Menopausal Mother

Welcome to another edition of Fly On The Wall group blog postings hosted by Karen of Baking in A Tornado. Today, three of us are welcoming you to our homes to see what goes on behind closed doors.

Welcome to another edition of Fly On The Wall group blog postings hosted by Karen of Baking In A Tornado. Today, four bloggers are bravely inviting you into their homes to get a sneak peek at what goes on behind closed doors.

With Thanksgiving soon upon us, my husband is especially excited. It's a special time for him not just because it's a family holiday, but because he gets to eat all of his favorite foods in one day. In case you haven't noticed in my older Fly On The Wall blog posts, my husband LOVES down-home cooking. I'm guilty of serving him giant portions (I've taken the old saying "the way to a man's heart is through his stomach" way too far) and he's guilty of eating it all.

We talk about our favorite foods quite often, and the conversations usually lead to how the food makes us feel. Sometimes the food is comforting and makes our bellies feel warm and happy. Other times, we eat only healthy meals, which makes us want to hit the gym and sweat out every piece of pizza we have consumed since 1984. But mostly, we complain about how full we are. I'm convinced that my brain does not have an off switch when it comes to chocolate, and for my husband, that off switch broke the day we shared our wedding vows. That man could easily enter a food eating contest and win, especially if turkey with mashed potatoes and gravy is served. The fly on the wall knows this, too, since he has been buzzing around, listening to our conversations about food......


"It's late. Aren't you coming to bed?
"Not yet. I can't lie down because my stomach is too full from dinner."
"If you want to feel better, try sitting up for a bit."
"I would need to sit up for three weeks to digest that meal."


"The pool water is so cold that everything on my body has shriveled up."
"Everything?"
"Yeah, even my man parts resemble raisins."
"Too bad the cold water doesn't shrivel up our stomachs."

"You make questionable choices during vacation."
"Yeah, that's what my stomach is saying after eating three of those giant cookies from the bakery. When we get back home, people are going to ask me what I bought during vacation. I'll tell them that I bought a bigger stomach."


"The Mexican bean dish you made tonight was really delicious, but I farted so hard that I almost catapulted
myself off the couch."

"I guess you liked the potatoes I made, judging by the amount you ate."
"That's because I'm not a stud muffin, I'm a SPUD muffin."

 "I need shoe inserts. My feet are killing me. Maybe it's because I've gained weight from your cooking."
"No, your feet hurt because you're on them all day carrying around heavy stuff at work like you're some kind of pack mule."
"Then I need pack mule inserts for my shoes."
"Does that mean you're going to start kicking everything backward?"


"I need a bathroom.....like RIGHT NOW."
"We'll be home soon. Just a few more miles."
"You don't understand---I'm talking about doing number #2."
"Can't you hold it just a bit longer?"
"Nope. The casserole train is rolling down the track with its breaks screeching and an engineer sounding the horn. I NEED TO GET HOME RIGHT NOW!"

"I can't find my reading glasses."
"That's God's way of saying it's time for bed and no more playing games on the iPad."
"If I can't read the labels on my prescription bottles and take the wrong pills, then I might be flatlining tonight instead of taking my cholesterol meds."


"You know you're getting old when the highlight of your Saturday evening is finding special rocks online for your garden."

"It beats the days of dressing up, spending money we don't have, and staying out past midnight in dive bars."
"Yeah, staying home in our elastic waistband shorts after consuming a large meal is way more preferable to squeezing our internal organs into a tight pair of Levi's for a night on the town."

     I guess it's time for me to end this blog post and get started on my Thanksgiving menu. Does anyone know where I can find a great deal on 10 bags of baking potatoes and a five-gallon drum of gravy?

***WANT MORE MENO MAMA?" This week you can find me on CONSIDERABLE with an important article on parenting: "Are You A Parent Or A Doormat To Your Adult Children?"

     Welcome to another edition of Fly On The Wall group blog postings, hosted by Karen of Baking in A Tornado. Today, five bloggers are brave enough to invite you into their homes for a sneak peek at what goes on behind closed doors.

     At the Doyle house, we're still recovering from "Distended Belly Syndrome" caused by all the Thanksgiving food we consumed yesterday. I've always said my family eats like vikings, and last night's meal was proof of that. Who can say no to 8 pies, 2 turkeys, 3 different homemade breads, and  5 ridiculously good side dishes?? And don't even get me started on the appetizers. I'm actually looking forward to starting a new diet on Monday! JUST SAY NO TO CHEESE.

     As always, there have been some weird conversations floating around the house (what else is new??). If you were a fly in the wall at my house, here's a few things you might have heard:

"Hey look---it's a landscape worker channeling his inner triceratops."


"Studies show that cats have better hearing than dogs."
"Well, they sure don't act like it."

"You haven't been watering the flowers outside. They're all dead."
"That's because I'm growing zombie flowers."

"Why is it that every time you sweat heavily with a t-shirt on, it leaves wet stains on the fabric in the shape of a smiley face?"
"I don't know; I guess I'm just one giant, human emoji."

"I've been researching homeopathic remedies to relieve my carpal tunnel."
"I can save you the time. It's called, 'Get a Hacksaw'."

"I need something to stop my constipation. All I can do is poop pebbles."
"Yes, and Bam Bam is soon to follow."

"I don't know what's in it, but maybe I should order the mystery box for dinner."
"I have a mystery box that I can show you...." <wink wink>


"This bathroom stall is so tiny---you have to be a contortionist just to be able to turn around and wipe your backside."

"Why is it taking them so long to bring me the Cuban sandwich I ordered? Did they have to go to Cuba to get it?"

 "I've been a Baptist, a Methodist, a Lutheran, and now a Presbyterian."
"That means that you're a sampler platter of religion."

"One of the side effects of this medicine is tarry stools."
"That sounds like a name for a British rock band....."

     Hope everyone had a lovely holiday. Now if you'll excuse me, I need to get back to gnawing on my turkey leg and washing it down with some mashed potatoes. That diet might start sooner than I thought....


***WANT MORE MENO MAMA? I was recently featured in MomCave TV discussing teens and the funny lies we as parents believe. You can read it here:  https://www.momcavetv.com/lies-parents-of-teens-tell-themselves/?fbclid=IwAR1FDie_VA471Snx5u4VXvivD2RikzvqgqVl0vlIBWGbFlI7E11xCJXPiLg

     Welcome to another edition of Fly In The Wall group blog postings, hosted by Karen of Baking In A Tornado. Today, seven bloggers are inviting you to catch a glimpse of what you'd see if you were a fly on the wall in their homes.


     The fly buzzing around my house can easily see that this is my absolute FAVORITE TIME OF THE YEAR! Thanksgiving, Christmas, New Year's Eve---I love it all. It's a special time to share with family and close friends, to reflect on all the wonderful moments in our lives, and to be thankful for our blessings.

     But let's be real......I'm also pretty damn pumped about the turkey, stuffing, and pumpkin pie, not to mention a few games of cornhole in the backyard and listening to my kids sing and play their guitars around the fire pit after dinner. I strive to make each holiday better than the last, because the three empty chairs at my table remind me how precious our time here on earth really is. As always, I miss my father, mother, and sister, when the holidays roll around, but I'm incredibly grateful for my children and husband, who continue the tradition of love and laughter around the dinner table.

Speaking of laughter, there was plenty of it around the house this past month with conversations like this going on:


"You walked the dogs, right? Did everyone poop outside?
"Well, the dogs did, but I haven't yet."

"We've got the whole crew coming over again this year for Thanksgiving dinner."
"You mean we've got all the 'gobblers' coming over for dinner."

"Don't mix the good red wine with the cheap stuff that's left in your glass."
"I'd NEVER do that. What do you think I am---some sort of red wine savage??"

"Insomnia again, huh? Can't get your brain to shut off?"
"What brain?"

"I have to pick up the company donuts on Friday morning for the meeting. There might be several missing by the time I get to the office."
"We should keep dental floss in the kitchen. It would make things easier after dinner."
"Screw that---we need to keep dental floss in every room."

"I accidentally put tanning lotion on my toothbrush."
" I don't think your molars would look good with a tan."

"Milton's Paradise Lost was required reading for you in high school? I'm from the sticks, and the only sophisticated, required reading we had was Green Eggs And Ham."

"Thanksgiving is the best holiday......I love watching the Macy's Day Parade, sharing the day with our family, gathering around the table for dinner, and counting all of our blessings."
"You're not fooling anyone. It's the biggest feast day of the year, and other than Christmas, it's the only time you get a free pass on calories!"


     Have a lovely Thanksgiving, everyone. I'll see you again once all the turkey leftovers have been devoured.



****WANT MORE MENO MAMA? Halloween marked the 8th anniversary of my sister's death. I wrote something new recently to honor her memory, and I'd love to share it with you. It is one of my most favorite pieces that I've ever written, so I hope you'll take the time to read it. Please check out The Fury Of Bereavement, published by Purple Clover. 

     Welcome to another Fly on the Wall group post, hosted by Karen of Baking In A Tornado. Today, 12 bloggers are bravely inviting you to catch a glimpse of what you’d see if you were a fly on the wall in their homes.

     This month, the fly overheard more than he needed to know when it came to conversations between the men in my family. Other than that, we're all buzzing over here about the new edition of my Spandex book that was launched by Booktrope Publishers on Tuesday. Right now, that's a heck of a lot more entertaining to me than discussing the male anatomy. 




"When there's cornstalks growing out of your rain gutters, you know it's time to clean them out."

"Just because you haven't worked for a few days is no excuse to let your whiskers grow so long that you look like a woolly mammoth."

"We can't let him leave the house in that shirt. People will see his breasticles."

"If I don't stop pigging out on all the good food in this house, the 'Manatee Preservation' truck is going to pull up in our driveway."

"You've been in the bathroom way too long. What are you doing, nutscaping your man parts?"

"His dirty laundry pile is so high, I think another family is hiding under there. The least they could do is pay him rent."

"This storm is bad enough to be classified as a 'Hornado'."
"What's THAT?"
"A tornado and a hurricane combined."
"Sounds more like a hooker's stage name."

"If our granddaughter doesn't stop singing B-I-N-G-O, I'm going to go N-U-T-S-O."

"Of course he's scared of having a vasectomy. No man wants to be part of the cropped testicle club."

"If you're going to straighten my spine by popping my back, be sure to do it correctly so that I don't turn into a pile of sand."

"He compares his manhood to a prawn, but it's really more like a langoustine shrimp."

"That new hedge trimmer you bought would come in handy next time you decide to cut your toenails."

"I still haven't found the perfect turkey for Thanksgiving. The largest one I saw was only 28 pounds, not the 35 pounder that I had hoped for to feed our crowd."
"You don't want a turkey; you want an OSTRICH."


     Happy Thanksgiving, everyone. Enjoy your day with the family and friends you're blessed with. This is my favorite holiday and one that I look forward to every year! Be sure to keep plenty of Alka-Selter on hand for the day of feasting, or else the Manatee Preservation truck will come looking for you, too!

***I'M EXCITED TO SHARE THE NEWS THAT BOOKTROPE PUBLISHERS JUST RELEASED THE NEW EDITION OF MY BOOK, "WHO STOLE MY SPANDEX? LIFE IN THE HOT FLASH LANE" ON 11/17! YOU CAN PURCHASE IT HERE:  
http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B017Y979X0?keywords=Who%20Stole%20my%20spandex%3F&qid=1447957918&ref_=sr_1_2&sr=8-2