gross. You never know exactly what's in them. There could be human parts in there, for all we know!"

"Remind me the next time I pull up to the takeout window at McDonalds to ask for their 6-piece cadaver nuggets."

"You know how I know I'm getting older?"

"Ummmm....do you have 30 minutes?"

"No---but when I was younger, I carried condoms in my wallet. Now I carry bandaids instead."

"Why won't you ride the mechanical bull?"

"Because you know what happened the last time I tried. I fell off and wrenched my shoulder."

"But it was so funny! Come on, try again!"

"No way. With my luck, I'll fall this time and permanently injure my back."

"Your point?"

"My point is that I'm not going to hurt myself just for your amusement."

"But you promised you'd make me laugh at least once every single day we were married."

"Remind me---what's the name of that divorce lawyer you said you're friends with on Facebook?"

I don't see any mechanical bulls or campground showers in my husband's future, but I'm working on getting him that FATFUL tattoo for his arm....

***WANT MORE MENO MAMA?? Check out my latest column for Yahoo Life on my preference for younger friends (you can read it HERE ). I have 2 new articles up on AARP/The Girlfriend: Something That Spices Up My Marriage ( HERE ) and some easy appetizer recipes ( HERE ). Over on AARP/The Ethel, I have a new piece up on my favorite summer BBQ recipes that you can read HERE

Now hustle over to Karen and Diane's blogs to see what the nosy fly overheard at their houses!

Baking In A Tornado https://www.BakingInATornado.com

On the Border https://dlt-lifeontheranch.blogspot.com/

Friday, April 22, 2022

Fly On The Wall With The Flying Raisins

Welcome to another edition of Fly On The Wall group blog postings hosted by Karen of Baking In A Tornado. Today, there are three of us bravely opening our homes to you (as if you were a fly) to see what goes on behind closed doors.

Speaking of flies, this is the time of year when they seem to swarm the backyards of our neighborhood. Whenever we have outdoor barbecues, everything has to be covered to prevent the nasty insects from landing on our food. Just last night, seven flies (yes, SEVEN!!) snuck into our house while we were eating dinner. The dogs went nuts, leaping into the air and snapping at them. My nephew calls the flies "flying raisins"....gross, I know, but accurate because apparently, my dogs think flies are treats.

I got a small reprieve from the flies a few weeks ago when Hubs and I went to St. Augustine for our 38th wedding anniversary (I didn't see a single fly!). We've been taking this vacation every spring for the past six years, but this time we wanted to try some new things during the trip, so we signed up for a day of jet skiing and an afternoon on the bay in a floating tiki bar. Both items have been on my bucket list for a while now, so I was anxious to do them. We also wanted to try zip lining---until we learned that it was a 45-minute course over an alligator pit. Uh......no thanks.

It was freezing cold the day we went to the dock to rent the jet ski. The water was even colder. Hubs had driven a single jet ski before, but this was his first time with a rider (me) in the back. I warned him that if I fell off, it would be grounds for divorce. No pressure, Hubs.

I'm sorry to say that I did not last longer than 20 minutes, screaming in Hub's ear every time the jet ski wobbled, went airborne, and threatened to tip over into the choppy, Titanic temperature/iceberg water. Oh, and did I mention that the water's surface was also loaded with thousands of worm-like squiggly bugs that hatch this time of year in the bay? Let's just say that I knelt down and kissed the deck once I got off that wretched jet ski. Hubs went out by himself for another 30 minutes and of course, had a blast, worms and all.

The floating tiki bar was more my speed....sipping tropical drinks on the bay while listening to our favorite tunes and watching the sunset. I could have stayed on it all night...if only there had been a bathroom on board.

Whenever we're in St. Augustine, we also rent a tiny "clown car" to zip around town. It was even easier this time since I've lost weight---I could actually get my legs out from under the miniature dashboard without assistance. So......I celebrated with a martini (or two) afterward!

I think the best thing that happened was one night while we were out to dinner, a young couple stopped us after we ate and said they'd overheard us tell the waitress it was our 38th anniversary. The couple was on their honeymoon and said they'd been observing us. They wanted to know how we could still be so happy after so many years---and what the secret to longevity was. I told them patience, forgiveness, compassion, and a LOT of humor!

All in all, it was a fabulous trip---we enjoyed the best seafood and the most delicious handcrafted cocktails there, and as always, booked the same room at our favorite B&B for next year's anniversary. Perhaps next time we will be brave enough to try the zipline---but only if the alligators are napping.

Now if you'll excuse me, I need to grab my fly swatter to kill some of these flying raisins before my dogs turn them into a snack.

***Want more Meno Mama? Check out my latest article for Always Pets HERE and for my recent work featured on AARP, click HERE and also I can be found on Family Minded HERE

Buzz around these other blogs by clicking on the links for a peek into some other homes:

Baking In A Tornado https://www.BakingInATornado.com

The Diary of an Alzheimer’s Caregiver https://thediaryofanalzheimerscaregiver.com/blog.html/

Friday, September 17, 2021

Fly On The Wall In The Garden Of Weedin'

Welcome to another edition of Fly On The Wall group blog postings, hosted by Karen of Baking In A Tornado. Today, 4 bloggers are welcoming you into their homes for a sneak peek at what goes on behind closed doors.

Things have been pretty quiet around here because it's too hot outside to do much of anything after work but watch Netflix. And of course, COVID. Nobody wants to be out and about in public places. I'm just glad my family lives down here so we can see each other every weekend and be bored together! I'm breaking out of here next month, though. I need to stare at something besides my pugs and the beer pong marathons that take place here every weekend. At least I have a husband who still keeps me entertained with his quirky comeback comments......

"I wish you'd stop complaining---if your feet hurt that much from work, get a pair of orthopedic socks."

"Forget orthopedic socks....I need an entire orthopedic bodysuit."

"What happened to our pretty garden? It's full of weeds."

"I know what that means.....you want me to work outdoors today."

"Yep---everything looks sloppy and overgrown."

"Okay, I'm out. If you need to find me, I'll be in the Garden of Weedin'."

"Isn't it weird to think that 35 years ago, you used to run 6-mile marathons?"

"Yeah, now I can't even walk across the room without feeling pain."

"What are your plans today?"

"I have to finish writing my dental article for AARP."

"When you're done, I hope it has some 'bite' to it...."

"I had weird dreams last night of a porcupine that was high on weed."

"Stop eating yogurt before you go to bed. You don't know what's in those probiotics."

"It's so gross that you have to pick up dog poop every day at your job and then drive the smelly bags in your car to the dumpster. That explains why flies appear in our house when you come home from work."

"Yep--- I'm the fly larva host."