Menopausal Mother

As the mother of two daughters who are only two years apart, I've witnessed my share of teenage drama. While raising boys makes a mother's hair turn gray, daughters make us bald. Raising girls requires a few essential ingredients which I fondly refer to as The Three S's: Sensitivity, Security, and Shotgun Shells. You'll have to make certain sacrifices during this time period, like holding your bladder while your daughter and her besties confiscate the bathroom to take duck face selfies to post on Instagram. You'll need to take advantage of the latest sale on aspirin after listening to Bieber beats all day and One Direction (which will surely make you want to scream and run in the opposite direction).

If your daughters are prepubescent, here are six things you can look forward to as they greet the teen years:

1. You'll save money buying feminine hygiene products in bulk every twenty-eight days. Mothers and daughters often share the same menstruation time during their monthly cycles. This allows the father a free pass on alcohol consumption and spontaneous man cave time. He'll need it after dealing with a bathroom that resembles a hog slaughtering plant or Custer's Last Stand in the trash can. 

2. You'll have a free fashion consultant around the clock at your disposal. Teenage girls will convince you to ditch that sky blue eye shadow you've been wearing since the eighth grade and the eau de mothball parfum grandma gave you last Christmas. Your daughters will also trick you into spending your entire tax return on a new wardrobe which you will never see because they'll “borrow” every bit of it, down to your favorite pair of Jimmy Choos.

3. Forget spending extra money on cable channels featuring reality TV programs. You'll have your own live dramas similar to the cattiness of The Bachelor appearing nightly in your living room. Pour yourself a glass of wine and enjoy the show.

4. Teenage daughters will teach you how to twerk and drop it low with women half your age. You'll discover muscles you never knew existed, but keep a bottle of ibuprofen on the nightstand if you expect to get out of bed in the morning.

5. You'll learn to lock and load when the first boy comes calling.

6. As a child, your daughter will clomp around the house in your high-heeled shoes and pretend to be you. As an adult, she'll fill those shoes and become the woman you’re proud to call your best friend. 

***This week I was featured on The Sisterwives. One of my first serious posts on loss and grief. You can read it here: http://sisterwivesspeak.com/2014/10/06/the-box/

*This post "Six Good Things About Raising Teenage Girls" originally appeared on In The Powder Room 2013*